Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #58

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 5,730 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Frank's Butt:
Um, you might want to take down that poster from your bedroom wall. He's -- He's not Jordan. He might be the -- He might be the Jordan of child killing, but still, uh...

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Steve Smith:
[gets a phone call] Hello?

Gas Employee:
You got to take my kids to dance class.

Steve Smith:
What? Who is this?

Gas Employee:
I'm your brother who gives you free gas. That's how it works, bro.

Steve Smith:
Sh*********t!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Pony:
So, I guess you and Steve are really becoming just the best of friends.

Matt Attack:
We cool, but...why are you saying that with such a strange tone? OH, HELL, NO! STEVE TOLD YOU!

Pony:
Of course he did! But why would you tell him and not me?!

Matt Attack:
I thought you didn't want to hear your dud friends' secrets, like Steve's thing about jacking off six times. Besides, you already know my thing.

Pony:
I know what happened, but I need to hear it from your lips! I cannot be kept out of the secret loop.

Matt Attack:
You're a crazy girl.

[Matt calls Steve]

Steve Smith:
Yo, yo, yo.

Matt Attack:
God damn it, man. Why did you tell Pony what I told you?

Steve Smith:
Oh, no, no, no. I didn't. Um...she, uh -- She must have guessed, I guess. [inhaled sharply]

Matt Attack:
You're a terrible friend, Steve. Pony, you ain't never hearing sh*t.

Pony:
YOU ARE GONNA TELL ME YOUR SECRET THAT I ALREADY KNOW! TRUST ME!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Baby Cakes:
You got gold coming out of your ass, you goose. You're gonna be famous! Thanks to me.

Frank's Butt:
Hey, White Shaq, come on. I think it's thanks to me.

Frank Smith:
I don't know, man. Everybody's focusing on my worst part.

Baby Cakes:
No. It's the part that sells.

Frank's Butt:
And, to be famous, you got to be okay with shutting part of you off.

Frank Smith:
Well, after our 45-minute set in class, some of the girls were into us. I mean we were making out. They were putting their hand down...into my mouth and stuff.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Baby Cakes:
Well, the book suggests that maybe you should try "Your Mama" jokes.

Frank Smith:
You know, it's just me farting, you know? I can only really do the "Hey" sound. I mean, I can sort of say "Suppertime", but...it's messy.

Frank Smith:
Well, let's just get back to the Cold War.

Frank's Butt:
Hey! What's up, everyone? How we feeling tonight?

Frank Smith:
What the f***? I'm not controlling this.

Frank's Butt:
So, I'm Frank's better half, but you know, now that I say that, it makes us sound like a married couple, and come on. Do you really think I'd marry down like that?

Baby Cakes:
Boom! We got some comedy!

Frank's Butt:
Let me ask -- How many light bulbs does it take to screw a girl who's afraid of the dark?

Baby Cakes:
Oh! [laughs] I get it!

Frank Smith:
That's not even a joke!

Frank's Butt:
I know, I know. But regular jokes, they're just kind of lame. So, um...I'm Jewish. I'm a Jew. Yeah, yeah. Don't clap. That's awesome. Thanks for the support throughout the years. I'm a -- I'm a liar is what I am, because I'm not Jewish. Um --

Frank Smith:
How could you possibly have been Jewish?

Frank's Butt:
Well, I mean, I-I pretend to be when I pay for the check.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Matt Attack:
Yo, Flip.

Flip Flop:
Yo, man. 'Sup? Hey, that was, like, pretty crazily accidental what happened today, right?

Matt Attack:
[laughs] Oh, yeah, man. Don't worry about it. Sh*t happens in the gym.

Flip Flop:
Yeah, totally. That's what I was thinking. Peace. [to Steve] Yo, you know I want to call you brother, dawg, but I'll just say peace! [leaves]

Steve Smith:
So, uh, what was Flip Flop talking about there?

Matt Attack:
It was stupid. We were in the showers. I spun around and accidentally slang my dick into his dick. No big deal.

Steve Smith:
Oh, yeah. I mean, gyms are weird, right? I mean, things happen.

Matt Attack:
Oh, and hey, don't tell me Pony about the dick touch. She'll turn it into a thing. She got a big mouth.

Steve Smith:
Oh, yeah. I gotcha. Mum's the word. Mm-hmm.

Matt Attack:
I got to get to chemistry. I'll catch you later.

Steve Smith:
Cool, cool.

[Matt leaves]

Steve Smith:
[calls Pony] Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Oh, my god.

Pony:
'Sup, Steve?

Steve Smith:
Pony, Matt told me this juicy secret. He -- He even told me not to tell you, but --

Pony:
Wait, he told you not to tell me?

Steve Smith:
[chuckling] Yeah, but screw that. He said that he and Flip Flop "accidentally" touch dicks in the shower.

Pony:
That's literally crazy. Why would he tell you not to tell me?

Steve Smith:
I don't know. He said you're a bad secret keeper, but --

Pony:
Hey! I'm a great secret keeper. Stacy told me about her abortions. I never told anybody about those. And nobody knows about Tina's fake boobs thanks to me!

Steve Smith:
Yeah, those secrets are...well-kept.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Cafeteria Employee:
You sure you don't want dessert, brother?

Steve Smith:
Alright, listen. No white guy should call anyone brother unless they're related, alright? [leaves]

Cafeteria Employee:
Wha-- Jerk.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Jetta:
Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for the professor of laughs, Frank Smith!

Baby Cakes:
[claps] Yeah!

Frank Smith:
Pbht! Give it up? Really? That's -- That's f***ing lame.

Frank Smith:
Anyway, alright. Um, hey! Have you guys seen the ne-- the new Starbucks cups?

Man:
[coughs]

Frank Smith:
[sighs] Yeah, I know, right? I mean, they're really, really dumb. [chuckles nervously] Oh, I mean, they're venti, venti dumb, so...

Flip Flop:
Boo!

Frank Smith:
Boo? [sighs] Spin it. Okay, what are you, then, huh? You're a -- [to himself] Okay, don't say ghost.

Frank Smith:
Hey, have you guys ever noticed how the president has, like, a funny way of speaking? It's venti, venti --

Flip Flop:
Please stop.

Frank:
[sighs] Aah! You guys are just not ready!

Baby Cakes:
Frank! Do that thing you used to do when we were kids!

Frank Smith:
What?! That's embarrassing!

Baby Cakes:
Come on, people. He's, um -- He's got a disease. Come on.

Frank Smith:
[sighs] Alright. [to a citizen to hand over a napkin] Can I have that? Can you give me that? Alright.

[Frank pulls down his pants and puts the napkin to its butt]

Frank Smith:
Okay...Uh, um...buddy what do horses eat?

[Frank's butt farts with a talkative voice]

Frank's Butt:
[high-pitched] Hey! [Hay]

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Pony:
Hey, where's Steve? I knew he'd be late. You know, he told me that he jacked off six times yesterday. Why do I need to know that?

Matt Attack:
Why do *I* need to know that?

[Steve comes in]

Flip Flop:
'Sup, brother?

Steve Smith:
No, d-don't say brother, alright? It's just gross. Look -- Sorry to be late. I had to...get some gas.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Ronald Reagan:
[on TV] So, America, my real deal solution for the overpopulation problem is a death draft. Yep, it's like a war draft, but anyone can be called up to be killed. Or you can enlist as a suicide for your country. You thank me later, Regan out.

[one of the students cheered and killed each other at the bar]

Pony:
I can't believe they're actually doing it.

Baby Cakes:
Of course they did. We decided it.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Dean and Mayor gets a phone call from Governor]

Mayor:
Uh, death draft?

Governor:
Meh, roger that.

[Ronald Reagan calls Governor]

Governor:
Death draft?

Ronald Reagan:
[hangs up] [to SAG] Death draft.

Special Agent Green:
Oh-ho-hokay. That is a terrible idea.

Ronald Reagan:
[to camerman] Hit the cameras, doo-doo dick.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Hoh-Hoh and Sunshine finally have sex with each other]

Frank Smith:
YES! HA HA!

Steve Smith (as Stevie):
OH, NO! OH!

Frank Smith:
I WON! I FINALLY BEAT STEVE! I GET YOUR JOB AND YOUR APARTMENT! [chortling] IN YOUR FAAAAAAAACE! [chuckles]

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Dean:
Did you come up with a real deal solution?

Pony:
We have a solution. It's...a death draft.

Dean:
Really? A death draft?

Pony:
Dude, it was that or doo-doo dicks.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Pony:
I'll f***ing kill you! I'll kill you! [punches Baby Cakes]

Baby Cakes:
Stop killing me, softly, Pony!

[Billy sees Pony as a dirty turkish mexican when the Think Tank crashes]

Billy:
Oh, that's Pony? Wow, she really let herself go. Okay, Leslie, long story, but I don't want to be with you anymore. Okay, I'll check you later.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Pony chokes Baby Cakes]

Cravid:
That turkish guy is an anal-mal.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[after the drone got malfunctioned and fires students outside the cafeteria building]

Matt Attack:
Yes! Finally! No line!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Announcer Student:
You guys ready to break the world record for the most people taking a nap? Yeah!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Steve Smith (as Stevie):
Remember our plan. You play the hero.

Billy:
Yeah. You know I think you're right. Having sex with Leslie will be the best way to get Pony.

[Steve starts his first move on Leslie]

Steve Smith (as Stevie):
Leslie, it's me, Steve! I'm crazy now! I'm a school shooter!

Leslie:
Steve, is this a joke? We're dating.

Steve Smith (as Stevie) [gunshots]

[while Steve gunshot a couple rounds, one of the teacher and students inside the Think Tank]

Cravid:
Aah! Gunshots!

Crystal:
It's the population war!

Dr. Falgot:
It started.

Pemsy:
OH, MY GOD!

[Billy starts his move and beats up Steve]

Steve:
[bruised] Oh, sh*t!

Billy:
[to Leslie] May I buy you a drink?

Leslie:
You can buy me everything.

[Billy and Leslie fell in love with each other]

Steve Smith (as Stevie):
Yes! It worked! There is no way that she'll screw me again. In fact, they will screw and I will win.

Matt Attack:
You're a school shooter now? What happened to the cooler brother?

Steve Smith (as Stevie):
Who? Stevie? [chuckles] He's winniiiiing!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Baby Cakes:
So, we all agree on the death draft?

Pony:
Yes! Yes! All in favor raise your hands.

Cravid:
This new turkish dude is making sense. [raises his hand]

Crystal:
Yes. [raises her hand]

Dr. Falgot:
Mm-hmm. [raises his hand]

Pemsy:
That works. [raises his hand]

Baby Cakes:
Or...do we flood the south?

Pony:
NO! You said that was a mean idea.

Baby Cakes:
Better get a Starbucks order going. I want a latte. No, wait. A mocha.

[everyone agreed except Pony]

Pony:
[close up to BC] Oh, my f***ing god.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Flip Flop:
Yo, it's the cooler brother!

Steve Smith (as Stevie):
Shut up, you rat dick!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Steve Smith (as Stevie):
Transfer Billy! Hi. How's the first week going, man? So, tell me -- Tell me about yourself.

Billy:
Well, my parents died in this freak radioactive --

Steve Smith (as Stevie):
Awesome! So, like, who -- Who are you into these days, man?

Billy:
Well, I kind of like this girl named Pony.

Steve Smith (as Stevie):
Oh, yeah. Pony. Pony. Pony. Well, I can tell you that Pony doesn't know that you even exist.

Billy:
Well, maybe I just need to ask her out.

Steve Smith (as Stevie):
Look, I know Pony, okay? And the wise move here is to have sex with her friend, that girl Leslie. That will get Pony's attention. Yeah.

Billy:
Wouldn't that just turn Pony off?

Steve Smith (as Stevie):
It will get her jealous, alright? Women's engines feed off of jealousy.

Billy:
But how do we know that Leslie even wants to have sex with me?

Steve Smith (as Stevie):
Transfer Billy, leave that up to me, alright? I'm gonna get you guys a hotel suite. I'm gonna get you a hot tub. I'm gonna get you whipped cream and wine. You're gonna have strawberries on your ass, alright? There's gonna be a bass player in there just thumping away some dope-ass jam. There's gonna be a wall of mirrors, and then you're just gonna -- [slurred] You're just gonna...

[cuts to the next scene where Steve starts to have sex with Leslie again]

Steve's Ego:
Stevie, you handsome idiot! Why are you doing this?! You're the cooler brother, man!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

[Hoh-Hoh steals Sunshine's purse]

Sunshine:
Oh, he's got my certs! Oh, look how cute he is. I want to pet him with my lips and hair.

Frank Smith:
Hoh-Hoh, this is the woman you need to get into, okay? Here's some finger condoms for your little root, and --

[Hoh-Hoh bites Frank's hand and runs away]

Frank Smith:
OW!

Sunshine:
[sighs] Usually apaches are all over me. I know you want to make a love connection. I'm sorry. I'm a go home...unless you want to hang out.

Frank Smith:
F*** you! Get up there and mount that anal-mal's ass!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Frank Smith:
Damn it! This bait isn't working. He's probably off somewhere just smacking a fish with a rock.

Sunshine:
Mm, he's such an anal-mal.

Frank Smith:
Look, you got to stop pronouncing it like that.

Sunshine:
Like what?

Frank Smith:
Like buttf***. You say "anal"-mal. It's animal, alright?

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

Frank Smith:
Hey, girl! I found this sweet place under a bridge for you to f*** my friend.

Sunshine:
Oh, no. I heard that anal-mal man got a pig dick.

Frank Smith:
Pig dick?! Steve.

Frank Smith:
Did my brother talk to you?

Sunshine:
Who's your brother?

Frank Smith:
Ugly bald dude, glasses, good teeth.

Sunshine:
Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. That's him.

Frank Smith:
Okay, listen, my brother -- He is partly right, okay? Hoh-Hoh is special. Because if you have sex with him, your parents back home on the farm will have a resplendent crop this year.

Sunshine:
Are you for real?

Frank Smith:
Mm-hmm. It's an almanac thing, but you got to make love this moon cycle, so come on! Let's go!

Steve Smith (as Stevie):
[heard all the stuff that Frank while hiding behind the wall] DAMN IT!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 2 months ago

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