Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #10

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Ron Howard: Thanks for coming along, Albert. I couldn't do the kidnapping on my own. Albert Einstein: What are you, crazy? I'm not gonna help with any kidnapping! Ron Howard: Oh, come on! Albert Einstein: No. No way, jose. Ron Howard: All we have to do is bash his head in. Albert Einstein: Alright. Ron Howard: Yay! Ohh, look at me over there. [Ron sees himself as a kid version hanging out with his father] Ron Howard: We came back too far. I can't put my brain in that. Young Ron Howard: Whoopsie! Director: Cut! Sorry. Ronny tripped a little. L-Let's take it again. Mr. Griffith: Ohh, son of a btch! You can't even walk, can you, you moron?! – Mary Shelley's Frankenhole* Movie Quote	added 16 days ago
Ron Howard: Wait, so you're saying that you went back in time and interacted with a younger you? Stewart: Yeah. And don't you see? I gave myself the curse -- The curse of the werewolf. Ron Howard: Oh, that seems improbable. Albert Einstein: Actually, it's completely probable. You see, there are an infinite number of each of us -- Ron Howard: Wow! Albert Einstein: Oh, you interrupted me. Ron Howard: Albert Einstein! Ha! What are you doing here? Albert Einstein: None of your business! Mnh! Ron Howard: Whoa! Anyway this is getting good. Albert Einstein: [thinking] I hate interruptions. First I get interrupted by Nazi Germany and now this dumb-dumb. Screw him. I'll just go on with my frankenhole research instead of telling him that, according to my nifty little theory of relativity, all he has to do is -- Ron Howard: All I have to do is go back in time, find a young me, and kidnap him to... Albert Einstein: [tired] Yes, use his young body to put your current brain into. Ron Howard: Yeah. Ha! Hey, how'd you know I was gonna say that? Albert Einstein: What else would one do with someone's younger version of themselves? [thinking] God, I hate you more than anything, you ugly, bald -- [stops thinking] Can I tag along? Ron Howard: Couldn't hurt, having an Einstein along. Albert Einstein: And I'm a good one, too. Ron Howard: Aren't you coming, Lawrence? Stewart: No, I'm just gonna sit here and drink my troubles away. Albert Einstein: [whispers to Ron] That guy's a real Thomas Edison. Ron Howard: Edison? Oh, is that the term Einstein uses for "Dummy"? Albert Einstein: Mm-hmm -- Believe me, I've got a million of them. Copernicus, Hippocrates, Nostra-Dumbass. Ron Howard: [laughs] I like that last one. – Mary Shelley's Frankenhole Movie Quote	added 16 days ago
Ron Howard: Why? Why me?! Stewart: Why?! Why me?! Ron Howard: Why must I live like this another day?! Stewart: Why must I live like this another day?! Ron Howard: Why doesn't my echo sound like my voice?! Stewart: Why doesn't my echo wait for me?! [Ron and Stewart look at each other while standing on different hills] Ron & Stewart: Who are you? – Mary Shelley's Frankenhole Movie Quote	added 16 days ago
Victor Frankenstein: Ah, Mr. Howard. What can I do for you? Ron Howard: I don't have fun getting off anymore. You see, I was so cute as a kid that I would just masturbate to my own reflection. It was easy. Polidori: Well, those days are surely over. Ron Howard: Yeah, and now I even strap hairy mirrors onto women while I screw them. Nothing works for me. Victor Frankenstein: [sighs] So you want me to give you hair. Ron Howard: No, no, no, no! I mean, that would be okay, but I want something else. I want...my youth back. Victor Frankenstein: Mr. Howard. Ron Howard: Cal me Ronny. Victor Frankenstein: Ronny? Trust me, you look like a "Ronald". Ron Howard: No, no. I don't like Ronald. Victor Frankenstein: Well, get used to it. You look like one. Ron Howard: No! I don't! I hate Ronald. I do not look like a Ronald. [Victor shows him a mirror] Ron Howard: Okay, so I look a little like a Ronald. [puts a cap] How about now? Heh. Ronny, right? Victor Frankenstein: [disgust] Look at you. Grasping desperately at your youth! Ron Howard: Come on. I just want to be cute again. Polidori: Yes, do us all a favor. Victor Frankenstein: Alright! We'll need some of your DNA so we can clone you for extra parts. Ron Howard: Oh, well, here. I, uh, made some sperm while I was in the frankenhole. Victor Frankenstein: Ew! Get that away from me! Polidori: My, we are Randy aren't we? Victor Frankenstein: That's so gross. Ron Howard: Gross? I thought you were a scientist? Victor Frankenstein: Yeah, but not a gay scientist. Polidori: Ugh! Fine! I'll take it. Victor Frankenstein: This is how we get DNA around here -- The manly way. [pulls out a toothbrush] Ron Howard: That doesn't seem so manly to me -- [Victor aggressively brushes Ron Howard's mouth to get DNA] Ron Howard: STOP IT! CUT IT OUT! Victor Frankenstein: Give me three weeks for the cloning. Ron Howard: Three weeks? Three weeks?! Are you mad?! I can't wait three weeks! I can't live like this anymore, I tell ya! You don't know what it's like to live with this curse! Ohh, why can't you understand? [leaves] Polidori: [to Victor] Remind you of anyone? – Mary Shelley's Frankenhole Movie Quote	added 16 days ago
[Victor finally managed to make an appointment for Mother Teresa's abortion] Mother Teresa: What is it? Victor Frankenstein: It's alive. – Mary Shelley's Frankenhole Movie Quote	added 16 days ago
Polidori: Yes? Ron Howard: Uh, Ron Howard for Vic -- Polidori: [interrupts] Follow me... Ron Howard: --tor Frankenstein. – Mary Shelley's Frankenhole Movie Quote	added 16 days ago
[Ron Howard have sex with a woman] Ron Howard: Who are you? Jasmine: Uh, I'm Ron. Ron Howard: Uh-huh. Jasmine: Ron Howard. Ron Howard: Good... Jasmine: Child star...full head... Ron Howard: Uh-huh. Jasmine: ...of hair. Ron Howard: Oh, yeah. Jasmine: Squeaky-clean image. Ron Howard: Say it again, make me believe you! Jasmine: Ron -- Child -- Ron Howard: Uh-huh. Jasmine: Hair -- Squeak -- Ron Howard: No. No. Cut. Jasmine: Huh? Ron Howard: I mean, "Stop". Stop having sex with me. Jasmine: Oh. Okay. Ron Howard: Ugh, it's not working. Tom Hanks: Of course it's not working. Ron Howard: Tom! Hi! Uh, I was just auditioning, uh, Jasmine here for a - Tom Hanks: Oh, come on, Ron. A mirror on this hooker's face? That kind of stuff never works. No matter how hard you try, it ain't gonna be you, kid. I know. I went through the same thing. [gives Ron a card] Ron Howard: [reads] "Frankenstein's Mad Operations LTD."? Tom Hanks: There's a map of the nearest frankenhole on the back of the card. Go to Frankenstein and ask him to make you a clone that you can screw whenever you want! Ron Howard: Oh, I-I don't think I want that. Tom Hanks: Ron, guys like us need an outlet for our perversion, or else our true grossness starts showing up underneath these wholesome personas of ours. Then how are we ever gonna play nice guys with aids or retarded hicks? Ron Howard: But, Tom, I just want to be young again. Can he do that? Tom Hanks: Well, he can do this -- Tommy? Tommy: Yes, Daddy? Ron Howard: Hey, that's you from "Bosom Buddies"! Yeah, he can probably handle making me young again. [leaves] Tom Hanks: [to Jasmine] Okay, lower the mirror, sweetheart. [zipper unzips] Whoops! – Mary Shelley's Frankenhole Movie Quote	added 16 days ago
Astronaut: Alright, this is it. A little shaking, a little noise, and we're hauling our butts to green cheese. Voice Announcer: T-Minus 15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 9... Astronaut: 9? Voice Announcer: ...8...oh, no. Sorry. Uh, 10, 9... [then the sky in the background shuts off which turns out to be a greenscreen as it reveals to be a scene in a movie as an act] Tom Hanks: W-What, are you purposely sabotaging this rehearsal? Uh, y-y-y-you can't even count backwards, can you, you moron?! Voice Announcer: Oh, sorry, Mr. Hanks. Uh, should I skip to 1? Tom Hanks: Uh, forget it. Screw you! Where the hell is Ron? We need to shoot this. Now! Voice Announcer: Well, he's in his dressing room on an important call. Tom Hanks: Important? I'm important! I'M TOM EVER-LOVIN' HANKS! Voice Announcer: Sorry. He's in Trailer 9. Uh, I mean 10. Sorry. Sorry. Heh. Damn it. – Mary Shelley's Frankenhole Movie Quote	added 16 days ago
[after Thomas Jefferson learns about black history song] Thomas Jefferson: Brilliant! So I don't need a big, black penis or any of your body parts after all. Bill Cosby: That's right. Ike Turner: You got it. Thomas Jefferson: Great! Well, I guess Dr. Frankenstein can just return them all to their original -- Victor Frankenstein: [nodding his head meaning "no"] Thomas Jefferson: Oh. Um...anyway...back to 1776. I've got some not-caring to do. – Mary Shelley's Frankenhole Movie Quote	added 17 days ago
[after kidnapping many famous black people, Victor then make Thomas Jefferson into the world's most blackest creature in all history] Polidori: I give you the Brother of Frankenstein. Thomas Jefferson: Oh, boy! The hands of O.J., the heart of Frederick Douglass! [deeply] The voice of Barry White. [normal voice] I can't fail! Barack Obama: Look, I-I-I really think you're going down the wrong road here. Thomas Jefferson: Oh, what do you know, half-black? Ike Turner: Mr. Obama's right. Barack Obama: Oh, great. One guy agrees with me and it has to be Ike Turner. – Mary Shelley's Frankenhole Movie Quote	added 17 days ago
[Thomas Jefferson tries to attract the black slave woman with his black penis] Thomas Jefferson: [to the black slave woman] Good evening. [transitions to the next scene at Victor's lair] Thomas Jefferson: I'm telling you, this thing is a dud. They still act like they're not into it. Barack Obama: Mr. Jefferson, perhaps it isn't the penis. Perhaps you need additional black attributes to compliment the penis. Thomas Jefferson: Yeah, like two penises. Barack Obama: No. Look, race is more than just a penis or two. Thomas Jefferson: Three penises. Barack Obama: No. Get pass the penises. Victor Frankenstein: I think I know what President Obama is saying. We need to dissect different specific feature from several black men and make you into a black equivalent of my multi-cadavered creature! Thomas Jefferson: Four penises! Barack Obama: Wait, maybe if you tried a little respect and -- Victor Frankenstein: Ygor, follow me! We have some inter-chronological KIDNAPPING TO DO! Ygor: [laughing] You got it! – Mary Shelley's Frankenhole Movie Quote	added 17 days ago
Thomas Jefferson: [singing] Oh, zip-a-dee-doo and diddly-doc, I got a hot, hot date and new black -- [cuts to the next scene] Rooster: PENIS AND DOODLE-DOO! – Mary Shelley's Frankenhole Movie Quote	added 17 days ago
[after Thomas Jefferson's penis switch was success] Victor Frankenstein: It's moving. It's moving! It's alive! ALIVE! Polidori: Must you always do that? Victor Frankenstein: Yeah, but it's funny this time because it's his pee-pee. Polidori: [chuckles] – Mary Shelley's Frankenhole Movie Quote	added 17 days ago
Thomas Jefferson: Okay, let's see Wilt's stilt. [as Victor checks Wilt's stilt, they were surprised] Barack Obama: Who could know? He's got such big feet. Victor Frankenstein: I TOLD YOU GUYS. Wilt Chamberlain: Sorry about this, everybody. [Thomas takes off one of Wilt's shoes and sees crumbled-up paper on his small feet pretending to make his feet big] Thomas Jefferson: You should be ashamed, sir! Wilt Chamberlain: You guys should try Gary Coleman. Believe me. [magically hand gestures "Big Penis"] Thomas Jefferson: Coleman? I'm on it! [cuts to the next scene where Thomas does the surgery with cloning Gary Coleman's penis to Thomas Jefferson's penis] Thomas Jefferson: Thanks for the penis. Gary Coleman: What you implyin'? [applause sign intensifies] – Mary Shelley's Frankenhole Movie Quote	added 17 days ago
Howard Cosell: Wilt Chamberlain. This impressive specimen has once again thrust his athletic prowess into the wet, warm walls of victory. – Mary Shelley's Frankenhole Movie Quote	added 17 days ago
[Victor and the crew go back in time to see Wilt Chamberlain] Thomas Jefferson: Ho ho! I'm like a kid in a candy store! Polidori: Keep it in your pants. Thomas Jefferson: How can I keep it in my pants when it's not even in my pants yet? Ha ha! – Mary Shelley's Frankenhole Movie Quote	added 17 days ago
Thomas Jefferson: Let's go get Wilt Chamberlain. I've been reading about him. I think he's perfect. Victor Frankenstein: Yes, let's go to the L.A. forum in 1973 and catch us this...basketeer. Barack Obama: Wilt Chamberlain?! – Mary Shelley's Frankenhole Movie Quote	added 17 days ago
Victor Frankenstein: Mr. Jefferson, may I introduce Barack -- Thomas Jefferson: [to Barack] Hey! It looks like you're out of a job. [chuckles] My poop went away all by itself. Carried it out of the house. Whoosh! Victor Frankenstein: Mr. Jefferson, may I introduce your country's 44th president. Thomas Jefferson: [to the bodyguard] Well, what an honor -- Barack Obama: Right here, sir. Thomas Jefferson: ...President? Barack Obama: Yes. Thomas Jefferson: ...of the United States? Barack Obama: Yes. Thomas Jefferson: ...of America? Barack Obama: Yes. Thomas Jefferson: [pauses for a couple seconds] ...on Earth? Barack Obama: Yes. Look, I agreed to see you as soon as I learned of your problem. Thomas Jefferson: Oh, yes, of course. Well, I'm glad you -- Barack Obama: I can help you finish the constitution. Thomas Jefferson: The what's-to-who-tion? Barack Obama: The Constitution, sir. Don't worry. I've got it committed to memory. [Thomas looks at Ygor disappointedly] Thomas Jefferson: [to Barack] Oh, yes, of course. Um...let's see. I was stuck on the opening. Um..."We the blah-dee-blahs"... Barack Obama: "People", sir. "We The People". Thomas Jefferson: Ah, yes. Perfect. Nicely done. Thanks. [Thomas suddenly gets quiet] Barack Obama: Well, if that's all, I guess you'll be on your way, then. Thomas Jefferson: Yes. Goodbye! Victor Frankenstein: [coughs] Penis. Thomas Jefferson: Oh, actually, there is one more little thing. Barack Obama: Yes, sir? Thomas Jefferson: I, um...need your...um... Victor Frankenstein: Mr. Jefferson needs to graft your penis onto his body so he can better satisfy the black women on his plantation. Barack Obama: Your...slaves, you mean. Thomas Jefferson: Semantics. Barack Obama: Hmm. Okay, I'll do it. Thomas Jefferson: You will? Barack Obama: Yes. See, you're a founding father. All sides must come together and set aside their differences if we're ever gonna get anything done. For at this pivotal stage in american history -- Thomas Jefferson: Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. Are you big and black? Barack Obama: Well, no one's ever complained about my size. But I must use full disclosure. My mother was white. Thomas Jefferson: Well, that makes perfect sense. Your mother was white. I -- [gasps] YOUR MOTHER WAS WHITE?! How did that happen? Barack Obama: It was consensual, sir. – Mary Shelley's Frankenhole Movie Quote	added 17 days ago
[after Thomas Jefferson got done using Barack Obama's bathroom] Thomas Jefferson: That was -- I mean, it just -- It just swirled away! Bloop! Gone! No fuss, no muss, no calling for the poop slave. Bloop! – Mary Shelley's Frankenhole Movie Quote	added 17 days ago
Victor Frankenstein: Mr. Jefferson, what brings you here to somewhere in Eastern Europe? Thomas Jefferson: I want to alter my...um...John Adams. Victor Frankenstein: [tired] Terrific. Another pervert. Victor Frankenstein: What about something more challenging, like legs on your eyes or a feathered brain or something? Thomas Jefferson: Not sure that stuff is big with the ladies. Victor Frankenstein: Fine. We'll make your penis bigger. [Victor grabs the big penis machine] Victor Frankenstein: Hop up! Thomas Jefferson: ACTUALLY, I don't want my penis bigger, per se. I want it replaced entirely with that of a negro. Polidori: Well, it's not an eyeball with feathers, but it's interesting. Thomas Jefferson: You see? I've noticed that when I force myself on my slave women, they look a little, well...unexcited. Polidori: Hmm. Curious. Thomas Jefferson: I think that perhaps the color and -- Okay -- Size of my member may not be what they're used to. Oh, please, Frankenstein, help me satisfy my slaves. [Victor checks his "Famous Blacks From Everywhere and Always" Book] Victor Frankenstein: Alright, well, let's see. Thomas Jefferson: I want the biggest and the blackest! How about him? Victor Frankenstein: The inventor of peanut butter. Polidori: Not the most virile of occupations. Victor Frankenstein: How about this fellow? P. Diddy? Thomas Jefferson: P. Diddy? At school, that was the very word we used for "tiny penis". Next, please. Victor Frankenstein: Okay, um...how about him? Thomas Jefferson: Wilt Chamberlain. Polidori: Well, the name "Wilt" doesn't exactly inspire confidence, does it? Thomas Jefferson: Yes, but look at his feet. [laughing] They're huge! Polidori: [surprised] True. Victor Frankenstein: Please. The relationship of the foot and the penis are completely inconsequential. Thomas Jefferson: Doubt that. But anyway, Chamberlain's not even an indigenous name. We need to find someone fresh from deepest, darkest africa, with a name like Mbougwa or Gaba-Gaba-Gawlla or.. Victor Frankenstein: BARRRACK OBAMA! Thomas Jefferson: Perfect! Ha ha! That one probably can't even speak english. Where is he? Victor Frankenstein: America, 2009. And I think you'll be surprised at his occupation. Thomas Jefferson: In 2009? Who cares? He's probably a space gardener or some robot's butler or something. As long as everything's big and black downstairs, I'm happy. Victor Frankenstein: Let's go, then! Ygor, pack our bags for 2009! Ygor: [childish] I was just getting to it. – Mary Shelley's Frankenhole Movie Quote	added 17 days ago
Polidori: [introducing] Thomas Jefferson. Baron Frankenstein. Victor Frankenstein: Not now! I am re-animating this freshly fed, freshly dead snake. Polidori: [to Thomas Jefferson] It choked. Poor thing. [as he reanimates a dead snake, he pulls the switch to make it come to life, but just limping] Victor Frankenstein: Nothing. Thomas Jefferson: What do you mean? Look! It's moving. Victor Frankenstein: No. You look. [then the reanimated snake throws up a reanimated squirrel] Thomas Jefferson: But -- But -- But-But -- Victor Frankenstein: BUT WHAT?! [shoots the reanimated squirrel] Oh, well. – Mary Shelley's Frankenhole Movie Quote	added 17 days ago
John Hancock: Jefferson! Aren't you done writing the Declaration of Independence yet? Thomas Jefferson: Calm down, Hancock! I'm stuck on this whole "All men are created equal " thing. It just doesn't ring true. John Hancock: Why? What's wrong with it? Thomas Jefferson: Well, I own slaves. John Hancock: Oh, I see -- A moral dilemma. Thomas Jefferson: Yes. How can all men be created equal when these black men have penises twice the size of mine? I'm gonna take a break for a bit, John. I've got an errand to run. John Hancock: Well, can I just sign it now? I'm chomping at the bit here. Thomas Jefferson: Okay, but write small. I'm not finished yet. [leaves] John Hancock: Thanks, buddy! [writes the whole page] Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy! – Mary Shelley's Frankenhole Movie Quote	added 17 days ago
Elizabeth Frankenstein: I had Mother Teresa put the children to bed. Fingers crossed! Victor Frankenstein: Um...Death is kind of mad at me right now. Elizabeth Frankenstein: How mad? Victor Frankenstein: Mad enough to see to it that our children will continue to -- Elizabeth Frankenstein: No! Don't say that word! Victor Frankenstein: ...live. Elizabeth Frankenstein: No! Oh, god! Why them?! Victor Frankenstein: I don't know! Elizabeth Frankenstein: You never wanted to go away with me, did you? Victor Frankenstein: No, I didn't, but I still want them dead. Elizabeth Frankenstein: You sabotaged this! Well, I'm going on romantic holiday with Dracula! So I hope you're happy. Victor Frankenstein: W-What? You can't go! W-W-Who's going to watch the kids?! [realizes then chuckles] [cuts to the next scene where Death tell a story while watching after Victor's children] Gustav: N-N-N-N-No more stories! Heinrich: You're mixing up the stores. Goldilocks ate the porridge, not little -- Gustav: Don't make him mad! He just -- He just jump to the end. Heinrich: Oh, no! Not the end! – Mary Shelley's Frankenhole Movie Quote	added 17 days ago
Victor Frankenstein: Okay, I'm sorry I mooned you, alright? Death: [drinking a ice-cold drink] Mm-hmm. I don't believe you believe you're sorry. Victor Frankenstein: Of course I'm sorry! I'm sorry that my children are still alive! Death: Just because you made an immortality serum, you think you're hot stuff. Well, you're not. Victor Frankenstein: What do you want from me? Death: Your respect. Victor Frankenstein: THAT'S NOT FAIR! I don't respect anyone! [Death drinking his ice-cold drink again, just to annoy him] Victor Frankenstein: I'll have to mull it over a bit. Death: Fine. In the meantime, DON'T SAY "GOODBYE" TO YOUR KIDS! Victor Frankenstein: [doesn't care] Yeah, yeah. [a kitty appears] Death: Oh, nice kitty. [touches the cat] NINE...oh, hi again. EIGHT.... [giggles] Oh, hi. SEVEN... – Mary Shelley's Frankenhole Movie Quote	added 17 days ago

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