Dr. Steve Brule:
My guest, Sanfia Dangus, is registered by the United States Department of Beauty for a beauty expert. Cynthia, how do I -- Can tell if I'm yugly or handsome?
Cynthia Driscoll:
What this computer does is scientifically determine whether you are handsome or ugly.
Dr. Steve Brule:
This little number.
Cynthia Driscoll:
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dr. Steve Brule:
It's like an easter basket.
Dr. Steve Brule & Cynthia:
[both laugh]
Cynthia Driscoll:
But it's not. It's not an easter basket.
Dr. Steve Brule:
Could be. You could hide a chocolate egg in there. I don't know how you could get prettier. [starts to handshake Cynthia]
Cynthia Driscoll:
Uh, no!
Dr. Steve Brule:
[air smooches]
Cynthia Driscoll:
Uh, what we're gonna do is I'm gonna attach these to your trouble areas. I place these on --
Dr. Steve Brule:
Ooh! Oh. My skin's kind of oily.
Cynthia Driscoll:
Yeah.
Dr. Steve Brule:
I had too many potato chips for lunch.
Cynthia Driscoll:
God, I just -- It's hard to get in there, but...okay.
[as Cynthia managed to attach the circles on Dr. Brule, she turns on the Beauty Identifier to see the results for Dr. Brule's trouble areas]
Dr. Steve Brule:
If I -- If I end up being handsome --
[computer beeps]
Cynthia Driscoll:
Oh! [sad] Oh.
[the Beauty Identifier confirms him as ugly]
Cynthia Driscoll:
Okay. Uh...hmm.
Dr. Steve Brule:
What did it -- What are the results? [felt pain after taking off the things attached to him in a sec] What was the result?
Cynthia Driscoll:
The conclusion is that, uh...you're ugly.
Dr. Steve Brule:
Shoot. Darn it. Sanfia Dagless, what can a man like me do to help my ugliness?
Cynthia Driscoll:
So, if you look in the mirror and you think, "Oh, I look fat. I look -- [sees Dr. Brule coming close to her] NoOOOOOOOO!
