[Xavier trains his younger-self on how to be a guardian angel]
Xavier:
Guardianing isn't here. It's up here and here. You're just a dull lump of clay, and I must sculpt and mold and you into my hoMAGE -- The greatest minder known to man.
[zooms out the scene where they're at a golf course]
Golf Boy:
What are you doing on the putt-putt?!
Xavier:
LET'S GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!
[cuts to the next scene where Kid Xavier is trying to balance on a boat]
Xavier:
Your mind and body must be quick. Keep trying to punch yourself. See how quick I am? [punches himself] Didn't even see me coming.
[cuts to the next scene where Kid Xavier is laying down on a bed full of nails with scorpions on his face]
Xavier:
This journey is devoted towards unteaching you to unlearn all you know. [quickly] Rather, this non-journey isn't revoted distwoards comegoing away, from, to, in, out, over, under formembergetting. [realizes] Whoa! What the hell happened to you?
Hardware Manager:
Hey! Get out of my store!
[Xavier teaches Kid Xavier to zen]
Xavier:
You have to be so zen, you can make weak minds crumble at your potent thoughts.
Kid Xavier:
How would someone do that?
[Xavier suddenly starts to get a seizure and pissed himself]
Xavier:
[struggled] You've got the gift.
[Xavier teaches Kid Xavier work up his muscles]
Xavier:
CONTEMPLATE EXISTENCE! PONDER INFINITY! PONDER HARDER! I'VE SEEN DEEPER REPOSE ON A DEAD DONKEY! I'm going to work you till your body is cut like an ox. Gonna be months of hard, grueling -- I'm getting tired just thinking about it.
Xavier:
Tell you what -- I'll just remember that I put you through the wringer.
[Xavier remembered Kid Xavier becoming strong by becoming a real thing]
Kid Xavier:
It hurts!
Xavier:
Acupuncture.
[Xavier pops Kid Xavier's muscular skin]
Kid Xavier:
What happened?
Xavier:
I stuck it in you, and you became a man.
