Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #2

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104 — There are currently 6,785 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Chris Monsanto: Hey, a diner. Let's order a huge meal and then barf all over the table. They'll rip up the bill to avoid the publicity. – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 1 day ago
Trish: I'm tired. Can we see if that's one of those sleeping motels? Chris Monsanto: I think that's one of those money-charging hotels. Why don't we just, uh, go sleep in the dirt over there. It's better lumbar support. Susie Wagner: Why are you being such a cheapskate? Chris Monsanto: [chuckles] Cheapskate. [laughs] Hey, look at that -- A pay phone. [Chris sucks his fingers and then puts it into the pay phone wiggling it around] Chris Monsanto: Oh, how does that feel? [while he's wigging it, he founds a coin] Chris Monsanto: [laughs] A dime. Susie Wagner: Why are you acting so weird? Chris Monsanto: Geez, I don't know. I've never felt this way about a dime before. – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 1 day ago
Sal Winnick: Monsanto! I'm getting that bounty. [Thug accidentally shoots Martin Sheen] Sal Winnick: Oh, no. I killed Martin Sheen. – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 1 day ago
Martin Sheen: Hey, you know, I'm doing this cop movie, and I wonder if you'd do me a favor. Let me ride along with ya for a little bit just to kind of feel the character. Chris Monsanto: Oh, geez, Mr. Sheen. We'd love to help you out, but unfortunately we're not Marshals anymore. We're fugitives. Martin Sheen: [gasps] I'M DOING A FUGITIVE MOVIE, TOO! – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 1 day ago
Unknown Guy: Chris Monsanto! Chris Monsanto: Oh, crap. Uh...listen, just, uh, aim for my face, will ya? I don't want to look too pretty when those morgue pervs get their hands inside me. – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 1 day ago
Fedora Guy: [to gasoline pump guy] Taking these two sodas, smokey. Here's a nickle to keep your mouth shut. Rat-a-tat-tat, boom, boom, baby! [leaves] Chris Monsanto: [scoffs] I'm not gonna stay in this 2 1/2-bit town. They obviously have some sort of dumbass rat pack-revival, hell's-a-poppin' crap going on here. – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 1 day ago
Chris Monsanto: [to a gasoline pump guy] Hi, uh, can you fill it up with ethyl and then just top it off with a little amyl? I like my exhaust leaky. – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 1 day ago
Farmer: What's your favorite passage? Chris Monsanto: I'm sorry, what? Farmer: From the book. Chris Monsanto: Oh, the book. Right. Uh, well, I guess I'd have to say, um...my favorite passage is, um....Jesus 1. You know, where it all started. Farmer: Hmm. [to America] And yours? America: You know, I sell them so fast, I never get to read them. But I hear great things! Say, what do you call this stuff, corn? Farmer: Uh-huh. If you'll excuse me. [suspiciously leaves] Farmer's Wife: You boys ain't no bible salesmen. I don't know what you're up to, but you best your scruds on those plates before my husband gets back, or else things gonna turn real bad real quick. Chris Monsanto: Scruds? What? Farmer's Wife: Quit foolin'! Plate them scruds! Now! America: I -- I -- I guess -- [as Chris and America pull their pants down to plate the scruds, Farmer comes back to bring alarming news] Farmer's Wife: Excuse me. [leaves] Farmer: My sister's gone crazy! She makes pretend to be her husband. If you don't take them scruds off them plates right now, her real husband gonna come back, and it ain't gonna be pretty -- Not as pretty as them scruds of yours, I guarantee you that. Chris Monsanto: What the hell are you talking about? Farmer: Too late! Real Farmer's Husband: [gunshot] Who's been putting scruds on my dining table? [Chris and America take cover] America: These hillbillies is nuts! What do we do, Chris? [Chris grabs a knife and throws it at the Real Farmer's Husband to death] Farmer: [to Chris] You killed my brother-in-law, scruds and all! America: Oh, uh, heart! [grabs a knife and kills the Farmer in the heart] Farmer's Wife: Thank you, boys! My nightmare's over. You're welcome to stay the night. [Chris and America shrugs it off after what just happened] – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 1 day ago
America: Alright! A farm house. Time to charm Old McDumbass. – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 1 day ago
America: Once we cross the border, we're set. We'll head south and hit up my buddy in Cabo -- Sammy Hagar. Good guy, good guy! You know him? "Red Rocker"? Chris Monsanto: Yeah. Chris Monsanto: Not a fan. America: I'll pretend I didn't hear that. – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 1 day ago
America: Time to vamoose, Chrissy boy! Let him go, gals! Hey! Chop-chop! We got to pop this slop hop! Chris Monsanto: Excuse me. I'm talking with Trish, the new love of my soon-to-end life. Trish: Hey. America: What are you doing? Chris Monsanto: She's the tobacco-spitting image of Brett's Sister, Tess. America: Yeah, come on, cassa-no-nuts. Chris Monsanto: I'll take you away from this horrible place, I promise. I promise. Wait for me, okay? Trish: [doesn't care] Sure. – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 1 day ago
America: Cockeyed Jenny. As I live and heave. Cockeyed Jenny: America! I haven't seen you for 15 years. Lost my number, did you? America: Has it really been that long, Ma? Cockeyed Jenny: Aye, that it has, son. What brings you back to me? America: Just wanted to say goodbye, Ma. This time tomorrow, I'll probably be selling lemonade in hell. Cockeyed Jenny: You're in trouble? America: Plenty. But all I'm sorry for is the trouble I've caused you, Ma. Cockeyed Jenny: There were a lot of sleepless nights, 'Merc. America: You sure are a sight for sore eyes, Ma. Cockeyed Jenny: And you for sore lips. [as America and his Ma kissed, America shoots her mother] America: Sorry, Ma. Couldn't have you squealin'. But before you die, I gotsta know -- Who was my real pops? Cockeyed Jenny: I wish I knew, son. There were so many. [siren wails coming outside the window] America: Cops! I hate cops! Smell you later, Ma! America: Oh, yeah, and if anybody asks, a black guy shot ya. – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 1 day ago
Trish: Hey. I'll stomp on your yam bags for a fiver. America: Ooh, good deal! Chris Monsanto: Oh, dear lord, you've delivered unto me a sweet angel [sniffs] with the breath of a goose on a top shelf that won't quit, and it can't get fired. Unions -- What are you gonna do about them? – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 1 day ago
America: On the go, time for some blow! [sniffs the cocaine on his gun] Oh, yeah! [to Chris] Now it's your turn, sugar buns. Chris Monsanto: No, thank you, I'm fine. America: Come on! Do it, you pansy! [as Chris sniffs the cocaine from America's gun, America shoots the car window] America: [laughing] Calm down, you baby. It wasn't loaded. Chris Monsanto: YOU JUST SHOT IT! – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 1 day ago
Chris Monsanto: Where are we going? Where are you taking me? America: We're going on a little adventure, just you and me pal. Oh, look -- Here comes our ride. Out of the car, asshole! Come on! Outskie! Civilian: I-I got a wife and kids. America: On your knees, beg me please. Civilian: [shivering] I -- I pledge allegiance...to you...a-and to the republic for which you -- America: KABLAM! [shoots the civilian] Chris Monsanto: Geez! Why did you do that?! He had a wife and kids! America: Oh, yeah? [checks the civilian's pockets and founds a pic where the civilian is in love with a gay dude] America: Wife and kids, huh? Chris Monsanto: Okay, but still, I mean, come on. America: Get in the f*ing car! Come on! Drive, asshole! Chris Monsanto: You know, I think it's the cussing that really gets to me the most. – Eagleheart** Movie Quote	added 1 day ago
Judge: Your record shows a lifetime of insanely violent behavior. You are a blight on decent society. Before I impose the harshest sentence my authority will allow, do you have anything to say about yourself and your wasted life? Chris Monsanto: I do, your honor. Yes, it's true -- I'm a violent man. But I'm that way for one reason and one reason alone -- Because America demands it. Chris Monsanto: [to the people in the court] That's right -- America. Forever egging me on, insisting on more brutality. And that is why it should not be me on trial here today but America itself! [then America has risen in point of view] America: COULDN'T KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT, COULD YOU, CHRIS?! Chris Monsanto: Calm down. Bailiff: Take a seat, sir. [America punches the bailiff] America: YOU ALL SAW THAT, RIGHT? HE HIT ME! SELF-DEFENSE! [America grabs the Bailiff's gun] America: STAND BACK! I'LL SHOOT! [to Chris] Now you're gonna let me out of here, OR EVERYONE'S FAVORITE EX-MARSHAL GETS A BULLET TO THE BRAIN! AND I AIN'T TALKIN' ABOUT THE PRETTY KIND! [laughs] – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 2 days ago
[Chris gets captured from the police] Chris Monsanto: [tired] Alright, yes, okay. Yeah, and then you twist the arm... – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 2 days ago
The Wiper: Look, if I'm gonna set you up with a new identity, first we need to fake your death, which means we need a body. Chris Monsanto: I see. The old corpus Chrissy, huh? The Wiper: Oh, yeah. Chris Monsanto: Okay, well, do you think you can find a body to match this tub of guts right here? The Wiper: Yeah, I can get something like that. For 10 grand. Chris Monsanto: [to Susie] Okay, give it up. – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 2 days ago
Chris Monsanto: Are you the on they call "The Wiper"? The Wiper: Depends. Are you Chris Monsanto... [pulls out his gun at Chris] the Marshal? Chris Monsanto: Oh. Easy, fella. Former Marshal, okay? I'm on the run now. I need one of your world-famous wipes. Need a new name, new social, the works. The Wiper: Yeah, I could wipe ya, every which way, including loose. But ass, glass, or past, I do not wipe for free. Susie Wagner: Did you just say that you wipe ass for money? The Wiper: I ain't proud of some of the stuff I've wiped. Even a Wiper's got to eat...then make, then self-wife, then charge myself top dollar. The Wiper: I know what you're thinking -- I'm paying Peter to wipe Paul. But I got plans. Susie Wagner: [to Chris] Do you know any other wipers around here? – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 2 days ago
Sugalski: See you soon, Chrissie! [demonic scream] – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 2 days ago
[Chris and Susie brings some evidence to Sugalski that Brett is not dead] Sugalski: Monsanto, you got a whole lot of nerve showing your face around here. Got a whole lot of nerve. Chris Monsanto: Sugalski, while you've been foolin', we;ve been coolin' down at the lumber mill where Brett died. He got sucked into a fake chipper. He might still be alive, Sugalski. I got set up. I just don't know by who. Sugalski: Tell me more. [press the phone emergency button for backup] Chris Monsanto: Well, that's pretty much all I got. [Sugalski still presses the phone emergency button a couple of times, trying to bring backup] Sugalski: What else is going on? How are things? Susie Wagner: What? Are you even listening to him? Oh. – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 2 days ago
[Chris tastes Brett's dead fake body] Chris Monsanto: Wham bam marzipan. We buried a fake corpse. Susie Wagner: Is it actually made of marzipan or did you just do that for the rhyme? – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 2 days ago
[after Chris and Susie figures out that Brett's not dead, they went to the cemetery to dig Brett's fake body] Susie Wagner: Someone wanted you to take the fall for Brett's death. Chris Monsanto: Yeah, I'm gonna have to find me a good lawyer. When I sell the movie rights, they'll probably give me like 6 figures up front and then screw me on the sequels. Those pricks. Forget it. I'm out. Susie Wagner: Can you help me dig, please? Chris Monsanto: No, I'm sorry. I can't. Bad back, bad sacks. Don't want to go into it. But you're doing aces. Good job. – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 2 days ago
Susie Wagner: So, someone wrote Brett a note pretending to be you? Chris Monsanto: Yeah. And it was really hard to read at first because I was in the middle of giving Tess a real good... [extremely thrusting] – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 2 days ago

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