Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #95

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104 — There are currently 5,730 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Xavier: She must be around here. My mom-dar is throbbing white-hot. [sees the paramedic doing something with the old lady] Unhand that nut bag. Paramedic: Hey, this is just the fringe beneflex of the job. It's no big whoop. I was just giving her the big-whoop cure, the old shock-and-awe therapy. You get it, with the an -- Xavier: This is no way to cure people. I've tried curing the dead that way, and it only leads to heartbreak. [unintelligible] Paramedic: Hey, don't worry. You know, if I knock her up I'll giver her a uterus lobotomy, the old brain bushing, you know? It's how we do around here. – Xavier: Renegade Angel Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[Xavier goes into therapy] Therapist: Look at this ink blot, and tell me what you see. Go with it. Don't hold back. Absorb yourself into it. [Xavier imagines the Ink Blot] Xavier: Get away, you sickening inkling. Ink Blot: I don't have to be a evil demon. I am whatever you choose to see me as. Xavier: Oh, yeah? What if I want you to be my bike? [Ink blot turns into a bike] Xavier: Oh, whee! What about a pony? [Ink blot turns into a pony] Xavier: Yahoo! A bike for the pony? [Ink Blot turns into a pony riding a bike] Xavier: I want some ice cream. Hey, pony, can I borrow a couple of bucks? No? Broke-ass pony. I want you should be a pony, only this pony has a couple of spare bucks. [Ink Blot Horse gives dollar bucks to Xavier] I'll take that. Now, where's the ice cream store? Ink Blot: I can just become ice cream if you want. You needn't complicate this. Xavier: I don't need your charity. Ink Blot: Here, just take ice cream. Xavier: Wait, is this some kind of a trap? Only one yummy way to find out. [Xavier licks the ice cream of Ink Blot, which then ends Xavier's imagination where Xavier is licking the paper of an ink blot] Xavier: Yummy shrimp. BRAIN FREEZE! This notion nosh is gonna go right to my mental hips. Therapist: What else is happening there? Go deeper. [Xavier starts to imagine the same ink blot monster again] Xavier: Hey, muchacho, where did you do to my ice cream, chachi? Ink Blot: I am your ice cream. But it's really just you. Xavier: Make up your mind. First you say I'm scream, then you'm scream. What, we all'm scream? You're not the crispiest meat hat in chican, do you? Ink Blot: If you're calling me stupid, you're just calling yourself stupid. Xavier: Well, I'm rubber and you're rubber cement. Anything you say sticks and stones, dumbbones. Ink Blot: I'm just a projection of your feelings. Xavier: yeah, put it all on me. Someone's on in denial. Ink Blot: Will you please JUST SHUT UP?! [as Ink Blot shatters Xavier's imagination, it was then that the Ink Blot goes into therapy because of Xavier's delusions] Ink Blot: I don't know what is. He drives up me up the...I think I'm really losing it. Therapist: Maybe this will help. What do you see on this card? [shows a ink blot of Xavier winking] Ink Blot: [screaming in agony] – Xavier: Renegade Angel Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Xavier: Now to sneakishly search each nook and cranny for my mammy. YOO-HOO CRANNY! Therapist: This area's for patients only. Can I help you? Xavier: I'm here to, uh, check myself in, yeah. I suspect I'm crazy, with a capital and sideways "Z" that's also flipped upside-down, interestingly. Therapist: That would make you...crany? Xavier: Damn it, he sees right through me. He can tell I'm sane. Got to hoodink this wink into thinking I'm King Crazythink. It'll take some mental elbow grease, but no pain-ity, no insanity. Therapist: Who are you talking to? Xavier: Frittata, I'm in. He's buying it, Helen. [to Therapist] No one! Why would I be talking to someone? I'm too, too -- [making clock and animal noises, while imitating noises riding a car] Hang on. Just got to pull the choke here. There we go. Yep, convertible -- Jealous? Therapist: Fascinating. [different voice to his tape recorder] Subject to begin the evaluation process. – Xavier: Renegade Angel Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[Nurse gives McGultry a tour inside the Luxury Mental Asylum] Nurse: Welcome. I'm not your maid, and I'm not your mom. We use only positive reinforcement here. If you don't like it, we hit you with the prod. If you refuse to eat, we insert a feeding tube. If you eat the feeding tube, we hit you with the prod. If you complain about the prod, we hit you with the prod. If you refuse to take your meds orally, you'll be fed your mouth rectally. [drinks yellow liquid inside the prod] Nurse: Here's the funhouse mirrors for the anorexic. These are the patients who think they're [bleep] They're self-blurring. The Nymph Whore, cutters, greasers, rockers, mods, dagos, wops. And this is the reverse-psychology wing. Hey, get down from there! [Nurse hit him with the prod, but the patient starts to fell upwards] McGultry: I think my hallucination SNUCK INTO THE HOSPITAL! Nurse: Harry, fire up the lobotimizer! – Xavier: Renegade Angel Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Paramedic: They got a boy who was raised by a cricket and cricket that was raised by a tick. They got a dental tranny -- Man with the choppers of a lady -- Call him the tooth fairy. Boy, his mouth is so soft. – Xavier: Renegade Angel Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Paramedic: Yeah, of course, a furry creature back in the shimmering object. You just need some rest, okay? McGultry: [traumatized] You'll cure my brain? I never want to see those visions again. Paramedic: We'll take you to a nice place. They got a man came in believing he's a horse, and they've already worked him down to thinking he's just a goose. They got a guy who thinks he's some pepper, and they pay a fella to stand next to him and sneeze. They even got a woman who thinks she gave birth to an it -- Strange old slut. – Xavier: Renegade Angel Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[after McGultry got fired] McGultry: How am I gonna tell my Mom I got fired? Xavier: Porpoiseoid! I didn't save the dolph-fish just to see a murderizer drag its poor arctic corpse through the streets. If you're going to slay an animal, you had better be prepared to eat the whole thing. McGultry: What are you? Xavier: I'm Dr. Doalotle. I live my life on fly-fingers principle. I wouldn't raise a finger to hurt a fly. But if you don't bone appetite, THESE fly fingers will make you go on a seafood diet. McGultry: Okay, just don't hurt me. [McGultry eats his dolphin mascot, while going to the hard stuff by killing himself in the restroom in every kind of way] McGultry: The crushing pain of life will be over soon. Xavier: I told you, if you're going to kill something, you'd better eat it. Now chow down or break my vow of nonviolence against your face. [As McGultry eats the glassed mirror, the mirror breaks into pieces leaving many different styles of Xaviers inside the broken glass] – Xavier: Renegade Angel Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[Xavier's flashback intensifies where Xavier was a little baby inside Xavier's Mom womb with the doctor checking the stomach] Xavier's Mom: Something feels abnormal with the baby inside me. Doctor: We can't abort it this late in the pregnancy. The most we could do is torture it a bit. Xavier's Mom: Let's try that. – Xavier: Renegade Angel Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[McGultry works at his first job by wearing a dolphin suit] McGultry: Thanks for giving me my first job, Mr. Eddie. I won't let you down. 15 cents off tuna-safe dolphin tacos! [McGultry then gets crushed by Xavier when he was a volleyball] Xavier: Oh, no -- The waling of a dolphin! This creature's been beachered. I've got to free this wily willy and toss him off. Don't worry, everyone. I speak dying dolphin. Uh...chong, chong, dish now wah wah dong dong? – Xavier: Renegade Angel Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Xavier: Dolphin's best be the mind stand of the briny gulf, but you're not the sharpest pudding in the fanny pack. I'll miss you, too. Be free and be me by swimming back to your mommy. – Xavier: Renegade Angel Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Xavier: "Mom" spelled backwards is "Wow". And "Wow" spelled backwards is -- Wow is me, that I can't seem to find my Mom. But you don't see me crying about it. I won't cry. It's mind over... [sobbing] Mommy! [9 months later] Xavier: I didn't just cry. Denial is not just an ocean of africanized tears. I swore I'd ramble and traverse a continent till I found my mother. But I've reached land's end. – Xavier: Renegade Angel Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Xavier: Mother! Where is she? There's nothing here but primordial sludge and Freudian slop, Mother, MOTHER! She can't be dead! Just playing possum! That double D-nosaur! It's Mommy! [reveals the Lotion Guy's Wife has turned into a golden dinosaur] Lotion Guy's Wife: I'm not your mother. Xavier: Mother, you look so different again. Did you do something to your hair? I'd like to do something to the hair on your bazooms? MILK ME MOMMY! [Lotion Guy's Wife then push out a baby possum from one of her dinosaur breasts] Baby Possum: Mama! Lotion Guy's Wife: Son! Xavier: CRIKEY! Silly bossom possum. [bites Xavier's snake finger and returning it back to normal] I don't play dead, I play...LIFE! The Firey, fruitless search for my mommy rages on. Hot Fruit coming through! Hot Fruit! – Xavier: Renegade Angel Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Lotion Guy: The Ameribots of Lotion, New [coughs] New M-- [coughs] Excuse me. new Mexico, got so rich off -- Voice: DOWN UNDA! – Xavier: Renegade Angel Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[the people are shooting at the Arab Dinosaurs] Citizen #11: it's working! The "Arabasauruses" are turning back into oil! Citizen #12: The Arab assault is metaphorical. All: [Australian accent] Oi! Oi! Oi! We're rich! – Xavier: Renegade Angel Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Lotion Guy: My wife! Where is she?! Xavier: You're a reporter! Stay objective. She would've wanted to be objectified. – Xavier: Renegade Angel Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[Xavier help the gold plated people by turning them into Arabs] Xavier: Repeat again. Meka Leka Hi Ala Shineyho Alla! All: [chanting] Meka Leka Hi Ala Shineyho Alla! Xavier: I even gold-plated the Koran. Citizen #10: Can't polish a turd. – Xavier: Renegade Angel Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Lotion Guy: Someone answered your ad for your Mom. I told here to meet us here. Honey? What are you doing here? Lotion Guy's Wife: I answered an ad. Years ago I had a son. I never told you. Lotion Guy: Is this your son? [points to Xavier] Lotion Guy's Wife: HIM?! NO! [vomits] Xavier: Mother, is that you? You look so different! Give me a hug. Lotion Guy's Wife: Get away from me. You make me sick! Xavier: [to Lotion Guy] That's what she said. It is my Mom. Muslim Man: Is this female ameribot giving you trouble? She's to obey your order, yes? Lotion Guy's Wife: Don't touch me! Xavier: Sir, women here have the freedom to do what they want. It totally sucks. Muslim Man: Fascinating. Where are time-honored oppressions to women? [Lotion Guy's Wife punches Muslim Man] Lotion Guy's Wife: Get off me! Muslim Man: This machine is defective. WE MUST DESTROY IT! Xavier: NOO! It's a software problem. We'll re-reprogam her. Muslim Man: I don't know. What if it is system-wide? No hate of Muslims is all we ask for. Xavier: Okay, just to be safe, I'll re-reprogram all of the ameribots to become Muslims. [meows] Muslim Man: [evil scheming] That's the kind of typical American I like. – Xavier: Renegade Angel Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Xavier: Go on. Mingle, do whatever you want with them. Snatch their grub, punch their bellies. Everything is included for your $5,000 a day except for the prop prop playride. That's a quarter. Now, who needs change? – Xavier: Renegade Angel Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Xavier: Okay, look unalive, people. Here we go! Ladies and gentlemuslims, arabs of all stroke, we got a "goozum" on the loose, so keep your muzzy limbs inside the "tramboatel" at all times, less you want to lose them on a goozum". I'm your tour guide, your pure snide with white pride, here to keep you alive. Xavier: And if you look to your left, you're gonna wanna turn to your right, where you'll see a robotic depiction of a typical American town. Only difference is these ameribots are double-double programmed to not hate you, even though you're Muslims. Xavier: Coming up ahead is the pride of the city, the lotion factory, with its famed 2-million-gallon silos of anti-aging cream. Muslim Man: And all of these people here are robots? Xavier: Yep. Muslim Man: So lifelike...it even looked like that robot winked at you conspiratorially. Xavier: You can touch them all you want, here or here. Just don't play grab-ass. Psst. Show my butt what my mouth means, just to be safe. – Xavier: Renegade Angel Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Xavier: What's this? Seems to be some sort of words on paper. I can totally read, but, uh, I dare you to read what it says on here. Or what are you, chicken? Bawk-ga-doodle! WAU! Lotion Guy: It says the bank is going to repossess this whole town and tear it down to build condos for I assume "Latte Liberals". Xavier: Yep, that's correct. Give up your gold or give up your town. Citizen #6: I'm not getting rid of my gold! Citizen #8: Me neither. You can pry it from my gold, dead, gold. Citizen #9: What are we gonna do?! Xavier: I know some people who would buy your town and not change a thing. Citizen #10: We'll do anything to stay gilded. Xavier: Even [to viewers] pretend to be robots? Xavier's Snake Finger: DOWN UNDA! – Xavier: Renegade Angel Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[after the Lotion Guy got done reading the article] Lotion Guy's Wife: So did any of this happen? Lotion Guy: No. I would have remembered something like that. I don't thi-- [suddenly all the people came into the door cheering that they win the lotto] Citizen #1: WE WON THE LOTTO! WE WON THE LOTTO! Citizen #2: Now we can pay tribute with the goldest statue ever! Citizen #3: yeah! Xavier: You haven't won, you are one. You have all shown nobility in your selfless surrender to the greater good. There can be no glorious collective without the individual. Therefore, each one of you is better than any other one of you or the group. Xavier: Don't let anyone put their parts over your whole and squeeze out commu-jizz-sim. You should each reward yourselves decandently for your lack of greed and selflessness. Citizen #4: Aw, come on, what are gonna do? Something stupid like cover ourselves in... [transitions to the next scene where they covers themselves in gold] Citizen #4: So, then, we covered ourselves in gold. Citizen #5: We deserve it. Citizen #6: I deserve it! Citizen #7: You don't dress for the job you want. You dress for the job you don't have anymore because you got gold-plated. Citizen #8: You're only as rich as you -- Look. Here comes the nice banker man to tell ye how rich I is. [literally get his forehead pounded by a hammer leaving a note] – Xavier: Renegade Angel Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Xavier: Does your paper have a missed connections section? Take this down. "You? Sandy, 5-foot blonde, pretty drunk. We made passing eye contact whilst you were giving birth to me. Me? Single, white male, thick and huge. I tore you up that night. Cocoa"? Lotion Guy: I'm sorry? Xavier: Do you want some hot coca? Good and fruity. Lotion Guy: Sure. Xavier: Well, get me some, too. Run it. Leave in the part about the cocoa. "Sex Sells". [while bending his body into a letter S shape] – Xavier: Renegade Angel Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Lotion Guy: Mister, I run the lotion weekly circular. I want to follow you around and get your scoop, tell your story. Xavier: Mine is the story of a man searching far and wide, fat and thick and deep for his mother, once thought dead. Have you seen her? She's about yea tall and about ooh big, and about mmm nice. I have a sketch you could print. Lotion Guy: [writing his notes] Wow, look at him go. – Xavier: Renegade Angel Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Xavier: I think what he means is that we should follow the GOLDEN RULE. He's gone. Grab those lats, kid. He's back. Hey, let's give that vessel a hand! He's gone. Please, I'm a humble servant. I don't need the clap from you people. And he's back! Come on, folks. Give it up. Everybody wants applause! And he's gone forever! Xavier: But we must honor his dying request. I mean, I wasn't really playing attention. I was blue-toothing it during half his blather, but I think he yammered something about how GOLD RULES. You must honor him with a gold statue in the center of town. Black Shirt Guy #2: We don't have the resources. Xavier: Have you no respect for the dead? Why don't you just piss in the man's face like this? [pees in Abraham Lotion's body] Black Shirt Woman: Gold is just something we couldn't afford. Xavier: Well, what's that? [points to the billboard poster of Lotto] If you all chipped in you could win your own lotto. You'd earn enough to undo the indignity of the pisswich, which that man's face just woofed, woofed, down, down. Ooh, ooh, hold the mayo. Black Shirt Guy: The dead want us to win! Black Shirt Guy #3: And our schools win, too! – Xavier: Renegade Angel Movie Quote	added 3 months ago

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