Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #88

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 5,730 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Ronald Reagan:
You really had some moves back there, hairless.

Baby Cakes:
And you had a great impersonation of Kenny G!

Ronald Reagan:
[laughs] Oh, you're a f***ing weird egg.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Government Spy:
Sons of Jeffer, I believe we have some...snoopy poopies, over.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[Ronald Reagan gets access into Jefferson's room]

Ronald Reagan:
Looks like this was Jefferson's private jack-off room.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[Ronald Reagan disguises as President Clinton to get into Jefferson's private sanctuary]

Security Guard:
President Clinton? You usually arrive at 3:00. It's noon.

Ronald Reagan:
Well, that's because I...that's because I...

Baby Cakes:
[on headphones] Ask him if he likes to party!

Frank Smith:
[on headphones] Abort that order! No, don't abort the mission, though! Okay, j...just hold on! Okay, think Clinton stuff. Um...say you're getting a blow job later!

Ronald Reagan:
Something came up. I got to give a lady the old "Arkansas Toothpick".

Frank & Baby Cakes:
[sighs]

Baby Cakes:
Oh, that's close.

Frank Smith:
GET OUT! GET OUT! You are off the mission.

Baby Cakes:
But I'm Morgan Freeman!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[Baby Cakes sees a wanted poster of Ronald Reagan]

Baby Cakes:
[to Ronald] Wait a second. Are you famous?

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[Pony and Crystal punches Steve]

Pony:
What the hell happened? Where's Frank?

Steve Smith:
I don't know! I called him a hundred times! I had to take her out last night.

Crystal:
Oh, did you give her what she wanted, or...

Steve Smith:
I don't know. I-I think I pissed her off. Sh-she said it was fine, but she didn't mean it was fine.

Crystal:
Oh, I didn't think you had any issue with the whole "Blowing the client for the good of the firm" thing.

Steve Smith:
No, I didn't have to blow her or anything.

Pony:
Didn't have to blow her?! Then what was the problem?

Crystal:
We'll lose our jobs!

Sammy:
Who did not f*** that bitch?

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Dean:
Alright, guys. We don't know where Frank is, so I'll be your teacher today. Where did you leave off?

Matt Attack:
Man, he was telling us about an indian girl who got in a van with two leather homies who were on a road trip.

Pemsy:
[chuckles] No, Matt, it was Lewis and Clark meeting Sacagawea. Hello?

Dean:
Okay, I'm gonna need the two strongest guys to come up here and take their shirts off. No eye-pokes, ball-tearing, or biting. Everything else is on-limits.

Student:
[laughter]

Dean:
[brutally lifts a desk] SHIRTS OFF!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Baby Cakes:
[imitates walkie-talkie] Commencing Phase 9 of Operation Shankshaw. Morgan Freeman out.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Frank Smith:
No surprises, okay, B.C.?

Baby Cakes:
Uh-huh.

Frank Smith:
We break into this prison, and we stick to the plan.

Baby Cakes:
Oh, I got it! It's a reverse "Shawshank". It's a shankshaw. I'm Morgan Freeman, and you're the whiny honky.

Frank Smith:
Oh, my god! You're such an idiot!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Frank Smith:
Okay, Frankie -- 1, get the stencil, 2, find the diamond castle, 3, get my diamond castle special on the History Channel, and, 4, eat every vagina in the land!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Steve Smith:
Listen, everybody -- We're gonna get out annual surprise inspection tomorrow from the College Association of America.

Crystal:
Honestly, how does this department get accredited?

Steve Smith:
Well, turns out Frank is tight with the inspector. She's this old broad, comes into town, wants a fun trip, and Frank somehow...provides.

Crystal:
So...Frank's like a secretary who blows the client for the good of the firm?

Steve Smith:
Hey, he gets our accreditation somehow, alright? And I don't see what the big deal is. I mean, I'd do it.

Pony:
Well then why don't you do it?

Steve Smith:
Hey, for some reason she likes Frank more.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Flip Flop:
Yo, check it. I'm about to fill your head with some liquid gold. Planet Earth, a long time ago, my great-great-grandad was a janitor at this place, Monticello. It was there that he learned about Jefferson's fabled diamond castle, which Jefferson built in a place nobody could find. Across America are hidden clues and a secret map to its location. BAM! Jefferson's also on the $2 bill. Please take one as a report favor. Peace.

Frank Smith:
That was...dumbest sh*t I've ever heard in my entire life. Put it in the trash where it belongs. I SAID PUT IT IN THERE! I WANT TO SEE YOU DO IT!

[as the school bell rings, and all the students walked away from Frank's classroom]

Frank Smith:
[grabs the papers that Flip got in the trash] Aah! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! This is just what I've been waiting for!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Steve Smith:
Hey, new guy. I think you look more like Carabas there than you do me.

Another Steve Lookalike:
F*** off! I'm way hotter!

Carabas:
I am nothing like him. I am special!

Carabas & Another Steve Lookalike:
NO ONE IS LIKE ME!

[then Another Steve Lookalike tackles Carabas into another fireplace burning themselves]

Steve Smith:
YES! LAST OF THE MOHICANS!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[Grace came back and see his sister have sex with Frank]

Grace:
Helen! Stealing all the attention once again!

Helen:
One must steal all they can get, living with you!

[Grace and Helen uses fire poker sticks to fight to the death]

Grace:
Here we are again, just like gin-drunk college girls on that fateful christmas, fighting fro daddy!

Helen:
It was obvious on his face that you made him uncomfortable, touching him like a whore! As you know, Frank.

Grace:
Well, I always heard daddy telling mama how scared he was that you would say something inappropriate to him in front of company! He was afraid you'd paint a wrong and terrible picture. Frank, this you know. I-I'm sorry to reiterate.

Helen:
Well, I read his diary. All he wanted was for you to grow up and find a man to release your sexual frustrations upon! YOU CREEPED HIM OUT!

Grace:
TO DADDY, THEN!

[Grace tackles Helen into the fireplace, burning themselves for their daddy]

Frank Smith:
GODDAMN IT!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Carabas:
Get out of my store!

Steve:
Ah, it's my store. I f***ing love it now.

Carabas:
I thought you hated ancient astronaut theorists.

Steve:
ALRIGHT! IT HAS NEVER BEEN ABOUT THAT! I HATE YOU because you look like me! I AM NOT TOTALLY COOL WITH IT, ALRIGHT?

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Orange Beard Man:
Carabas! Thursday's talk was...it was illuminating! I was so inspired! I went and built a treehouse for my penis!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[Steve tries to become like Carabas by changing the opposite stuff that the real Carabas originally does]

Steve Smith:
Ancient Egypt -- Is it possible that the humans built the pyramids and all other megalithic structures on earth all by themselves? I say yes.

Hat Woman:
But how did the druid move those huge rocks for Stonehenge?

Steve Smith:
[bleep] people figured it out! Okay, look -- Imagine that you were the richest man on earth back then and all you had were slaves and food and rocks. I bet you'd stacking sh*t too.

Mustache Man:
But the laser-precision of Puma Punku! How can ancient people --

Steve Smith:
Nerd, don't estimate all humanity by the limits of your own capability.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[Frank rubs lotion on Helen]

Frank Smith:
[tired] Oh, I can't believe I'm doing this!

Helen:
Hey, I know. I just want you to know I know.

Frank Smith:
What?! Oh, that's such a relief, man! I don't even know what I'm doing here. I wanted to have sex with your sister, and then everything went crazy --

Helen:
I don't want to hear your troubles. I just want to get laid!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Steve Smith:
Guys, it's me. I'm Steve. That -- That's Carabas, but you're all just too f***ing stupid to see it.

Pony:
Oh, I'm sure he didn't correct us because he didn't want us to feel awkward, unlike you. Don't ruin your own birthday party.

Steve Smith:
WHAT?! He's pretending to be me, and he thinks that aliens started civilization. I mean --

Frank Smith:
Dude, who knows. It's just as likely as the sh*t we teach. I mean, no one know what the hell ever happened.

Steve Smith:
Idiots. Okay, okay -- Baby Cakes, I need my "Of Mice and Men".

Baby Cakes:
Steve, you're just being a dick for for real now. Now if you'll all excuse me. I've got something I need to put into some water.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Pony:
Thank you so much for pushing me into Spanish, Steve. I felt like a bad latina, but now, with a week's worth of Spanish, I feel at one with my people.

Carabas:
That is excellent, Pony. Now, as a bilingual, you should work to integrate the two halves of yourself.

Pony:
That is great advice, Steve.

Frank Smith:
No, no! Your advice is way off, brother! I tried your move and Grace didn't f*** me! Instead, she's got me slathering balm all over her crispy sister.

Carabas:
She trust you with secrets. Sexual acts are sure to follow. Persevere -- Like the cigar-shaped UFOs against the glowing orbs in the sky over Nuremberg in 1561.

Frank Smith:
Strange...strange choice of words, but yeah. Okay. I hear you.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[Frank takes care of Grace's sister, Helen]

Frank Smith:
So, your sister wanted me to take you outside and get some sun on your...meat.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Carabas:
One must admit I did not think you'd actually come down here to learn.

Steve Smith:
I just came down here to fire your ass.

Carabas:
You can't fire me just because I had sex with your girlfriend.

Steve Smith:
No, I had broken up with her, but thanks to you, I had to screw her to be the one who screwed her last, so there. And you're fired.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[Baby Cakes works at a library]

Steve Smith:
Baby Cakes, you work here? I mean, you can do work?

Baby Cakes:
You know, it's a funny story. Me and Carabas met playing D&D, and then we started eating paint off the shrimping docks, and now I'm running his store because he's teaching your class.

Steve Smith:
[sees a book] "Ancient Astronaut Bible Explanations"?

Baby Cakes:
Oh, yeah!

Steve Smith:
What's with that, uh, flock of virgins over there?

Baby Cakes:
That's A.A. -- Ancient Astronauts Society. You know, they meet every Tuesday with Carabas.

Steve Smith:
Carabas...I got to talk to that dick.

Baby Cakes:
Look, you and Carabas are just like Dumbledore and Gandalf. First, you want to fight, but pretty soon, you're gonna want to screw.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Steve Smith:
Well, you know, I just saw you here, sucking back those mojitos, so I thought, "Well, I was a mojito".

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

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