Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #9

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 6,336 quotes total — keep up the great work!

[Chris, Susie, and Brett head to the Ambrosia Club]

Susie Wagner:
Chris, I think this is a Swingers club.

Chris Monsanto:
Yeah. Finally, a little spice.

Chuck:
Behold -- A garden of pure pleasure.

[as Chuck opens the door to the Ambrosia Club, it was not what Chris expected to be like, where it reveals to be a simple room with boring guests]

Dan:
[naked wearing a pantie] Looks like you guys hungry. My name's Dan. Breakfast, lunch, dinner -- Bam, bam.

Chris Monsanto:
Disgusting.

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

[Susie found a note from their doorstep]

Susie Wagner:
"We know who you are. Come to 487 Broad Street tonight if you know what's good for you".

Susie Wagner:
Do you think the Albanians have found us?

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 23 days ago

[Chris still shame at the Elmwood people who called them swingers]

Chris Monsanto:
What a bunch of stiffs in this town. [to Brett and Susie] You two must feel right at home, huh? [chuckles] Yeah.

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 23 days ago

[Chris, Susie, and Brett head to the market while staying undercover]

Chris Monsanto:
Alright, what else does our horny little family need? Ah -- Tinfoil. [to employee] Excuse me. Um, could you recommend a brand a tinfoil for swingers.

Market Employee:
We only sell family foil here. Why don't you three go shop somewhere else?

Guy:
You swingers aren't wanted in Elmwood Park.

Woman:
Why don't you go back to the big city, with the other perverts?

Chris Monsanto:
Shame on you. Shame on all of you. Our lifestyle is both beautiful and sensual. What happened to "Different strokes for different folks"? Come on, Brenda. We'll buy your diet popsicles at a more open-minded establishment.

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 23 days ago

[Susie and Chris meet their new neighbors]

Patty Goodman:
Hi! Welcome to Elmwood Park!

Chris Monsanto:
[to Susie] Well. Who are your new friends here, sweety bride?

Stan Goodman:
I'm Stan Goodman, and this is my wife, Patty.

Chris Monsanto:
Stan and Patty. Well, The Goodmans. [fake chuckle] That's cute. I'm, uh, Crince, and this is, uh, my bride, Brenda.

[Brett arrives wearing a towel with no clothes]

Brett Mobley:
Hey.

Chris Monsanto:
Oh, I-I'm sorry. That's uh... [clears throat] that's Bruce.

Stan and Patty:
...

Chris Monsanto:
He's our male sex companion.

Susie Wagner:
...

Stan Goodman:
You're a threesome?

Susie Wagner:
[goes with it] Y-Yes.

Chris Monsanto:
Are you two polyamorous?

Patty Goodman:
No. We are not. And no one else in this neighborhood is, either.

Chris Monsanto:
Alright, well, look, if you ever change your minds, come on back. We could always use an extra slice of lettuce in our sex sandwich.

Stan Goodman:
A-Actually, uh, I think it would be best if we just...kept our distance.

Brett Mobley:
Bye!

[Stan and Patty leaves]

Susie Wagner:
So, are we swingers now?

Chris Monsanto:
Yes, we're swingers.

Susie Wagner:
I'm gonna go vomit.

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 23 days ago

[doorbell rings]

Chris Monsanto:
Oh, hopefully, that's the Albanians, come to blow my brains out.

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 23 days ago

[while Chris and Susie go undercover with their new identities while living in a safe house]

Susie Wagner:
We should go check out the mall.

Chris Monsanto:
[bored]

Susie Wagner:
I hear they have a pants store.

Chris Monsanto:
I can't take this place anymore. I'm gonna go to the garage and see if there's anything I can huff.

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 23 days ago

Chief:
That hit was ordered by this man -- Adnan Zagreda.

Chris Monsanto:
Wow. He's putting out more hits than Adelina Ismalji. [chuckles]

Susie Wagner:
...

Chris Monsanto:
The Albanian pop star.

Chief:
Unfortunately, no one from the restaurant was willing to testify, which makes you three our only witnesses.

Susie Wagner:
Well, you can count on us, Chief. I'm gonna sing like a canary.

Brett Mobley:
And I'm gonna squeal like a rat.

Chris Monsanto:
Alright, well, I think you're covered with two witnesses. Good. Great. I'll see ya.

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 23 days ago

[Chris gets ready to shoot Adnan]

Chris Monsanto:
Easy, Monsanto. You made a New Year's resolution not to shoot anybody in the back.

[sees a motorcycle guy ahead]

Chris Monsanto:
Nothing personal, Fonzarelli.

[Chris shoots the motorcycle guy, doing a chain reaction by making Adnan tripping over a motorcycle]

Chris Monsanto:
[unenthusiastically] Freeze. You're under arrest for the murder of Zamyr Ristani and his two henchmen. And, to be honest, I'm gonna have to pin the murder of that motorcycle guy on you, too.

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 23 days ago

[Raki Manash comes in with a shotgun and fires Zamyr Ristani and his crew, while Chris is watching them die by literally doing nothing until Rami leaves the restaurant]

Chris Monsanto:
I'll be right back. Uh, order me some quofte, a bean jahni soup, and some, uh... [gun cocks] ...Raki Manash, hold the mulberries. Thank you.

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 23 days ago

Chris Monsanto:
Ah. Look who's over there. Zamyr Ristani and his crew -- Albanian Mafia.

Susie Wagner:
Word is, tensions are flaring up between rival factions. Could mean a lot of bloodshed.

Chris Monsanto:
Susie...Albanians, bloodshed. I don't think so.

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 23 days ago

Chris Monsanto:
Well, all I can say is "T.G.I.F.F.F." -- Thank god it's Foreign Food Friday.

Brett Mobley:
You always plan the best theme nights, buddy.

Chris Monsanto:
Well...

Brett Mobley:
So, what do they got here -- Like, Albanian-style twizzlers?

Susie Wagner:
I'm just gonna get some white rice.

Chris Monsanto:
Oh, geez. You guys are so uncultured.

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 23 days ago

[Chris defeats the Conti Twins into a Nutricai Juice Presser]

Chris Monsanto:
Well, folks, uh, looks like the Conti Twins have switched from doublemint to juicy fruit.

Susie Wagner:
Congratulations, Chris. You killed the Conti Twins.

Chris Monsanto:
Wrong again, Susie.

[as Chris opens up the juice presser, the Contri Twins have become one]

Brett Mobley:
F***.

Chief:
Where'd the other Conti go?

Chris Monsanto:
But, Chief, this is both Contis.

Chief:
Both Contis?

Chris Monsanto:
You see, Chief, the Contis, like all twins, were inherently evil because they were each only half a person. But by smooshing Danny and Joshy together, I turned two half-scumbags into one complete, decent human being...who may or may not have severe mental problems.

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 23 days ago

[Nutricai commercial plays]

Person:
Wow! You made that much money selling some fruit drink?

Person #2:
It's not just another fruit drink. It's Nutricai, packed with amazing antioxidant power --

[suddenly a gunshot was heard in the factory]

Person:
Oh, f***!

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 23 days ago

Chris Monsanto:
Oh, you know, folks, two weeks ago, I didn't know an acai berry from my left nut.

Audience:
[laughter]

Chris Monsanto:
But seriously... [clears throat] ...uh, two weeks ago, I didn't know an acai berry from my left nut.

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 23 days ago

[when Chris takes part of an Nutricai program to take control of his life]

Danny Conti:
He's taking control...

Joshy Conti:
...of his life.

Danny Conti:
He must be...eliminated.

Joshy Conti:
Stopped.

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 23 days ago

Tom Wilcox:
Marshal Monsanto! Wow! What is a true american hero doing in my office]

[Chris then pours flour onto Tom's desk]

Tom Wilcox:
What is this? Why are you dumping cocaine on my desk?

Chris Monsanto:
Please don't hate me. I swear to God, I have no idea why I'm doing this?

[Susie and Brett arrives]

Susie Wagner:
[to Tom] Freeze!

Brett Mobley:
We got two anonymous, simultaneous tips that somebody in this office was holding a huge stash of cocaine.

Susie Wagner:
[arresting Tom] Looks like we caught our man white-handed.

Tom Wilcox:
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. This isn't mine. I've been set up.

Brett Mobley:
You shouldn't tell lies, Wilcox, especially white lies. [punches Tom]

Susie Wagner:
Another great collar, Chris.

Brett Mobley:
Yeah, white collar.

Susie Wagner:
How did you get here so fast?

Chris Monsanto:
I guess I have some sort of special...power? I...

Brett Mobley:
Yeah. White power.

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 23 days ago

[the next day]

Brett Mobley:
Hey. How was the big sleepover, buddy?

Chris Monsanto:
Huh?

Brett Mobley:
How was the, uh, big sleepover?

Chris Monsanto:
Why are you riding me about this? Nothing unusual happened, okay?! We just did...sleepover stuff, alright?

[as Chris gags, Chris uses the bathroom and throws up while Brett is still smiling]

Chris Monsanto:
[just got done using the restroom] Just normal fun.

Brett Mobley:
Cool.

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 23 days ago

Chris Monsanto:
Hey, guys, what's it like being twins?

Danny Conti:
Well, it's a very special bond. Sometimes we even finish...

Joshy Conti:
...

Danny Conti:
...each other's sentences...

Joshy Conti:
...Chris.

Chris Monsanto:
Wow.

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 23 days ago

Beard Guy:
This is it, Monsanto. I've been waiting a long time for this.

Chris Monsanto:
Alright. I'll play along. You hungry?

Beard Guy:
Wha?

Chris Monsanto:
Eat a piece.

[as the fight begins, Chris delivers his special move on the beard guy]

Chris Monsanto:
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. It's quiet time. Sleepy time. Oh, and we're drifting off.. [singing] to Fairyland. We two. [kisses Beard Guy] Oh, one more thing.

[Chris shoots Beard Guy]

Chris Monsanto:
I'll make sure to send my dry-cleaning bill...to hell.

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 23 days ago

[as Tiffany's Mom was about to destroy Chris, Chris use the Death Punch move for real this time]

Chris Monsanto:
[narrating] As I stood there and felt the inside of Sandra rain down upon me, I realized that the Death Punch was, indeed, real. But that was okay. Because what Sandra had taught me is that, while my hands can create death, there are other things they can create, as well -- Joy, pleasure, and tenderness.

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 24 days ago

Chris Monsanto:
Sandra, it was I who killed Pike, your son-in-law. I used a special fighting move called the Death Punch and I exploded him. I just can't trust these hands anymore.

Tiffany's Mom:
No, Chris, you didn't kill Pike. I did.

Chris Monsanto:
Do wha?

Tiffany's Mom:
The night he died, he was wearing a sweater...a sweater I gave him...a sweater I had laced with explosives.

Chris Monsanto:
But why?

Tiffany's Mom:
Because he was aiming to steal my famous meatloaf recipe, Chris. He wanted to use it to help him win a bowling tournament. It's the only surefire way to knock over a 7 pin.

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 24 days ago

Tiffany's Mom:
I love the way you decorated this place, dear. All except for that heaping pile of dog feces in the corner over there. But I assume that'll be gone by trash day.

Chris Monsanto:
Only if you eat it, baby.

Tiffany's Mom:
Swine!

Chris Monsanto:
Shovel it, baby.

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 24 days ago

Kyle and Julie:
Grandma!

Tiffany's Mom:
Oh, my darlings! Guess what Grandma brought you. Her famous meatloaf.

Chris Monsanto:
Hoo, boy. Another meatloaf. I don't know whether to eat that thing or toll it at the 7 pin.

Tiffany Pikes:
Chris!

Tiffany's Mom:
So, you must be Chris. Tiffany's told me so much about you. None of it good.

Chris Monsanto:
You know, your daughter's a real peach, which makes sense, because you look like an old tree. A-bing bang pow.

– Eagleheart  Movie Quote

added 24 days ago

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