Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #57

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 5,723 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Succubutt:
I'm just saying you go to -- You go to get some opinions. I mean, I -- Me, I care so, so much what other people think of me. I know. I know. I'm a sensitive dick, which -- You know what that means. Premature ejaculations. Yeah. But, uh, you know, I guess that's better than having a lifeless brick that you push into people for hours just, brick, brick, brick, brick.

Succubutt:
I'm sorry. I know what the girls are thinking. "I want to meet that brick".

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Baby Cakes (as The Assorcist):
Meet Lester Coin. He's the HBO Executive in charge of the special.

Lester Coin:
Just do what you've been doing. The special is gonna be great. That crowd is already eating up the warm-up comic. Have you heard Debbie Johns? Hot, new, nasty-ass bitch comic. Real good. Plays well to the younger demos. Great [bleep] sucker, too. Can play a mean hand of Gin Rummy, likes darts, good listener.

Lester Coin:
Anyway, [to BC] check out ol' Debbie next time she's torturing through China. She plays the small clubs, and the large ones, too. Hot girl. Hot, hot. Sweet nasty girl!

Lester Coin:
[to Succubutt] Anyway, just do what you do. I'm gonna go catch the rest of Deb's act. Later, I'm gonna go cry on her tits and sleep. Goodluck! [leaves]

Baby Cakes (as The Assorcist):
I'm sorry about that. What can I say? TV execs are weird.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[before Steve and the White Police Officer are about to kill the White Police Officer's wife]

Steve Smith:
Look, I can't do this. I can't help you kill your wife, man. I can't hurt a woman.

White Police Officer:
Who said my wife was a woman?

[as one of them open the door, his white police officer's wife revealed to be a gay person]

Gay Person:
Oh, you're gonna kill me now? Oh, great! I hope you're better at killing than f***ing! So I f***ed your sergeant! Who cares?

Steve Smith:
Guys, look, I'm sure you can just talk this out.

Gay Person:
Screw that.

[White Police Officer and Gay Person fights each other]

White Police Officer:
[to Steve] Hold him down! Do it!

Steve Smith:
I -- No. I cannot hurt this person.

White Police Officer:
Do it or else, brother!

Gay Person:
Go ahead and do it! [punches Steve and escapes]

White Person Officer:
Just go wait in the car!

[cuts to the next scene where Steve cries in the police car]

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[while Baby Cakes is trying to to put the cross up the Succubutt's ass of Frank's butt]

Succubutt:
[on phone] Hello? Yeah, yeah. Well, thank you. Thank you. Well, y-yeah. I mean, of course. I'll get right back to you. Thanks. [hangs up] That was HBO. They want me to do a comedy special.

Baby Cakes (as The Assorcist):
Oh, yeah. You got to take that.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Baby Cakes (as The Assorcist):
[repeated line] The spirit of Jesus is a man who never touched a booby.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Baby Cakes tries to save Frank from Succubutt]

Succubutt:
Oh, I see you've figured out the nature of things. [chuckles] Well, there's nothing can do. This body is mine!

Baby Cakes (as The Assorcist):
Shut up! [throws water]

Succubutt:
AAH! WHO THROWS WATER?! F***ING SERIOUSLY?!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Pony:
Matt's got to tell me his secret about accidentally touching dicks with Flip Flop, right? Steve? Steve?

Steve Smith:
Look, you got to help me. I'm in this mess. I owe this cop a favor, and now he's making me help him kill his wife.

Pony:
Kill someone? Just say no.

Steve Smith:
No, if he's willing to kill his wife, he's probably willing to kill me, too.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Baby Cakes head to the library to figure out how to beat Frank's butt possession]

Baby Cakes:
[founds a book of "Ancient Depictions of Things That You Suspect Are Happening Right Now] Ooh, I hope this isn't what I think it is.

[opens the page]

Baby Cakes:
NO! HOW COULD THIS HAVE EVER BEEN WHAT I THOUGHT IT WAS?! Succubutt.

Baby Cakes:
[reads] "The reliability witty but very dangerous demon is soul parasite. If too much time is devoted to the Succubutt's talent, the host will lose control of his body, thus becoming an upside-down man". Sh*t.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[after Frank and his butt got done with his comedy act]

Frank Smith:
Whoo! Oh, my god. You killed! Was all that ad-libbed?

Frank's Butt:
Yeah, what did you think? Did you ever see me type it?

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Steve gets pulled over]

Steve Smith:
Naturally.

White Police Officer:
Brother, you got to help me kill my wife.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Pony:
[on phone with Steve] You know what? F*** Matt. I'm a better friend to him than you are, so why did he tell you and not me? Then he'd know I was trustworthy --

Steve Smith:
[hangs up]

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Tickets Guy:
Thanks for helping me build my deck.

Steve Smith:
Well, you did give me those f***ing basketball tickets.

Tickets Guy:
Pretty sweet trade, huh, brother?

Steve Smith:
No, it's not! I'm done with brothers. Thanks.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Frank's Butt:
Oh, you know the next Spider-Man villain, but you do not know what your friend's girl there does for a living.

Teal Button Student:
Yes, I do.

Frank's Butt:
Oh, no, you don't.

Teal Button Student:
I-I know.

Frank's Butt:
You know you want to f*** her. You know that, and you know when Three Kings came out, buy you cannot tell me what your friend's girl does. [to the green shirt woman student] Right there. Yeah, that girl. Say it.

Teal Button Student:
She's -- She's a hair stylist.

Frank's Butt:
Hair stylist? Girl, are you a hair stylist?

Green Shirt Woman:
[chuckles] I'm a massage therapist.

Frank's Butt:
A massage therapist. There you go. Got that Kevin Spacey, though, man.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Frank's Butt:
Who is this dude I'm talking to who was has a Freddy Kruger poster, you ask? I-I don't know. I don't care. Any of you f***s that refuse to grow up -- You guys are going to Comic Cons, dressing like a fat kid. "Oh, it's okay to dress like a fat kid if I grow this beard and I know the sh*t out of IMDb".

Frank's Butt:
Let me tell you something. Reciting IMDb is not a conversation, okay? Stop talking about movies! Oh, my god. Please stop talking about movies. You don't know anything except movies. You can't name, a nearby body of water but you've got that IMDb locked down.

Frank's Butt:
Name your congressman. Yeah, yeah, you. Sir, yeah, name your district's congressman. The guy who represents you in Washington? Nothing? Okay, alright. here. Who's the star of House of Cards?

Teal Button Student:
Kevin Spacey.

Frank's Butt:
Kevin Spacey -- Right -- Who plays a congressman. See? I mean, stop talking about the movies.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Frank's Butt:
You know, people love Freddy Krueger. They do, you know? They wear those halloween costumes, uh, they're making big remakes of the movies, uh, Fresh Prince -- He likes to rap about Freddy. But you know, he's -- He's a kid killer, Freddy Krueger. Yeah. Not a cool -- Not a cool hero type.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Frank's Butt:
Um, you might want to take down that poster from your bedroom wall. He's -- He's not Jordan. He might be the -- He might be the Jordan of child killing, but still, uh...

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Steve Smith:
[gets a phone call] Hello?

Gas Employee:
You got to take my kids to dance class.

Steve Smith:
What? Who is this?

Gas Employee:
I'm your brother who gives you free gas. That's how it works, bro.

Steve Smith:
Sh*********t!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Pony:
So, I guess you and Steve are really becoming just the best of friends.

Matt Attack:
We cool, but...why are you saying that with such a strange tone? OH, HELL, NO! STEVE TOLD YOU!

Pony:
Of course he did! But why would you tell him and not me?!

Matt Attack:
I thought you didn't want to hear your dud friends' secrets, like Steve's thing about jacking off six times. Besides, you already know my thing.

Pony:
I know what happened, but I need to hear it from your lips! I cannot be kept out of the secret loop.

Matt Attack:
You're a crazy girl.

[Matt calls Steve]

Steve Smith:
Yo, yo, yo.

Matt Attack:
God damn it, man. Why did you tell Pony what I told you?

Steve Smith:
Oh, no, no, no. I didn't. Um...she, uh -- She must have guessed, I guess. [inhaled sharply]

Matt Attack:
You're a terrible friend, Steve. Pony, you ain't never hearing sh*t.

Pony:
YOU ARE GONNA TELL ME YOUR SECRET THAT I ALREADY KNOW! TRUST ME!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Baby Cakes:
You got gold coming out of your ass, you goose. You're gonna be famous! Thanks to me.

Frank's Butt:
Hey, White Shaq, come on. I think it's thanks to me.

Frank Smith:
I don't know, man. Everybody's focusing on my worst part.

Baby Cakes:
No. It's the part that sells.

Frank's Butt:
And, to be famous, you got to be okay with shutting part of you off.

Frank Smith:
Well, after our 45-minute set in class, some of the girls were into us. I mean we were making out. They were putting their hand down...into my mouth and stuff.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Baby Cakes:
Well, the book suggests that maybe you should try "Your Mama" jokes.

Frank Smith:
You know, it's just me farting, you know? I can only really do the "Hey" sound. I mean, I can sort of say "Suppertime", but...it's messy.

Frank Smith:
Well, let's just get back to the Cold War.

Frank's Butt:
Hey! What's up, everyone? How we feeling tonight?

Frank Smith:
What the f***? I'm not controlling this.

Frank's Butt:
So, I'm Frank's better half, but you know, now that I say that, it makes us sound like a married couple, and come on. Do you really think I'd marry down like that?

Baby Cakes:
Boom! We got some comedy!

Frank's Butt:
Let me ask -- How many light bulbs does it take to screw a girl who's afraid of the dark?

Baby Cakes:
Oh! [laughs] I get it!

Frank Smith:
That's not even a joke!

Frank's Butt:
I know, I know. But regular jokes, they're just kind of lame. So, um...I'm Jewish. I'm a Jew. Yeah, yeah. Don't clap. That's awesome. Thanks for the support throughout the years. I'm a -- I'm a liar is what I am, because I'm not Jewish. Um --

Frank Smith:
How could you possibly have been Jewish?

Frank's Butt:
Well, I mean, I-I pretend to be when I pay for the check.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Matt Attack:
Yo, Flip.

Flip Flop:
Yo, man. 'Sup? Hey, that was, like, pretty crazily accidental what happened today, right?

Matt Attack:
[laughs] Oh, yeah, man. Don't worry about it. Sh*t happens in the gym.

Flip Flop:
Yeah, totally. That's what I was thinking. Peace. [to Steve] Yo, you know I want to call you brother, dawg, but I'll just say peace! [leaves]

Steve Smith:
So, uh, what was Flip Flop talking about there?

Matt Attack:
It was stupid. We were in the showers. I spun around and accidentally slang my dick into his dick. No big deal.

Steve Smith:
Oh, yeah. I mean, gyms are weird, right? I mean, things happen.

Matt Attack:
Oh, and hey, don't tell me Pony about the dick touch. She'll turn it into a thing. She got a big mouth.

Steve Smith:
Oh, yeah. I gotcha. Mum's the word. Mm-hmm.

Matt Attack:
I got to get to chemistry. I'll catch you later.

Steve Smith:
Cool, cool.

[Matt leaves]

Steve Smith:
[calls Pony] Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Oh, my god.

Pony:
'Sup, Steve?

Steve Smith:
Pony, Matt told me this juicy secret. He -- He even told me not to tell you, but --

Pony:
Wait, he told you not to tell me?

Steve Smith:
[chuckling] Yeah, but screw that. He said that he and Flip Flop "accidentally" touch dicks in the shower.

Pony:
That's literally crazy. Why would he tell you not to tell me?

Steve Smith:
I don't know. He said you're a bad secret keeper, but --

Pony:
Hey! I'm a great secret keeper. Stacy told me about her abortions. I never told anybody about those. And nobody knows about Tina's fake boobs thanks to me!

Steve Smith:
Yeah, those secrets are...well-kept.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Cafeteria Employee:
You sure you don't want dessert, brother?

Steve Smith:
Alright, listen. No white guy should call anyone brother unless they're related, alright? [leaves]

Cafeteria Employee:
Wha-- Jerk.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Jetta:
Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for the professor of laughs, Frank Smith!

Baby Cakes:
[claps] Yeah!

Frank Smith:
Pbht! Give it up? Really? That's -- That's f***ing lame.

Frank Smith:
Anyway, alright. Um, hey! Have you guys seen the ne-- the new Starbucks cups?

Man:
[coughs]

Frank Smith:
[sighs] Yeah, I know, right? I mean, they're really, really dumb. [chuckles nervously] Oh, I mean, they're venti, venti dumb, so...

Flip Flop:
Boo!

Frank Smith:
Boo? [sighs] Spin it. Okay, what are you, then, huh? You're a -- [to himself] Okay, don't say ghost.

Frank Smith:
Hey, have you guys ever noticed how the president has, like, a funny way of speaking? It's venti, venti --

Flip Flop:
Please stop.

Frank:
[sighs] Aah! You guys are just not ready!

Baby Cakes:
Frank! Do that thing you used to do when we were kids!

Frank Smith:
What?! That's embarrassing!

Baby Cakes:
Come on, people. He's, um -- He's got a disease. Come on.

Frank Smith:
[sighs] Alright. [to a citizen to hand over a napkin] Can I have that? Can you give me that? Alright.

[Frank pulls down his pants and puts the napkin to its butt]

Frank Smith:
Okay...Uh, um...buddy what do horses eat?

[Frank's butt farts with a talkative voice]

Frank's Butt:
[high-pitched] Hey! [Hay]

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Pony:
Hey, where's Steve? I knew he'd be late. You know, he told me that he jacked off six times yesterday. Why do I need to know that?

Matt Attack:
Why do *I* need to know that?

[Steve comes in]

Flip Flop:
'Sup, brother?

Steve Smith:
No, d-don't say brother, alright? It's just gross. Look -- Sorry to be late. I had to...get some gas.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

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