[Open in on a shot of Ren and Stimpy's house, a giant barrel, Fade to inside the house; Ren is reading the morning paper while Stimpy crawls into the scene groaning while looking groggy and disheveled]
Stimpy:
What a night. I feel like I got hit by a bus.
Ren:
Funny you should say that. According to the obituaries, you were.
[Cut to a picture of Stimpy in the paper's obituaries with the headline "STIMPLETON CADOGEN HIT BY BUS!!!", Wipe transition to Stimpy going through the fridge with Ren next to him]
Ren:
You know, you ougta be more careful. All this dying might be bad for your health.
Stimpy:
[with a frozen chicken strapped to his head] Not to worry, Ren. I'm a cat. I got nine lives. [holds up three fingers]
Ren:
Nine, huh? You've been keeping count.
Stimpy:
Hmm...Good question. Let's see now. There was that really cold night when I...fell asleep under the hood of your car!
[Cut to a flashback. Stimpy is sleeping and shivering by the motor in Ren's car. We hear the car doors opening and closing. We then cut to Ren outside turning on the ignition. The car starts and we hear a cat screech as Stimpy's fur flies out of the hood. We cut back to Ren and Stimpy in the present]
Stimpy:
Then, there was that silly incident down Mexico way.
[Cut to another flash back. We see a Mexican bandito tied up on the firing line. A Mexican general gives a command]
General:
Ready...
[The wind blows the bandito's sombrero off of his head. It lands on the ground by Ren and Stimpy, who are wearing Hawaiian shirts and taking pictures. Stimpy notices the sombrero at his feet]
General:
[Offscreen] Aim... [Stimpy picks up the sombrero and runs offscreen]
Stimpy:
Señor, uh, you dropped your el hatto! I'll get it for ya!
General:
[Offscreen] FIRE!
[Ren's eyes pop open. He looks back as a hail of gunfire is heard from offscreen. Ren looks back shocked, then smiles and takes a photograph. The flash illuminates the screen to reveal a photo of Stimpy and the bandito smiling and covered in bullet holes. Cut to Ren and Stimpy looking through a photo album.]
Stimpy:
Oh, here's one. Remember that time I got hit by lightning?
[Cut to a picture of Stimpy burnt to a crip while golfing with Ren.]
Ren:
How 'bout that time you took care of those gambling debts for me?
[Pan down to a photo of Stimpy at the bottom of the ocean wearing not only concerete boots, but a concrete coat, hat and umbrella.]
Stimpy:
And don't forget our trip to the Amazon.
[Pan down to a photo of Ren and Stimpy in the Amazon, with Stimpy having been consumed by a python.]
Ren:
Oh yeah, and that day you went out with the weat hair during the blizzard of '69.
[Cut to a flashback. Stimpy steps out of the shower and walks outisde into the cold. He walks out into the street and gets hit by a bus. Cut back to the present.]
Stimpy:
So let's see. That makes...Um...Hmm...[thinks]...Sixty-twelve!
Ren:
That's seven, you fathead.
Stimpy:
Yeah, seven. [laughs]
Ren:
Well, I got news for you, pal. You've only got two lives left. And if you buy the farm, that means I gotta do all the chores. We don't want that now, do we? [Stimpy blinks his eyes] Now be an imbecile and go light the furnace so I can take my bath.
[Stimpy goes down into the basement and sees the heater with a sign on it reading "DANGER". He tries with all his might to twist the valve on a pipe, but he can't move it.]
Stimpy:
Ah, valve's stuck. [holds up a pipe wrench] This oughta do it. [repeatedly bangs on the pipe with the wrench until it is all bent up and gas is leaking out of it] Ahh, that's better. [Stimpy lights a match up toward the heater as gas begins filing the room. Dramatic music plays, implying that Stimpy will bet blown up by the gas leak. Suddenly, what appears to be a large rock falls from above and crushes Stimpy. Cut to an airplane flying through the air. Cut to inside the plane, where the sign outisd ethe lavatory changes from "Occupied" to "Vacant". Mr. Horse walks out of the lavatory dressed in a pilot uniform.]
Mr. Horse:
Man, this airline food goes right through you. [Mr. Horse walks out of the frame. Cut back to Stimpy, still crushed under the "rock". Ren pokes his head into the frame, wearing a shower cap.]
Ren:
Well, that's eight. You only got one life left.
