Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #4

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104 — There are currently 6,785 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Susie Wagner: Hey, Chris. Can you cover for me tomorrow night? 'Cause I have a...thing. Chris Monsanto: Yeah, sure, kid. Susie Wagner: I'm doing my App-Pa-Pals show. Chris Monsanto: [groans] Susie Wagner: What's the smell? Chris Monsanto: Oh, that's this new incense I'm burning. It's called "Beau Bridges' Jowl Cheese". Susie Wagner: It's coming from over here. [Chris sees Susie is about to notice one of her rotten apples that she made puppets for her App-Pa-Pals is getting burned by the radiator] Chris Monsanto: No, it's not coming from over there, Susie. Nothing is coming from over there -- [Susie founds his burned up rotten apple] Chris Monsanto: Susie, I had to do that. Susie Wagner: Chris! You made me an Ap'p'pal! I knew you believed in me! Chris Monsanto: Of course, Susie. I-I love those disgusting things of yours. Susie Wagner: I'm gonna Febreze him and name him Chris. – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 3 days ago
Susie Wagner: [on phone] Marshal Wagner. Darren Fisher: Yeah, it's Darren Fisher from the tv station. Susie Wagner: Oh. Hi. Darren Fisher: Look, if you're not busy tomorrow night around 8:00, I could put your little apple show on the air. Susie Wagner: Really?! You want the Ap'P'Pals?! Darren Fisher: No, but the magician we had booked got different kind of booked on kiddie porn charges. You in? Susie Wagner: Uh, I'd be honored. Thank you, Mr. Fisher! Darren Fisher: Look, I got to run. Gonna see a doctor about my testicles. Apparently, they're not supposed to look like rotten apples after all. – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 3 days ago
[Dr. Garnder checks Craig's sliced torso] Dr. Gardner: [to Craig] That's the sharpest slice I've ever seen. Excellent lagsmanship -- I'll say that. Craig Balmer: How long do I got? Dr. Gardner: Well, I'd estimate around 24 hours until slide-off, maybe 22 if it gets windy. – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 3 days ago
[Chris killed Lew by slicing with a metal sharp piece] Craig Balmer: Sweet lag, Chris! Chris Monsanto: Thanks, kiddo. Susie Wagner: What's a lag? Craig Balmer: Lag time. After you slice a guy in half, it's how long it takes for the top part to slide off the bottom. Susie Wagner: Oh. Craig Balmer: What's your record? Chris Monsanto: 98 seconds. You? Craig Balmer: 6 minutes. Chris Monsanto: No way. Craig Balmer: Yeah. At the academy, they used to call me...Daddy Long Lags. [while Craig and his gang were talking, Lew suddenly got up, just to throw the metal piece to slice Craig's body in half] Lew: [dies] Craig Balmer: Oh, geez. Chris Monsanto: Oh, that's a tough break, kid. [Craig moves while his torso still sliced in half] Craig Balmer: And a clean break. Chris Monsanto: Geez, you're not budging. – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 3 days ago
Susie Wagner: Nice table. Lew: Careful. That's an antique. Craig Balmer: Is that a crushed hat in there? Chris Monsanto: [checks Lew's wife photos] Wait a second. That's the same hat your wife is wearing in this photo. [Lew immediately started blasting] – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 3 days ago
Hambrosia: I'm a threaten you! Hurshe: MARK MY THREAT! – The Heart, She Holler Movie Quote	added 7 days ago
Lew: Carol hasn't come home in days. I'm very worried. Chris Monsanto: Well, you know, maybe if you packed a little more punch in your punch, she wouldn't go wandering, eh, Lewy? Lew: I don't need that right now, Marshal. Chris Monsanto: Alright. No offense. It's just that we've been swamped with cases like this. Craig, do me a favor. Check the tv guide. See if "Road House" was playing anytime last week. Maybe these broads got a taste and went Swayze-Crazy. – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 9 days ago
Chris Monsanto: Excuse me, Miss. I couldn't help but notice you shedding some tears. You must be at the wrong grave. This belongs to Brett Mobley, and the only woman affected by his death would've been his beloved Aunt Jemima. Tess Mobley: He was my brother. Chris Monsanto: Oh, I'm sorry. I-I didn't see you at the funeral. Tess Mobley: Yeah, well, I missed it on account that I was bawling in my car like a pansy, and I crashed into some scumbag. And he started spewing some crap at me, and I got really turned on. So I spit on him, and then he shoved me, and we had sex. Chris Monsanto: Huh? – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 9 days ago
[Bowsley the Marshal House Dog eats the crime pills] Craig Balmer: Wow! Bowsley, the Marshal House Dog, is eating all the crime pills! Chris Monsanto: She's gonna be the greatest crime fighting dog this world has ever seen! [cuts to the next scene to a funeral where Bowsley dies] Captain: Bowsley was a good dog that, through one man's, uh, negligence, left us too soon. Sadly, because they have no souls, and animals don't enjoy the promise of an afterlife. – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 9 days ago
Captain: We got several calls from local cuckolds reporting their cheating wives missing. Dr. Gardner: Well, I've got just the thing to help you track those harlots. Behold -- Crime-Fighting Pills, the great advancement in crime-fighting since the Brain Drain. Why, you could say, with these pills, every hunch is a hole in -- [tries to a sick move of catching the pill case, but failed miserably] Dr. Gardner: F* me. – Eagleheart** Movie Quote	added 9 days ago
Captain: Uh, Susie, meet Marshal Craig Balmer, Brett's replacement. Craig Balmer: Hey, guys. Nice to meet you. I hear Brett was a really good man. Susie Wagner: He was a -- Chris Monsanto: Yeah. Captain: [mumbling] Uh, I don't... – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 9 days ago
Susie Wagner: Poor LaVerne. That was one of the more botched public executions I've seen. Chris Monsanto: Yeah, but you got to admit he was right. His biscuits were burning. – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 9 days ago
[after Junkyard Steve kills the couple by his junkyard crushing machine] Junkyard Steve: There you have it, gentlemen. My wife humiliated me, but now she suffered a somewhat greater humiliation being crushed to death by my crusher. – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 9 days ago
D'Alessandro: Back-to-back...stack-and-jack. [smiles cartoonishly] – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 9 days ago
Susie Wagner: And then I remembered all the sex paraphernalia I'd found at the... Chris Monsanto: [interrupts] Hideout, and that's when ti hit me -- Spank Bank! Booyah! Why didn't I think of that sooner, right? Captain: Nice work, Monsanto. Susie Wagner: But I was the one who was -- Chris Monsanto: Hey, hey, kid, since you're so good at keeping secrets, why don't you just... [cuts to the next scene where Susie is playing with puppet of Chris and Susie] Susie Wagner: [imitating Puppet Chris] Put this one on my tab? Susie Wagner: [imitating Puppet Susie] Okay, Chris! Susie Wagner: [imitating Puppet Chris] Thanks, idiot! [Puppet Chris leaves] Susie Wagner: [imitating Puppet Susie] At least I have an emotional outlet! [shows another puppet scene but smaller] Puppet Susie #2: I wish you were nice to me, Chris! Puppet Chris #2: You would, dummy! – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 9 days ago
[as the Barber got surrounded in the bathroom] Barber: I'm a gonna cut my life nice and short. [Barber sliced off a bit of skin in one of his arms, spurting out blue blood and dies] – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 9 days ago
Susie Wagner: [to Dr. Gardner] Check his spank bank. [Dr. Gardner plays the Spank Bank scene on Perp's brain] Robber: Alright, gentlemen. Start your sybians and let's go through this one more time. [click, whirring] Robber: We're gonna squeeze through this real tight alley, right behind a library. Ooh, yeah. Captain: The library! Move out! Dr. Gardner: Genius! They were sexing up their fire-bombing plans so that the memories would be stored in the Spank Bank and wouldn't show up in the Brain Drain! Chris Monsanto: How did they found out that we weren't looking in the, um, Spank Bank? Susie Wagner: They must have a mole on the inside. Barber: [on screen with the bad guys] I'm a gonna betray them real nice. [the Marshal crew looks at the Barber] Barber: ARRIVEDERCI, PIGS! [escapes] Captain: GET THAT STUGOTS! – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 9 days ago
LaBern Whitney: Sorry, Marshal Chris, but I...need...that..signature. [as LaBern checks into the files, he founds a signature where its the same paper that Chris wrote back in the internal affairs scene] LaBern Whitney: [reads] "I...killed...Brett". I killed Brett? [the Marshal crew shows up] Sugalski: WE GOT A CONFESSION! Freeze, Whitley. [punches LaBern] – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 9 days ago
Dr. Gardner: Okay, I-I think I've ironed out all the kinks, and this fire-bomber Susie killed is definitely gonna know where the next bombing is. Here we go. Crime slime. [the Brain Drain shows a scene of the Prep's memories where he's eating a hoagie, and getting killed by Susie] D'Alessandro: That's it? Dr. Gardner: Well, this doesn't make any sense! I mean, look at the timecode! It jumps almost four hours! Captain: There's a bomb set to go off in 20 minutes. Time's up, Pete. Your contract is over! Dr. Gardner: DAMN IT! Piece of SHT! I'VE GIVEN YOU EVERYTHING! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?! – Eagleheart* Movie Quote	added 9 days ago
Darren Fisher: App-Pa-Pals? Susie Wagner: Yes. They're called The App-Pa-Pals, and I think your audience is gonna get really into them and their adventures. And think of the merchandising. These rotten apples are gonna sell like rotten hot cakes. Darren Fisher: I got a couple rotten apples for you right here. Susie Wagner: Uh...I'm here on business. Darren Fisher: There's nothing wrong with mixing business with pleasure, and I would treasure the pleasure of giving you the business with my pleasure treasure. Darren Fisher: Just like all the rest -- Disgusted by me. Darren Fisher: Because I'm disgusting. – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 9 days ago
Susie Wagner: Freeze! Perp: Don't shoot. I'll spill. Susie Wagner: Where's the next bombing? Perp: Let me think. Bombing... Susie Wagner: I'm sorry. I don't have time for this. [shoots the perp] Susie Wagner: [on walkie-talkie] This is Marshal Wagner. I have a dead prep ready for drainage here at 58 North Hawthorne. Radio Marshal Guy: Sit tight, Wagner. We'll have a unit there in 10 minutes. Susie Wagner: Yeah. Actually, I have an appointment I have to get to, so, uh, you can just let yourself in. He's right on the floor. You can't miss him. – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 9 days ago
LaBern Whitely: Can I talk to you for a minute? Chris Monsanto: Sure, LaBern. What's up? LaBern Whitley: Well, I've been watching you on the surveillance cameras, and you've been mighty entertaining lately. Now, whatever you're trying to hide is none of my business, but the covering up is a real hoot. I've got a man from a local television station who's interested in making a show out of it. It can make me a rich man. All you have to do is sign this release. Chris Monsanto: What are you talking about? I'm not gonna sign this. No. LaBern Whitely: I...am...gonna...get...that...signature. – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 9 days ago
[as Dr. Gardner and the crew sees Bernard looking at Chris and Susie at the dock on tape, Chris tries to stop it form getting caught] Chris Monsanto: Uh, come on, folks. This isn't right. I mean, we shouldn't be prying into a dead man's memories. D'Alessandro: Step aside, Monsanto. [scene pauses] Narrator: Uh-oh. How's Chris gonna get out of this one? Let's watch. [scene unpauses] [Chris puts a dead rat into a brain drain, where the brain drain screen of the humans in the tapes turned into rats] Chris Monsanto: [to Dr. Gardner] What is this -- Rat memories? Nice move. [the Brain Drain shows a scene where a rat finds a piece of cheese in a mouse trap] Captain: Don't do it, rat! Dr. Gardner: Oh, I don't understand. These should be human memories. Captain: Alright, show's over. Get that stiff back down to the morgue. Chris, go track down those fire-bombers before they strike again. And, Gardner, quit wasting my time! Chris Monsanto: [to Susie] Listen, kid, do you mind handling this one for me? All that rat footage gave me a major jack attack. – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 9 days ago
[while Dr. Gardner is fast-forwarding clips of Bernard's mind, they see Bernard's sex scene] Susie Wagner: Is this relevant? Dr. Gardner: No, Susie, it's not. We must be going through a part of his brain known as the Spank Bank. All: [groans] Dr. Gardner: Groan if you want to, but that is the medical term. It's where the male brain stores erotic images for use in the event of a jack attack. – Eagleheart Movie Quote	added 9 days ago

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