Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #123

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104 — There are currently 6,936 quotes total — keep up the great work!

[Yvgeny and Sergei celebrates their Dad's birthday] Yvgeny's Dad: I never see birthday pizza before! Sergei: Is Cheesie Toppers Pizza, papa. Yvgeny's Dad: Thank you for present, Sergei. Sergei: I knew you would like, papa. Yvgeny: Now open this one! [Yvgeny's Dad opens the present and found one mitten] Yvgeny's Dad: Where is other one? Yvgeny: Is potato vodka cozy! Yvgeny's Dad: Where you find such thing? Yvgeny: Jon's girlfriend Kim open new store. I also couldn't resist this. Isabelle wears one. It helps Guatemalan families! Sergei: Guatemalan familes. I don't care if it helps RUSSIAN FAMILIES! YOU SHOP AT THIS STORE! DISRESPECT TO PAPA! – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Jon: I had Danielle set up a meeting. I wanted to run some exciting business opportunities by you. And, um, I want to talk to you about changing the name of the store to Kim's Krafts as seen in Delocated!. You know, since all of this is basically happening because of my show. Kim: Yeah, I'm not changing the name of the store, but thank you. Jon: Alright, yeah. Whatever. That's fine. Um...I just figured the guy that loaned you the money for the store would have maybe a little more say in how things are run. But it's cool. Kim: Jon, you know what? You insisted that you weren't gonna make things weird between us because of the loan. So I just find this really unfair. Jon: I'm not making anything weird. I'm being professional, okay? I set up a meeting, okay? The only thing weird here is, like, this -- This stuff and all this -- This thing. Like, this? This is weird, this hat. [puts the weird hat on his head] – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Kim: Jon, can you please not be eating every time you come in here? Or at least wait until your lunch break like everybody else does. Jon: Sorry. Don't open your store down the street from a cheesie toppers pizza next time, okay? Best New York slice. Kim: The owners of that store are pro-life. So you buying a slice is actually supporting people who murder abortion doctors. Jon: Well, any feminazis get a taste of this sauce, they might not care so much. Might taste them straight. Kim: Why do feminazis have to be gay? Jon: Pretty much a given. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Jimmy Fallon: My wife keeps hounding me about these new tortilla hats, saying, "Get me a tortilla hat! I want a tortilla hat". I'm like, "Hey, when are they gonna make a tortilla muzzle"? – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Kim: 5% of the profits go to a Guatemalan family that the store sponsors. That's Miguel. [shows her a pictures of a kid Miguel] Isabelle: Oh, he's adorable. Jon: [spanish accent] He's my brother! – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Jon: Nice jeans. Isabelle: Uh...I'm not wearing jeans. Jon: I know. I'm talking about for when you are wearing jeans. My jeans. They're gonna be selling jeans right over here. Starting up a nook pretty soon. You should come back and check it out. See, they're not even so much jeans, they're JEAANS. Want some JEAANS? – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Jon (as Sergei): Now what do I do? Rob: You just focus on the task at hand, alright? Jon (as Sergei): I want you to know I didn't fire my gun when everyone killed the DJ. Rob: That's good. Jon (as Sergei): But I have to admit it was a real rush. I didn't realize it till after I threw up that I had a boner. Rob: [chuckles] It's your first kill boner. Rob: Listen, when all this is over, you and me, we're gonna lay out on the peak of friendship mountain and we're gonna talk about kill boners all day long. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
[as Jon (as Sergei) kills the DJ to make sure he stays in touch with the russian group and finding the information about them] Jon (as Sergei): [to DJ] Sorry about this, man. Nothing personal. Great set tonight. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Yvgeny: Sergei... Jon (as Sergei): [russian accent] What? Yvgeny: You really think I'm a cool guy? Jon (as Sergei): Yes. Of course. Yvgeny: Thank you. [voice breaking] Thank you so much. Really means a lot. Jon (as Sergei): I have to go to the bathroom. Yvgeny: HE THINKS I'M A COOL GUY! [crying] – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
[Jon (as Sergei) goes deep undercover going into the russian's social club's base] Jon (as Sergei): [russian accent] Hey, cool guy, let's speak English! Aye! Russian Social Club Members: HEY! Jon (as Sergei): I just want to keep practicing my English for when I'm a decoy. [american accent] Uh, yeah. I can go down the street and get some toilet paper for Jon. Yvgeny: I don't think any of us thought we'd ever see the day when Sergei would settle down. But you can't do much better than the youngest daughter of King Abdullah Bin Abdul Aziz Al-Haseem if you're going to take the plunge and get married. [cuts to the next scene where Jon's crew are in the van hiding outside of the russian's club] Rob: Holy mother [bleep]. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
[as Jon (as Sergei) kisses Kim] Jon (as Sergei): I almost creamed again. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
[David And Kim play Scrabble] David: Meatus. Kim: What is a Meatus? David: It's, uh... – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Rob: Jon, this is a two-way micro transmitter. This will allow us to stay in constant contact with you and also hear everything that you're hearing at all times. Jon (as Sergei): [american accent] [singing] Ber-ner-ner. Face/Off was a movie, now it's my life, ber-ner-ner, I'm ready to do this. BER! – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
[Jon finally becomes Sergei after the face surgery succeeded] English Teacher: Say "I will spoon-feed Jon his own balls". And use your Russian accent. Jon (as Sergei): [russian accent] I will spoon-feed Jon in his own balls. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
[as Jon and Sergei were about to do face surgery] Jon: First thing I do when I come to, I'm a punch myself right in your face. Get it? 'Cause your face is gonna be on my face, and I'm gonna punch it. You got it? I WIN! I WIN! Ey, wake him up so I can tell him I win! – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Jon: [to Kim] You know...maybe tonight we should, uh, think about decreasing the distance...between our crotch areas. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Kim: Sometimes you have a way of saying things obnoxious, it's adorable. It gets me. Jon: Yeah? Kim: Yeah. Let's decrease the distance. Hard. [as Jon and Kim were about have sex each other, Jon felt something strange between his private] Jon: [gasps] Kim: No. Now what? Jon: Ooh. Ooh. Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo. Kim: What's happening? Jon: I just creamed. I just creamed. [chuckles] Kim: You're on the couch tonight. Jon: What? Kim: Good luck with the face surgery. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Jon: Oh, hey, uh, you know what I was thinking about in the bathroom? Kim: What? Jon: [russian accent] Increasing the distance! [chuckles] Jon: Man, we really are gonna increase the distance, aren't we? Kim: Let's hope we don't increase it permanently, like 6 feet underground. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
[Jon exercise by doing some jumping rope] Jon: I'm gonna do this! Here we go! [Jon did 4 jumping ropes] Jon: I'M DONE! TOO TIRED! – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Government Trainer: CORE TRAINING! Jon: STOP YELLING AT ME! – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
[Jon still tries to learn Russian] Jon: [speaks Russian] Hey, cool guy, let's speak...pizza. English Teacher: [speaks Russian] English. Jon: [speaks Russian] Pizza. English Teacher: [speaks Russian] English! Jon: [speaks Russian] Pizza. Rob: AH, COME ON, JON! – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
[Jon learns how to speak Russian] English Teacher: [speaks Russian ] "Hey, cool guy let's speak English. Jon: [speaks Russian] Hey, cool guy let's get some...pizza. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Jon: You know, Rob, when they told me you were gonna be my agent, I thought I was gonna lose my mind. Now we're a couple of bros in the hood. Rob: Now we're two bros in a pod. Jon: Couple of bros pulling a bros mose down the street. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
[Mighty Joe Jon negotiates] Mighty Joe Jon: $2 million. Jon: Oh, I'm sorry are we negotiating? Bryce Grieke: No. [chuckles] Jon: It's okay. But I only negotiate with Negotia-sarus. Rawr! Mighty Joe Jon: No, Jon. I'm not gonna negotiate with -- Jon: Rawr! $3 million. Mighty Joe Jon: $1 million. Jon: Rawr! $2 million. Mighty Joe Jon: $10,000. Bryce Grieke: Okay, hang on. Jon: Rawr! $20,000. Migthy Joe Jon: $500. Jon: Rawr! Deal. Bryce Grieke: No. [Jon and MJJ shake hands] Jon: You idiot! I made you negotiate with a hand dinosaur! – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago

We need you!

Help us build the largest authors community and quotes collection on the web!

The Web's Largest Resource for

Famous Quotes & Sayings

A Member Of The STANDS4 Network

Browse Quotes.net

#A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Random New Quotes

Quiz

Are you a quotes master?

»

"Dirt in the fuel line... just blowed it away."

A Gone in 60 seconds

B Casablanca

C Bonnie and Clyde

D The godfather