Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #86

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 5,730 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Golden Bowl:
Dr. Jack Falgot is a physician, has a wife and kids. That is amazing. How do you make it all work?

Dr. Falgot:
The hell is this, man?

Golden Bowl:
[sarcastically tired] Huh. That is great. That's just -- Just great. What a worthwhile segment. People are just so, so, so great here.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Golden Bowl:
[on TV] This town is a piece of sh*t. There is not one good person. I was once an okay guy. Then I moved here. Now I am capable of terrible things. What's the point in even trying to be good? People here just sick what they want from you and move on with their selfish lives. I mean, there is a literal sucking...

Mayor:
[on phone] You watching this?!

Dean:
[on phone] Yeah! He's saying bad stuff about my school!

Golden Bowl:
[on TV] China, Illinois, has stolen my soul.

Mayor:
HE'S DISPARAGIN' MAYOR'S TOWN!

Dean:
You got people in place at Channel 8?

Mayor:
What you think Mayor is -- A non-mayor? Mayor gonna make him make the people in China look good! Watch tomorrow!

[at the next day, Golden Bowl got a black eye]

Golden Bowl:
China, Illinois, is full of good and positive people...

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[after Kenny Winker's new song]

Kenny Winker:
Moby, they hate me! What happened?!

Baby Cakes:
Man, I told you people hated your music.

Kenny Winker:
NO! YOU SAID GIRLS! You ruined my fan base! Oh, Kenny, you do this in every town! You mistake a straight-up moron for a rain man every time! Rain man'd again! Oh, I bet you eat acorns! F*** me!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Baby Cakes:
Once in a great while, a man lands of earth after having been formed in the vagina of the clouds.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[as Pony was about to kill the roach, Dean stop her]

Pony:
Dean, I was gonna kill that guy!

Dean:
[happily] I bet you were gonna do a lot of things.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[Steve and Frank sees the sorority girls' house getting smoked up with bug spray from Pony]

Steve Smith:
What the hell are you doing, Pony?

Frank Smith:
You find this surprising? She was f***ing a roach!

Pony:
Bitch got to smoke a cheater out.

Steve Smith:
Frank, this our chance. We got to run in there and find the keys.

Frank Smith:
That's poison, dude. I'd rather be dickless than dead.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Steve Smith:
Maybe we just tell the Dean that the sorority has the keys.

Frank Smith:
We've already lied to him. He'd pull our dicks off just for that.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Baby Cakes:
Listen up. I got this broke-ass iPad.

Kenny Winker:
TECH SUPPORT!

Tech Supporter Guy:
[sniffs the iPad] Is that a...is that gasoline?

Baby Cakes:
Yeah, I been pouring gas into that little gas tank ever since I got it.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Kenny Winker:
Everyone listen up! Whatever Moby Dick (Baby Cakes) here says goes. Now, Moby, this here is Richard, my manager of 20 years. He's a good man.

Baby Cakes:
No, he looks like a muffin cup.

Kenny Winker:
Richard, you're out!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[Pony came into the Professor Brothers' lounge with her bedbug]

Pony:
Hey, what's up, guys? So, um, yeah. We were bored, so we were like, "Let's go have a beer with my friends".

Steve Smith:
What in the absolute f*** is that?

Pony:
This is my new boyfriend. I told you that like a hundred, you jerks.

Steve Smith:
Are those bites all over you?

Pony:
He loves me, Steve, and it may hurt, but it also feels really good.

Steve Smith:
I-I know how women stuff works, okay? Look, I don't give 1/5 of a half-eaten sh*t about your monsterphilia.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Kenny Winker:
So, how do we work this into my songs?

Baby Cakes:
Alright, listen -- Ladies hate music that makes 'em run. They like the music that makes 'em hobble. It all comes down to what they can do in those weird-ass little shoes of theirs.

Kenny Winker:
Hell, women don't even like shoes!

Baby Cakes:
Listen, the song tell the world how you screw. Your music says that you screw like you're running from a lion. You should be making everyone think you screw like a sensitive, undulating goblin.

Kenny Winker:
That is the sh*t! THAT IS THE SH*T, RIGHT THERE, BOY!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Kenny Winker:
Son of a biiiiitch! I had no idea women like walking this much! Look at all these women out here, just loving the sh*t out of some titties.

Baby Cakes:
Never sing to ladies until you've walked a mile in their boobs, kid.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Dean:
It dawned on me that you guys never returned my keys. I need 'em.

Steve Smith:
Uh, you know what? We, uh -- We're having those keys...polished.

Dean:
That kind of sounds like a lie.

Frank Smith:
Oh, come on. We're not lying assholes. No. No, we're front holes. We're -- We're the good holes.

Dean:
Have the keys in time for Kenny's concert, or, like I said before, I'll make your worst nightmare come true, which is what? Mm...I'll kill Pony.

Steve Smith:
What?!

Frank Smith:
That's a relief. I thought you were gonna pull our dicks off.

Dean:
Oh, right! I'll pull your dicks off, too! You'll have a dead friend and no dicks to wipe your tears with!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[Steve figures out a way to get The Dean's keys back]

Steve Smith:
Alright, maybe we just get jobs in Canada.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Kenny Winker:
Ugh! I see it now! Women hate my music! Boy, you were right!

Baby Cakes:
Right as rain, man.

Kenny Winker:
Boy, you tell it like it IS! It's like I'm Ahab who finally got himself a fatass Moby Dick.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Kenny Winker:
For the hundredth time, everyone loves my music -- PERIOD!

Baby Cakes:
I bet ladies hate it as much as me. I know 'em.

Kenny Winker:
Now, come on, man! Women love my ass! They're always on my tour bus, touching me.

Baby Cakes:
Because you're rich, motherf***er.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[Everyone on campus sees Pony hanging out with a bedbug]

Matt Attack:
What the f*** is that walking with Pony?

Dr. Falgot:
Oh, that's nasty.

Professor Cakes:
No, that's a -- Ugh! He's really --

Crystal:
Hot! Ooh, he is hot as f***. So amorous.

Kim:
Dude, he's so into her. That's so appealing to me.

Matt Attack:
Y'all crazy. That's a creature.

Wendeloquence:
Finally, somebody is paying some real attention to a lady around here.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Kenny Winker:
Alright, now, where's that cretin who hates me?

Baby Cakes:
I'm that cretian.

Kenny Winker:
Come on, now. Everyone loves me. I had to disguise my glory just to avoid getting loved to death by fans!

Frank Smith:
Why are you even here?

Kenny Winker:
Well, I had to come down here and see for myself this boy who hates me!

Baby Cakes:
Hey, you seem cool. Your music sucks.

Kenny Winker:
Aah! Take that back!

Baby Cakes:
Take your face back to mordor.

Kenny Winker:
Alright then, give me that ticket!

Baby Cakes:
I'm gonna tear your stupid ticket up right in front of your stupid nose.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Baby Cakes:
Everyone on campus wants this damn Kenny Winker ticket. Here, take it.

Frank Smith:
What good is a Kenny Winker tour bus if you don't have a dick to enjoy it with?

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Pony:
So, guys, I think I met the one!

Frank Smith:
Shush, Pony! The Dean's gonna pull our dicks off.

[Baby Cakes rushes in]

Baby Cakes:
Everyone's trying to pull my dick off!

Pony:
Ugh! It is always about dicks! I'll have you know that I had real sex last night and no dicks whatsoever!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[everyone tries to begs and bribe for Baby Cakes' ticket to meet Kenny Winker]

Dr. Falgot:
Ohh! Ho-ho! There's my boy -- Baby Face!

Baby Cakes:
Ey, what's up, Dr. Falgot?

Professor Cakes:
[shoves Dr. Falgot] Back off! Son, give me the ticket.

Spider:
Come on, kid. I am fat, sad, sad person. This is my only dream. Please, man.

Matt Attack:
B.C., what up? Yo, I want to give you my new iPad -- No reason. I'm just nice. Want to be nice back?

Flip Flop:
No, no, no! Take mine, yo!

Pie Guy:
Dude, I got pie!

Pemsy:
"F" off! The ticket's mine!

[Baby Cakes runs away]

Professor Cakes:
Son! Oh, son! If you give that ticket away, I will kick you out of the house!

Baby Cakes:
[to his ticket] Oh, I wish you were never born.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Debra Bowl:
Well, if it isn't the guys who had all-night cram sessions with my girls here and didn't even pay them any real attention. [pulls out Dean's keys] You looking for these.

Frank Smith:
F***ing be careful with those, dickface!

Steve Smith:
You know, I'm afraid I don't know your name, but I'm on really good terms with Kim there and some of your other girls, so...

Debra Bowl:
You want my name, or do you just want to make me feel like you care?

Steve Smith:
Well, neither, really. I just thought --

Debra Bowl:
Oh, neither?! So, you just want to know my name so you can charm me, huh? Well, you can take the ugly-man-acting-cute act and shove it up your brother's asshole. I'm the house mother, man. I'm uncharmable.

Steve Smith:
Oh, man. Okay. Alright. F*** it. How do you want to do this?

Debra Bowl:
My girls get "A's" in any history course forever. Then you can get the keys.

Steve Smith:
[inhales sharply] Alright. Done.

Debra Bowl:
Sign this contract.

[as Steve signed the contract to them, they gave him hand lotion]

Debra Bowl:
Here's an idea -- Why don't you guys go jerk each other off? Ha! Thanks for the "A's" and the keys, suckers!

Frank Smith:
Steve, you just got outsteved!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Golden Bowl:
Hello, caller 10,000. With whom am I speaking?

Baby Cakes:
Tech support?

Golden Bowl:
[laughs] You won the the golden ticket. Cool, huh?

Baby Cakes:
So, I can't get my iPad to work. Do you know how to get in touch Iron Man?

Golden Bowl:
Are you nuts?! You get to hang out with Kenny Winker! It's every guy's dream!

Baby Cakes:
No, my dream is to watch Hobbits on this iPad. I don't want your ticket.

Golden Bowl:
Yeah, well, I don't want my daughter to be into using crazy-shaped dildos on people. You won! The ticket is yours.

Baby Cakes:
Well, I'll just give the ticket away. [hangs up] Man, Applecare sucks.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Golden Bowl:
Lines are open -- As open as it seems my college-age daughter is, judging from her OkCupid profile.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

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