Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #128

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 6,274 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Pony:
So, Reagan invented a time machine just so he could sh*t in Steve's mouth?

Steve Smith:
I, uh, I...I need air. I need air. [leaves]

Frank Smith:
Let me do it to the end. It really seals the deal.

[Frank dances]

Baby Cakes:
Damn, you kick like a wicked chicken.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

[one of the special agent shows pictures of where Ronald Reagan mess up Steve's memories]

Special Agent Green:
You can see that in each shot, no one seems to be aware of Reagan.

Steve Smith:
But I don't remember Reagan being there.

Special Agent Green:
There's also this note.

[Steve reads Ronald Reagan's note the special agents found from]

Ronald Reagan:
Dear feds, I have the time machine. These pictures should confirm my power to freeze time and change anything. Anyway, not sure what to do now. Might go kill important people or meet cool dead people. P.S. -- Tell Steve that if he mocks me again, I will freeze time and I will sh*t in his mouth. Signed, Dutch."

Baby Cakes:
Hey, read it out loud.

Steve Smith:
Shut your ass, Baby Cakes.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Pony:
So, what's Steve got to do with Reagan now?

Special Agent Green:
In the '80s, Reagan had the FBI make a time machine. He said it was to stop homosexuality from being invented in the '60s. We now know he just said that to get us to build it so he could get back at Steve because of the show.

Special Agent Green:
[does sign language from Special Agent Lee's words] "Hey, WikiLeaks, why don't you tell them every f***ing secret we have, huh"? I know, I'm sorry. Sorry, sir.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Young Steve:
You guys like presidents?

Audience:
[cheering]

Young Steve:
Here's Ronald Reagan. [imitating Ronald Reagan] Well, heh, I like to kiss butts, and I love to smell farts. And I'm gonna blow us all up, shut up, Nancy. I can do whatever I want.

Jackie Lather:
Forget the last contestant, Steve wins! [referring to Frank]

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Frank Smith:
Sure, everyone thinks Steve's smoother than me because he knows about wine and has black friends, but if I'm alone, everyone loves me.

Baby Cakes:
I know what you're saying. I quit math class again 'cause there was a genius in there and I was afraid of him. Better versions of humans are scary.

Frank Smith:
[happily curious] Are you even a student anymore?

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Dean:
Steve, these government dudes think you're a terrorist.

Students:
[gasps]

Steve Smith:
Whoa, Dean.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Steve Smith:
So people with power are like lions. And we are like zebra. The lions could help us zebra, but, no, they don't. They eat us and crap us over and over.

[throw his beer inside the ceiling]

Steve Smith:
To conclude, we must become Rebel Zebra.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Assy McGee:
DOUBLE ENTENDRE!

[Assy throws a molotov onto the barn house]

Sanchez:
Lot of collateral damage here, Assy. What are we gonna tell the Chief?

Assy McGee:
We'll tell him 64 sick-bastard squirrel fighters committed mass suicide for reasons of guilt.

Sanchez:
What a shame.

Assy McGee:
You comin'?

Sanchez:
I'll catch up with you tomorrow, buddy. I want to make sure that we're good here.

[Sanchez dead-eyed watching the barn house burn to pieces for what the bad guys did to the squirrels]

Assy McGee:
Weird is what he is.

Assy McGee  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Assy McGee:
Hello, squirrel killers. Question for you -- Why do squirrels swim on their back?

Squirrel Killers:
[no response]

Assy McGee:
TO KEEP THEIR NUTS DRY!

Redneck:
[laughs] That's pretty f--

[all the squirrel killers get brutally murdered by Assy's big minigun recently]

Sanchez:
I didn't get it.

Assy McGee  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Assy McGee:
Whos' the king?

Sanchez:
You're the k--

Assy McGee:
[grabs his TV] WHO'S THE KING?!

Sanchez:
YOU'RE THE KING!

Assy McGee:
[throw the TV] C'mon, let's kill some assholes.

Assy McGee  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

[Assy's cellphone rings]

Assy McGee:
Remember this moment, Sanchez.

Sanchez:
The phone ringing? Why?

Assy McGee:
Because this is when the hunted...becomes the hunter.

Assy McGee  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

[Assy uses an audiobook for his headphones on how to release anger]

Audiobook Voice:
AudioBooks presents "Welcome to Face Your Fear". The first thing you must realize is 'Fear' is based in anger. Therefore, in order to begin, we must release out anger.

[Sanchez knocks on door]

Assy McGee:
[fires shotgun] Who is it?

Sanchez:
Damn it, Assy! If I wasn't tying my sneakers, I'd be dead right now.

Assy McGee  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Chief:
Jumped out of helicopters naked, kayaked the amazon in the buff, and climbed Mt. Washington in my birthday suit, but nothing -- And I mean nothing, Sanchez -- Compares to the thrill and excitement of staring at stuffed-and-mounted dead animals. I mean, look at that raccoon's face. Can't buy that.

Sanchez:
That's great, Chief. So...the squirrel?

Chief:
Yeah -- Squirrels, right. Let's get you out of here.

Sanchez:
Hey, Chief, is this you with President Ford?

Chief:
YEAH. THAT'S ME.

Assy McGee  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Assy McGee:
[on phone] How about "A pet squirrel for sale"?

Exeter Herald:
Again, anything up to 10 words is a $12 minimum.

Assy McGee:
[farts]

Exeter Herald:
Excuse me?

Assy McGee:
I said, if we lose 'Pet' and make it just 'Squirrel for sale', how much?

Exeter Herald:
$12.

Assy McGee:
Did you count 'Just'?

Exeter Herald:
No.

Assy McGee:
'Cause I said 'Just squirrel for sale'.

Exeter Herald:
No.

Assy McGee:
Then lose 'For'.

Exeter Herald:
"Squirrel sale"?

Assy McGee:
Right.

Exeter Herald:
$12.

Assy McGee:
Lose 'Sale' and print it.

[Assy ends the call while being shock by jump starters at the spa]

Assy McGee:
Drop that, Ling. Daddy wants two hands on the wheel.

Assy McGee  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

[Sanchez came by to Chief's house seeing him ripped]

Chief:
What the hell are you doing here?

Sanchez:
Huh? Ho! [chuckles nervously] Oh, uh, I'm sorry to bother you, Chief. Uh...

Chief:
I was just finishing improving my upper body.

Sanchez:
Whoa. Uh, Assy said you might be able to --

Chief:
Monday's back and bis. Wednesday's chest and tris. Friday's legs and thighs.

Sanchez:
Oh, okay. Um, Assy said you might be able to lend me a stuffed squirrel.

Chief:
Did he, now? Why in heaven I ever told you that son of a bitch about my taxidermy obsession I'll never know. Should call me "Chief Blabbermouth". But don't ever call me that. Come on, get your big Mexican balls in here. Shoes!

Assy McGee  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Ling:
That great plan, Assy. I feel bad all them little squirrel little cute and dead. It no good. Little --

Assy McGee:
Zip it, Ling. You're murdering more english than the I.R.A.

Assy McGee  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Waitress:
You boys ready, or you need a few?

Sanchez:
Yeah, maybe just a few more --

Assy McGee:
Three eggs, runny, bacon, sausage, home fries --- Burnt. Not hashbrowns. Home fries. Give me hashbrowns, and I'll kill you. Coffee -- Black. Two bloody marys -- Three bloody marys.

Waitress:
That all?

Assy McGee:
Raisin bagel.

Waitress:
Plain and onion, sweetie.

Assy McGee:
Raisin bagel!

Waitress:
Baby, I told you, we don't have any.

[Assy then wrecks a havoc]

Assy McGee:
Meet me in my place in an hour, Sanchez.

Sanchez:
Where you going? We just ordered.

Assy McGee:
Don't like the skirt's attitude.

Assy McGee  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Assy McGee:
What the hell is all this?

Sanchez:
Treadmill. Psycho makes 'em run miles, stay in fighting shape. Rape stand. Forced breeding. Male squirrel goes to town on a clamped-down female.

Assy McGee:
Genius.

Sanchez:
And if he doesn't perform, he ends up electrocuted in one of these.

Assy McGee:
Perform in what?

Sanchez:
U.S.F. Underground Squirrel Fighting.

Assy McGee:
[gags]

Sanchez:
Assy! They're just squirrels, and most of them are dead.

Assy McGee  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

[Assy and Sanchez find the bad guy's apartment]

Sanchez:
Open up! C'mon! C'mon! Let's go.

Assy McGee:
You sound like my dentist.

Assy McGee  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Dog Owner:
Hi, how may I help you?

Sanchez:
Do you sell pet squirrels? I'm sorry, we're all sold out. Perhaps you'd like to look at a gerbil or a hamster or--

[Assy closes the window on the Dog Owner]

Assy McGee:
He said, "Squirrel." pervert.

Dog Owner:
Sold the last three yesterday.

Sanchez:
To whom?

Dog Owner:
I don't know his name. Same guy orders a bunch every month.

[Assy closes the window on the Dog Owner again]

Sanchez:
Do it again, Assy.

Dog Owner:
OW!

Assy McGee:
What's he look like?

Dog Owner:
I don't know. We deliver them, so I never see him.

[Assy shoots one of the Dog Owner's legs]

Assy McGee:
[to Dog Owner] What's his address look like?

Assy McGee  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Chief:
Wait a minute -- You're telling me you two skin flutes went duck hunting without me?

Assy McGee:
I e-mailed you last week.

Chief:
That is a bowl of stale bull--

Sanchez:
No, no, no. He did, Chief. Yeah, he even, uh, CC'd me on it.

Assy McGee:
Maybe it's in your spam folder. I'll go into my sent mail and print a copy on it.

Chief:
Forget it. Forget about this dead-squirrel business! Probably just some punk kids playing around!

Sanchez:
But, Chief --

Chief:
We don't have the resources! You two mud stains want to look into this, you do it on your own time, on your own dime!

Sanchez:
Say it, don't spray it. [laughing] I want the news, not the weather, right, Assy?

Chief:
[pulls a knife blade on him] You care to repeat that, Sanchez?

Sanchez:
No.

Chief:
Get the hell out of my office!

Sanchez:
Assy, let's go.

Assy McGee  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Chief:
[on phone] Yeah, just rub some tomato paste on her cans. Sprouts the nips, and, better yet, stinks like sicily.

Assy McGee  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Sanchez:
I can't believe you're afraid of squirrels. That's hilarious. They're so cute and fuzzy.

Assy McGee:
Diseases with tails.

Sanchez:
Agree to disagree, and that said, they're still God's creatures, you know?

Assy McGee:
But something ain't right. Why would someone hang a squirrel in the woods?

Sanchez:
I have no idea. I mean, that's a real sicko. I'm happy to investigate, but you think Chief will sign off?

Assy McGee:
Run it up the flagpole, see if he salutes.

Sanchez:
What's that supposed to mean?

Assy McGee:
Sing him the National Anthem, see [mumbles]

Sanchez:
Okay, but I really don't understand what you're trying to say there. Squirrel.

[Assy shoots a squirrel]

Assy McGee  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

[Sanchez sees a squirrel hanging on a rope]

Sanchez:
Wow, this squirrel had a bad day.

Assy McGee:
SQUIRREL!

Sanchez:
Assy, come back! What's your problem? Come back. Assy!

Assy McGee:
I don't like -- I hate squirrels! OH, GOD! SQUIRRELS!

Assy McGee  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

We need you!

Help us build the largest authors community and quotes collection on the web!

Quiz

Are you a quotes master?

»
What movie is this sentence taken from? "You're gonna need a bigger boat."
A Titanic
B Dead Calm
C All is Lost
D Jaws