Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #7

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 6,336 quotes total — keep up the great work!

[as Chris goes into a bathroom, one of Bud's folks comes in]

Old Guy:
Well, look who it is. I guess we're gonna be "bathroom buddies".

Chris Monsanto (as Crisp):
No. No, no. No, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. Crisp Monsanto does *not* share toilets. No.

Chris Monsanto (as Crisp):
It's time to check out of this dump...and check into hotel vengeance.

[dramatic music plays]

Old Guy:
[laughs]

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 20 days ago

[Bud sees his wife still alive while making mimic noises]

Bud:
Evelyn. You're not dead!

Evelyn:
Boom, boom, meow.

Bud:
It's Bud. Say "It's Bud".

Evelyn:
Arf, arf, crackle. [spits Bud]

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 20 days ago

[a video plays when Chris and Bud's old folks were trapped into some sound studio]

Mickey Rooney:
Hello. I'm Mickey Rooney. Mickey Rooney, not Mickey Mouse. [weird laugh] Sooner or later, I know that you're gonna ask yourselves, "Where the heck am I"? You're in studio, a Hollywood studio. What a thrill. You know, you -- You can be a star yourself. "With what"? you say? With your wattle. [gaggle] It's right here. [gaggle continues]

[the video shows an old guy mimicking the sounds of animals and others, but its just cranky grunts]

Mickey Rooney:
You know, making sounds can be expensive. Folks like you and me and our wattle can save company's millions! Right here. Thank you. You can all sit down now, and we'll show you to your rooms. Sleep tight.

[the video ends]

Bud:
I don't like this, Crisp. We gotta find a way outta here. Follow me.

Chris Monsanto (as Crisp):
Yeah. Okay, Bud. Um, listen. I'm just, uh, gonna go take a nap in my complimentary room. If you're not back by 5, I'll assume I can eat your dinner, right?

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 20 days ago

[Chris and the old folks hear some ragtime music]

Bud:
Listen. You guys hear that?

Chris Monsanto:
Oh, yeah. You know what that is? That's the new Kevin Eubanks album. It's very hot.

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 20 days ago

[Bud sees the waitress' butt]

Bud:
And now for a little desert.

Chris Monsanto:
Yeah. I'd like to get me a piece of that, if you know what I mean. BOOM shaka-laka-laka! BOOM shaka-laka! Want to just get in there and MMM! [laughs] Just like go at it, you know? Take a little of that and put it on a cracker and just go [chomps loudly] Get right in there, you know what I mean? And just [growls]

[Bud gets tired of the sex joke already]

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 20 days ago

Old Guy:
Only then do you take the toothpick out of the sandwich. I mean, it holds the club sandwich together.

[Chris and Bud's old folks laugh]

Old Guy:
You know, I haven't heard from my kids in years.

Bud:
[sad] Oh.

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 20 days ago

Bud:
Me and the guys are hitting the town for a little lunch. Uh, you care to join us?

Chris Monsanto (as Crisp):
Are you buying.

Bud:
No... [pulls out a check] [singsong] but the government is.

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 21 days ago

Bud:
Hey, you're the new guy?

Chris Monsanto (as Crisp):
Yeah, I guess so.

Bud:
This looks just like my room, except I have a kitchenette.

Chris Monsanto (as Crisp):
A kitchenette?

Bud:
Yeah, Evelyn loved to cook. [shows him a picture] My wife. She passed away.

Chris Monsanto (as Crisp):
Wait a second. So Evelyn dies, and you got to keep the kitchenette?

Bud:
Yeah. [laughs]

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 21 days ago

Doc Gardner:
Chris...we're gonna use all the technology at our disposal to transform you into an old man. Now, the first thing we're gonna do is surgically damage your bladder. Now, if it's successful, you should feel the need to urinate about every 30 minutes.

Doc Gardner:
Then, we'll cut off your oxygen supply to induce a low-level dementia. Next, we'll hollow out all your bones so that they're nice and brittle.

Doc Gardner:
And finally, we'll give you a white wig, like an old man.

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 21 days ago

Chris Monsanto:
So, Chief, I think I'm gonna hang in the office for a little while. Why don't you, um, have your assistant send up some fresh linens, the Miami Herald, and the Cleveland plain dealer? That's all.

Chief:
The answer is absolutely no, Monsanto. This isn't a hotel, damn it.

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 21 days ago

Susie Wagner:
Chief said no more sleeping at crime scenes. You need to pack up your stuff and leave.

Chris Monsanto:
Oh, Susie, you know perfectly well that this is how I solve cases. I sleep here until the solution comes to me in a dream, which takes about three or four weeks.

Susie Wagner:
Everyone knows you're locked out of your apartment. Just pay your landlady the rent and get out of here.

Chris Monsanto:
Oh, just pay the rent? That's what you would do? [scoffs] Well, obviously you don't know a couple of things. For starters, my landlady refuses to provide me with an in-home tanning machine, which is how I do my cooking. And until these amenities --

[Susie throws a beer can at Chris]

Susie Wagner:
Leave!

Chris Monsanto:
Alright, Susie. You know what that's called? Tampering with evidence.

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 21 days ago

[before Doolan was about to kill Brett, Brett gets some help from a wise friend]

Pencil:
Looks like you could use a little help.

Brett Mobley:
PENCIL!

Pencils:
Looks like you could use a little more help!

[as the pencils kill Doolan's gang, it then turns out it was all an imagination in Brett's head where Brett originally stabs Doolan to death with a pencil]

Brett Mobley:
Thanks, pencil! [mimicking the pencil] You're welcome, Brett.

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 21 days ago

[Brady tries to kiss Susie]

Susie Wagner:
What is wrong with you?

Brady Giles:
Come on! YOU'VE BEEN FLIRTING ME UP EVER SINCE I STARTED THIS GIG!

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 21 days ago

[Doolan uses Brett as a human bat]

Chris Monsanto:
Brett? What are you doing here, Brett?

Brett Mobley:
Oh, hi, Chris. I joined Doolan's gang. I'm his bat now.

Chris Monsanto:
Brett, come on, now. You -- You don't have to do this, Brett.

Brett Mobley:
But it's all I'm good for.

Chris Monsanto:
Don't you see? You're -- You're a mindless sack of doorknobs whose only talent is -- Is taking commands from somebody else, but, Brett that's a wonderful attribute to have, pal.

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 21 days ago

Chief:
You really let us down, Monsanto. Doolan got away. It was an utter flame.

Chris Monsanto:
You know, Chief, I think you'd be singing a different tune of old "Claws Kinski" over here had let me use him as a human bat.

Chief:
Over the line, Chris. That man is deformed.

Brady Giles:
That's alright. He's just a little steamed because I'm the first who wouldn't lie down and get stiff for him.

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 21 days ago

[after the robbery]

Brett Mobley:
Hey, guys, just off the top of my old spaghetti, next time we rob a bank, we should take the money with us before we leave.

Goon:
[to Doolan] Can I waste him?

Doolan:
Not yet. We can still use him for something.

Doolan:
Brett, I want you to tell me everything to know about the Marshals' office. What kind of firepower do they have? What are their intelligence capabilities?

Brett Mobley:
Hmm, let me see. The Marshals' office. Uh, oh. The toilet clogs if you flush too many magazines.

Doolan:
I see. My god. I see. You really are good for nothing. Well...almost nothing.

[Brett still crunching them cigars]

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 21 days ago

Brady Giles:
I'm jammed.

Chris Monsanto:
Okay, I got an idea. Um, lie down. Come on. Hey, lie down.

Brady Giles:
No! Hands off me, queerbones!

Chris Monsanto:
That's it. That's it.

Brady Giles:
I don't crawl that way!

Chris Monsanto:
Come on, you're my new bat!

[Doolan's gang escaped]

Chris Monsanto:
Great. Nice job, crab boy. Doolan just got away.

Brady Giles:
F*** you, Edward Fingerhands.

Chris Monsanto:
God, you suck.

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 21 days ago

[as Doolan's gang rob a bank]

Doolan:
Mr. Horse, make sure no one trips the alarm.

Brett Mobley:
[to the civilians] Uh, fyi, guys, we're gonna be using code names based on animals. So don't shout an animal, or we might get confused, like if you say "dog", I might think you're talking about Mr. Dog, my good friend right over here, Carlos Ruiz.

Carlos Ruiz:
What are you doing, man?

Brett Mobley:
Oh, nothing, Mr. Dog -- Uh, sorry -- Carlos Ruiz.

Doolan:
It's the police Let's get away! [door rattles] Why is this door locked?

Brett Mobley:
Oh, I locked it to keep the cops out.

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

Chief:
Chris, Susie, I want you to meet Brett's replacement, Brady Giles.

Chris Monsanto:
Ah, how you doin', handsome? [gives him a handshake]

Brady Giles:
The f*** am I supposed to do with that?

Chris Monsanto:
...

Brady Giles:
Relax. I'm just clawing with ya. I like to give people the business -- The lobster business -- On account of my f***ing claws.

Brady Giles:
Here let me help you with that.

[Brady opens Chris' bottle with his lobster claws]

Chris Monsanto:
Wow! Geez, we get Brett's replacement, and as a bonus, he's a freak, too.

Chief:
Brady, I want you to meet your other partner, Susie.

Brady Giles:
Ooh, yeah, would I like to pinch those fun bags -- Snap, snap, snap.

Susie Wagner:
If you touch me, I will snap, snap, snap your head off.

Brady Giles:
Mm, yum, yum. Daddy likey. Snap snap.

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

Chris Monsanto:
Hey, has anyone seen Brett's mouth? I need his teeth. When I got this, I thought it was a twist-off. [referring to his soda bottle]

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

Goon:
Looky what a found -- Monsanto's human bat.

Brett Mobley:
Hey, fellas.

Doolan:
Tie him up and toss him in the incinerator. [to Brett] I hope you like being hot, my friend.

Brett Mobley:
I do, but, uh, I'm not a Marshal anymore. I quit the force, and I'm here to join your gang. So, do I got to fill something out or -- I-I brought three forms of I.D.

Doolan:
If you're not with the Marshal, then prove it.

[as Doolan gives him a lighter and cigar for Brett to smoke on to prove he's worthy, Brett eats the cigar]

Doolan:
[laughing] Welcome aboard.

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

Chief:
Inspired work, Monsanto. You took down most of Doolan's gang.

Chris Monsanto:
Well, thank you, Chief, but you know something? I couldn't have done without my partners... [holds up his fists] Swifty and Pete.

Brett Mobley:
But what about me, huh? [chuckles] I did, uh, pretty good too, right? I was the bat.

Chief:
You're right, Brett. You were indispensable out there...and you too, gun. And let's not forget about you, pencil. [to the pencil] Great job filling out that report.

Chief:
You see, Brett, congratulating you would be a waste of breath, breath we could be using to laugh at you.

[Chief leaves]

Chris Monsanto:
Cheer up, pal. You know, if you hadn't been around to be my human bat, I would have had to use somebody else -- Anybody else actually.

[Chris leaves]

Brett Mobley:
I'm not just a prop. What about the time I saved those kids?

[Brett flashback where Chris throws Brett as a stopper for his head to save the babies who are inside the car]

Black Coat Guy:
Oh, [bleep]!

Black Guy:
[throws up]

[flashback ends]

Brett Mobley:
So it wasn't my idea to crush my skull?

Susie Wagner:
[gets back to work after hearing Brett's nonsense]

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

Brett Mobley:
Chris, I'm out of bullets.

Chris Monsanto:
Yeah, so am I. Well, I guess this it. Wait, I have a idea. Here. Lie flat, Brett. Lie flat. Shh, shh, shh, shh.

Chris Monsanto:
Hey, fellas...batter up!

[Chris hits the goons using Brett as bat]

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

Doolan:
Well it's Marshal Chris Monsanto and his lackey friends.

Chris Monsanto:
Lackey co-workers, if you please, Doolan. We seldom socialize outside of work.

Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

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