Search results for 'spongebob' Page #41

Squidward:
What are you two dizzy dingbats doing out here?!

SpongeBob:
Just treasuring our time together, Squidward.

Squidward:
Well, that time is over! Say good night, go to your separate houses, and be quiet! [SpongeBob and Patrick whimper and cry]

Patrick:
[cries] I can't do it! I can't be away from my best friend!

SpongeBob:
[cries] No, it hurts too much! [he and Patrick continue to cry.]

Squidward:
Oh, will you two cut it out? [SpongeBob and Patrick stop crying]

SpongeBob:
Cut it out... Squidward, that's a great idea!

Squidward and Patrick:
It is?

[SpongeBob takes out a pair of scissors, cuts off part of his head and forms it into a tiny version of himself.]

Patrick:
Wow! My turn!

[Patrick rips his head off and also forms it into a tiny version of himself. SpongeBob and Patrick hug each as the tiny versions of themselves hug and dance around.]

Squidward:
I think I'm gonna be sick! [gets sick and runs back into his house]

SpongeBob:
[gives Mini SpongeBob to Patrick] Here you go, Patrick. Now we never have to be apart, [Patrick gives SpongeBob Mini Patrick] even when we're not together.

Patrick:
This is great. See you forever, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob:
Yeah, see you forever, Patrick. [enters his house and yawns] Time for bed, Tiny Patrick.

[Mini Patrick jumps happily on SpongeBob's hands and hops on his head as SpongeBob goes upstairs. Bubble transition to SpongeBob washing his face with soap and water. Mini Patrick jumps off of SpongeBob's head and dives into the sink. He pops out of the suds and rides on the rubber duck like a cowboy. Bubble transition to Mini SpongeBob brushing Patrick's teeth. However, he shrivels up by the bad odor inside Patrick's mouth and falls into the sink.]

Patrick:
Hmm.

Squidward:
What do you think of Mr. Krabs' new plaid kilt?

SpongeBob:
P-p-p-p-plaid? [SpongeBob starts clucking like a chicken]

Mr. Krabs:
Well, you don't have to be nasty about it!

Squidward:
What the? Where am I? What's going on?

SpongeBob:
Oh, Squidward, you're back to your normal grown-up self.

Squidward:
Of course I'm grown-up! Why wouldn't I be?! [notices he's wearing a diaper] Am I wearing... a diaper?

SpongeBob:
Yes.

Squidward:
Is it full? [looks inside diaper and screams]

SpongeBob:
Sorry, Squidward! I was gonna change it, but I got in the wra... [Squidward puts his hand over SpongeBob's mouth]

Squidward:
Stop! Not another word about this! Ever.

SpongeBob:
Kids, they grow up so fast.

Squidward:
What's that horrible smell?! [sees steam coming out of SpongeBob's window] Is Patrick thinking again?

Patrick:
[sticking his head out of the window] I'm making art!

Squidward:
Patrick, it smells like something crawled into your brain and died.

Patrick:
That's the creative process at work!

Squidward:
WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?!

SpongeBob:
Well, since we've finished everything on the list, I thought I'd make up a new one. I already filled up this book with ideas. [holds up a book that says Friends 4ever] We should be able to finish by January.

Squidward:
FORGET THE BOOK! [slaps the book away] I spent the whole day with you doing all kinds of ridiculous things because you were supposed to EXPLODE!

SpongeBob:
You want me to explode?

Squidward:
Yes, that's what I've been waiting for!

SpongeBob:
Okay, I'll try. [strains himself] GARY!!!! YOU ARE GONNA FINISH YOUR DESSERT, AND YOU ARE GONNA LIKE IT!!!! [laughs] Now it's your turn.

Squidward:
[yells, hops up and down furiously] THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT, YOU BARNACLEHEAD!!!

SpongeBob:
[claps] Ooh, good one.

Squidward:
NO! You're supposed to explode into a million pieces! [flaps his arms]

SpongeBob:
Why would I do that?

Squidward:
Because the pie you ate was a bomb!

SpongeBob:
What pie?

Squidward:
The one I left sitting on the counter this morning that I bought from pirates for 25 bucks, and I didn't know it was a bomb, and you ate it...THAT PIE!

SpongeBob:
Pie... OH, you mean this pie! [takes out the same pie]

Squidward:
Huh?

SpongeBob:
I was saving it in my pocket, for us to share. Let’s eat. [trips on a rock] Oops.

[The pie flies into Squidward's face, causing an explosion in Bikini Bottom the size of an atomic bomb]

Squidward:
Ouch.

Squidward:
Why would you wanna talk to him?

SpongeBob:
Who wouldn't want to talk to their pet?

Squidward:
I was talking to Gary.

Squidward:
Will you let go of that stupid pizza already?!

SpongeBob:
I can't, it's for the customer!

Squidward:
Who cares about the customer?

SpongeBob:
I do!

Squidward:
Well, I don't!

SpongeBob:
[wind stops momentarily; gasps] Squidward! [blown away by the wind]

Squidward:
You once again managed to single-handedly annihilate what might be the one and only chance I may ever get to sew just one tiny seed of creative hope into the culturally barren wasteland that each and every one of us is forced to call home!

Harold:
Actually, I've been commuting from upstate.

Squidward:
Now, I don't suppose you two have anything to say for yourselves?

SpongeBob:
Well, I guess if I was to say one thing, it would have to be: We're sorry, Squidward. [Squidward looks horrified as SpongeBob revealed Squidward's name]

Patrick:
Yeah, we're sorry, Squidward.

Squidward:
[frantic] No, no, no, no, no! Shh shh shh...

Harold:
Hey, did those guys just call you Squidward?

Squidward:
[frantic] No, no, no, no, no! They said "Squilliam"!

Gus:
Oh! I knew this guy was phony from minute one! I'm gettin' outta here.

Harold:
Yeah, me, too! I'm gonna get my tuition back!

Squidward:
No! Wait! [everyone walks to the door and Squidward blocks it] NO! You're not going anywhere!

[The door is smashed open and several police fish run in. Squidward, who was flattened against the wall by the door, is grabbed by them]

Squidward:
Wha-What's going on here?

Johnson:
Sorry, Professor, your little symphony is over.

Music School Headmistress:
[she and the real Squilliam Fancyson are there] It's true, we're onto your little ruse! [the reporter and cameraman are there too]

Bikini Bottom News Reporter:
What a hot scoop!

Music School Headmistress:
The real Squiliam as we all know has a large bushy unibrow just at the base of his forehead.

Squidward:
But... [a police officer rips off Squidward's Wig]

Green Police Fish:
No unibrow. Squidward Q. Tentacles, i'm placing you under arrest for impersonating a genius.

[Squidward is handcuffed and taken away by the police. SpongeBob takes out the metronome, starts it, and he and Patrick start swaying to the rhythm again]

SpongeBob and Patrick:
Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick...

Squidward:
[about SpongeBob, who has decided to go live in the wild] He took off his pants...

Sandy:
I'll give him a week.

Squidward:
I'll give him 11 minutes.

Patrick:
[on the verge of tears] Patrick SAAADDDDDD!

Squidward:
[about SpongeBob, who has decided to go live in the wild] He took off his pants.

Sandy:
I'll give him a week.

Squidward:
I'll give him eleven minutes.

Patrick:
[on the verge of tears] Patrick SAD!

Squidward:
[about Spongebob] Teacher's pet.

Squidward:
[angrily twitches his eye. As SpongeBob continues wiggling his toes, he furiously turns red and opens the front door] Alright, you two! OUT! [SpongeBob and Patrick realizing that they are in trouble walk out] And don't even think about dragging your empty skulls around here for the rest of the day. Or tomorrow, or next week!

SpongeBob:
Squidward, does that include--

Squidward:
YES, IT DOES! [furiously slams the door shut]

SpongeBob:
Gee, Patrick, do you think Squidward was trying to tell us something?

Squidward:
[busts head through the door] YES, I WAS!!! YOU CALL YOURSELVES GOOD NEIGHBORS?! YOU'RE THE WORST NEIGHBORS... EVER! [angrily inhales] YOU DON'T DESERVE TO WEAR THOSE FEZZES! [takes SpongeBob and Patrick's fezzes off and rapidly stomps them into the ground]

SpongeBob:
Gee, Pat, maybe President Squidward's right.

Patrick:
Yeah, I guess we aren't good neighbors after all.

Squidward:
NO, YOU AREN'T!!! YOU'RE HORRIBLE NEIGHBORS! [angrily inhales again] AND STOP CALLING ME "PRESIDENT"! [pops his head back inside]

SpongeBob:
Come on, let's go. [he and Patrick walk off sadly]

Squidward:
[bonks SpongeBob on the head] HEY! Look what you did to me! If you don't fix my nose, you'll hear from my lawyer!

SpongeBob:
Are you sure?

Patrick:
Yeah! You'll be ugly again!

Squidward:
[Bubble transition as he looks in his closet] There's gotta be one in here! [finds a small, round green box] Ah! This hat box should do nicely. [pulls out a Mexican sombrero] Why haven't I worn this yet? [throws it off-screen, gets in the box, but he is too big for it and then just sits there. He then frowns with smoking present, looks at his watch, and then gets mad and kicks the box. Police sirens are heard]

Policeman Inside Box:
Attention! We have you surrounded! Come out with your hands up!

Squidward:
What do they want with me? What did I do? [gasps] Obviously I violated some new box kicking law. [walks out of his house showing the green box] Look, officers, everything's okay. I won't do it again.

Criminal Inside Box:
You'll never take me alive, coppers!

Man Inside Box:
No, Johnny! Don't do it! [Police sirens are heard. Squidward gets angry and kicks his green box toward SpongeBob and Patrick's box]

Patrick:
[opens box and sirens stop] Whoopee! Another box! [takes the hat box and closes the box they're sitting in and police sirens are heard again]

Squidward:
[deadpan] Rage. Fury. Irritation. Humiliation.

Pearl:
Squidward is such a barnacle.

SpongeBob:
A stick in the sand.

Squidward:
[Gary's food bowl lands on Squidward, who is on the couch, which is tipped over. Squidward sits up to realize he has the vacuum stuck inside of him] SpongeBob! [he loses balance out of the room, and falls down the stairs. He stops on one stair for the vacuum whirring, and his next step makes him fall off the final stairs before choking out the vacuum] Is it really you? [switches the vacuum to on, allowing it to whir. He picks it up] It is you! [kisses it] Come on, baby. You and I will walk out of this horror show the way we walked into it: with dignity and aplomb. [he walks out of SpongeBob's house to hear a siren, and sees firemen hosing his burnt house, while SpongeBob and Patrick are there] My house...

Patrick:
You just missed the fire. [Squidward walks to the firemen]

Squidward:
What happened to my house? [fireman holds up a burnt casserole]

Fireman:
Oh, some knucklehead left a casserole in the oven.

Squidward:
[yelling] SPOOOOOONGEBOOOOOOOOOOOOOB!!!!!!!!

SpongeBob:
Aw, don't worry, Squidward. You're more than welcome to stay at my house until you get your house fixed.

[Squidward becomes shocked with ominous music playing, he suddenly imagines himself at a table with his vacuum cleaner at the seat across from him.]

Squidward:
Why, yes, I'd love another spot of tea, Mr. Vacuum Cleaner. [holds up the burnt casserole] Care for some casserole? [crazed laughter. Camera zooms in on his pupil, and the scene cuts back to real life]

SpongeBob:
Squidward? You okay? Squidward? [Squidward faints; yelling] SQUIIIIIIIIIIDWAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRD!!!!!!!!!!

Squidward:
[in a state of tranquil fury] SpongeBob, this is the final straw. I'm going to move so far away that I will be able to brag about it. I would... [a piece of debris from his house falls on his head] I would rather tear out my brain-stem, carry it out into the middle of the nearest 4-way intersection, and skip rope with it, than continue living where I do now.

[A TV falls on the ground and turns on. On the television is an octopus, who looks like Squidward, but with a hair piece. He is in a suit and stands in front of a rainbow.]

Announcer:
Hi, there. Is this the final straw? Do you want to move so far away that you can brag about it? Would you rather tear out your brain-stem, walk out to the middle of the nearest 3-way-

Squidward:
4-way!

Announcer:
4-way intersection and skip rope with it, than continue living where you do now? Then move to--

Patrick:
[suddenly changes the channel to a static screen] I hate this channel.

Squidward:
No! NO! [changes it back]

Announcer:
...Tentacle Acres. Where happiness is just a suction cup away. [puts his tentacles together and pops them. The pops echo]

Squidward:
[laughs] Ha, ha! Who's got the clam now? [points at butt] I do! [shakes butt] I got the greatest scallop! I got the greatest scallop!

SpongeBob:
Wow, Squidward!

Patrick:
Oh, they're so pretty! Look!

Squidward:
Huh?

[Squidward sees the giant clam spinning in place as the small ones circle around it. The giant clam jumps over the small ones as a jump rope. It moves up and down the smaller clams as a wavering string, playing a gentle harp melody.]

Squidward:
Hey! I bought you to scare those dumb clams, not dance with 'em! [Squidward picks up a rock and throws it. The giant clam is surrounded by the little clams in a heart shape. When the rock hits it, it growls. It screeches at the other clams, and they all rush towards Squidward.]

SpongeBob:
Incoming! [he, Patrick, and Squidward jump out of the way]

[The giant clam smacks into the ground. Squidward screams and rolls away from it. The giant clam spits a pearl. Squidward presses against Patrick's house, but SpongeBob pulls him away. The pearl pierces Patrick's house.]

Patrick:
Boy, is that guy gonna get mad when he gets home!

Squidward:
[looking at his score with a triumphant but sleepless face] I did it. [kisses the score and laughs] Yes! [runs out of his house in an ecstatic delirium] I did it! I did it! I did it! And I did it! Ha ha ha ha!

Patrick:
[watching Squidward run out the door as SpongeBob sews his butt and laughs] Did what?

[Squidward runs over to the stadium]

Squidward:
Here you go, maestro, my masterpiece.

Conductor:
[looks at the score; in a German composer accent] Hmm, oh, very unusual. I think we have a winner, Mr. Tentacles! [Squidward smiles, cuts to later where Squidward is about to conduct his song]

Johnny:
Good evening, music lovers of Bikini Bottom. Tonight, is the premiere of a new symphony, written by one of our own, Squidward Tentacles.

[Squidward walks up on stage and starts conducting his composition, everything is fine until he hears Patrick using a tongue depressor on himself. Squidward looks at his music and, much to his shock and dismay, finds out that there are drawings of SpongeBob and Patrick on it.]

Squidward:
[gasps] Huh?!

[It turns out that Squidward inadvertently wrote down everything he heard from SpongeBob's doctoring. The music is then followed by Patrick hitting his own knee with a hammer and screaming while SpongeBob times his reflex]

Squidward:
I wrote down everything I heard?! [gulps and looks at the audience, SpongeBob drops a brick on Patrick's leg, then an anchor]

Pilar:
Oooo! That's gonna leave a mark! [Squidward sweats in embarrassment]

[SpongeBob puts on a rubber glove then squeaks a rubber duck near Patrick as he screams, then uses the x-ray, then the laugh machine, then reading magazines, then SpongeBob plays with his brain, then he's reading magazines again, then using the x-ray again, then the laugh machine, then the duck, then the magazine, then playing with the brain. This process repeats twice, second time shorter time. Throughout the performance, Squidward continued to conduct the orchestra while barely paying attention to his conducting, due to SpongeBob and Patrick distracting him with their odd procedures to each other. SpongeBob then uses the blood pressure pump to inflate Patrick, he loses control of the air in his body and starts flying around like a balloon, smacking into Squidward as the song ends]

Nazz:
That poor guy. [as Patrick sits up straight on Squidward after deflating, the song comes to an end]

Squidward:
Patrick, get off of me! [Patrick does so, Squidward growls at him, then looks at the audience, Squidward begins to sadly walk off the stage, but then everyone begins cheering]

Audience Member:
Oh, now that's what I call music!

Shubie:
That little yellow guy is awesome!

Bill:
Let us not forget the tubby starfish!

Fred:
Oh, yeah, but the real genius is the composer! [all chanting] Squidward! Squidward! Squidward!

SpongeBob:
Wow, Squidward, they really liked you! Just don't get a "swelled head." [Squidward's head begins to inflate, because Patrick is using the blood pressure pump, causing Squidward to look at him suspiciously and then we can hear an explosion as the screen cuts to black, ending the episode]

Squidward:
[looking through the window at a clarinet store] Hmm? Huh? [sees SpongeBob riding Coupe and playing instruments along the way]

SpongeBob:
Hi, Squidward! [blows a clarinet in Squidward's face]

Squidward:
[bewildered] Oh, I need to erase this from my mind. [pulls his nose to open his head, takes out his brain, erases it clean with a pencil, and puts his brain back in, making him dumb] Duh! What's a SpongeBob?! [drools]

Squidward:
[looks at his watch] Oh! I'm almost late for Choir Practice! Better not run into SpongeBob again or I'm doomed! [takes a turn next to a large field of grass, then starts pedaling into it. He gets out and laughs] Figaro! Figaro-Figaro-Figa-roooo!

SpongeBob:
[steps out of the grasses in a policeman's hat and mustache] Stop! Stop Stop! [Squidward notices him, screams then comes to a screeching halt] I here by issue you with this ticket, for reckless frowning, and failing to listen to my song!

Squidward:
Your song? What are you, some kind of...

SpongeBob:
That's right! I'm a singing traffic cop!

Squidward:
A singing traffic...

SpongeBob:
♪O Sole Lo Mio...♪

Squidward:
[rips off SpongeBob's fake mustache] SpongeBob, I will be late to practice with all of your tomfoolery slowing me down! [grabs the ticket and rips it up] It is a high honor to be chosen for the Bikini Bottom Men's Chorus, and you are not going to keep me from performing my Grand Solo! [ties SpongeBob to some coral, using kelp, then rides away] ♪Figaro! Figaro, Figaro, Fi-ga-ro!♪

[After a really long beat...]

SpongeBob:
♪Fii-gaa-roo♪ [Everything around starts shaking, the ground rumbles. Kelp breaks off SpongeBob as he stops singing, but an echo is heard. Cut to Jellyfish Fields, and the camera pans to a couple of jellyfish. They hear his singing and follow the source. SpongeBob falls to the ground, and the jellyfish come while buzzing excitedly and pick him up to the choir.; SpongeBob is holding note while being travelled down the road by jellyfish, in a beam of sunlight]

Squidward:
[looks at SpongeBob's window where the light closes and sighs in relief] Now I can have the pool all to myself! [swims backwards into an inflatable chair] Oh, pool... [starts to sleep and the scene fades into his dream where many octopus guests are at SpongeBob's pool] Ciao, everybody!

Guests:
Ciao, Squidwardo!

Guest #1:
[with an Italian accent] Squidwardo, you must play your clarinet for us! You simply must!

Squidward:
I'll think about it! [gets up from the inflatable chair and dives into the pool]

[The guests awes in disappointment but then sees Squidward emerging from the pool playing his clarinet on many large white platforms. Squidward swims as he continues playing his clarinet and the camera pans out to a view of the floor of the pool, which is Squidward's head]

Pool floor:
Ciao bella!

[As Squidward plays his clarinet, two mermaids appear on both sides and kisses his head, until the scene fades to reality with Squidward kissing until he falls off the inflatable chair and into the pool]

Squidward:
[lying in his bed while everything in his house shakes because of SpongeBob's loud music] SpongeBob is the only guy I know who can have fun with a jellyfish... FOR TWELVE HOURS!

Squidward:
[picks up the shellphone] Hello?

SpongeBob:
[panicking] Squidward!

Squidward:
Is it time already for you to ruin my day?