Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #118

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 6,261 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Lotion Guy:
Someone answered your ad for your Mom. I told here to meet us here. Honey? What are you doing here?

Lotion Guy's Wife:
I answered an ad. Years ago I had a son. I never told you.

Lotion Guy:
Is this your son? [points to Xavier]

Lotion Guy's Wife:
HIM?! NO! [vomits]

Xavier:
Mother, is that you? You look so different! Give me a hug.

Lotion Guy's Wife:
Get away from me. You make me sick!

Xavier:
[to Lotion Guy] That's what she said. It is my Mom.

Muslim Man:
Is this female ameribot giving you trouble? She's to obey your order, yes?

Lotion Guy's Wife:
Don't touch me!

Xavier:
Sir, women here have the freedom to do what they want. [sad] It totally sucks.

Muslim Man:
Fascinating. Where are time-honored oppressions to women?

[Lotion Guy's Wife punches Muslim Man]

Lotion Guy's Wife:
Get off me!

Muslim Man:
This machine is defective. WE MUST DESTROY IT!

Xavier:
NOO! It's a software problem. We'll re-reprogam her.

Muslim Man:
I don't know. What if it is system-wide? No hate of Muslims is all we ask for.

Xavier:
Okay, just to be safe, I'll re-reprogram all of the ameribots to become Muslims. [meows]

Muslim Man:
[evil scheming] That's the kind of typical American I like.

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Xavier:
Go on. Mingle, do whatever you want with them. Snatch their grub, punch their bellies. Everything is included for your $5,000 a day except for the prop prop playride. That's a quarter. Now, who needs change?

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Xavier:
Okay, look unalive, people. Here we go! Ladies and gentlemuslims, arabs of all stroke, we got a "goozum" on the loose, so keep your muzzy limbs inside the "tramboatel" at all times, less you want to lose them on a goozum". I'm your tour guide, your pure snide with white pride, here to keep you alive.

Xavier:
And if you look to your left, you're gonna wanna turn to your right, where you'll see a robotic depiction of a typical American town. Only difference is these ameribots are double-double programmed to not hate you, even though you're Muslims.

Xavier:
Coming up ahead is the pride of the city, the lotion factory, with its famed 2-million-gallon silos of anti-aging cream.

Muslim Man:
And all of these people here are robots?

Xavier:
Yep.

Muslim Man:
So lifelike...it even looked like that robot winked at you conspiratorially.

Xavier:
You can touch them all you want, here or here. Just don't play grab-ass. Psst. Show my butt what my mouth means, just to be safe.

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Xavier:
What's this? Seems to be some sort of words on paper. I can totally read, but, uh, I dare you to read what it says on here. Or what are you, chicken? Bawk-ga-doodle! WAU!

Lotion Guy:
It says the bank is going to repossess this whole town and tear it down to build condos for I assume "Latte Liberals".

Xavier:
Yep, that's correct. Give up your gold or give up your town.

Citizen #6:
I'm not getting rid of my gold!

Citizen #8:
Me neither. You can pry it from my gold, dead, gold.

Citizen #9:
What are we gonna do?!

Xavier:
I know some people who would buy your town and not change a thing.

Citizen #10:
We'll do anything to stay gilded.

Xavier:
Even [to viewers] pretend to be robots?

Xavier's Snake Finger:
DOWN UNDA!

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

[after the Lotion Guy got done reading the article]

Lotion Guy's Wife:
So did any of this happen?

Lotion Guy:
No. I would have remembered something like that. I don't thi--

[suddenly all the people came into the door cheering that they win the lotto]

Citizen #1:
WE WON THE LOTTO! WE WON THE LOTTO!

Citizen #2:
Now we can pay tribute with the goldest statue ever!

Citizen #3:
yeah!

Xavier:
You haven't won, you are one. You have all shown nobility in your selfless surrender to the greater good. There can be no glorious collective without the individual. Therefore, each one of you is better than any other one of you or the group.

Xavier:
Don't let anyone put their parts over your whole and squeeze out commu-jizz-sim. You should each reward yourselves decandently for your lack of greed and selflessness.

Citizen #4:
Aw, come on, what are gonna do? Something stupid like cover ourselves in...

[transitions to the next scene where they covers themselves in gold]

Citizen #4:
So, then, we covered ourselves in gold.

Citizen #5:
We deserve it.

Citizen #6:
I deserve it!

Citizen #7:
You don't dress for the job you want. You dress for the job you don't have anymore because you got gold-plated.

Citizen #8:
You're only as rich as you -- Look. Here comes the nice banker man to tell ye how rich I is. [literally get his forehead pounded by a hammer leaving a note]

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Xavier:
Does your paper have a missed connections section? Take this down. "You? Sandy, 5-foot blonde, pretty drunk. We made passing eye contact whilst you were giving birth to me. Me? Single, white male, thick and huge. I tore you up that night. Cocoa"?

Lotion Guy:
I'm sorry?

Xavier:
Do you want some hot coca? Good and fruity.

Lotion Guy:
Sure.

Xavier:
Well, get me some, too. Run it. Leave in the part about the cocoa. "Sex Sells". [while bending his body into a letter S shape]

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Lotion Guy:
Mister, I run the lotion weekly circular. I want to follow you around and get your scoop, tell your story.

Xavier:
Mine is the story of a man searching far and wide, fat and thick and deep for his mother, once thought dead. Have you seen her? She's about yea tall and about ooh big, and about mmm nice. I have a sketch you could print.

Lotion Guy:
[writing his notes] Wow, look at him go.

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Xavier:
I think what he means is that we should follow the GOLDEN RULE. He's gone. Grab those lats, kid. He's back. Hey, let's give that vessel a hand! He's gone. Please, I'm a humble servant. I don't need the clap from you people. And he's back! Come on, folks. Give it up. Everybody wants applause! And he's gone forever!

Xavier:
But we must honor his dying request. I mean, I wasn't really playing attention. I was blue-toothing it during half his blather, but I think he yammered something about how GOLD RULES. You must honor him with a gold statue in the center of town.

Black Shirt Guy #2:
We don't have the resources.

Xavier:
Have you no respect for the dead? Why don't you just piss in the man's face like this?

[pees in Abraham Lotion's body]

Black Shirt Woman:
Gold is just something we couldn't afford.

Xavier:
Well, what's that? [points to the billboard poster of Lotto] If you all chipped in you could win your own lotto. You'd earn enough to undo the indignity of the pisswich, which that man's face just woofed, woofed, down, down. Ooh, ooh, hold the mayo.

Black Shirt Guy:
The dead want us to win!

Black Shirt Guy #3:
And our schools win, too!

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Xavier:
He's coming. He's coming...inside me.

[Abraham Lotion possessed Xavier to be raised from the dead]

Xavier (possessed by Abraham Lotion):
Oh, hello, people of -- What's this town called again?

Lotion Guy:
Lotion, New Mexico.

Xavier (possessed by Abraham Lotion):
People of earth, I am...what's the dead guy's name?

Lotion Guy:
Abraham Lotion.

Xavier (possessed by Abraham Lotion):
What kind of name is "Lotion"?

Lotion Guy:
He invented lotion and founded this sleepy town. We produce 70% of the nation's lotion, We're a simple folk, but we get free hot and cold-running lotion, so we look great.

Xavier (possessed by Abraham Lotion):
Whatevs. I am Abe Lotion, and I want that you taint shan't not mourn.

Old Guy:
This guy's babbling exactly like Mr. Lotion on his deathbed. It's him! I'd know that gibberish anywhere!

Xavier (possessed by Abraham Lotion):
Is there someone here wearing a black shirt?

Black Shirt Guy:
I am, but how could he have known that? He's dead.

Old Guy #2:
Do you have a message for us from the beyond?

Xavier (possessed by Abraham Lotion):
Course I do. What do you think, I'm back from the dead for my health? A message -- It's around here somewhere. Here it is. [reads his own message] "Keep your hands out of my pockets".

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

[Xavier goes to a cemetery for someone's death but in a humiliating kind of way]

Xavier:
People! A man is fallen! Man down! You dark, heartless rubberneckers sit back in black, asses to asses, butts in dust, doing nothing all over the face of this place.

Old Speech Guy:
We're in mourning! Have some respect.

Xavier:
You should be grieving the death of your vigilance! He's playing possum. [literally rips out the dead man's heart] I can tell. I have some bad news. He's passed on, to a better, more euphemistic place. Well, let's throw together an impromptu funeral.

Old Woman:
You've desecrated his memory!

Xavier:
You don't know what he wants, but I can speak for the dead when I say I can CHANNEL THE DEAD! I hate to brag my britches, but I'm a rather large medium when I penetrate the gray veil. Bleed me. Once I get this dead motormouth yapping through me, he won't stop chewing my lips off till I have to knock his black off and jack our mouths off.

Old Speech Guy:
I'd throw this freak out, but I don't want to get tooth-goo on my suit.

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Xavier:
Karma is a boomerang, mate, so throw another aussie cosmic scrimp on fate's barbie.

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Vacation Guy:
We don't "mohair" to your kind around here, boy!

Xavier:
I've got to warn you. If you beat me up, one day that pain will come back to me "Sexfold". [while bending his body into Letter T shape]

Vacation Guy:
Not you, freak -- This here terroristic sand negroid! [punches the muslim man] Take crime! taste the hate!

Xavier:
They "queefer" to be called Sandfrican-Americans!

Muslim Man:
I am just visiting Muslim who come to America to learn of your enchanting culture.

Xavier:
[sniffs] Then you'll want to bathe...in our warm kindness. But any decent American is going to smack your sack off for being a dirty arab. If you want to experience the real America, you've got build an artificial world -- A robotic amusement park full of android American programmed to be good to you and let you into their humble lives.

Muslim Man:
This is great idea. Thousands of rich Arabs would pay big money for it if we just had high-tech-enough robots that wouldn't at the most inopportune time break down...

[Muslim Man suddenly got short-circuited]

Secret Scientist:
Damn it, freak! You blew its circuits with your cylindrical logic. These droids can't handle baudrillardian self-awareness.

Xavier:
This is a simulacrock?

Vacation Guy:
We paid $1,000 a day to beat up mechanized arabs, but this is the worst touroristorrism hate-crime dream vacation I think we've ever had!

Secret Scientist:
I can't give you your money back, but what about this.

[Secret Scientist takes the Arab's hat cloth robe and put it on Xavier's head making the family beating him up]

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Lotion Guy:
Honey, there's an article in here. It said it was written by me. Look.

Lotion Guy's Wife:
What? How bizarre. What does it say? Read it.

Lotion Guy:
It said "Recently a strange creature was spotted rambling on the outskirts of town..."

[as the lotion guy kept reading the article, it starts to become a real thing in real life in the opening of the show as it goes on]

Xavier:
Nothing will ever interrupt my epic search for my other, no matter how -- Oh, a possum!

[the possum tries to bit Xavier]

Xavier:
AAH! Play dead! [snoring] I'm dead. [sees the possum leaves] I'm de-- Stupid idiot, I just outplayed you, possum!

[the possum start to be dead all of a sudden]

Xavier:
Oh, no, it's dead!

[then the possum was only playing dead just to bite Xavier]

[after the possum bites Xavier's finger, his finger got healed into another snake]

Xavier:
[Australian accent] Oi, mate! Crikey!

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Xavier:
Oh, no! It's the opposite of global warming -- MOONULAR FREEZING! Well, everything's perfectly preserved. Science will find a cure for this in 1,000 years. [took his cloth from someone who polishing a shoe] I'll be needing that back. Oh, a pepperbird! [sneezes making the whole population cracked to pieces] Oh, maybe give it 2,000 years.

Xavier:
[to the viewers] Your television just shattered!

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Xavier:
I'll be vigilant in my fiery pursuit of awareness of all imbruing trouble. I will notice calamity and take drastic action, even in times when it would be delightfully ironic or coincidental to not take any action at all!

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Nerdy Woman:
He's a freak!

Other Woman:
He's a freak.

Xavier:
No, I'm your freak. I shall never again be untrue to myself again, as I've learned --

Nerdy Woman:
Hey, they're linking the hot-dog chain to the moon!

Xavier:
Much like a chain of hot dogs links to the earth, I reconnect my vow to help all in need.

Nerdy Woman:
They linked it! It made the earth stop rotating around the sun! We can no longer rely on the sun's life-sustaining heat!

Xavier:
It may not be what you normals call "normal" or "cool"...

Nerdy Woman:
NOW ICE IS CREEPING DOWN THE HOT-DOG CHAIN! THE CRUEL TIDE OF FROST IS UPON US!

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

[Xavier confesses his true identity]

Xavier:
People, I'm not really a freak! You see, I am...

Nerdy Woman:
He's a big hot white man!

Xavier:
No.

Nerdy Woman:
He's a fat black woman!

Xavier:
[black accent] No, honey child!

Nerdy Woman:
He's a woman pretending to be a man!

Xavier:
No.

Nerdy Woman:
He's a man pretending to be a woman!

Xavier:
[high pitched] No.

Nerdy Woman:
He's a man! He's a man!

Xavier:
No.

Peterson:
I'M A WOMAN! [dramatically takes off his fake hair]

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Announcer:
Introducing the hottiest doggiest mascot of all time, Devil Dogmier!

Xavier (as Ryan):
Kids, it's new new daddy, kids! Remember?

Announcer:
You know what to do with Devil Dogmier, kids. Punch and call him "freak"!

Kids:
[repeated] FREAK!

Xavier (as Ryan):
Who is this shadowy figure shoving my old sad fate into my new face?

[Xavier pulls the shadow cloth away to reveal the villain of Cold Citizen #4 getting revenge on Xavier]

Cold Citizen #4:
I told you I'd commit every atom to my vengeance. [dies by turning into ice cubes]

Xavier:
Peterson, you now longer wield power over me if I accept myself.

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

[Xavier (as Ryan) steps into office while still wearing an overweight black woman suit]

Xavier (as Ryan):
Sorry I'm late, everybody. This black lady made me eat a bunch of cheese.

Boss:
New Ryan, get in my office to -- Hey, you looked ripped.

Xavier (as Ryan):
No, I just lost 300 pounds. My virginity.

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Xavier (as Ryan):
Say, sugar child, you look like y'all had a bad day.

Peterson:
[sad] I lost my job, and my wife is dead, and I just --

Xavier (as Ryan):
Honey, big jawanamamafire. She gonna make all okay. [licks Peterson's face]

[Peterson and Xavier (as Ryan and also a black woman) have sex with each other]

Peterson:
That was amazing. I think we actually made cheese.

Xavier (as Ryan):
Well, guess what. [eats cheese] That wasn't cheese! You're gay now. You're totally NOT NORMAL.

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Random Male:
Say, bub, you looking for an apartment? Don't bother. It's a Women's Only building.

[Random Citizen and Xavier (as Ryan) disguise themselves as women]

Xavier (as Ryan):
[high pitched] Well, it's the only place available in the city, so we'll take it.

Random Woman:
Welcome! And tonight a bunch of us girls are getting together. Turns out the local Men's Only Club Club doesn't allow women, so we're all gonna infiltrate undercover -- See what they're hiding.

[Random Woman, Random Male, and Xavier (as Ryan) disguise them selves as men]

Gene:
On behalf of the Men's Only Club Club, I'd like to welcome our new members. Tonight in our commitment to understand and honor all points of view, we're going to disguise ourselves like overweight black women to expand to expand our perspective and give dignity to all heritages.

[cuts to the next scene where all the men and women are disguised as overweighted black woman in a nail salon]

All:
Give me some lemonade.

Xavier (as Ryan):
Get me some toe pie! Excuse me, girlfriends.

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Old Ryan's Wife:
I didn't know you had a thing for blondes.

[shows pictures she found on her doorstep of Xavier eating Ching Chong Hot Dogs with the ladies]

Xavier (as Ryan):
What? No! Peterson must be behind this. Those photos are doctored!

Old Ryan's Wife:
Doctored? What kind of medical procedure is this?

Xavier (as Ryan):
Open-heart tea bag?

Old Ryan's Wife:
Well I regret opening my heart to your tea bag of lies. I WANT YOU OUT!

Xavier (as Ryan):
Let me at least say goodbye to the kids.

Old Ryan's Wife:
You'll never talk to the kids again!

Xavier (as Ryan):
You should know I faked all the impotence. I could've consummated the marriage, and I still intend to.

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Peterson:
I stayed up all night doing research. Every year, American eat enough hot dogs to go to the moon and back. And --

Xavier (as Ryan):
[scoffs] Prove it.

Boss:
Wait. Peterson, shut up! New Ryan, say that again.

Xavier (as Ryan):
Peterson, shut up.

Boss:
It's brilliant! We'll prove it. We'll make a hot-dog chain to the moon. It'll be the greatest marketing stunt of all time. You did it again, New Ryan. Pack your bags, Peterson.

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Boss:
Okay, for some reason, we got a huge surplus of Cheap Ching Chong Hot Dogs. We'd make a killing if we could sell these Ching Dogs.

Peterson:
I know! Let's do something normal.

Boss:
Come on, Peterson. That's old paradigm.

Peterson:
It was New Ryan's idea. He said he had a solution that would blow you away.

Boss:
Oh, yeah? Come on, golden boy. What do you know about moving hot dogs?

Xavier (as Ryan):
I know I was moving my hot dog in and out of Peterson's Wife's buns last night.

Peterson:
My wife is dead.

Xavier (as Ryan):
I never said it was consensual. Don't worry. I used "condiments". She enjoyed it with "relish". Her mouth passed "mustard". I could hardly "ketchup" to her vagina!

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

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