Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #161

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 6,915 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Don Ho:
[to Pavlov] Sorry I had to hang you upsy-daisy.

Singing Henchman:
Listen, boss, it doesn't sound so tough saying, "upsy-daisy". Sounds like some kind of silly song, like -- [singing] Upsy-daisy, upsa-doo, let me have some candy, and let me love you!

Don Ho:
SHUT UP! SHUT UP! You're a good henchman, disgracio, BUT YOU SHOULD SHUT YOUR TRENCHEON AND STICK TO YOUR HENCHIN'.

Singing Henchman:
Aw, come on, boss, you got the only singing henchman in the business. It's a twofer. [singing] I'm your twofer, got a sweet tooth for candy-andy yummy sweets. Oh, candy, whoo.

Don Ho:
SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!

Singing Henchman:
Hey, boss, you're getting kind of riled up. Here, have a hot towel. [singing] Hot towels, hot cocoa, and marshmall-ooh --

[while the Singing Henchman puts the hot towel on the Don Ho's head, he then starts to drop the act and ask Xavier about the plan he mentioned]

Singing Henchman:
[normal voice] You're the backup I asked form right? What are you, CIA? FBI?

Xavier:
I'm investigating for a higher power.

Singing Henchman:
I don't know how much you've been briefed, but I've been on the inside tracking Don Ho undercover 12 years. I'm this close to his big secret. Obviously, I made some bad decisions on my first day, and I've just had to stick with them. I was a hotshot kid just out of the academy, and they didn't give us enough on character development, so I was just free-balling it. I started this singing-henchman thing out of nervousness, and then the candy thing just happened. I see you've made some bad choices, too. You got the fur and the fake snake hand.

[Snake Hand bites Singing Henchman]

Singing Henchman:
Wait. You're not a cop. [goes back to acting] Ooh, candy and goo, lovin' choco-moo, yummy-yum-yum cookie, whoo.

Don Ho:
You still singing?

Singing Henchman:
No, boss, I stopped singing some time ago. [sings] Whoa!

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Xavier:
I just put the pieces together about what's really going on here -- A "Don," The "Protection Business," "Cops". The cops might have info about the case of the chicken-choker. We ought to squeeze the cops and see what grease squeezes out.

Don Ho:
I think I get it. We put the squeeze on the cops. You're so smart, I'm getting a smard-on -- SZECHUAN BEEF!

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

[Don Ho hangs Pavlov upside down to see where the money is]

Xavier:
[to Pavlov] I'm heading up this case. What do you know about chicken-choking? Where were you on the night in question? You seem awfully nervous for a guy who's totally freaked out right now. Do the words...mean anything to you?

Xavier:
Are you that slippery throat-boner I'm itching to snatch?

Pavlov:
[to Singing Henchman] Who's the new guy?

Xavier:
Without me, he'd be dead. Imagine a crab without its shell. Imagine a man without his skin.

Pavlov:
Okay, I want to keep my skin. I pay! I pay!

Don Ho:
[to Xavier] This monkey on my back has a got a twisted mind. But I like it. That's the twist.

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Don Ho:
You're supposed to pay me 10 G's a month. I'd hate to have to use this on you, Pavlov. We both know how it ends up.

[Pavlov randomly starts get bruises on his body]

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Xavier:
The case of the detecting clues begins. First -- What do you do?

Don Ho:
I guess you could say protection business.

Xavier:
Protection. We fellow protectorators are comrades conjoined at the coin, co-coinels on the same corncob. I thrust my trust into you, come thick or thicker than blood, brother.

Don Ho:
Now I'm really spooked.

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Don Ho:
Me thinkee me should sue this place long time.

Xavier:
Who will be your witness?

Don Ho:
I'll be my own witness.

Xavier:
Then you're a target. They're going to try to stop you from testifying. They've already tried to kill you once. I'll stay on as your protection, and I won't rest until you aren't killed by those chicken-chokers who won't rest until you've been whacked off.

Don Ho:
Someone wants me dead?

Xavier:
Hell, you may not live to hear the end of this sennnnn -- [crawls up to Don Ho's chest] Tense, isn't it?

Don Ho:
This kook is spookin' me. Am I nuts?

Singing Henchman:
He did save your life, boss. And he seems sweet like [singing] yummy candy, whoo!

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Xavier:
Stop this cycle of choke-ulenece! The heimlich maneuver is the barbaric product of a backwards and upside-down mind. We've got to act quick. Time is ticking. Tick, tock. Tick. A talking tick? What would a talking tick say?

[while the Don Ho is still choking, Xavier babbles about the tick-tocking moment]

Xavier:
And that is how I developed my own chicken-choking maneuver. As a tribute to my mother, I practice it on myself at night. Behold.

[Xavier inhales to blow Don Ho's butt inside his body blowing air to blow the bone out of the Mafia's mouth and hitting some rando's car]

Don Ho:
That was close call. Why you likey do this favor for me?

Xavier:
A great man in his final moments requested "Blow it out your rump".

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Food Worker:
For a dollar extra, you can get that on our famous chicken bone bread. Chicken Bone Bread -- The only bread that'll [pulls the bell] choke you with flavor.

Xavier:
[to Customer] WHAT WOULD SQUA DO?

[Customer starts to choke on a bone when he was eating the hoagie]

Customer #2:
He's choking! Do the heimlich maneuver!

Xavier:
NO!

[as the customer was able get the bone out of the male customer's mouth, the bones starts to go inside to another customer]

Customer #3:
She's choking! Do the heimlich maneuver!

Xavier:
No. [echoes]

[Xavier's flashback intensifies]

Young Xavier:
Mommy, are you okay?

Xavier's Mom:
Yeah, they're just giving me the heimlich maneuver.

Young Xavier:
All six of those guys?

Xavier's Mom:
It's not a very good maneuver.

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Food Worker:
What do you want on your sandwich?

Xavier:
I want something that will do due diligence on a man's life.

Food Worker:
Doo doo? We've got luncheon loaf.

Xavier:
That'll do, Brian.

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Xavier:
SIR, DON'T JUMP! You have so much to live for.

Construction Window Worker:
Eh, blow it our your rump! I'm trying to work here, freak.

Xavier:
I know things look bleak now. No disguising you have the whiff of stench life about you.

Construction Window Worker:
I do? [sniffs one of his armpits]

Xavier:
I know it is tempting to escape the misery of your daily grind.

Construction Window Worker:
No more pain ever again?

Xavier:
Sure, jumping would be an exhilarating and glorious end -- Sweet, succulent, full release all over the sidewalk.

Construction Window Worker:
He's right. LIVE WITH THIS, REGINAAAAA! [smooches a kiss to Regina by the window before he die]

[the construction worker mistakenly suicide himself]

Xavier:
Why did you suicided? Don't be an indian giver. Life is a gift.

[Xavier's flashback intensifies]

Chief Master Guru:
The gift of life is its presence. But, in injun-giving presence, truly the giver is the receiver of a re-give-ed gift.

[Young Xavier opens up the gift revealing a hand choking him]

Young Xavier:
[strangled] I...love...it.

[Young Xavier flashes before his eyes meeting the same construction worker that died choking Xavier with his tongue and having lips for eyes]

Construction Windows Worker:
Redeem my life.

[Xavier's flashback ends]

Xavier:
I will carry on your life legacy as your redeemer. I shall take up your squeegie and squeege all that you have left unsquoge. [check the worker's pockets] Mister...mister...SQUA? [has a Free Grinder card]

Xavier:
I shall redeem this on your behalf, ensure that your wasted life was not squandered in vain. Your legacy, Mr. Squa, shalt live on in my belly. I can feel it in my GUUUUT.

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Xavier:
How do you make a man? A quarter-pound of deboned spine, a little salt of the earth, and for punch, a pinch of paprika of protection.

Xavier:
If I was a car, I'd be a protecto-rati. If a kangar me be, 'tis true, protecto-roo. Serve warm over protectio-roni -- [sees a construction worker washing windows on the top building] OH, NO!

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

[when the earth disintegrated, all of life suddenly turned back into a woman statue]

Xavier:
I told you I'd make you vibe together.

Blue Shirt Guy, Pink Shirt Woman, & Shamus:
[in unison] Leave us alone, you freak!

Xavier:
You can't call me freak!

Blue Shirt Guy, Pink Shirt Woman, & Shamus:
[in unison] What are you gonna do? Tell your mommy?

Xavier:
Yes, that's exactly what I'm going to do.

[Xavier digs the grave for his mommy]

Xavier:
Mommy! Mommy! I have to tell you something! This wonderful family, they -- HUH?!

Xavier:
My god, it's just her meat. That means she's still alive out there. I'm going to search far and wide and totally tattle to my MOOOO--

[then Xavier and the Earth got disintegrated again]

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Xavier:
How would calm this tremor? Pills.

[Xavier takes the pill stature from Shamus]

Xavier:
Open wide. Time to take out the, litter-ally, your medicine.

[Xavier show the pill statue into the Vibulator 2000, making it earth disintegrate itself]

Xavier:
YOU'VE WOKEN THE YELLOW DRAGON! I've got to act now. This the 9/11 of noise, Chernobyl of Chanting, the Hiroshima of Humping, the Nagaski of Nookie, the Dachau of Auschwitzes!

Xavier:
Wait, I'm the the three mil island of goin 3 miles off-message. And what a mess this is...age. Yep, skated out of it.

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Xavier:
It's an airquake! A soulshake! My god! The Grand Canyon is closing up!

Young Xavier's Voice:
Close your legs, mother.

Xavier:
Thank you for closing your legs, mommy.

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

[6 Months Later]

[the Fiddelin Company starts to shut down and let machines do the work]

Xavier:
You've gotten lazy and nonproductive. You've taken americans' jobs.

Lazy Monk:
How can we chant and eat at the same time? Let the ma-chinge get it.

Xavier:
Ma-chingay?

Lazy Monk:
We made the Vibulator 2000. It does the grunt work of 3,000 monks. Then why didn't we call it the 4000? No one knows.

Xavier:
What operating system she running? Dos Ex Machina?

[Xavier kicks the Vibulator 2000 making it into natural disaster]

Xavier:
Which one of you chinkcanos kinked my machingay?

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Xavier:
[to the other monks] Now we march. No justice, no chants! No justice, no chant-- WHY AREN'T YOU CHANTING?!

Monk:
We prefer the sacred silence.

Xavier:
Oh, break them down with the silent treatment, eh? So devilish, it's clevelish. I can hear it working on you already. YOU HEAR THAT SILENCE?! [slaps the monk] CAN YOU TAKE IT?! THE CRUSHING BLOW OF THAT FIERY SILENCE AS IT EXPLODES IN YOUR EAR WITH SILENCE! [imitates the sound of car] Vroom! Rrrr! Vroom!

Monk:
Okay, we surrender if you get off your bike. Surely, indulging in some small luxury will not lead to an infection of greed.

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

[Xavier goes to Fiddelin Headquarters to stop the monk chanting madness]

Xavier:
The man is sploiting in your face. Who are your bosses? Show yourselves, you cowards!

Monk:
We own the temple. We are our own bosses.

Xavier:
So, it's you, you rat!

Monk:
We are simple people, happy to share our love with all.

Xavier:
Where I come from, sharing love without making a profit is called being a whore. And the working conditions here are whorifying.

Xavier:
You've got to unionize, to strike. Shut this place down until you give yourself the demands you desire.

Monk:
Buddha say material desire is poisionous.

Xavier:
Then that union-busting tub of tard's gonna find a buddup his ass. They're treating you monks like monkeys! Well, I say lets hurl our feces at them until they see us as men!

Monk:
We are content to visualize world peace.

Xavier:
We'll visualate their shamefulizing with a giant, inflatable union rat.

[Xavier blows the rat up like an inflatable popping balloon]

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

[Xavier splits the Fiddelin pill in half]

Xavier:
Oh, no! My sacred momtra is being commodified. These fiddelin monks are being explat upon. They're being played like a fiddle! I'll stop that racket with my enlightened violins.

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Blue Shirt Guy:
I can't take it anymore. Open your mouth.

[Blue Shirt Guy forcefully put pills into Shamus' mouth by becoming good and clearing all of his blackness away]

Xavier:
What are you doing to the boy's mouth?!

Shamus:
Mommy, daddy, I sorry I hurt you. I won't anymore. Can I have more pills?

Pink Shirt Woman:
Yes, have all you want, son.

Xavier:
Pills. You can't swallow your way to happiness. You couldn't even swallow your way out of a bus-station bathroom. What are these pills?

Blue Shirt Guy:
Fiddelin. Don't worry -- They're spiritually based drugs. Look.

[Blue Shirt Guy plays the Fiddelin commercial on TV]

Fiddelin Announcer:
Recent science has discovered that, for thousand of years, tibetan monks used gutteral prayer chants to sooth their yellow souls in the yellow face of their yellow oppressors.

Fiddelin Announcer:
But in our sophisticated world.. [pans to the next scene where a fat guy watching tv eating junk food] Who has time for that noise?

Fiddelin Announcer:
You've got enough on your plate. Let Fiddelin do the spiritual legwork for you. At transcendental medication, we sonically condense the biodharmic vibrations of over 1,000 monk chants into every pill.

Fiddelin Announcer:
Scienspritific audiologists have found that vibration from a monk's throat doesn't radiate in megaheartz but in megahearts.

Jamician Atom:
COME TO JAMAICA!

Fiddelin Announcer:
If not now, when? If not it, what? If not things, stuff? Side effects include wetmouth, plaid blood, frozen day rate, herniated monsterism, taint mishbehaving, urethral scremage, global colostomy face, wrongbody, restless lung syndrome, and sexual diarrhea. Do not wake the sleeping yellow dragon.

Fiddelin Announcer:
Who says you can't find purity in a pill? Tune in to Fiddelin with your soul.

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

[Shamus (Shakadingo) give the Blue Shirt Guy a warning threat after he cutted the Blue Shirt Guy's private area]

Shamus (Shakadingo):
[evil mode] If you say anything, you gonna wake up with your face in my tummy 'cause I ated it.

Xavier:
What were you two doing in the bathroom during intermission?

Blue Shirt Guy:
We were just talking --

Shamus (Shakadingo):
Eatin' ice cream.

Blue Shirt Guy:
I mean, talking about ice cream that we were just eating.

Xavier:
What but were you doing in there earlier?

Blue Shirt Guy:
I was being raped --

[Shamus (Shakadingo) stomps on Blue Shirt Guy's foot]

Blue Shirt Guy:
By flavor! He just shoved the cone right in me.

Pink Shirt Woman:
Last night, he gave me...

[Shamus (Shakadingo) stared at her deadly]

Pink Shirt Woman:
A banana split, and it hurt.

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Shamus (Shakadingo):
What's that over there? A candy dolphin?

Xavier:
OOH! CANDY DOLPHIN?! Where is it? Maybe if I look real hard...

Shamus (Shakadingo):
[evil mode] I'm gonna do bad things to you tonight and make you suffer for my pleasure.

Blue Shirt Guy:
AAH!

Xavier:
What? I see what's going on. You're trying to distract me to keep me from seeing a sweet land dolphin.

Xavier:
There's something fishy about you two. As this child's weenie-minder, I am policing you now, and I'll coupulater if you so much as yodel his scrotal or fiddle his faddle.

Xavier:
I have reason to believe this kid's lower back bottom was once treated like Grand Central Station. And I got four tickets to the opera. We'll get there by train. Up his...

[cuts to the next scene where a women is vocalizing in an opera]

Blue Shirt Guy:
AAH!

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

[The Couple's final step is to save Shamus (Shakadingo) in the middle of the road]

Xavier:
And the last step -- To pick up where you left off with Michael so that Shakadingo can fill the place in your black heart that Michael so rudely interrup-died.

Xavier:
Yes, snatch him fro' the clutches whence your prior son was felleded. And yes, I glued his shoes to the road to cement a seal on the deal.

Xavier:
And yes, I tied his belt twixt two trees for kicks.

[The Couples managed to save Shamus (Shakadingo) when the car was about to him and instead hit the tree]

Pink Shirt Woman:
Oh, I never want to lose you again.

Blue Shirt Guy:
Son.

Xavier:
Frittata, family achieved. You're psycholegally adopted.

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

[Shamus and the couple pee in cups into Xavier's drink to vibe together]

Xavier:
As your brines intertwines, the co-mingling fluid familyize-ifizes you.

[Xavier drinks their pees]

Xavier:
Ahh, you are now one. Do you have any mouthwash? Your breath stinks. [splashes pee over his face] Ahh!

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Xavier:
You've got black gobs of family holidays to make up for -- Four kwanzaas, three kwanzaweens, and a kweaster to kwetch up on. Kwere, bite the kwanzaa bean.

Blue Shirt Guy:
This isn't a real kwanzaa bean.

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

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