Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #89

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 6,189 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Ms. Lloyd:
Oh, hey, Jon. I didn't know you were coming by today.

Jon:
Oh, yeah, thought I'd surprised David with a little Dad pick-up.

Ms. Lloyd:
Actually, I needed to talk to you, so...

Jon:
Oh, uh, well, Ms. Lloyd, I am flattered, but I don't really think it's appropriate for us to bang bods.

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Sergei:
THREE CHEERS FOR IGOR PACHENKO, THE GREAT RUSSIAN TRAIN ROBBER! HIP HIP HOORAY! HIP HIP HOORAY! HIP HIP HOORAY! [laughs]

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Mighty Joe Jon:
Knock, knock, bitch! Did you tell your Dad that Delocated got the Jewish Ghost budget?

David:
No, I made up a story about an RV company buying him out. I wanted him to think that he came up with the solution to his problems -- You know, make the star of the show happy.

Mighty Joe Jon:
Impressive. Maybe someday I'll give you a raise.

David:
Or maybe someday I'll take your job. [chuckles]

Mighty Joe Jon:
...Or maybe someday you'll be fired.

David:
Someday as in today?

Mighty Joe Jon:
Yep. Right now. Bye-bye, bitch!

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

[David sees Jon as a homeless person after his RV got towed]

David:
Dad.

Jon:
[slurring] W-What's that? We got caramelized onions in the fridge.

Jon:
I'm homeless, David. Your Dad is homeless.

David:
My Dad is wasted.

Jon:
What, I can still do a Jewish Ghost cameo. OOOOOOY VEY!

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

[Sergei founds Scott Wolf in the restroom]

Scott Wolf:
Why are you doing this?! Please don't kill me.

Sergei:
Oh, I'm not going to kill you. He is.

[Yvgeny arrives dressing up as Igor Pachenko with his theme music]

Yvgeny (as Igor Pachenko):
I am Igor Pachenko, the Great Russian Train Robber! Stop this train at once!

Scott Wolf:
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Did Mighty Joe Jon put you up to this? Is this a joke?

Yvgeny (as Igor Pachenko):
I never joke about robbing trains.

Sergei:
FINISH HIM, IGOR PACHENKO!

[Yvgeny uses a long silk sheet to choke Scott Wolf to death]

Yvgeny:
And scene.

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Jon:
Welcome to the Street Stretch B&B. I'm your host, Jon. This is, uh, Rob with the bags. Everything okay?

Husband Steinberg:
Your website didn't mention anything about the B&B being in an RV.

Jon:
Uh, yes. That was intentional, uh, because, as we all know, uh...people that like B&Bs are all about the vench -- The, uh -- The adventure.

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Jon:
[maine accent] Say, there, welcome to the B&B. How about some cherry pie, there? Have a slice?

Rob:
Sounds a little irish, I think.

Jon:
No, that's Maine.

Rob:
Maine?

Jon:
[maine accent] Some cherry -- Taste you real nice, there. Say, there.

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

David:
Look, Jon. I was gonna shoot you and e-mail about this, but...you got to start paying your rent next week or you're getting kicked out of your apartment. Dad, you already have a place to stay, and it's all paid for.

Jon:
Thank you, David. At least there's somebody around here that understands that I'm the one that should be living in the sweet loft.

David:
I-I meant the RV.

[MJJ takes a picture of Jon's anger face]

Mighty Joe Jon:
That's going on Facebook.

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Mighty Joe Jon:
Well, we had our doubts, but we've actually received a decent amount of calls about the DVD.

Jon:
Awesome. When do I start seeing my money?

Rob:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You mean my money.

Jon:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA, whoa, whoa. What are you talking about?

Rob:
I'm talking about Street Stretch, my idea. I figured you were just helping me get it done.

Jon:
No, we never had a conversation about any of that.

Rob:
Well, we also never had a conversation about you telling me where I could go to the bathroom.

Jon:
Rob, you and I were together when you brought up Street Stretch. I thought it was great, I loved it, I pitched it, I figured it was our idea when I did that.

Rob:
I told you about my Street Stretch idea, which I have had for 12 years.

Jon:
You've been carrying around this idea in your testicles, and you stuck it in my idea vagina, and then I took it, and it came out of me. [raspy] STREET STRETCH! STREET STRETCH! And I gave birth to the idea and made this happen.

Rob:
You touch this idea baby, and I'm gonna sue the [bleep] out of you. It's that simple.

David:
Always get it in writing.

Rob:
He's right.

Jon:
Look, I spent all my savings on this. I bought an RV.

Rob:
Yeah, I know. I was there when you bought it.

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Jon:
You know, we're gonna have matching costumes, and we're gonna make a video and the sell DVDs. You know, it's gonna be called Street Stretch.

Mighty Joe Jon:
Okay, wait. So want me to give you a time slot for an informercial, is that it?

Jon:
Please!

Mighty Joe Jon:
I don't know. David, what do you think?

David:
[on phone] Yeah, let me call you back. [hangs up] Um, yeah, I don't know. It doesn't really sound like the type of programming we're focusing on right now.

Jon:
[tired] You didn't want to call me Dad 'cause you wanted to be professional, is that right?

David:
Yeah.

Jon:
Okay. This is me being professional. Shut the [bleep] up. Okay, I don't need a kid telling me about programming, okay?!

Jon:
Okay, now this is me switching to being your Dad. I'm sorry I just yelled at you. I love you. Now please shut the [bleep] up. I'm trying to make money, okay? Okay? Now I'm switching back to being professional. Keep your [bleep] mouth shut and butt out.

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Yvgeny:
You know, if I was second choice, that means I'd get part if Scott Wolf got sick. Or worse. [referring to Sergei]

Sergei:
No.

Yvgeny:
Pleeeeease?

Sergei:
No. If you want Scott Wolf dead so badly, you kill him yourself. But you cannot do it. You are not killer, Yvgeny. You would have to become completely different person to do it -- Like acting.

Sergei:
Don't think of bullets as real. Don't think of blood, death -- None of it real. Pretend you are character, like on tv.

Yvgeny:
Like Jay Leno!

Sergei:
Yes, right. Like J-Lo.

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Jon:
Maybe I should cancel my gym 'ship.

Kim:
Your what?

Jon:
Gym membership. God, you know what? It's no fun abbreviating if no one else does it.

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

[after the shoot from Jewish Ghost that Jon played as the janitor]

David:
Hey, man, so, really great. Really great job. Um, I think we got it.

Jon:
Oh, really? Oh, I mean, you know, cool, totes. But, uh, you don't -- Y-you don't need any more takes?

David:
Yeah, no. We're good. Um, actually, y'know, there's something else we were talking about maybe you could do.

Jon:
Oh, yeah. Do some wild lines, right? Maybe me and the wolf man lay it down.

Scott Wolf:
Hey, man! Don't call me that.

David:
Uh, no. I was actuallly more thinking, um, you could, like, mop the floors, like, for real, and, you know, they-they'll pay you, so...

Jon:
Oh.

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

David:
Hey, Jon, they're ready for you on set.

Jon:
Try "Dad", alright?

David:
I'm just trying to be professional.

Jon:
You can be professional and also call me Dad at the same time, okay?

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Yvgeny:
I don't want to do just my show. I want to do other acting, other roles on the network.

Mighty Joe Jon:
Okay.

Yvgeny:
When I was kid, I did lots of theater. I played great russian train robber, Igor Pachenko. [acting] I am Igor Pachenko, the Great Russian Train Robber! Be calm, or I will murder you!

Yvgeny:
See? I want to be taken as serious actor.

Mighty Joe Jon:
Hell yeah, you should be taken as a serious actor. Matter of fact, you know? I just pitched you to be the new lead in Jewish Ghost. Yeah. You lost.

Yvgeny:
Mm.

Mighty Joe Jon:
Yeah, second choice. But you're in the game, dude, huh? Look, I got to roll. I'm on two other calls, but, uh, good meeting, alright, fellas? [leaves]

Mighty Joe Jon:
Hey, Pete, you still there? [bleep] you, dude. [laughs]

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Jon:
They're gonna stop paying rent in two weeks, and I guess now we got to figure out what you and David are gonna do.

Susan:
What do you mean?

Jon:
I mean, I don't see how you can possibly afford this place.

Susan:
I don't pay rent.

Jon:
You don't pay rent here?

Susan:
No.

Jon:
What do you mean?

Susan:
What do you me-- The Network paid for it?

Jon:
Excuse me?

Susan:
And I got it in the divorce. I also got the Jaguar. Didn't you go over this with your lawyer?

Jon:
How...How is it that I'm the only budge vic in this whole thing?

Susan:
What's -- What is budge vic?

Jon:
Budge Vic -- A budget victim.

Susan:
Oh, oh, oh.

Jon:
No one else likes to pull a good breev around here?

Susan:
[to his husband, Darren] Oh, he does. He's really good at it, actually.

Darren:
I do do that sometimes. Kitch -- I've said "Kitch", actually.

Susan:
He called me, Suze.

Darren:
Yeah, Suze. I call her Suze. She likes when I breev.

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Jon:
Okay, guys. I think we are doing a very good with this budget, but we need to do a few more things. One of which, Rob, no more number twos for you in the apartment.

Rob:
Excuse me? Where am I supposed to go to the bathroom?

Jon:
Not up for discussion at all. Figure it out. Go to the deli or something.

Jon:
Alright, what else? can we do?

Kim:
How about we get rid of the cable? We, like, hardly ever watch tv.

Jon:
Absolutely not. That's where I get my hoops and hocks.

David:
What's hocks?

Jon:
Hocks -- Hockey. I wish I could save money on abbreviations. I'd save a tush-load of cash with some well placed breevs.

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Jon:
You know, my parents had a B&B when I was a kid, and if they can make it work, then so can we right?

Kim:
Jon, I had no idea your parents had B&B.

Jon:
Yeah. I worked there till I was 10. Worked my ass off.

Kim:
Okay, nobody's saying you didn't so...

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Mighty Joe Jon:
I'm gonna have to revoke your network credit card.

Jon:
Unbelievable!

Mighty Joe Jon:
And I'm gonna need the keys to your Jaguar.

Jon:
I don't have a Jaguar. What are you talking about?

Mighty Joe Jon:
They didn't give you a Jaguar?

Jon:
No.

Mighty Joe Jon:
That's bull [bleep], you were supposed to get a Jaguar.

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

[Jon uses pencils as drums]

Jon:
Night Moves, Bob Seger.

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

[Sergei records a video to Jon]

Sergei:
If you are watching this...then you know brother is dead. I would like to have let him live, but I could not have another with your face running around. And now...your mother...is inside me. Now we are brothers!

[Sergei tap dances while dressing up as Lon and laughs evilly]

Jon:
Man, what else is on?

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

[when Jon throws the ashes out of the urn in his brother's grave, a tape recorder came out]

Jon:
What the [bleep]?

[Jon plays the tap recorder]

Lon:
I'm sorry, bro. I had a feeling you might not want to share Mom and Dad, even thought I'm clearly the son Mom should have kept. Call me when you get this note. We'll make arrangements to get you your half of the ashes back. By the way, I double-checked the records, and I'm the older brother. So frrt you. Lon. [tape ends]

Jon:
[scoffs] Well, I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the chip off the ol' dick.

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

[Sergei caught Jon's brother from the fake suicide moment on call days ago]

Sergei:
I want you to know you're going to die tonight. [shows a picture] This...my mother. She was whore. Did not want me. MY WHOLE LIFE BEEN A LIE! We share the same pain. I kill your parents to make Jon feel pain. I kidnap you so he feel my pain! And now is time to die.

Lon:
[grunts]

Sergei:
What? You want last word?

Lon:
Mm-hmm.

[Sergei takes off tape from Lon's mouth]

Lon:
YOU'RE WRONG! YOU'RE WRONG! WE DON'T SHARE THE SAME PAIN! My Mom flipped a coin. That's how she ended up with the asshole brother that I have. I know how you're feeling, and you do not need to feel bad or sad or angry or whatever it is you feel, because you...are...loved! THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS THAT YOU HAVE PARENTS! YOU HAVE A FAMILY! YOU HAVE A BROTHER WHO LOVES YOU AND WANTS YOU! I NEVER HAD THAT! YOU ARE LOVED!

Sergei:
[voice breaking] I AM NOT!

Lon:
Sergei...you are loved, Sergei. You are loved.

Sergei:
[screams]

Lon:
Yes, you are loved.

Sergei:
[cries then transitions into an evil laugh]

Lon:
It's okay, Sergei. It's okay.

Sergei:
Thank you. [evil laugh] I feel better. [shoots Lon]

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

[as Jon was about to run to Maine with the the parents' ashes for Lon]

Jon:
You know, I -- I can't bring Lon back. But I can honor his legacy by taking lemons...and making Lon-monade.

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

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In which cartoon does this quote appear: "Rule number three, I can't bring people back from the dead. It's not a pretty picture. I don't like doing it!"?
A Aladdin
B Ice Age
C The Jungle Book
D Alice in Wonderland