Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #163

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 6,915 quotes total — keep up the great work!

[after the CROPP incident with the old military man]

Assy McGee:
Let me save you some breath.

Chief:
That old-timer's in critical condition.

Assy McGee:
I don't now how many ways to say it, Chief. He wouldn't show me his hands.

Chief:
HE'S A PARAPELGIC!

Assy McGee:
NOBODY TOLD ME WHAT THAT MEANS!

Chief:
Well, you have plenty of time to learn, serving 5 to 10 for involuntary manslaughter.

Assy McGee:
Just tack it on to the life sentence God gave me.

Chief:
For now, two weeks no pay and mandatory counseling.

Assy McGee:
Counseling? Forget it. Johnny College ain't takin' a hike inside this head.

Chief:
You need help, Assy.

Assy McGee:
[annoyed] We done here, Chief?

Chief:
Unfortunately, we just might be. We just might be.

Assy McGee:
Well, good luck replacing integrity.

– Assy McGee  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Mayor:
So, as you can see, today I unveil my cops-read-to-old-people-program program, also known as CROPP.

Sanchez:
[to the Old Woman] "But the little train had to be on the tracks all by hisself." Look at him. He's a all alone right here.

DiLorenzo:
[to the Old Man] I lo-- I love you, mommy, a lot. I lo- love w-when you...

Assy McGee:
it was a queer, sultry summer, the summer they electrocuted the rosenbergs. I didn't know what I was doing in new York.

Old Military Man:
New York? No, I landed on Ohama. Stepped on an "S" mine. In this chair ever since.

Assy McGee:
Maybe this will cheer you up, commander.

Old Military Man:
An AK-49 long barrel?! Krautbuster! How did you--

Assy McGee:
Johnson's War. My lai, March 1968. Souvenir from an uncooperative V.C. Colonel. "Hands up!" I said. But he wouldn't listen.

[Assy then starts to have a PTSD moment where he hallucinate in a battlefield telling Mr. Charlie to raise his hands up]

Assy McGee:
Hands up! Hands up! Mr. Charlie! I'm gonna ask you one more time. Put...your...damn...HANDS...UP!

Old Military Man:
What the hell is wrong with you?!

[Assy gunshots the old military men]

Assy McGee:
[returns to reality] Oops.

– Assy McGee  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

[Assy give his moments to Glen]

Assy McGee:
I, uh...I'm gonna miss you, pal. You were the best. But, actually, the new guy's better. Don't worry about your dog. I had him euthanized.

Assy McGee:
Ohhhh. We got 'em. We got 'em back for you. We hit 'em all hard, real hard -- Kids, women. There was children all over the place. [chuckles] They won't grow up to be bad. Oh, Glen, Glen, Glen. I'll miss you, buddy. I'll miss you.

Assy McGee:
Now push over and make some room.

[Assy gets inside the tub sliding into Glen's arms for this moment]

– Assy McGee  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

[Assy escapes the O'Briens family]

Sanchez:
Assy! What are you doin' here?

Assy McGee:
God has interceded and led me to Glen's killer.

Dooley:
O'Brien's in there?

Assy McGee:
All of them, douche -- The whole damn family. Tell me you brought trunk porn.

Dooley:
That's how I roll, baby.

– Assy McGee  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Mikey O'Brien:
Very brave, detective -- Riskin' your life for some two-bit bartender.

Assy McGee:
Not as brave as bangin' that horseface niece of yours. [referring to Kelly]

– Assy McGee  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

[Dooley brutally drowns him in the toilet]

Dooley:
Where the [bleep] is Mikey O'Brien?

Marky:
I-I don't know. Family wedding this weekend -- That's what I heard. The country club. I don't know. Maybe he'll be there.

Dooley:
That's good. Now get yourself right, my boy. [toilet flushes]

– Assy McGee  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

[Assy and Kelly secretly go to another room after doing the congo]

Assy McGee:
Always the bridesmaid, hey Juanita?

Kelly:
It's "Kelly".

Assy McGee:
[sniffs] Save those lips for dessert.

Kelly:
You're reckless.

Assy McGee:
You're sluty.

[suddenly one of the bad guys who killed Glen opens the door closet]

Mikey O'Brien:
KELLY! You should be ashamed of yourself! Now, get the hell outta here.

Assy McGee:
Thanks for the blue balls, Mick.

– Assy McGee  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

[Assy does stand up comedy]

Assy McGee:
...And if that doesn't work, you might want to try adoption.

– Assy McGee  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Sanchez:
Whose place is this, anyway?

Dooley:
A hungry pigeon, that's who. [knocks on door] MARKY! We just want to talk to ya.

[Marky open the door]

Marky:
What do you want, douche?

Dooley:
How's the old man? He and Terry still cuttin' lumber at Dugan's?

Marky:
Uh, you know, laid off -- Tending bar down the pig still.

Dooley:
Well, I'll have to stop in for a pint. I'll tell him I saw you and you look like you're finally getting your life together.

Marky:
Y-You'd do that for me?

Dooley:
Well, if you tell me where Mikey O'Brien is.

Marky:
Aw, come on, douche. I don't know nothin'.

Dooley:
You don't know nothin', do ya? [to Sanchez] Stretch your legs for me, will ya, detective?

Sanchez:
Your show.

[Dooley straight up kicks Marky's door]

– Assy McGee  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

[Mayor and Chief play tennis while talking about Glen's death]

Mayor:
Got to take stone grapes to walk in a bar broad daylight... [grunts] ...shoot my city's most beloved bartender.

Chief:
Yeah. He was practically one of our own, damn it. I'm tellin' you, man, my men are pissed! I won't be able to keep them on a leash much longer.

Mayor:
This reek of the O'briens to you?

Chief:
No question about it.

Mayor:
Well, that filthy, potato-peelin' family of narrowbacks is gonna cost me the next election!

Chief:
Those sons of bitches still smell of the pee.

Mayor:
Nice. Damn, that's a small ball, huh? That thing don't bounce! Yeah, I don't want to play this one no more.

– Assy McGee  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Kelly:
Hey, were have you been?

Assy McGee:
Put some sneakers and meet me on the dance floor. Daddy feels like bumpin' fronts.

Kelly:
Okay. [smooches]

[Assy blushed]

– Assy McGee  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

[Assy get drunk and hallucinates Glen who is originally another bartender]

Assy McGee:
[drunk] Glen? You've been reincarnated into a shirtless asshole? Gimme six dyslexic indians.

– Assy McGee  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

[Dooley spends time with Sanchez in the car]

Father:
Tommy Dooley. How goes it, my son?

Dooley:
Tryin' to keep the faith, Father. Save me a few hail marys, will ya?

Girls:
[seductively] Hey, Dooley.

Sanchez:
[irritated] You mind rollin' the window up there, Tom?

Dooley:
Get to know the people, Sanchez -- That's what I do. That's what my Father did and his Father did and his Father did.

Sanchez:
Well, can you get to know them when I don't have the A/C on full blast, please?

Dooley:
Five men stand high on a ledge. Four decide to jump. How many are left, Sanchez?

Sanchez:
Mm...one. Maybe one left.

Dooley:
WRONG! FIVE! You see, Donnie, there's a might difference between deciding and doing.

Sanchez:
Just keep the window up in the future, please.

Dooley:
Yeah, perhaps I'll decide to!

Sanchez:
Why don't you decide to keep the window up?!

Dooley:
It doesn't matter if I don't do it.

Sanchez:
Just keep the window up, please!

Dooley:
Don't you understand? I can decide--

Sanchez:
JUST KEEP UP THE WINDOW!

Dooley:
[rolls the window up] Alright, then. There ya go.

– Assy McGee  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Chief:
Dooley, you're ridin' with Sanchez.

Sanchez:
Dooley? The douche? Uh, sir, I respectfully decline. I mean, this guy--

DiLorenzo:
Sanchez and Douche. Sounds like a freakin' country-western team or somethin'.

Dooley:
[to DiLorenzo] Ya blow your Mom with those lips, ya fat, ugly wop bastard? [brutally slaps DiLorenzo out of his seat]

Chief:
[laughs]

Sanchez:
That's the kind of stuff I'm talkin' about.

Chief:
The [bleep] douche.

– Assy McGee  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Chief:
I know it's been a tough week for everyone. This is what they did to him.

[Chief shows a picture of Glen getting shot and getting choked on a egg]

Chief:
To the best of my knowledge, he didn't even like eggs, so there's a very good chance that was forced into his mouth.

– Assy McGee  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

[Assy prays for the Lord]

Assy McGee:
You know, I ain't always done right by you, Lord. But it's always the wrong reason. Figure that makes us about even. OH, MY GOD! Let's retreat and live by your tenets 24/7. [gulps]

Assy McGee:
What's the point of it all? I dare you to give me a reason to live. [point the gun on himself] JUST GIVE ME ON [bleep] REASON TO DO THIS! WHY SHOULD I LIVE WITH THIS PAIN?! WHY?! WHY?! WHY?!

[cuts to the next scene that the scene originally started as a wedding event]

Kelly:
Oh, my god. Are you okay?

Assy McGee:
[falling miserably on the floor] All life is suffering.

Kelly:
Oh. Like, so, do you need a lift to the reception?

Assy McGee:
OPEN BAR!

– Assy McGee  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

[the people who remembered Glen came to his ceremony]

Police Officer #1:
He'd put on whatever game you wanted if you asked a few times.

Police Officer #2:
Eh. Bastard sure could change a keg.

Police Officer #3:
Yeah, that was Glen. That was Glen.

DiLorenzo:
Walked in on him nailin' my sister once. Uh...sounded consensual.

Policer Officer #4:
[to Glen's Wife] And no matter how unpredictable your life was, you always knew you'd hear when you walked in.

All:
"How'd ya do on that aids test?"

– Assy McGee  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Soccer Announcer:
...Crazy out here, Tommy. I can't believe it. I can't believe what I'm seeing. And that should do it. Tottenham shuts out Manchester, 3-nil, and Paint Me Nuts Purple if this ain't the EPL upset of the year!

– Assy McGee  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Mayor:
Great job, boys. You'll both be running into unmarked bills next week, as in I'll be giving you lots of illegal money.

Chief:
Good work, McGee. Now, go buy yourself a decent suit.

Assy McGee:
[farts]

– Assy McGee  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

[Assy and Wang play roulette]

Assy McGee:
Why did you do it, Wang?

Wang:
We need to win. We win, we get the hosting rights back -- Big money for our organization.

[Assy takes the first shot to head, but luckily, there was no bullet]

Assy McGee:
I appreciate your honesty, Wang. Maybe one day the two of us --

[Wang take his shot to death without knowing there was a bullet inside of it, losing the game]

Assy McGee:
Still undefeated.

– Assy McGee  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Sanchez:
[to the kids] And you realize that your penis is very bored, and you look over at your wife, and you want to vomit, but you can't.

– Assy McGee  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Ling:
Why so feisty this week, Assy?

Assy McGee:
Slamming my head against the wall on this case. I got to find this missing rug rat or Exeter loses the bee.

Ling:
Oh, right. Spelling bee tonight. Kept me so busy this week. Been using both hands. Seems like half of the Shanghai-- Uh, never mind.

Assy McGee:
Shanghai what? Triad We talking about gangsters? DON'T TURN ON ME, LING!

Ling:
Okay. Okay. Yes, Shanghai Triad. They come in real happy. Say they finally take spelling title back from round eye.

Assy McGee:
Where are these Shanghai punks hanging?

Ling:
Seedy bar by old river.

Assy McGee:
I know that joint.

Ling:
Are you all ready to finish up?

Assy McGee:
I'm done..

Ling:
What's the matter? Ling not do it good for you this time?

Assy McGee:
You did just fine. [farts]

– Assy McGee  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

[Assy gets wild getting a spa treatment]

Assy McGee:
Harder! HARDER! HARDER, I SAID! LEAVE A MARK, DAMN IT!

Student:
[to Sanchez] Your friend likes it rough.

Sanchez:
That's my partner. [enjoys Assy's personality]

– Assy McGee  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

Student:
Mr. Sanchez, are you married?

Sanchez:
Yes, I am.

Student:
What's that like?

Sanchez:
It's lonely...but it's nice, you know? It's nice to have a special someone to tell you to do the dishes. [grabs the student] I F***ING DID THE DISHES ALREADY!

Student:
O-okay, thanks.

– Assy McGee  Movie Quote

added 7 months ago

We need you!

Help us build the largest authors community and quotes collection on the web!

Browse Quotes.net

#ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ 

Quiz

Are you a quotes master?

»
Who said: "Love the life you live. Live the life you love."?
A Estee Lauder
B Marilyn Monroe
C Socrates
D Bob Marley