Captain Howard:
Ho! What did I say? Did you hear what I said? I heard what I said 'cause I was standing there when I said it. I told you. I told you to secure a witness. Not to shoot up a neighborhood! Not to do another dead body! Just get the dope back, and do it quietly.
Marcus Burnett:
Look, Captain, this whole situation is getting out of control.
Captain Howard:
You're goddamn right it's getting out of control!
Marcus Burnett:
Look, man, I damn near had to pass a pop quiz before she believed I was him.
Captain Howard:
[Shoots the ball] Going, it's going...[Missed shot] Shit. A little off.
Mike Lowrey:
I haven't killed anybody yet today, Captain.
Captain Howard:
Hey, do you want me to yell at you? 'Cause I can do that. Let me tell you something. This witness—is my only good news I got, okay? The only good news. You guys are bad news. So what does that mean? It means if you have to be Mike Lowrey, Santa Claus, FD Hutton—I don't give a shit, that's what you're gonna be!
Mike Lowrey:
Wait a minute, what the hell is going on here?
Captain Howard:
[Missed another shot] I was getting them all in before you showed up.
Mike Lowrey:
Can somebody talk to me, please? Can I know what's going on?
Marcus Burnett:
Captain, these fools could have gotten a look at my license plate last night.
Captain Howard:
So where's the girl now?
Marcus Burnett:
[Points to Mike] ...His place.
Mike Lowrey:
What!?
Captain Howard:
You left her by herself? Our only fucking witness?!
Mike Lowrey:
You left a strange hooker alone in my apartment?!
Marcus Burnett:
The girl is not a hooker, as far as I know. See, I had to stash her someplace. Her and her dogs, Luke and Dukie.
Mike Lowrey:
Oh, so y-you left dogs in my house? There's dogs and a hooker in my house? How about you add some chimps, we can have a carnival.
Marcus Burnett:
[Talking over Mike] I said she isn't a hooker. Can you please—
Mike Lowrey:
[Talking over Marcus] Respect my stuff—
Captain Howard:
Shut up!! For years, Sinclair has been up my ass, trying to pin something on me. I'm always taking it for you. Do it for me! Now, if we can get this witness to IDs our shooters, maybe we catch our bad guys. But until then—until then— [to Marcus] YOU are Mike Lowrey, you be him, that's what you are, you're him—
Marcus Burnett:
[Talking over Howard] But I—
Captain Howard:
[Talking over Marcus] You're him—I don't wanna hear it! You're him! [to Mike] And you, you're you, you be you, but...not in front of her. [to Marcus] You're him! [to Mike] You're you! [Takes another shot and misses] Fuck!
Mike Lowrey:
Can we get a time-out, Captain? What am I, the designated homeless?
Captain Howard:
Does it look like I care? Whatever it takes, all right? Whatever it takes. What did she say to you? The shooters are making their drop in four days? So we got four days.
Marcus Burnett:
Captain! What kind of plan is that? I can't be shacked up with that woman. I have a family to look after. My wife will kill my ass!
Captain Howard:
You don't like your job? Quit. [Missed another shot] Damn!
Mike Lowrey:
Look, I'll stay at the house with Theresa and the kids.
Marcus Burnett:
Thank you—Thank you, but no thank you. You wouldn't last five minutes with my family.
Mike Lowrey:
Please, married life is easy. You only got one woman to satisfy. [Picks up a basketball]
Marcus Burnett:
Yo, man, we ain't the Cosbys.
Mike Lowrey:
[in position to shoot] Let's go, I got this.
Captain Howard:
Go.
[Mike's shot went in, nothing but net]
Mike Lowrey:
[Posing] Everybody wants to be like Mike. [Walks off from the court]
Captain Howard:
Yeah, and you're going to be retired like him, too.
Marcus Burnett:
[Walks off from the court] I'd have dunked it on your ass...
