Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #124

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 6,274 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Steve Smith:
Ugh! I can't believe I don't have a date. I got to steal someone's wife or show my penis.

Pony:
[drunk] You couldn't steal anyone's wife.

Steve Smith:
Look...

Pony:
[drunk] Now, I? I could take any of these mofos from any bitch in here!

Steve Smith:
Well, then the first person who has a stolen date tonight gets --

Pony:
Respect. Real-deal respect.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Dean:
Drunkenness. A four? Come on, you squares. Pheromone output. [sniffs Cravid's armpits] Nine! Lastly, watch-ability. Do a pose.

[Crystal gets behind from Cravid doing a humping pose]

Dean:
GROSS! NEXT!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Frank Smith:
[to Steve and Pony] Hey, wouldn't it be funny if you just went together.

Pony:
Pssh!

Steve Smith:
What?

Pony:
I mean, come on. You're just...you're not --

Steve Smith:
Not what? Not your usual little nerd boyfriend who's so hard up he makes you feel pretty?

Pony:
[chuckles] You are such a mean old asshole.

Steve Smith:
Pony, you misunderstood me.

Pony:
No. We're doing this, you bald, sad loser. What? That doesn't make you feel pretty?

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

[Baby Cakes sees a beautiful hippie who has the same connection to her]

Baby Cakes:
Hey, I'm gonna call you Mattie, 'cause your hair's all matted up, like a cat's dook, alright?

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Pony:
How did Frank get the hottest professor on campus as a prom date?

Frank Smith:
Hey, Donna is way more than just a very pretty face, okay?

Steve Smith:
You just wore her down is all.

Frank Smith:
[laughing] Oh. Listen to Steve and Pony lash out like ugly kids, just because they're the only ones without prom dates.

Steve Smith:
Whatever.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

[Baby Cakes and Sammy sees the progress of the Faculty Prom]

Baby Cakes:
Dad told me never to come here.

Sammy:
Nonsense. I want that Ferrari.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Golden Bowl:
Dean, tell us your --

Dean:
[interrupt] Well, asshole, I've been secretly renovating the old schoolhouse. That's where we'll hold this year's faculty only prom! And whomever I judge to be prom king and queen gets a Ferrari! So, professors, pick a hot date!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Golden Bowl:
Good morning China, Illinois. 20 years ago, the historic schoolhouse was used in an anti-hippie science experiment, led by Professor Leonard Cakes to reverse the devolution that occurs in hippies. If left alone, a hippie will revert to chimpanzee behaviors. The project ended with disaster and Cakes' has promised that his hippies have safely burned away.

Golden Bowl:
Hmm. Did not know chimps did that. Wow.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Steve Smith:
Thanks for sacrificing your job to save me.

Pony:
F*** you! I didn't save you. The school was a zoo. I just tried to get it back to normal so I could save my job and my house.

Steve Smith:
Either way [chuckles] I owe you big, girl.

Baby Cakes:
Hey, everyone, am I still a moose?

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Dean:
Steve, I'm revoking your tenure.

Steve Smith:
Yes! Getting everything you want makes you go crazy.

Dean:
Pony, your tenure's gone, too.

Pony:
Wait. What?

Dean:
My wife was eaten by a squid, so I don't need to hide my granny love.

Frank Smith:
Granny love? Hey, I've got to take you to Turkey Gobbler's.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

[Pony wakes up after the elixir incident]

Dr. Falgot:
It's about damn time you came to. I was prepared to take your DVD player. [laughs]

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

[Baby Cakes see his Dad as a koala]

Baby Cakes:
Dad, I thought you kicked this koala sh*t.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Baby Cakes:
Hey, you got to come see this. There's a cheetah pushin' a hamster up in a lion.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

[Steve breaks into the Teacher's Lounge bringing the elixir to the teachers]

Sammy:
Oh, look. Bird.

Dr. Falgot:
Why does that bird have our elixir?

Steve (as a Eagle):
I'm Steve. Listen. Tenure sucks. Being human blows. You're all cooler when you're animals, and you know it.

Dr. Falgot:
He's O.D 'D, and he's...glorious.

Steve (as a Eagle):
F*** yeah, I'm glorious.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

[Steve got knocked out from a video projector from Pony]

Pony:
I can't lose all I've gained over a zoomorphic, drug-addicted mentor.

Frank Smith:
Hey, why is this door shut?

[Pony kicks the door back breaking Frank's hand]

Frank Smith:
OW! YOU F***ING WITCH! I want to to meet that eagle friend, I'll have you know! What's up, Steve? Where's the eagle?

[Frank also gets knocked out with a video projector from Pony]

[Frank wakes up consciously]

Steve Smith:
She got you too, huh?

Frank Smith:
[conscious] Naw. it's nothin'. What the hell is going on around--

[then Steve knocks out Frank with the same video projector that Pony used]

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

[Pony teaching time]

Pony:
Which explains 9/11.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

[Pony sees Steve as a eagle again]

Steve Smith (as a Eagle):
Hey, Pony, I stole the elixir for us.

Pony:
No! You'll get us fired and killed! I like being almost rich!

Steve Smith (as a Eagle):
Well, f*** you!

[Steve leaves, while Frank secretly spies the whole scenery]

Frank Smith:
That's how she got tenure...an eagle friend.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Donny:
And that's why Lee Harvey Oswald was God in disguise.

Steve Smith:
Solid research.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

[after the Zodiac Zoociety part]

Frank Smith:
So...where were you two last night? Hmm?

Steve Smith:
We were at the movies.

Frank Smith:
Oh, great! First, she robs me of my tenure, and now she's your f***ing girlfriend?!

Steve Smith:
No, see, it was a tenure orientation film.

Frank Smith:
Oh, h-how was that?

Pony:
Really wasn't for me.

Steve Smith:
What?! I cannot wait for next time.

Pony:
Oh, I can wait.

Steve Smith:
Pony, don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

Pony:
No. Always look a gift horse in the mouth. Trojan Horse, anyone? Am I the only person who knows history?

Frank Smith:
[thinking] There is something going on here. And I am going to f*** it up.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

[Steve and Pony gets taken into the Zodiac Zoociety]

Professor Cakes:
We got our top minds on this project long ago. Science, occult, psychology. yeah. We were all bored after tenure. Now with this elixir, we can feel [chuckles] alive again!

Dr. Falgot:
See we got a couple of new people here, so I'm going to reiterate the rules. Only do this once a month. Or else...it could have lasting effects.

Dean:
Oh! The only thing that can get tenured professors fired and killed is talking about what happens here.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Pony:
I am loving being a professor. I can afford food and nice clothes, and now I'm gonna be part of the secret club.

Dean:
Pony, you're f***ing killing me! The Faculty's already suspicious about your tenure. I should revoke it!

Pony:
[laughs] Come, come, Dean. Does the wife like the musk of old flesh, too?

Dean:
[groans] Damn!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Dean:
Steve, it's normal to feel aimless and numb once you've achieved all your goals. I, too, at times put my perfect life at risk just to smell the musk of old flesh.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

[Steve come back to class while still having insomnia]

Steve Smith:
Goatee, Civil War. When'd it end?

Hanz:
Ooh, 1860--

[Steve slaps Hanz]

Steve Smith:
Hair Girl, Confederates. Name me one.

Hair Girl Student:
Robert E. --

Steve Smith:
[mockingly] "Robert E. Lee". I need three fat kids to lay down right here. It's broad-jump time. [takes off his robe]

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

[Frank becomes a student to ruin Pony's tenure]

Frank Smith:
Oh, here she is! Fake teacher. Right here. [laughs]

Pony:
Okay, class. "America's Westward Expansion". Let's jump right in.

Frank Smith:
Jump in piss, teach!

Students:
Shh!

Frank Smith:
Whatever.

Pony:
So, the Americans didn't need more land, but the natural resources were like...the gravy on potatoes.

Students:
Oh!

White Haired Student:
It's finally clear! If potatoes are covered in gravy, then I'll kill anyone to get 'em!

Pony:
And that is exactly what the early Americans did. We killed everybody.

Students:
[clapped]

Frank Smith:
Oh, my god. She's...Amadeus-ing.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

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In which movie does this quote appear: "Let me tell you something my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane." ?
A Blues Brothers
B Die Hard
C Shawshank Redemption
D Mission: Impossible