Wikidude's Quotes Page #23

Here's the list of quotes submitted by wikidude  —  There are currently 140,397 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Kent:
Ben, Tom James has just said the shooter is a victim too; PTSD.

Ben:
Oh, my God! Calamity James! And that's just off the top of my head!

Kent:
Well, what do I do?

Ben:
Just get him off, you fucking mannequin!

Veep, Season 4  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

Tom James:
[after hearing about the data leak] Y'know, I could kick over chairs and scream "How in the risen fuck did this happen?" What's the point? It's done. I say we move on. Together, the Magnificent Seven!

Kent:
He's really good.

Richard:
It's 'cause there's seven of us!

Kent:
I meant as a politician.

Richard:
I know, I know.

Veep, Season 4  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

[regarding the children in the kindergarten]

Dan:
You know at least three of these kids are probably mine.

Veep, Season 4  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

Goliath:
Who will fight me?!

Dave:
I will fight you, Goliath!

Jimmy:
[to Tom and Jerry] You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say that sounded like Dave!

Tom:
[laughs] Well, yeah! [spots Dave running out onto the battlefield] You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say that looks like Dave!

Dave's Brothers:
[shocked] Huh?! [Dave smiles at his brothers] DAVE?! [Jimmy faints]

Bob the Tomato:
[narrating] Goliath was equally surprised.

Goliath:
Who said that?

Dave:
[clears throat] I did!

Goliath:
Huh? [sees Dave] Oh ho ho! Am I a dog that you come at me with sticks?

[Philistines laugh]

Dave:
I don't exactly know what you mean, but you are not a dog! You're just a really big guy who wants to beat me up! And I come at you not with sticks, but in the name of the God of Israel, who this day will help me defeat you!

Goliath:
We will see who defeats who! Now we fight!

Jean-Claude:
It's showtime!

VeggieTales  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

[The Philistines, portrayed by the French Peas, are taunting the Israelites from across the battlefield]

Jean-Claude:
Hello, Israelites! You are pigs, and soon we will put apples in your mouths and stick you in our toaster ovens! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Christophe:
Ah, yes, after we defeat you, you will be our slaves and you will have to fetch us our slippers.

Jean-Claude:
Yes, and iron our trousers!

Christophe:
Ho-ho, and wipe our little noses.

Jean-Claude:
Ha-ha, and scratch that spot on our backs that we cannot reach no matter how hard we try. Ha! [no response from the Israelites] Don't you have anything to say?

Jimmy:
Um... Do you guys have any fried chicken? I've got a real hankering for fried chicken.

Jerry:
Yeah, me, too!

Jean-Claude:
[to Christophe] This is going to be easier than we thought.

VeggieTales  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

Minna Häkkinen:
I'm sorry to say, in your country you have too many guns.

Selina:
Way too many. But I think we have a little problem, and it's called the Second Amendment. People think it's their birthright, you see.

Minna Häkkinen:
To give guns to babies?

Selina:
Well, only in Arizona.

Veep, Season 3  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

Gary:
I promise this party is gonna be so elegant.

Imogene:
Very New South.

Gary:
Yes.

Selina:
What does that mean? No butt-fucking Ned Beatty until the after party?

Veep, Season 6  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

Selina:
Jesus Christ, underaged Muslim brides are less traumatized at their unveiling.

Gary:
And even they don't have to drink Coke Zero.

Veep, Season 6  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

Jonah:
You are going to invite me to dinner at your house, or I am going to fuck all your shit up. And, I want you to make me the paella.

Kent:
You play with the paella?

Furlong:
Mrs. Furlong is only interested in inviting married couples, and you and your imaginary dragon don't count.

Shawnee:
I'm coming too.

Furlong:
Whoa, what is this, the fourth horse-face of the apocalypse? Jesus, Jonah, if you're gonna pay for sex, just add the extra two bucks for the premium edition.

Ben:
Uh, this is Shawnee Tanz, daughter of Sherman Tanz.

Furlong:
[suddenly polite] Ah, Ms. Tanz! Rumors of your beauty have not been exaggerated!

Shawnee:
Yes, he's bringing me to dinner. We're engaged.

Jonah:
Wait, what? We are?

Shawnee:
There's a ring on hold at Tiffany's. Pick it up by six. It's already paid for.

Veep, Season 6  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

Selina:
General George Washington could come out of his grave and I would rather eat his zombified, wooden asshole twice a day than be his Vice fucking, fucking anything.

Veep, Season 5  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

Archibald:
I wonder where the skipper is.

Lovey:
Who?

Archibald:
You know, dear, the bright, red, round fellow.

Lovey:
Oh, yes. Where is he, anyway?

Archibald:
I don't know. That's what I was wondering.

Lovey:
Oh, I see.

Bob:
Has anyone seen Larry?

Archibald:
Did you say something?

Lovey:
No, it was that tree over there.

Archibald:
Really? Well, what did it say?

Lovey:
I believe it's looking for Larry. ...Who's Larry?

Archibald:
Oh, you remember. He's the chap who smashed the boat.

Lovey:
Oh, and ruined our vacation?

Archibald:
That's the one.

Lovey:
Oh... Well, I hope that tree gets him. Serves him right.

Archibald:
Here, here.

[Bob is high up in the tree.]

Bob:
Hello! People! Have you seen Larry?

Archibald:
Oh look, Lovey! It's the skipper!

Lovey:
I didn't know tomatoes grew on trees.

Archibald:
Well, actually... Oh, never mind. [to Bob] Skipper, what are you doing up there?!

Bob:
I'm looking for Larry! When I woke up this morning, he was gone!

VeggieTales  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

Doctor:
Well, your sperm count looks normal, but the motility is abnormally low, which means, I'm sorry to say, that it may be virtually impossible for you to conceive.

Dan:
Seriously?

Catherine:
I'm so sorry, Dan...

Dan:
So I've been pulling out this entire time for nothing?

Marjorie:
Well, that has nothing...

Dan:
Oh, I am gonna save a fortune in Morning After pills! There are, like, three girls who owe me an abortion refund.

Veep, Season 6  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

Kent:
Actually, ma'am... I'm sorry I'm late... I think I may have found something. The voting data in Nevada is multiple standard deviations outside the means.

Selina:
Christ, Kent, know your audience.

Kent:
I think that there is statistical evidence of missing ballots in Nevada.

Selina:
Where?

Kent:
I do not know.

Selina:
How many?

Kent:
I do not know.

Selina:
Are you sure?

Kent:
Absolutely.

Veep, Season 5  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

Selina:
Can I really blame another country for something they didn’t do?

Ben:
It’s been the cornerstone of American foreign policy since the Spanish-American War.

Veep, Season 5  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

Tracy:
Move to rule it an overvote.

Roger Furlong:
Hey, Grimace. What are you... [She looks behind her] No, no, no, not you, the other person in the room who looks exactly like Grimace. That is not an overvote! You need to trust me on this, because I've been doing this since before your mother was throwing herself down the stairs belly-first. You want me to get you some glasses? Maybe I'll call in Mayor McCheese, he can come in here and explain election procedures to you?

Veep, Season 5  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

Mike:
No breakfast for this guy.

Ben:
Who's offering?

Mike:
You are looking at a guy on the master cleanse. I feel amazing.

Ben:
What in the lunatic fuck is the master cleanse? Sounds like Nazi domestic policy.

Kent:
Little known fact about the Nazis... their polling numbers within Germany, through the roof. Unbelievable numbers. Though also tragic.

Ben:
The Jewish demo couldn't have been that good.

Veep, Season 5  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

Selina:
I mean, will you look at Montez? Seriously, I'm more Hispanic than she is. You know? Where's she from, Santo Connecticut?

Ben:
She summers in Vinyardo Del Martha.

Veep, Season 5  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

Richard:
These are from the president's last set of precinct changes for the recount challenge?

Dan:
Yes, and the changes before that and the changes before that. She's changed her mind more times than a frickin' child molester at Disneyland.

Veep, Season 5  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

Ben:
There's only one person who I'd be more surprised to see today in the Roosevelt Room, and that's Teddy fucking Roosevelt.

Bill Ericsson:
I'm just trying to help the President.

Ben:
And she appreciates that, but the US Attorney for the District of Columbia is prepared to indict you. You're as welcome here as a swastika-shaped shit in a synagogue.

Bill Ericsson:
Of course.

Ben:
I've spoken to the president, and she's willing to consider a full pardon, if you surrender quietly. No media. Just don't want to dominate the news cycle.

Bill Ericsson:
Can I just say one thing?

Ben:
Yes, goodbye.

Veep, Season 5  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

Amy:
And every day, you have to do the one thing that O'Brien can't do.

Selina:
Yeah, drive sober.

Ben:
Take a shit without getting a hernia.

Amy:
Be the president!

Veep, Season 5  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

Kent:
Ma'am, I have the final House results.

Selina:
Lafontaine won?

Kent:
Mm-hmm.

Selina:
How many abortions does a pro-lifer have to pressure his mistress into before the people turn on him?

Kent:
Three.

Veep, Season 5  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

Jeff:
I can elect anyone in New Hampshire. I can elect a Muslim AIDS virus. A terrorist fucking AIDS virus in the tiniest suicide vest ever made, I could make it Governor of New Hampshire.

Veep, Season 5  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

Dan:
Those are your pajamas? That's the outfit I picture when I'm trying not to come.

Veep, Season 5  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

Selina:
We need to work together to better engage with North Korea, because the North Koreans are people like us... except without any food.

Veep, Season 5  Show Quote

added 8 months ago

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What TV show has the quote "man hands on misery to man it deepens like a coastal shelf"?
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B A Series of Unfortunate Events
C Prince of Peroria
D The Inbestigators