Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #94

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 5,730 quotes total — keep up the great work!

[Bert and Tammy takes Demon Baby at a play date]

Tammy:
Look at that. They're sharing.

[Demon Baby stings one of the other babies]

Bert:
Good hustle. Good hustle. Way to mix it up.

Tammy:
He's such a little jock. DOMINATE! THIS IS YOUR HOUSE!

Woman:
Hey, uh, yeah, ah -- I don't want to be one of those overbearing parents, but would it be too much trouble to ask if --

Bert:
Hey, lady, it would be too much to ask, you know? 'Cause your kid needs to step up his game.

Tammy:
[mocking] "Oh, I can't handle venom".

Bert:
[mocking] "Oh, boo-hoo-hoo. Oh, who wants to go to the hospital? Me, me, me". That's you. That's your kid.

Demon Baby:
[growls]

Woman:
Um...why is your baby staring at my crotch?

Bert:
Well, obviously you're menstruating.

Tammy:
He can smell that from a mile away. [to Bert] Just like his father.

[Demon Baby tackles and stings Woman]

Tammy:
You have to let them explore and discover on their own.

Bert:
Hey, you handle your own kid and we'll hand ours, alright?

Tammy:
I don't like the schools in this district.

Bert:
I don't like schools at all.

Tammy:
I want to see what school is like so he can drop out on his own -- You know, make his own mistakes.

Bert:
And he hasn't made one yet.

Tammy:
[laughing] I know. He's a f***ing miracle.

Soul Quest Overdrive  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[Demon Baby pulls one of the plus electric cords]

Tammy:
Look! He's so smart.

Demon Baby:
'Lectric. 'Lectric.

Tammy:
He's learned to control it.

Soul Quest Overdrive  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Bert:
I know what you're thinking. Me, a father?

[Demon Baby sting Mortimer]

Mortimer:
OW!

Bert:
But just look at that face. Don't just want to kiss it? Come on. Smooch it.

Mortimer:
No, no. No, thank you.

Bert:
Kiss it.

Mortimer:
I have enough --

Bert:
Come on. Smooch it.

Mortimer:
No, I'm not a baby person.

Bert:
Kiss it.

Mortimer:
No, no.

Bert:
Yes, you do.

Mortimer:
No. Take it away.

Bert:
Mortimer, come on.

Mortimer:
[sighs] Okay. One kiss. One kiss.

[Demon Baby brutally grabs Mortimer's eye]

Tammy:
Oh, he likes you.

Bert:
Adorable.

Mortimer:
Okay, I got to run.

Tammy:
Oh, wait, wait, wait. Don't go. We haven't opened presents yet.

Mortimer:
I know. I just got to lance these boils and then probably move to the roof.

Soul Quest Overdrive  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[Mick tries to kill the demon baby]

Mick:
[sharping his ax] Just go the sleep, Mum and Dad. Just have a nap and we can end this. I'm gonna murder that bloody thing. I'm gonna sink this ax so deep in its head.

Soul Quest Overdrive  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[Bert and Tammy show the Social Worker a baby carrier made out of disgusting objects]

Bert:
We won this from a homeless man who took this from a store that has hundreds of them, so it's legit.

Tammy:
And look, all the mess drops right through the bars. You just hose it down.

Bert:
Straps for safety. Wheels for mobility. Can for money to buy food for baby.

Social Worker:
Let...let...let me stop you right there. I've seen enough.

Tammy:
So do we get a baby? Do we?

Social Worker:
Yes.

Bert:
Awesome!

Tammy:
Oh, thank you.

Social Worker:
And here it comes.

[the Social Worker then squirt out a baby from his arse]

Mick:
That's hitting me, by the way.

Tammy:
He's beautiful.

Bert:
Aww.

Tammy:
He looks like me.

Demon Baby:
Da-Daddy!

Mick:
Bloody hell. Get an ax!

Tammy:
No, get a bottle! He's hungry.

[Tammy slaps Bert]

Bert:
Ow!

Tammy:
You WOKE him up!

Soul Quest Overdrive  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Social Worker:
Hey, uh, what's with all the broken glass?

Mick:
It's fun to make, try it.

[Mick breaks the rum glass into his head]

Social Worker:
You know babies crawl, right?

Mick:
It's like a puzzle for the kids now. You give them a tube of glue and you watch them go. [sniffs]

Soul Quest Overdrive  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Social Worker:
So, you're Mr. and Mrs. --

Bert:
Uh, no. We're not married. Uh, and I'm unemployed. Also I love drugs, and I make porn. You look like a reasonable man. Let's go make some porn over by the stove.

Social Worker:
Okay, yo...you're pushing.

Bert:
Alright. Pretend like you're cooking something. And, oh, what's that? You need a little spice. Where's that nutmeg? Oh, there it is. It's on the floor. Better bend over. Now I'm gonna come in with my rock hard two-inch bo--

Tammy:
Honey.

Bert:
What? I'm directing a scene here.

Tammy:
[to Social Worker] I'm sorry. Can you excuse us for a moment?

Bert:
[to Tammy] What? You're doing great.

Tammy:
[pulls up a knife up against his eye] Now, you listen and you listen good. We've already done the scene by the stove. Can't you have one original thought?

Bert:
[struggling] Baby --

Soul Quest Overdrive  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[Mick tries to catch a rat by using cheese as bait]

Mick:
He's gonna get it.

[as Bert loads up his gun]

Tammy:
BERT!

Rat:
[rat noises] "He's got a gun"! [teleports]

Tammy:
Check out all these awesome african babies.

Mick:
Bloody bastard on a cross. You got to be right batty to waste your quid on something like that.

Tammy:
Why, they must be practically giving them away. We need one. Can we get one? Please?

Bert:
Are you insane? It'll ruin our life. Come on. There are things I need to do. [pops off a couple rounds with his gun in the sky]

Tammy:
But reading this article made me lactate.

Mick:
Cheers to that. Baby has to line up behind me first.

Mortimer:
Tammy, babies are a huge responsibility. You have to take care of them.

Bert:
Whoa, whoa, whoa. [loads up his gun] Are you saying I'm poor?

Mortimer:
No, no, no, no, Bert. No.

Bert:
Fine. Call the african baby broker right now.

Tammy:
Oh, thank you, Bert!

Mick:
Aye, do that. She'll take one look at this dump and haul ass out of here like she's on fire.

Soul Quest Overdrive  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[Injured Man cuts off his torso with his keys to get out of his crushed car]

Tammy:
Oh, would you look at that.

Injured Man:
Ah, there we go.

Mortimer:
God helps those who helps themselves.

Tammy:
Yay, Jesus!

Injured Man:
F*** you, evangelicals.

[the injured man then gets taken by a hawk]

Mortimer:
You have an ointant weekend, okay?

Soul Quest Overdrive  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Bert:
Oh my. It...it can't be.

[Bert sees an american tank with Jesus Christ]

Bert:
Jesus Christ.

Jesus Christ:
Come my son, you are needed in the front lines of God's army.

Bert:
I'm coming, Jesus.

Jesus Christ:
So, you ever been in a tank before?

Bert:
Brrrrrr!

Jesus Christ:
What did you say?

Bert:
Sorry, sorry, I uh, just can't seem to stop shaking.

Jesus Christ:
It's okay. Doctor Jesus is here. [scratches Bert] You wound up like a spring my son. [uses lotion] Let me enlight you.

Bert:
Oh, that's great. [gets scratched real hard] Ow. Ow!

[Bert then realize he's been imagining Jesus as a tiger the whole time while inside of garbage bin]

Bert:
OH MY GOD! I don't understand the symbolism.

Mortimer:
[to Tammy] I'm not touching that thing. You open it.

Tammy:
Here. [puts a lock on garbage bin] Let's just let him rest.

Bert:
PRAISE JESUS!

Soul Quest Overdrive  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Tammy:
Do it baby! Lift the car off him!

[as Bert was about to lift the car off of him again]

Bert:
[to his breasts] God. These close are like a sweltering prisint. Get them off me! No, no I need them. No, I need more. No, I need less. No, I need exactly what I have.

Tammy:
Honey?

[Bert sees a strange light]

Bert:
You guys see that, right?

Tammy:
What are you talking about, baby?

[Bert leaves to find where the strange light is coming from]

Mortimer:
Oh, fudge.

Soul Quest Overdrive  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Tammy:
Hey everyone, Bert's back!

Mortimer:
Oh, hi Bert.

Injured Man:
Nice cans.

Bert:
Wow! Talk about an awkward situation. [laughs] God said I needed to score some angle dust to lift the car.

Mortimer:
[pauses] So um...where is it? Where's the PCP?

Bert:
Oh, I smoked it.

Mortimer:
...

Bert:
So, uh, what are you guys doing here?

Injured Man:
GET THIS CAR OFF YOU MOTHERF***ER!

Soul Quest Overdrive  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Mortimer:
Oh, nachos!

[as Mortimer step inside the van, one of the injured man's intestines flies out]

Injured Man:
[struggling] Get up! Get up! Get up!

Mortimer:
Does anyone want any nachos?

Injured Man:
[struggling] Are those my kidneys?

[sees two buzzards fighting for the injured man's kidneys]

Mortimer:
Um, maybe?

Injured Man:
They look like mine.

Mortimer:
Weren't they're two of them?

Soul Quest Overdrive  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[Mortimer sees an injured man that's stuck in his torso when the team's van crashed into his car on top of it]

Mortimer:
Jumping juicifer on a pogo stick!

Tammy:
That shouldn't killed him.

Bert:
NO. You saw me driving...you saw him jump out in the road.

Tammy:
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!

Bert:
Look, honey! See he's fine.

[the injured man vomits blood]

Bert:
That's...normal right?

Mortimer:
I think he's lost a lot of blood. Sir, is this all your blood? 'Cause it's a lot of blood.

Tammy:
LET'S GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!

Bert:
No. I will lift the car off of him.

[Bert tries to lift the car with all his might]

Bert:
I cannot lift this car off of him. I mean, look how big it is. Wait, I have an idea.

[Bert leaves to find something]

Mortimer:
Uh, what was his idea again?

Injured Man:
GET THE F***ING CARJACK, YOU'RE STANDING ON IT!

Mortimer:
Hey guys, what if we used this carjack?

Tammy:
Demonjack. May the vehicle science bathe into the river.

[Mortimer tries to throw the carjack into the river but failed miserably]

Soul Quest Overdrive  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[Mortimer sees a man walking a dog]

Mortimer:
Guys, we've got a situation, 2:00.

Bert:
Hang on. Put in my gospel tape.

Tammy:
No.

Mortimer:
Bert.

Bert:
Put it in, bitch, or the thunder will roll down from the mountain and STOP AT THE SIDE OF YOUR HEAD!

[as Tammy puts in the gospel tape, Bert starts to murderously run over the man walking the dog as they keep going]

Bert:
[singing] Amen! Sing it from the --

[Mortimer and Tammy sees unfinished road right ahead]

Mortimer:
Bert, Bert, Bert, Bert, BERT!

Tammy:
Bert, honey, look out!

Bert:
You look out, bitch!

[as they fall down from the unfinished road, they crashed into someone's car]

Bert:
Wow. My boobs are okay.

Soul Quest Overdrive  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[the sport pieces find some interesting stuff in the old lady's purse]

Bert:
Let's see what we got.

Mortimer:
Hmm, moth balls, moth balls, moth balls, moths, and a pot some hormones.

Bert:
Ooh.

Mortimer:
Bert, slow down those will give you boobs.

Bert:
Well, let's roll the dice.

[Bert eats one of the hormone balls]

Tammy:
Bert, no.

Bert:
Just to take the edge off, honey.

Soul Quest Overdrive  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Bert:
Good morning, mam. I'm here to spread the important news. And his name is Jesus Christ.

[the old lady suddenly got a heart attack and then two demons rise up from the underworld tearing the old lady apart]

Mortimer:
[sees the old lady's purse] Guys, I think we were meant to have this.

Soul Quest Overdrive  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[as Xavier finishes the ice cream cone of Ink Blot's defeat, he then starts the get pregnant]

Xavier:
I feel him kicking.

Nurse (as Xavier's Mom):
I think it's time. I'm having our incest baby.

Xavier:
This is disgusting. [happily] How I'm blushing with pride.

Frankie's Voice:
Push, honey, push. This is some kind of monster.

[as Xavier, Nurse (as Xavier's Mom), and the fake Xavier's Mom pushed one of their babies out, one of their babies formed into an Xavier symbol which transitions to the next scene where it shows a therapist showing the same symbol of Xavier's and all of the other stuff that happened was just inside of Xavier's head the whole time]

Therapist:
Interesting. I think you're ready to see yourself for the first time -- Not how you imagine yourself, but how you truly are.

Real Xavier:
Hot dong, I'm cured.

Therapist (as Xavier):
Cured? Who said their was anything wrong with you?

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Xavier:
Why do you reverse want me to keep killing these poor people? You monster! This is my best trick yet.

Ink Blot:
Fine, just, uh, tell me what you don't not want me to do.

Xavier:
I want not that you should not turn into the opposite of a nice, non-big ice cream cone -- Big one.

Ink Blot:
Okay, I'll do it, I mean, no way, I won't do it.

[Ink Blot turns into an ice cream cone once again]

Xavier:
I got dibs.

[9 months later]

Xavier:
[to the burnt beach people] Oh, did you chumps want a lick? Psyche.

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Xavier:
I know that inky stink thinker is out there. Spreading amok on his brutal havoc crackers.

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Xavier:
I'm no longer a mama's boy. She made me a mama's man. For the first in my life, I'm gonna let my fist do the talking. [imitates his talking fist] Oh, frenchie, if I wasn't a peaceful man, I'd...

[as Xavier was about to punch the therapist for what he done to his mother, Ink Blot shows up and brutally stabs the therapist as medical snake logo]

Xavier:
NO! This is rubbing against my pole, my principle of nonviolence.

Ink Blot:
But you made me do it. I'm your pent-up violence unleashed.

Xavier:
This thing is crazy. IT'S ON A RAMPAGE. No one get near it. FEAR IT!

Ink Blot:
You're in denial. [to Nurse who is Xavier's Mom] Come on, hon, let's blow this nut stand. And don't follow me.

Xavier:
It wants me to follow it. It's using reverse psychology on me. Well, I'll reverse retaliate with the psychology of a thousand backwards minds. I'll just oedipal these out and knit-wit a braingea hot-thought balloon.

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Nurse:
Say, big man. I've had every other freak in here. Let me give you the coital cure. You look like you need a little...

[the Nurse and Xavier got laid]

Xavier:
You should know you were my first, not counting rape. You were so huge.

Therapist:
Congratulations. Mother and Son in carnal embrace -- This will put me on the map.

Xavier:
But mother is -- She dieded.

Therapist:
I'm afraid you are mistaken. You see, Nurse Escher came here years ago as a patient, escaping the turmoil of her bestial child. After the lobotomy, I left the brain remains in the bio-waste room.

Nurse:
I was your patient?

Therapist:
My finest, because you're so huge. Look for yourself.

Nurse (as Xavier's Mom):
I thought that was a yogurt stain. I SLEPT WITH MY SON?!

Xavier:
I SEXED OFF WITH MY MOMMY?!

Therapist:
I'll go down in history -- First scientist to prove that [uses his tape recorder in a different voice again] Lobotomy removes oedipal taboo. Go on, react.

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[Xavier tries many brains to find his mother's personality]

Xavier:
Oh, so many. Let's try...I don't know -- This one. [uses the first brain piece]

Xavier's Mom:
CELLOPHONE GRAPE SHIELDS SILTS THROATS AND --

Xavier:
Nope. [tries the second brain piece]

Xavier's Mom:
[wilhelm scream]

Xavier:
Nope. [tries the third brain piece]

Xavier's Mom:
[Italian accent] Hey, pa, I forgot how pizza works.

Xavier:
Dumb wop. Could have used a goombotomy. [tries the fourth brain piece]

Xavier's Mom:
GOOOOOAAL!

Xavier:
Damn it, I had money on that game. [tries the fifth brain piece]

Xavier's Mom:
[crows like a rooster]

Xavier:
Oh, chicken. Yum. [eats the fifth brain piece]

[Xavier puts the sixth brain piece]

Xavier's Mom:
[McGultry's voice] I think my hallucination snuck into the --

Xavier:
That fella's nuttier than my pants at a coffin sale. [tries the seventh brain piece]

Xavier's Mom:
[Xavier's voice] How'd that get in there?

[Xavier sniffs the seventh brain piece]

Xavier:
That's better. I've got a good feeling about this one. [tries the eight brain piece]

Xavier's Mom:
Son, how'd you find me?

Xavier:
Mom, it worked!

Xavier's Mom:
I faked my death to get away from you. I hate you!

Xavier:
You can say that, mommy, but don't mean it.

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Xavier:
Mother, I've found you. Don't you recognize me?

Paramedic:
Don't bother. She don't talk at all, thank god. Won't even open her mouth. Believe, I tried. [laughs] Ain't said a word since that lobotomy cut out all the thingmajigs that was tormenting her. I like her jugs -- Dibs.

Xavier:
I've got to get that part of her brain back in her head so she remembers me. Where do they discard the medical waste?

Paramedic:
Yeah, I don't got time to chitchat, okay? The boss says I got to give the coital cure to this whole wing before lunch. I'm coming, boss. I'm coming.

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

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