Rob:
Oh, sorry. Don't mean to interrupt the interview.
Leslie King:
No, not at all. Jay and I were just getting to know each other.
Rob:
Oh, uh, well, one thing I happen to know about Leslie is that she spent a, uh, whole summer studying abroad in Rome.
Jay 2:
Oh, really?
Leslie King:
Uh, yes.
Jon:
What, uh, what, did you do an IMDb on Leslie? [laughs]
Rob:
Well, I've done a lot of things on Leslie. We just started seeing each other. [touches Leslie's hand]
Leslie King:
Rob.
Jay 2:
Jon, wheel me away from here, please.
Jon:
No, hold on, Jay. Rob, what are you doing?
Rob:
Not doing anything.
Jon:
Oh bull [bleep]. You know Jay like her and you made your move.
Leslie King:
[to Rob] Excuse me?
Rob:
Look --
Jay 2:
Jon, please?
Jon:
Jay, shut up. I'm trying to help you right now.
Rob:
Listen, the heart wants what it wants.
Jon:
Oh, yeah? Well, your heart is a dick.
Jay 2:
Jon, please?
Leslie King:
I'm sorry. What is going on here?
Rob:
I don't know.
Jon:
Leslie, Jay has a crush on you, okay? That's why he's dressed sexy. I was trying to set you guys up. Rob knew all of this, and for some reason that had better be explained to me, he decided to ask you out.
Rob:
He takes my bullet, I steal his girl.
Leslie King:
Uh, Rob, I'm not your girl.
Rob:
Oh, Leslie, come on. You got to admit there's a certain...obvious animal attraction between us.
Leslie King:
Don't call me ever again.
Rob:
Les. Les.
[Leslie and the crew leaves]
Jon:
You know, I don't who I feel worse for -- Jay or the reporter for not getting to see that dong.
Rob:
Oh, oh, please, don't worry. She did fine in the dong department, trust me.
Jon:
Oh, yeah?
Rob:
Yeah.
Jon:
Prove it.
Rob:
What?
Jon:
Whip it out. Let's compare dongs right now. Let's go, man. Move, Jay. [unbuckles Jay's pants]
Jay 2:
Stop it, Jon.
Rob:
I'm not gonna do that.
Jon:
Let's go, man. Let's ese it.
Rob:
Jon, you're out of your mind.
Jon:
Am I?
Rob:
Yeah.
Jon:
Why don't you put your dong where your mouth is, asshole? Let's see it.
[as Jon struggles trying to unbuckles Jay 2's pants to show dongs, Jay 2 has had enough]
Jay 2:
[bleep] you for being [bleep] to me behind Jon's back. I didn't steal your bullet. And, Jon, no one asked you to wash my dick.
Jon:
Yeah, well, no one asked me to stop, either.
Jay 2:
I wish I'd never jumped in front of that bullet. [to Jon] And I wish it was you in this chair.
Jon:
[surprised] How dare you. How...dare you! I dedicated my LIFE to you. You think I like washing that dong? I have to make myself numb to the world to do it. Where's my thanks? Where's Jon's gratitude? Who's washing Jon's dong? Nobody.
[one of Jay 2's feet start to move]
Jon:
Oh, my god, Jay, Jay, you're moving.
Jay 2:
I know. I'm trying to kick you in the balls to get you to shut the [bleep] up!
