[Daniel calls Miranda as several undesirable applicants for the housekeeper position]
Miranda:
[answers as she is driving] Hello? Are you calling in response to the ad?
Daniel:
[in a monotone feminine voice] Uh-huh.
Miranda:
Tell me, who was your previous employer?
Daniel:
I was in a band. Severe Tire Damage.
Miranda:
In a band?
Daniel:
I just want to know one thing: are your kids well-behaved, or do they need like a few light slams every now and then?
Miranda:
Um... I'll have to get back to you on that.
Daniel:
Wow! [Miranda hangs up]
[Cut to Daniel calling Miranda while taking a bath]
Daniel:
[in a German accent] Ja, my name is Ilsa Himmelman, and I want to know how many children do you have?
Miranda:
I have two girls and a boy.
Daniel:
Oh, a boy. I don't work with the males because I used to be one.
Miranda:
[hangs up in shock] Yikes!
[Cut to Daniel calling Miranda later that night]
Miranda:
Hello?
Daniel:
[screams; in a Southern accent] Layla, get back in your cell! Don't make me get the hose! [in a soft voice] Hello? [Miranda hangs up in shock again. Daniel calls her again in a Spanish accent] I. Am. Job.
Miranda:
Do you speak English?
Daniel:
I. Am. Job.
Miranda:
I'm sorry, the position has been filled. [hangs up] Oh, what a nightmare!
Daniel:
[as he dials Miranda's number one last time] Let's go in for the kill.
Miranda:
[answers the phone] Hello?
Daniel:
[in a feminine English accent] Hello. I'm calling in regards to the ad I read in the paper.
Miranda:
Yes. Well, would you tell me a little bit about yourself?
Daniel:
Oh, certainly dear. For the past 15 years, I have worked for the Smythe family of Elbourne, England. That's Smythe, not Smith, dear. And for them, I did house-cleaning, cooking, and took care of their four glorious children. Oh, I grew quite attached to them after 15 years, but they grew up, as children tend to do. Oh, but listen to me, I am going on when you should be telling me about your little ones.
Miranda:
Well, I have two girls...
Daniel:
Oh, two precious gems. No doubt, the jewel of your eye.
Miranda:
...and one boy.
Daniel:
Oh, the little prince. How wonderful.
Miranda:
I must tell you, there would be a little light cooking required.
Daniel:
Oh, I don't mind that dear. I'd love some heavy cooking, but I do have one rule: They'll only eat good, nutritious food with me. And if there's any dispute about that, it's either good, wholesome food or empty tummies. That's my rule. I hope it's not too harsh for you, dear.
Miranda:
No. Um, would you mind coming on an interview, say, Monday night at 7:30?
Daniel:
Oh, I'd love to, dear.
Miranda:
Wonderful. I'm at 2640 Steiner Street.
Daniel:
Steiner. Oh, how lovely.
Miranda:
Could you tell me your name?
Daniel:
My name? I thought I gave it to you, dear.
Miranda:
No.
Daniel:
Oh! [sees a newspaper headline that reads, "Police Doubt Fire Was Accidental"] Doubtfire.
Miranda:
I beg your pardon?
Daniel:
Doubtfire, dear. Mrs Doubtfire.
Miranda:
Well, I look forward to meeting you.
Daniel:
Oh, lovely, dear. Me, too.
Miranda:
Bye-bye.
Daniel:
Ta-ta. [hangs up; in his normal voice] Showtime. [chuckles]
