Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #129

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 6,940 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Jon:
Look, funny bones, uh, I need you to do me a fav. Stay out of Dad City for a little while, alright? That's my domain.

Chris:
I don't know. Seems to me like that town's got a population of two nowadays.

– Delocated  Movie Quote

added 6 months ago

Jon:
Uh, what's up with the motorcycle helmet?

Chris:
Uh, well, you know I got a Harley, right?

Jon:
I did not know that.

Chris:
Yeah. I was just telling David how important it is to wear a helmet so I don't crack open my skull if I crash. And, uh...I made a joke that he should wear the helmet 24 hours a day, and I think it scared him a little bit.

– Delocated  Movie Quote

added 6 months ago

Jon:
You know, when you're late every week, you'd think maybe you would decide, "Oh, let's leave earlier this we're so we're not late".

– Delocated  Movie Quote

added 6 months ago

[Jon watches Susan's life movie]

Movie Jon:
You're making a big mistake, Susan -- A big mistake.

Movie Susan:
The only one making a mistake is you, Jon. I'm happy with my life, now that it's a life unmasked.

Movie Jon:
Yeah, well, I'm happy, too! I'm very happy, actually! I've got a girlfriend. I work in a copy shop. I'M AN HONORARY BLACK MAN! MY LIFE IS GREAT! [sadly] My life is great.

Jon:
[sobs]

– Delocated  Movie Quote

added 6 months ago

Kim:
Honey, what are you doing?

Jon:
It's okay. I can't sleep. I'm just gonna watch tv.

– Delocated  Movie Quote

added 6 months ago

David:
[to the golf club members] You know, it's not a coincidence that the balls are white, you know? Put them on a pedestal. We advance the white balls. Think about it.

– Delocated  Movie Quote

added 6 months ago

[Jon hits golfballs while saying one of the celebrity names to be remembered]

Jon:
This is for Fredrick Douglass. This is for Rosa Parks! Jackie Robinson. Thurgood Marshall. Vanessa Williams. The O'Jays. Don Cheadle. This is for Cecil Fielder.

– Delocated  Movie Quote

added 6 months ago

David:
Let's go give these whiteys a half-honorary black eye.

– Delocated  Movie Quote

added 6 months ago

Leslie King:
Tragedy today as the director of a made-for-tv movie about a woman in the Witness Protection Program was accidentally killed on set.

Josh Hamilton:
[distorted] I heard two gunshots, and I thought they were part of the movie, and then Steve just went down. It was really confusing. Oh, I forgot I had this on. [normal voice] This is his voice-chip thing. It's actually really cool. Check it out. [distorted] Ahh.

Leslie King:
The Mirminsky Crime Family has taken credit for the murder, issuing this statement -- "We would like to apologize for the murder of the director of this movie. We weren't even trying to kill him. We were trying to kill Jon, who we now understand was an actor portraying Jon. It was a crazy mix-up worthy of its own hollywood movie, which I guess, it already is, so nevermind. In any case, we found out that the Real Jon is playing at some golf tournament, so we'll go look for him there".

– Delocated  Movie Quote

added 6 months ago

[Susan directs about what Jon's character personality would look like]

Susan:
I think Jon needs to be a little bit more of a jerk. You know, he's really got to come across like a total scumbag.

– Delocated  Movie Quote

added 6 months ago

Black Guy:
What's with the white boy with the ski mask?

Ray:
I want to tell you something about this white boy. Just this afternoon, this white boy did one of the blackest things I've seen in a long time. He stood up to the white man.

Ray:
When confronted about the blackness of his mask and asked to change the color to something of a lighter persuasion, this white boy said no. When told he should reconsider, less he be met with physical harm, this white boy stood his ground, which is why I am proposing that, as of today, this white boy be known to black caddies everywhere as an honorary black man.

Black Guy Club Members:
[applause]

Jon:
Thank you, Ray. Thank you, guys. I'm not gonna let you down. Thank you. [rattling] Yeah, how do you -- How do you guys do this door? Oh, it was open. I got it. See you, guys.

– Delocated  Movie Quote

added 6 months ago

Ray:
Thought you might want to go iron off the tee -- Short fairway.

Jon:
Yeah, I'm actually, uh -- I'm not feeling too good. I'm, uh...I'm gonna call it an early day today.

Ray:
What happened?

Jon:
[thinks about what he did to Ross' clubs few minutes ago] You saw what happened.

– Delocated  Movie Quote

added 6 months ago

[Jon gets in a cart to get revenge on Ross by crashing into Ross' clubs]

Jon:
[to Ross] Oh, my -- You okay, man?

Bill:
What's going on here?

Jon:
You got a real defective cart here.

Ross:
You saw, Bill. Driving miss daisy here just ran over my clubs.

Jon:
Back it up, Jack.

Mike:
[to Ross] Leave him alone.

Jon:
That's 24-hour protection.

– Delocated  Movie Quote

added 6 months ago

[Jon plays golf]

Jon:
F***ing slice. Come on. Turn the hands. Oh, god. Terrible.

Mike:
You should loosen your grip. Think about holding a baby bird. Tight enough so that it can't escape, but not too tight to crush it.

Jon:
[chuckles] Shut up, Mike.

Mike:
Unless it bites you. And then you crush it.

– Delocated  Movie Quote

added 6 months ago

Jon:
[on phone] Hold on a second. They're making a movie about Susan?

– Delocated  Movie Quote

added 6 months ago

[Jon sings a song for the memory of Kim's Hand]

Jon:
[singing] Kim's hand. Kim's hand. Prettiest hand in all the land. Used to be fakin', now it's real again, talking 'bout my lady's hand. [recorder solo]

– Delocated  Movie Quote

added 6 months ago

[as Jon continues his lullaby to the babies, one of the assassin shot Jon's favorite palm hand plaster of Kim]

Jon:
KIM, THEY SHOT THE HAND!

Kim:
Are you okay?! Are you hurt?!

Jon:
THEY SHOT THE HAND! THEY SHOT IT! IT'S GONE! IT'S GONE! IT'S GONE! [crying] IT'S GONE! IT'S GONE! I'm gonna put it together. It's okay. YOU'RE GONNA BE OKAY! [sobbing] OH, NO! It's gone. Oh, no! [to the assassin] Why don't you shoot me next time?

Kim:
Stop it.

Jon:
[to the assassin] Shoot me next time!

Kim:
Stop it.

Jon:
OHH, WHY?!

– Delocated  Movie Quote

added 6 months ago

Jon:
Hush, hush, little baby. Don't say a word... 'cause Jon's gonna buy you a mockingweird.

– Delocated  Movie Quote

added 6 months ago

Kim:
Um...what is that doing here?

Jon:
What do you mean?

Kim:
Why is my hand here?

Jon:
I don't know. I thought you'd like it. What's the big deal?

Kim:
The big deal is that I'm back and you're still using it and it's weird.

Jon:
It's yours, and you made it for me. It'd be like if I went on a trip and I made a plaster mold of my penis and gave it to you and then I got back from my trip and you kept using it as a keychain...or paperweight or something.

Kim:
Of your penis?

Jon:
Yeah, a plaster mold.

– Delocated  Movie Quote

added 6 months ago

[Yvgeny buys a women's clothing]

Yvgeny:
Does this come in other color?

– Delocated  Movie Quote

added 6 months ago

Mike:
Do you want me to make you some challah french toast?

Kim:
NOT RIGHT NOW, MIKE!

Mike:
[calls his Mom on phone] It happened again.

– Delocated  Movie Quote

added 6 months ago

Soother Mom:
Sorry to plop down next to you with a crying baby. I just -- I just need a break.

Jon:
No problem. I'm in, uh, kind of a sad mood myself.

Soother Mom:
Oh.

Jon:
I wish I had someone pushing me around like that. [imitates phone] Um, hi. Uh, stroller company? Yes, do you make adult-sized strollers? No? Well, maybe you should. [chuckles] I'd buy one.

– Delocated  Movie Quote

added 6 months ago

Yvgeny's Dad:
Why is it so hard for you to kill this "Jon"? Do you not love your papa, Yvgeny?

Yvgeny:
Of course I do, papa. It's just, I finally have a chance...to do my comedy, on my own tv show. Here. I brought you a CD of my latest performance.

Yvgeny's Dad:
I'm so proud, I can't wait to listen. Look! Here's a cd player right here.

[Yvgeny's Dad throw Yvgeny's CD performance in the trash can]

Yvgeny's Dad:
Guard, take me back my cell. This not my son.

Yvgeny:
[crying]

– Delocated  Movie Quote

added 6 months ago

Mike:
I hope you're ready for a little challah french toast.

Jon:
Yeah, I don't know. I don't think I'm really too hungry.

Mike:
Uh, I don't think you heard me correctly. I'm making challah french toast.

Jon:
Oh, no, I heard you loud and clear, Mike. You're making your world-famous challah french toast. Maybe you didn't hear me when I said I'm not hungry. Okay?

[Jon leaves]

Mike:
[talking to himself] I know you're sad 'cause your girlfriend's out of town, but you do NOT take that out on me. Sorry I tried to be NICE!

Mike:
[calls his Mom] Hi, ma. Just, uh, having a bad morning. He yelled at me. No, I tried making it. I tried making it, but he yelled. That's when he just yelled at me. [sobs] Mom, I don't want to be here anymore. Well, I want to come home, work in the hardware store. I should go. I should -- Uh, thank you.

– Delocated  Movie Quote

added 6 months ago

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