[John "Bradshaw" Layfield and John Cena are having a debate with Theodore Long moderating]
John "Bradshaw" Layfield:
Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Now Teddy Long, I want you to explain to him the rules you made last week are still in effect. If you touch me, you lowlife SOB, you lose your chance to face me at WrestleMania! Tell him Teddy! Tell him!
Theodore Long:
That's right, JBL. Now Cena, if you lay a hand on JBL, you will lose your opportunity to face JBL for the WWE Championship at WrestleMania.
Tazz:
That's not fair.
Long:
But however, JBL, if you physically provoke John Cena, then he has the right to retaliate.
Michael Cole:
Now that is fair.
Long:
Now, now what that means if you strike John Cena, then John Cena can strike back. Ya feel me? So it is time for the debate. Now there are three questions, and the first question is for you, JBL. Now, what makes you believe you're more qualified to be the WWE Champion?
JBL:
First of all, Theodore, I would like to thank you, and I would like to thank all of SmackDown!, and I would like to thank all of the great fans right here in Memphis, Tennessee, for holding this debate. Go Grizzlies! And I would like to answer the question. What makes me deserve to be a champion more than my opponent, John Cena. You see, America needs heroes, and I have filled that role. I have vanquished all my opponents, and I have become stronger by doing it. I am the ideal American success story from a great family, independently wealthy from a great school. I have a reason for all you people to look up to SmackDown! because of me. And I understand there's a champion on the other show that says that he is a ten-time world champion. What that means to me is, he lost nine times. I am the only champion in the history of professional wrestling that has never lost this championship! I have held this championship longer than anybody in over ten years! Including that same guy on the other show. That, Teddy Long, is why I deserve, and why I am what I say I am, a wrestling God.
Long:
John Cena, same question.
John Cena:
Before I can even answer that question, what makes me more qualified to be champ, I gotta turn that back around you, because you're, you're some sort of "wrestling God", I mean, you've been, you're the champ, nah, you've been champ for quite a long time. You're independently wealthy, a huge success story. Why would someone as successful as you drive to the ring in a broke-down [beep] limosuine?
Tazz:
What?
Cena:
Why? Why?
JBL:
There's nothing wrong with that limosuine!
Cena:
Hey man, hey don't sugarcoat it. Let's go take a look. [Cena gets out of the ring and approaches JBL's limosuine] I mean, uh, first things first homey. [Cena punches a spike into one of the limo's tires, flattening it]
Tazz:
Oh whoa whoa!
JBL:
TEDDY LOOK WHAT HE DID TO MY CAR!
Cena:
You got a flat tire. Huh? Huh, you the champ! How you gonna ride in a limo with a flat tire man?
JBL:
THAT IS VANDALISM! YOU SHOULD BE THROWN IN JAIL! TEDDY LONG, DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS, YOU'RE THE GENERAL MANAGER!
Long:
Hey! Hey, he's not touching you. He hasn't laid a hand on you.
Cena:
I'm just -- I'm, I'm just statin' the facts, playa! And, and the, the paint job, man. What's up with the paint job? Come out in this bust-[beep] limo with a flat tire and the scuffed up paint. I can't even believe you didn't catch that!
JBL:
There's nothing wrong with that paint job, Cena.
Cena:
Nah man, you ain't looking at it right. [pulls out a can of spray paint]
Cole:
Oh no.
Cena:
You see, when I look at it, [spray paints "JBL SUCKS" on the side of the limo]
Tazz:
Oh God, oh!
JBL:
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! You're a, you're a punk criminal!
Cena:
I see a limo that says JBL sucks! JBL sucks! Dude, JBL is you! You drove out here in a limo that says JBL sucks!
JBL:
THAT'S A $200,000 CAR!
Cena:
You know, [crowd chants "JBL sucks"] you know, between that limo fiasco and this hostile crowd here in Memphis, [crowd cheers] if I was you I'd, well I'd just do somethin' about that.
JBL:
You better show me some respect you...
Cena:
You gonna hit me?
Long:
Hey, JBL.
Cena:
You gonna hit me, you gonna do somethin'? Go on. Go on, throw a punch.
Long:
Hey.
Cena:
Go on, throw a punch here, big daddy! Come on!
Long:
You can do something if you want to.
JBL:
I'm ready for the next question.
Long:
Well, then let's move on.
Tazz:
JBL's holding his cool.
Long:
JBL, how important is one's social and economic upbringing in being a champion?
JBL:
Apparently it's real damn important! Look at what that criminal just did to my car! You see, there's a reason that punk criminals like him, the only way he makes it to my car, is if you drive me! There's a reason that people like you are kept down by the rich, 'cause that's what's better for America! You mock what you don't understand, and quite honestly, you're jealous, because the only way you know you'll have money like me is if you win the lottery, or you turn to crime! So I'll tell you what, at WrestleMania, I'm gonna turn to crime too. I'm gonna rob you of your dreams. I'm gonna rob you of your hopes, and I'm gonna rob you of your dignity when I make you, you Cena, BOW DOWN and worship at the feet of a wrestling God!
Long:
John Cena, you're up playa.
Cena:
Sounds like somebody crapped in your Cheerios this morning, homey. But, but you got a point. I mean, uh, this whole economic thing, maybe I, maybe I just lost my head. I guess what you're trying to say is I got, I got no respect, you know, for the championship.
JBL:
You got no class!
Cena:
I got no class, I mean, look at how I'm dressed, I guess. I mean, I mean I think I'm doing all right, are we good or what? [crowd cheers] But whoa wait wait wait, don't put your panties in a bunch. There're some people that think we should act a certain way, that we should dress a certain way, so, I'm a man of peace. I mean, we can probably solve all this if we just wore a suit and tie, right? [crowd boos]
JBL:
You would look a lot better in a tie. Right now you look like a piece of crap!
Cena:
Well, let me see, I'd look better in a tie. [takes out a pair of scissors] Let's just see if that works.
JBL:
Hey hey hey, Teddy! You can't touch me! You, you, WrestleMania. You lo-- [Cena touches JBL's tie with the scissors, then cuts the tie off his shirt]
Cena:
So a tie would look better huh? [puts the tie on] Oh no, I feel like a manger in this, this feel sucks! [throws the tie] Oh, but oh dog, that was, that was yours, and after the, after the car thing, oof! And the tie, you're probably pretty mad right now, huh? You probably wanna do somethin' don't ya? Maybe throw a punch? Maybe hit me? If I hit you, I can't go to WrestleMania, but uh, then again, I'm not the one looking like a total jerk so maybe, [JBL removes his jacket] you know maybe you wanna do something about it.
Cole:
Uh-oh.
Cena:
Maybe, maybe you wanna throw a punch. [closes his eyes and tries to get JBL to attack him, but JBL refuses]
JBL:
No. No, I'm not playing your games. You do not outthink the master. At WrestleMania, you will have all you want. But till then, son, play your stupid games.
Long:
John Cena, the next question is for you. Now, I wanna ask you this playa. What do you need --
Cena:
What do I need to do to get this punk [beep] over here to swing at me? Well now, that's an important question. And one I think we need to address. What if right here right now, I prove the wrestling God, the champion of champions, a man of class, JBL to be nothing but a liar?
JBL:
I don't lie!
Cena:
Oh hey hey hey, have faith in your boy, I can pull it off. Now, mon senior Theodore Long, watch closely. 'Cause I'm not gonna touch you, y'all.
JBL:
You better not touch -- [Cena removes JBL's hat]
Cena:
But I am gonna touch your ten-gallon hat. Oh yo, this is nice dude. This is-- [puts the hat on his head] No, this ain't exactly my style or nothing but I mean, you can tell the craftsmanship, everything is there is it? Is this Gucci?
JBL:
It's a thousand-dollar Stetson.
Cena:
Okay then we know that this is probably a ten-gallon hat right?
JBL:
I hate you.
Cena:
Uh uh.
JBL:
I hate you, you --
Cena:
I'll take that as a yes, ten-gallon hat. Well let's do something. Let's see how many gallons this hat's gonna hold. [grabs a pitcher of water]
Tazz:
That's a thousand-dollar hat! [Cena pours water into the hat]
Cole:
Oh my!
Long:
He's not touching you. [Cena grabs another pitcher of water and pours the water into the hat]
Cena:
Dude that ain't even close to one gallon. That means your [beep] ass is a liar. Oh by the way, I'm done with your hat, you can have it back. [puts the water filled hat on JBL's head, drenching him] Oh! Oh! OH NO! Look at you man, you look like you done had an accident all over yourself. They, they make diapers for that sort of stuff, I mean, you got problems with how they, oh look at you!
JBL:
I'm gonna kick your [beep] at WrestleMania.
Cena:
You gonna show me what you're gonna do at WrestleMania?
JBL:
At WrestleMania, I'm gonna --
Cena:
Then show me what you gonna do at WrestleMania! Come on! Right here, you throw a punch and I swear I will knock the hell out of you! [crowd chants "Cena" but JBL doesn't attack Cena] You ain't gonna do nothing are ya? [laughs] Just like I thought. But I bet you stand there thinking that you're uh, clever for not playing my games. You look ridiculous. And as clever as you think you are, [pulls out a can of yellow spray paint] well I think you're something else.
Cole:
Now what? [Cena goes behind JBL]
Cena:
[shakes the spray paint can] I'm not touching you. I'm not touching you. [spray paints a yellow line on the back of JBL's shirt]
Cole:
Oh my God!
Tazz:
This is ridiculous! [JBL angrily turns around]
Cena:
You know what? You know what? Seeing the world that I come from, and the world that we come from, there's people who talk about it, and then there's people who be about it. WrestleMania 21, [pulls out a can of red spray paint] let me give you a little preview of what's gonna happen to you. [spray paints "F-U" on the front of JBL's shirt] A-ha!
