Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #128

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104 — There are currently 6,940 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Sergei: A nice night at the theater is going to end in murder. Sort of like Abraham Lincoln. Guess that makes me John Wilkes Booth. Or is it John Wilkes Vodka? – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Jon: This whole decoy thing's pretty exciting, right? Kim: Yeah. Jon: You know, it's kind of getting me hot. Maybe we should get out of here, head back to the hotel Jon. Kim: Yeah, we're not going anywhere till your breath doesn't stink like that jerky. Mighty Joe Jon: [chuckles] Talk about things that make you go "Frrt". Jon: [sarcastic] We got a funny bones over here. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Kim: Did you delete that poem yet? Ryan: I tried. It's already gone viral, though. Kim: What? Ryan: Sorry. Kim: Ryan -- Ryan: Sorry. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
[Jon sees a decoy of himself before Real Jon and Kim head out] Jon: Look at this, honey. Separated at birth. [laughs] Tweedledee and Tweedlejon out here. Mike: And nobody go to the concession stand. I've got candy. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Sergei: Yvgeny, why do you spend so much time on computer? Yvgeny: I'm starting a blog. Sergei: A blog? Are you sure you don't mean starting a vodka? – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Mighty Joe Jon: The more Jons we have, hopefully we get some more deaths. The more deaths, better ratings. That's good for you and Jon. Jon: Yeah. Mighty Joe Jon: It's good for all of us. Jon: I agree. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
[Kim kisses Jon after Jon's parents were killed] Jon: Uh, hey, man, get your hands off my girl. [laughing] [Kim realizes the Jon she was kissing is another Fake Jon] Kim: What the f* is going on?! Jon: I got a perm! [laughs] Mike: It's obvious The Mirminskys have stepped things up. The government's launched a program called "Operation Many Jons". We've dispatched a group of decoys. Send them in. Jon: DECOYS! How awesome is that? Check it out. Look at this. Mike: Now, the decoys will be in holding right down the hall. If Jon needs to go downstairs to buy toilet paper, a decoy goes down. If Jon needs to go for a jog, a decoy goes down and Jon goes to the fitness center. Kim: Jon, are your parents dead? Jon: Nope. Kim: [attacks Jon] HOW DARE YOU DO THAT TO ME?! Jon: STOP IT! RELAX! We got to make sure this decoy thing works, okay? That's why I did it. What, do you want me to die? Kim: What? Jon: Do you want me to die? Yes or no? Kim: No. Of course not. Jon: Alright, then take it easy about me pretending my parents were killed. It's no big deal. Mike: If we can't fool you, we're not gonna fool anybody. Jon: Exactly. Mike: Alright, guys, you can go back to holding. Jon: Wait. Hold on, guys. I want to do that thing. Ready? [singing] Ba da ba-ba-da-ba -- All Decoy Jons: FFRT! Jon: [laughs] Thank you. Thank you. That was great. Mike: Hey, no one's bought any candy yet. – Delocated** Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Jon: [still crying about Ray] Oh, my god! He's dead! Oh, my god! Mighty Joe Jon: Uh-huh. Yes! That's exactly what I was talking about, man! Great re-ack! – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Mike: Ray's just been murdered. Jon: What? Was it The Mirminskys? Mike: [nods "yes"] Kim: I'm so sorry. Jon: [while eating a hoagie] Oh, my god. WHY RAY?! He had nothing to do with any of this! God! No, I can't believe it! Oh, my god! It's crazy! – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Kim: Hey, honey, can I ask you something without you getting mad? Jon: Probably not. [laughs] Of course you can. Kim: Um...do you think you could stop wearing all the beards and the wigs. Jon: No way. Not until we find a sweet look that takes your mind off my face. Maybe this look right here, it'll inspire another poem. You can put it on YouTube. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Sergei: In any case, it is not a silly comedy anymore. It's a silly drama, because I say so. Unless...you want to meet with the same fate as Seth. Mighty Joe Jon: Uh, no. Yeah, I think you're right. I agree. Sergei: Oh. Okay. Mighty Joe Jon: Alright. Great. [chuckling] Great. Sergei: Give me your jacket. Mighty Joe Jon: Hmm? Sergei: YOUR JACKET -- I LIKE IT! GIVE IT TO ME! Mighty Joe Jon: This one, right? Sergei: Yes. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Sergei: First of all, the whole thing abut not killing Jon but killing the people around him -- You don't tell us what to do. We tell you what to do. Understand? Mighty Joe Jon: Yes. Sergei: We will torment Jon's soul until it drives him to madness. The world will know The Mirminskys for who we really are -- A force to be feared, not be reviled, like this bumbling vodka-loving kaflootz who isn't funny. Yvgeny: Shut up. I am f-- Sergei: YOU'RE NOT, YVGENY! – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Mighty Joe Jon: Hey! My two favorite russkies! Mike Joe Jon, The Black Blond. What's up? Sergei: SHUT UP! STOP TALKING! SIT! – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Mighty Joe Jon: Jon, I think you're absolutely right with Kim. You need to start thinking of your life in seasons. Jon: Thank you. I mean, it makes sense, right? Mighty Joe Jon: And I love it when you make the "frrt" noise. But were gonna need some better re-acks from you. Jon: What's a re-ack? Mighty Joe Jon: [give Jon a book of Mighty Joe Jon's re-acks] Reactions. Re-Ack. Check that out. Study it. Okay? Mighty Joe Jon: Here's the next thing! I have been in talks with C+C music factory about them remaking their big hit. But instead, this time, it's called -- [shows a poster] What's that say? Jon: "Things That Make You Go Frrt". [chuckles] Mighty Joe Jon: Look, guys, crazy day. A lot of bad stuff has happened. So I got to fly. But, uh...any notes? We all good? Jon: Uh... Mighty Joe Jon: Alright. Good. Good meeting, guys. [leaves] Mike: What a dick. Jon: I don't know. I kind of liked him. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
[Mike eats one of the candy boxes] Jon: Shouldn't you not be eating those? Mike: Oh. I'm just taking a little from each box. No one will notice. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
[Sergei appears, interrupting Yvgeny's birthday] Sergei: Happy birthday, Yvgeny. How is little brother? Hey, did you all hear? Yvgeny is no longer in charge of killing Jon. I get the call last week, and they say, "Sergei, we need you. We need a real man. We need a real Mirminsky to get the job done". Let's have some cake. All: [confused and scared] Sergei: No, they didn't say, "Let's have some cake". I'm saying now -- Let's have some cake. Why are you standing there? IT'S MY BROTHER'S BIRTHDAY! LET'S HAVE SOME CAKE! COME ON! [throws Yvgeny's cake] LET'S HAVE SOME CAKE! EAT THE CAKE! – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
[Mike gets a call from phone that Seth is dead] Mike: It's Seth. He's been murdered. Jon: What?! Wait. Like fired? Mike: He's dead. Jon: Oh, my god. Kim: Jon, I'm so sorry. Jon: He's dead? Like he doesn't have his job anymore? What are you saying? Is this TV Lingo? I don't understand. Mike: He's gone. Jon: How is he calling you on the phone if he's dead? Mike: That wasn't -- Jon: How can he be murdered and call you? Mike: The Agency called me. They found his body. He's dead. Kim: [to Jon] Look, baby, we're gonna get through this together, okay? Jon: Talk about a frrt. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Kim: Jon, honey, when you came to the funeral home without your mask on, it was the first time I had seen your face. Jon: You were psyched, right? Kim: I love you, Jon. It's just you're not my type physically. Jon: Sweetie, I hear what you're saying, but come on. I got the mask back. Use the power of imagination. I can be anyone you want under here. Kim: I tried that. I just keep picturing your face. And -- Ryan: Ask her about the poem. Kim: Ryan, that was something I sent to you. Ryan: Well, I put it up on the internet. Kim: What?! Ryan: Yeah. Kim: Take it down. Ryan: I can't. It's already out there. Kim: Ryan. Ryan: Alright, fine. I'll take it down. Kim: Yeah -- Today. Ryan: Okay. Kim: GET UP! GO! Jon: Hit the road, Jack. Ryan: Alright. [leaves] Jon: Let's talk about that poem. Kim: It's really nothing to talk about. It was just something I wrote when I was frustrated. Jon: Doesn't sound like nothing. It's on the internet. Kim: Yeah, but it's nothing. Jon: Yeah, but it's on the internet. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Kim: Jon, I'm breaking up with you. Jon: What's that? Kim: I said I'm breaking up with you, because I just -- Jon: What is it? [Kim's brother arrives out from the bathroom] Ryan: She doesn't like your face. Jon: What's up, big Ry? How's that bike ride, dude? Give me two. Ryan: We didn't even get a chance to go on the bike ride yet. All we've been talking about is how much she hates your face. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
[Yvgeny shoots Fake Jon who is Mark] Yvgeny: [to the camera] Teper' menya lyubish', papa? DO YOU LOVE ME NOW? And now I get ready for "Saturday Night Live" audition. Seth: TO HELL WITH YOU ALL! [runs away like a coward] – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Jon: Okay, let me see if I can very quickly explain what I'm doing here. My name is Jon, by the way. You are... Mark: Mark. Jon: Great to meet you. Thank you for coming in the bush. Um, so, I'm in the Witness Protection Program. That's why I'm wearing this mask. Jon: He is making jokes to my son to scare him into wearing a motorcycle helmet. Jon: You know, it's a place called Nicky's Grinders, and it's, uh, um, it's the best sub shop in New York. Jon: The number 17, which is salami...number 33, and it's like -- It's like -- You know, it's a classic caprese. Number 24 -- You got smoked gouda. Jon: That's basically why I'm, uh, offering you all that money to put on this mask, go out there for a few hours, and pretend to be me. Mark: I mean, a lot of people that would walk into this bush would probably say "No", but...I'm gonna do it, okay? I'm gonna do it, and I'm gonna tell you why. Mark: I had my own rollerblade store, but, um, it wasn't cutting the mustard in the happiness department. Mark: Now my ex-wife jets off to Cancun every other weekend with her new greek boyfriend. Mark: All I have is this pair of rollerblades...and a candy-apple-red dodge durango. Mark: I've actually been to Nicky's Grinders. See, I get the number 4. Mark: Yeah, so that's why I'll do it. That's why -- Why I'll wear the mask for you and, uh, pretend to be you. Jon: Thanks. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
Jon: Hey! Psst! Mark: Is someone in there? Jon: Yeah. Come here. Mark: Why are you filming? Jon: Come here. Come in the bush. I'll tell you. Mark: Yeah, I don't know. Jon: No, no,. I'll give you -- I'll give you $10,000. Mark: Oh. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
[Jon tries to make a distraction to the guy with the camera he's holding] Jon: Is that Rod Stewart? – Delocated Movie Quote	added 6 months ago
David: Dad, can we get something to drink. I'm thirsty. Jon: Oh, you're thirsty? Oh, I think I know why. It's because maybe it's hot out and you have a motorcycle helmet on. So maybe you take off the helmet -- Abracadabra -- You're not thirsty anymore. David: No, Dad, a branch could fall out of the tree and hit me in the head and give me brain damage. Jon: Chris' sense of humor is gonna give you brain damage, okay? He was joking. David: No, Dad, he wasn't joking. You just don't like him 'cause he's taking Mom to the Bone Zone. Mike: [chuckles] Whoa! Jon: [to David] What'd you just say, mouth? What did you just say? David: ... Jon: Alright, I'm gonna need five minutes with my son -- If we could get the cameras off, please? What was that? Don't keep rolling when I ask you to turn the cameras off. Seth: Come on. Just give it to us on-camera. It'll be great. Jon: F* you! Mike? Mike: Calm down. Jon: I am calm! TURN THEM OFF! WHAT DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?! OFF ASSHOLES! STOP IT! Hey, dick, I'm making the call. – Delocated** Movie Quote	added 6 months ago

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