Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #95

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 6,222 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Kim:
OH, MY GOD!

Ryan:
[mentioned Jon] He cheated.

Kim:
No. But Rob offered to.

Ryan:
I told you -- [bleep] fest!

Kim:
This whole thing is making me feel so sleazy. You know what? I didn't come here to be rejected by my boyfriend all weekend. Jon gave me some sex toys for Valentine's Day.

Ryan:
La la la! I'm not listening!

Kim:
I took a pass.

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

[Kim (as Daphne) tries to seduce Jon]

Jon:
Uh, yeah, I'm not really signing autographs right now.

Kim (as Daphne):
[sexy accent] It's me -- Daphne.

Jon:
Uh, yeah. Daphne, um...I have a girlfriend. She may not be a 10, but she's a perfect 6.

Kim (as Daphne):
[sexy accent] Hey, this voice modulator's tickling my throat. I can think of one way to scratch it.

Jon:
Uh, yeah. I got to check in with my girlfriend. [leaves]

Rob:
Hey. Excuse me, Daphne. I can help you scratch that itch.

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Jon:
Basically, at this point, I just sort of think of the ski mask as my face. I mean, put it this way -- If, uh -- If Karl Malden can get so much tush with that schnoz, I can get laid in ski mask.

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

[after Sergei lied about going to Idaho and heading straight to kill Jon's parents]

Yvgeny:
You liar! This is supposed to be brothers weekend!

Sergei:
Yvgeny, keep your voice down.

Yvgeny:
You want to kill Jon's parents? You're gonna have to shoot your way through my heart, the heart you broke when you lied to me.

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

[Kim (as Daphne) gets a signature from Jon on his picture]

Ryan:
"Keep striving"? Even in his head shot, you can tell what a dick he is.

Kim:
I'm not his body type? That's so degrading.

Ryan:
Look, he might not be that attracted to you, but trust me -- He's thinking about banging somebody else.

Kim:
Maybe. But I'm not leaving until Jon [bleep] Daphne.

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Kim (as Daphne):
So, uh, how about a-a drink later?

Jon:
Uh... [chuckles] Look, Daphne, this is not going to the bone zone. Don't get me wrong. I see this through your eyes. I'm on tv. You like what you see, right? But see things through my eyes.

[Kim (as Daphne) touches Jon's boot]

Jon:
Hands off, please. I'm looking at another sad, desperate groupie in a long line of desperate groupies that want to rock my rod. Look, even if I didn't have a girlfriend, honestly, you're just not my body type.

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Ski Mask Woman:
Are you Mighty Joe Jon?

Mighty Joe Jon:
The Black Blond.

Ski Mask Woman:
I was hoping I could talk to you about "Delocated! Chicago".

Mighty Joe Jon:
Oh, right. Yeah, yeah. Come with me.

Jon:
What is "Delocated! Chicago"?

Mighty Joe Jon:
We're franchising the show. Buddy, you know, like "the real world". If you get killed, where does that leave me? Do a spinoff with Kim? Sorry, but nobody wants to see a show about the average-looking girlfriend of the dead guy from "Delocated!". [chuckles]

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

[Kim disguises wearing a ski mask and vocal harmonizer to figure out what Jon's been up to]

Jon:
Hi. Can I help you.

Kim:
Oh, uh, yeah, I was just looking for...for...for your booth. [chuckles] Guess I found it.

Jon:
Oh, yeah. [chuckles]

Kim:
You must be Jon.

Jon:
Yeah. That, I am. And you are?

Kim (as Daphne):
I'm...Daphne.

Jon:
Well, Daphne, if, uh, you want to be in my big production number, all you got to do is ask, alright? You don't got to linger against the wall pretending to listen, like some weird psycho. [laughter] I mean, Daphne, come on. You're like, "Oh, here I am. I hope they'll notice me and ask me to be in the dance". [laughter]

Jon:
I don't know. You don't really have a dancer's body, so I'm guessing you're just here for the 'graph.

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Jon:
I just want to up the ante a little bit on my dance moves, you know. I've been doing a lot of the same routines year in, year out. You know, and they're all sexy, and I love doing that. I love sexy routines. This year, I'm gonna do more of a performance art piece, but it'll still be sexy.

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

[Kim and Ryan go deep undercover]

Kim:
Do you really need to wear the mustache?

Ryan:
Yeah. We're spies.

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Sergei:
Mighty Joe Jon tells me Jon is going to convention this weekend.

Yvgeny:
I hear those are big [bleep] fests.

Sergei:
I was thinking -- Maybe you and I could take our own weekend off, have a good time. Call it "Brothers Weekend". What do you say, huh?

Yvgeny:
[suspicious] Why are you being so nice to me?

Sergei:
What? I can't want to do nice things with my brother?

Yvgeny:
Okay. What do you have in mind?

Sergei:
Oh, I don't know. I was thinking maybe we can go to...IDAHO!

Yvgeny:
[gasps] THE POTATO VALLEY?! FOR THE VODKA TASTINGS?! OH, MY GOD! It would be like our very own "sideways".

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Rob:
Actually, I have a little bit of a request. Um, it's a little bit awkward. I know I'm new here. Uh, I imagine you guys are gonna be making love tonight. You're not gonna see each other for a couple of days. I just ask that you keep it down. You know, I stand right outside the door, and you guys...get pretty loud when you get going. So...

Jon:
That seems like a fair request.

Kim:
Are you kidding me?

Jon:
Kim, come on.

Rob:
[to Kim] No.

Kim:
It's hard enough having sex knowing you're standing right outside the door. Now you want me to think about being quiet? What a jerk! Get some earplugs!

Jon:
Okay, guys.

Rob:
Why don't you get some mouth plugs. Loudy.

Jon:
Guys.

Kim:
I'm sorry. What did you just say to me?

Jon:
Guys.

Rob:
I called you "Loudy". You know, 'cause you're loud.

Jon:
Rob, sit down. Some of the loud you're hearing is me. When you hear "AAH AAH AAH"! That's me. When you hear [high-pitch] "Aah aah aah aah"! -- That's Kim.

Kim:
[to Jon] Okay, well, that's enough.

Rob:
Kim, I apologize. I was hearing him.

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Rob:
Kim, I assure you it's not a sex weekend. It's a government-sanctioned event.

Jon:
Yeah, I mean, look, if it's gonna make you feel any better, I'll check in with you a few times a day, okay? I mean, even when I'm, uh, A-GETTIN' MY FREAK ON! [singing] Bum-bum-bah, bah-bah-bahna, bahna-bahna.

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

[while talking about Jon being on a talent show]

Kim:
Hey, honey, this sound great. I can't wait to check it out.

Jon:
Uh, actually, you can't go.

Kim:
Why not?

Rob:
It's members only. They're very strict about that.

Kim:
But...

[cuts to the next scene where Kim's brother explains why Jon and Rob lied about Kim not going there]

Ryan:
Of course they told you that. Listen, I've gone to a lot of conventions with my siding company. These things are just big [bleep] fests.

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Rob:
[on phone with Susan] Mnh-mnh. I miss you more. Yeah. [chuckles] Oh baby, you got me all kinds of hotsy-totsy. Just can't wait to get out of here and go home and take a shower with you. Just a couple more hours. Alright. I love you.

Jon:
Hey, man, uh, you mind not talking to Susan like that in front of me?

Rob:
Hey, man, I need to be able to take personal calls.

Jon:
Hey, man, just show a little discretion.

Rob:
Hey, man, I have a life outside this job, you know?

Jon:
Hey, man, you're practically having an orgasm in front of me, okay?

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Yvgeny:
Orange you glad I didn't say "Vodka"?

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

[Jon as a Dog Mayor gets tricked and caught for smoking dognip and then makes a speech about it on live television]

Jon:
I would also like to apologize to my constituents for lying to them. However, you should know it was my Dad who lied to me first, which caused me to lie to you, so it's his fault. And if you want to be pissed off at anyone, be pissed off at him, 'cause he deserves it.

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Jon:
Excuse me. Hi, there. That's a really beautiful dog.

Dog Owner:
Oh, thank you.

Jon:
Uh, is he neutered?

Dog Owner:
No, he's not.

Jon:
Oh. Alright. Well, then, that gets you... [gives him a note] one of these. It's a new law. It's a mandatory spay and neutering, and that's $100 fine per ball.

Dog Owner:
Says who?

Jon:
Says New York's new Dog Mayor, that's who.

Dog Owner:
Man, go [bleep] yourself. Asshole.

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Jon:
I didn't tell the truth, and that could have got you killed.

Nicky:
Could, woulda, shoulda, gouda. Jon, you saved my life.

Jon:
I know.

Nicky:
And for that, I'm gonna repay the favor. There's a saying in the greek village I come from. "Vendetta is a dish served better with cold feta".

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Jon:
Everyone loves their dogs, okay? Unfortunately, they don't love picking up their dogs' number 2. They don't care, alright? And that is why I am starting a brand new campaign called the "Give A [bleep] Commission". It's to encourage people to pick up their dogs' poops.

David:
Wait. Shouldn't it be called "Take a [bleep]"?

Jon:
Uh, no. Then people would just take [bleep] everywhere.

Mayor Executive:
I agree with David. I think "Give A [bleep]" seems confusing.

Mighty Joe Jon:
Okay, look, w-we talked about both. I think both of them work.

Jon:
Both of them work. We focus-grouped, guys.

Rob:
No, no, no. "Take a [bleep]" is more logical.

Nicky:
I think "Give a [bleep]" sounds like you're asking me to give you my [bleep].

Jon:
Hey, how about if everyone shuts up? I'm Dog Mayor. I decide what's going on. It's "Give a [bleep]", we made the buttons. Decision's final, got it?

Jay 2:
Yeah, no, I agree, though. That's confusing.

Jon:
JAY, WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE? Shouldn't you be back at the desk?

Jay 2:
I came to support you.

Mayor Executive:
[to Jay 2] Excuse me. Is that a fake mustache?

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

[Jon wears a dog vest on inside a russian social club to save Nicky]

Sergei:
Hold your fire!

Jon:
That's right, everybody. Listen to your boss. You're gonna nestra light right now. Nicky, you okay?

Nicky:
[muffled]

Jon:
It's Jon. Everything is a-okay. We are nestra lighting out here. Moving right out here. Nicky, I'm coming.

Sergei:
Nobody shoot.

Yvgeny:
They're so cute!

Pavel:
Are they up for adoption?

Sergei:
Quiet!

Jon:
Nicky, you good? You okay? [takes off the bag and sees Nicky is alright] Everybody, be cool. We're good. There's the door. We're gonna walk out. Nestra light.

Pavel:
Is that a maltese?

Yvgeny:
Look at his ears!

Jon:
Alright, gentlemen, have a good evening. Sergei...it's a real pleasure.

[Jon and Nicky leaves]

Yvgeny:
Someone should remind him to have them spayed and neutered.

Sergei:
[instantly shakes the table] SHUT UP YOU FOOL! IDIOOOT!

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Todd Barry:
How do you say "Read 'em and weep" in Russian?

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Jon:
I got to say, the most important thing for me is getting a cheddar cheddar bang bang. That is what is on my mind.

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Yvgeny's Dad:
DOG KILLERS?!? Never have I felt such a slap in the face on the Mirminsky name! WHY WOULD HE MAKE UP SUCH LIES?!?

Sergei:
I don't know, papa.

Yvgeny's Dad:
I would rather see you killed...than see a single hair harmed on my own precious Siberian huskies.

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

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