Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #8

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 6,336 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Susie Wagner:
Look at all this stolen art, Chris. It must be worth millions.

Chris Monsanto:
Oh, Susie, please. Don't be so naive. Everybody knows that artwork is like female bodybuilders -- Splendidly beautiful on the outside, but full of drugs on the inside. Watch this.

[as Chris slices the artwork, he notice there's no drugs inside the painting]

Chris Monsanto:
I should have learned my lesson with Sherice. She was a female bodybuilder I dated/slashed.

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

Susie Wagner:
Governor DanJoshy, please don't execute him. I beg you.

DanJoshy Conti:
You really do love him, don't you?

Susie Wagner:
Yes.

DanJoshy Conti:
Arnold Blanth, by the powers vested in me, I hereby...appoint you Lieutenant Governor of our state?

Arnold Blanth:
Huh?

[Chris pulls the switch, zapping Arnold to death]

Susie Wagner:
Wow. Chris, you just killed the Lieutenant Governor. [giggles]

Chris Monsanto:
No, Susie, I didn't kill the Lieutenant Governor. The system did...the justice system.

Susie Wagner:
You're right. I guess the justice system is pretty sexy.

Chris Monsanto:
Welcome back to the good guys.

Brett Mobley:
And that's that.

[Brett then accidentally kills DanJoshy Conti for real this time]

Susie Wagner:
Nice shooting, Brett.

Chris Monsanto:
Geez. Alright, I'll grab a sheet. Who's good at cutting holes?

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

Arnold Blanth:
[sobbing] Please don't kill me! I screwed up! I'm sorry!

[what Susie sees him in her vision]

Anrold Blanth:
[as a hotrod] Do your worst, pig. I ain't afraid of dying.

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

[before Arnold was about to get the death penalty]

Susie Wagner:
I love you, Arnold.

Chris Monsanto:
Still?

Susie Wagner:
He tried to kill the governor. That's kind of sexy.

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

[Arnold shot DanJoshy Conti]

Arnold Blanth:
[to the camera] I DID IT, SUSAN! I ASSASSINATED A GOVERNOR! I DID IT FOR YOU!

Chris Monsanto:
Not quite, Arnold, not quite.

Arnold Blanth:
He's not dead?

Chris Monsanto:
Nope. He was wearing a bulletproof vest stuffed with mice.

Brett Mobley:
[to Arnold] You shot a mouse? [punches Arnold]

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

[Arnold sees the Governer DanJoshy commercial on TV]

Announcer:
Hundreds of fans, no security -- Governor DanJoshy Conti will honor form Secretary of transportation Charles Folger in his first-ever no-security event -- No metal detectors, no crowd control, nothing between you and the governor but your conscience.

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

Susie Wagner:
I just need some time to myself, Arnold. I'm confused. Part of me wants to marry you, and part of me wants to arrest you for murder.

Arnold Blanth:
But I assassinated him for you.

Susie Wagner:
Yeah, like a week ago.

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

Chris Monsanto:
Governor, I'm sure you've heard of Secretary Folger's completely unpreventable assassination.

DanJoshy Conti:
Yes. Very sad.

Chris Monsanto:
Yes, well, uh, why don't I skip the main course and get right to the tiramisu? One of our lady marshals has come down with Lou Gehrig's other disease.

DanJoshy Conti:
Regicideophilia.

Chris Monsanto:
Yeah.

DanJoshy Conti:
Before my twin brother and I were mushed together, a gypsy woman told us that we would die young. We laughed at her. That was then. Now it seems her prophecy has borne fruit.

DanJoshy Conti:
Well, I won't let them have the satisfaction. [holds a knife to his neck] If I don't do this right, you'll have to finish the job.

Chris Monsanto:
Alright, no, no, no. Look -- I have a plan. Let's give it a shot. If it doesn't work, then I promise I'll put you down like a lame bull with a bad nut. [tongue clicks, lips squish]

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

Secretary Woman:
I'm sorry, Mr. Governor. I tried to stop him.

Chris Monsanto:
She didn't try that hard.

DanJoshy Conti:
[to the secretary woman] You're fired.

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

Arnold Blanth:
I got an idea.

Susie Wagner:
You want to assassinate someone bigger than Folger, don't you?

Arnold Blanth:
I was thinking, instead of getting those twin cemetery plots we were talking about, we get one coffin for both of us to just lie face-to-face in for eternity, both of our skeletons snuggling, beyond the flesh.

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

Chief:
Is this what you saw?

[Chief draws Arnold and Susie kissing]

Brett Mobley:
That's it your honor. That's exactly what it looked like.

Chris Monsanto:
There's no judges here, idiot.

Dr. Gardner:
Yep, I've seen that a million times before -- Regicideophilia or, as it's know on the street, Lou Gehrig's other disease. Simply put, Susie is hopelessly attracted to assassins.

Chris Monsanto:
Alright. Why?

Doc Gardner:
Chris, some women are into bad boys. That's why I created my alter ago, Doc Shades. My point is, political assassins are -- Well, they're the worst boys of all. She's gonna need a fresh kill every day to get her jollies.

Chris Monsanto:
I just don't get it. I mean, she's been around hundreds of murders and thieves and dirtbags, but she's never fallen for one.

Doc Gardner:
She's only into assassins.

Chris Monsanto:
Okay, look, um, Doc, while I got you here, um --

Doc Gardner:
Please -- While I'm wearing the shades, it's "Doc Shades".

[Doc pulls down the shades for a rad moment]

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

[after Susie got herself hypnotized seeing Arnold Blanth as a hotrod]

Brett Mobley:
They're having sex.

Chris Monsanto:
Not yet, Brett. They have to see a preacher first and then cut a hole in a sheet.

[after Arnold and Susie got done kissing]

Arnold Blanth:
It worked!

Susie Wagner:
Let's go.

Chris Monsanto:
Hey, Susie, wait for us.

[Susie shoots to back away from them]

Chris Monsanto:
She's shooting at us.

Brett Mobley:
Should we --

Chris Monsanto:
[pulls out his gun] I --

Brett Mobley:
I don't --

[Chris and Brett were both confused on what just happened when Susie shoots back]

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

Charles Folger:
It would be completely insane to have a soda machine that accept any dimes.

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

Susie Wagner:
Arnold, what are you doing here?

Arnold Blanth:
Who's that -- Your new boyfriend?

Susie Wagner:
It's the secretary of transportation.

Arnold Blanth:
Oh, so you like big shots?

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

[as Charles makes a speech to secure funding for new soda machines at bus depots]

Charles Folger:
Now, these machines will take dollars, quarters, and nickles, but no dimes.

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

[Chris sees a guy wearing cool glasses]

Chris Monsanto:
Ugh. Look at that clown over there. Look at that face. Ugh. Those stupid sunglasses and that stupid shirt. Look at those pants. I hate him. I hate his family. I hate his house.

Brett Mobley:
Me, too.

Chris Monsanto:
Shut up.

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

Arnold Blanth:
Hi, I'm -- I'm sorry to bother you here. I-I just wanted to give you a small present to say thank you for saving my life.

Susie Wagner:
Oh, I-I can't accept it. I was just doing my job.

Arnold Blanth:
Oh, come on. Just open it.

Susie Wagner:
Okay.

[as Susie opens the present]

Arnold Blanth:
It's a heart made out of cat hearts. I know you like cats 'cause I-I found kitty litter in your garbage.

Brett Mobley:
You're so talented.

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

Chief:
Secretary of transportation Charles Folger -- You name a mode of transportation, he's got an opinion on it...opinions that have made him a lot of enemies.

Brett Mobley:
What does he feel about shoes?

Chief:
He hates them.

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

Devil Worshipper:
Dear Satan, my dark master, lord of all that that is unholy, I offer you the soul of this pitiful delivery man. In return, please see to it that the permit for my new deck goes through without any holdups from the zoning commission. And now let me sign our contract IN BLOOD!

Chris Monsanto:
Sorry to interrupt. I was just in the neighborhood, and I just happened to see the world's most uninviting backyard. I had to meet the deckless son of a b*tch who lives here.

Devil Worshipper:
Who are you pigs?

Chris Monsanto:
Ah, I'm sorry. I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Chris Monsanto, U.S. Marshal. Put 'er there.

[Devil Worshipper spits Chris' hand]

Chris Monsanto:
Oh. Don't want to shake my hand, huh?

[Chris break the Devil Worshipper's bones]

Chris Monsanto:
I guess I'll just have to shake my own hand...inside you.

[Chris shakes hand inside the Devil Worshipper's stomach]

Chris Monsanto:
How do I do? Well, nice to meet me. Oh, what a supple, soft hand I have. I must use palmolive...or guts!

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

Chris Monsanto:
[narrating] The plan worked. Zagreda's hit squad stormed the Ambrosia. The swingers never saw it coming. They tried to fight back, but they were no match for the Albanians. It was an all-out massacre. A bloodbath.

Chris Monsanto:
That's when I stepped in.

[as Chris ran out of the Ambrosia Club, Susie lights the rope, making the building explode and capturing Zagreda's crew to death as a trap]

Chris Monsanto:
After the Ambrosia, the big corporate swingers clubs took over. Now they look like Disneyland, especially the one that has Mr. Chode's Wild Glide.

Chris Monsanto:
In the end, I ended up right back here, in my plain vanilla town with my white-bread partners. And that was that.

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

[Chris tells Susie and Brett the truth about swingers]

Chris Monsanto:
And so the swinger movement is actually a vast underground organization of antigovernment militias. Plus, as it turns out, they're kind of all gross-looking.

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

Chuck:
Crince, I love you like a brother...with benefits. It's about time I showed you something that not everybody gets a chance to see.

[Chuck shows Crince his secret guns in a secret room]

Chris Monsanto:
Hey, are these those new sex guns I read about in Mother Jones?

Chuck:
Chris, if you enjoy personal freedom like we do, you have to be willing to fight and even die to protect it.

Louise:
Swingers across the country are in a fight to the death with the nog-occupied government.

Chris Monsanto:
Nog?

Dan:
Monogamous! The enemies of freedom. They want to take away our actual rights that our founding fathers found.

Louise:
That's why us swingers must rise up and overthrow the nogs so that we can create a swingocracy. It's all detailed in here.

[Louise gives Crince a book about Protocols of the Elders of Swinging]

Chuck:
We're days away from striking. We're gonna take out City Hall, where thousands of people apply for marriage licenses.

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

Chris Monsanto:
[narrating] We were in too deep to change our story, but the theme rooms were a good way to stall. Plus, business was booming. As soon as the theme rooms came in, everything changed. Attendance was up %40 in the first month alone. Suddenly, everyone was swinging -- Even those you'd least expect.

Chris Monsanto:
Dan was having a field day. We were part of a family, but it couldn't be forever. Sooner or later, someone was gonna figure out we weren't doing any actual swinging. To avoid being Dan-handled, I often had to hide in this voiceover-themed room.

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

[White Goatee Guy introduces Ambrosia Club]

Chuck:
This is the bar. We got juices, tonic. No alcohol. We don't have our liquor license. And this is the rumpus room. We got a steamy pool table and a beanbag chair.

Chuck:
And that hot piece of tail being manhandled by that weird-looking dude is my wife, Louise. Hey, hon! I want you to meet some new friends.

Louise:
Oh! What do you think of the place?

Susie Wagner:
Uh...I love the color scheme.

Chuck:
Thank you. We bought the paint at Lowe's -- That new one, across town. And speaking of new lows, it would be my honor to do you while I watch your husband get it on my wife while my buddy Samuel watches and masturbates, milady.

Chris Monsanto:
Okay. You know, Chuck, we'd be happy to do a lot of really sickening things with you two monsters, but I got to tell ya, this place -- Well, it's just not up to our very discerning swinging specifications.

Brett Mobley:
[to Chris] What are you doing? You're blowing it. Samuel's good to go.

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

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In which movie does this quote appear: "I don't like violence, Tom. I'm a businessman; blood is a big expense"?
A Rush Hour
B The Godfather
C Ocean's Eleven
D Blade