Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #84

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 6,896 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Caterina:
Our school has one of the best band programs in the country, Mr. Stroker. They are champions. last week, we started receiving these.

[Caterina give Stroker a threaten note]

Stroker:
"Quit before I shove that flute up your ass. This is your last warning". [flips a page] "Quit or you'll be playing the oboe with your ass". [flips another page] "Ok, last message. Hope you still enjoy playing the trumpet when it's sticking out of your--". There's a diagram.

Stroker:
This guy's really into the ass thing.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Stroker:
Where can I find Caterina? She left us a message about some threatening letters. I'm a detective, so she got in touch with me about that.

[sees Caterina counting the dollars for a trip to Orlando]

Stroker:
[whistles]

C.A.R.R.:
Don't leave! They'll steal your change and CDs!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Car Wash Girl:
You guys want a free wash? It's for us to go to band camp in Orlando?

Stroker:
Sure.

C.A.R.R.:
What? No, Stroke, I-I don't want their oily teenaged hands on me. I want a machine wash.

Car Wash Girl:
We only asked for an $8 dollar donation.

Hoop:
That's how they get ya, with the donation.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

[after Demon Megan got hit from C.A.R.R., she was able to rise again to get revenge on Stroker & Hoop while being injured]

Demon Megan:
Must kill Stroker and Hoop. Excuse me!

Truck Guy:
No rides for fat chicks!

Demon Megan:
Hey!

Car Guy:
Hey fatty, why don't you try walking it off!

Demon Megan:
Foolish redneck mortals! You and your shallow focus on body image.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

C.A.R.R.:
FYI, I've got demon blood drying on my finish?

Hoop:
I'm worried about Megan--

Stroker:
Look, it's a priest's job now, Hoop. Not a private eye. We gotta drop that case pronto. C.A.R.R., where's the advance money for Megan's parents?

C.A.R.R.:
Oh, you spent it on all sorts of crap. Snacks, lottery tickets, beer, porn.

Stroker:
Ahem! The case of the beer and porn bandit. We'll just take a new case. Check the pager, Hoop.

Hoop:
Viagra, Viagra, Viagra, penis enlargement, mortgage, Viagara. A highschool band is getting threats.

Stroker:
How tough can a band geek job be?

Hoop:
Band geeks? [giggling] Hey man, I was third chair piccolo. They let us out fifth period early. We didn't even need a reason.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

[Stroker presses the yellow button to end C.A.R.R.'s call]

C.A.R.R.:
Flip? I waited on hold for 3-- OH, MY GOD! You're bleeding...

Stroker:
I'm fine. Don't worry about the blood. Let's just get--

C.A.R.R.:
ON MY UPHOLSTERY! AND MY HOOD! YOU SLID BLOOD ON MY HOOD! Oh, my-- Why can't talk you just walk around like a normal person?

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

C.A.R.R.:
And Flip, the liberals want to teach sex education--

Stroker:
Alright, hit it, C.A.R.R. Let's go.

C.A.R.R.:
...so they can just bring more liberals.

Flip:
You got that right, C.A.R.R.

C.A.R.R.:
I've been in transportation my whole life--

Hoop:
[to Stroker] We got to get him an F.M. radio already. This right-wing crap is poisoning his mind.

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Flip:
...Sex education, and you're on the line, Carter.

C.A.R.R.:
Actually, it's just C.A.R.R. Flip, if you ask me, the only boobs our kids should be learning about in school are the liberal ones in Washington.

Flip:
You are so right--

[C.A.R.R. gets a call from Stroker]

Stroker:
Bluejay, this is Ladybird!

C.A.R.R.:
Crap! Um, 'scuse me for a sec, Flip. Go ahead, Ladybird, I copy.

Stroker:
Operation Harry Potter is a code blue! I repeat -- We got a code blue here!

C.A.R.R.:
What the hell is a code blue, guys?! You added a code blue, and you didn't tell me?

Stroker:
Get your ass over here, C.A.R.R.! Now!

C.A.R.R.:
I remember code yellow, code red-- That's for speeders...

Stroker:
C.A.R.R., HONK YOUR DAMN HORN!

Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

[the teenage girls heard loud knocking from their door]

Cassidy:
Is that your Dad?

Jamie:
No, he's out cheating on my Mom.

Mr. Neighbor's House  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Jamie:
Cassidy, you remember those muffins you made for the school bake sale and I said they were the most delicious dessert in the whole wide world? They were not. They tasted like a louboutin full of spoiled chorizo. I lied to you, but I am so, so sorry. We're still friends?

Cassidy & Scarlett:
[laughs]

Cassidy:
That's it? A little white lie so you wouldn't hurt my feelings? Oh, Jamie, you are so sweet.

Jamie:
[giggling]

Cassidy:
Oh, remember when she confessed to not recycling her soda cans?

Scarlett:
Yes! And you felt so bad.

Jamie:
Oh, my god. Okay. What about when I left my brother to die in our burning house? Still friends.

Scarlett:
Wait, what?

Jamie:
When I left my brother to die in our burning house.

Cassidy:
Jamie, that's not a white lie.

Scarlett:
You're -- You're, like, a murderer.

Cassidy:
Yeah, or at least guilty of first-degree manslaughter. My Dad's a lawyer.

Mr. Neighbor's House  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Cassidy:
Scarlett, I'm the one who started the rumor about you having a second butthole. I was still mad at you for wearing the same outfit as me to Wiley's Yacht Club Rave Mixer. I should have said something, but instead I started a rumor that you have a second butthole near your armpit. I'm so sorry. Still friends?

Scarlett:
I was way out of line wearing that outfit. Still friends.

Mr. Neighbor's House  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Scarlett:
Jamie. I hooked up with Noah. Like, a lot. I-I tried to tell you, Jamie, at the mall that one day, but we were having such a good time, remember?

Jamie:
Brandy Melville, new iPhone cases, the container store.

Scarlett:
Yeah.

Jamie:
We had a churro fight. We sat on that bench. We made fun of that kid in a wheelchair. We went outside, sat in your car, came back in. You farted as we walked in. You denied it. I smelled it. How could I forget?

Scarlett:
I'm so sorry, Jamie. But it's over now. I swear. Still friends?

Jamie:
Still friends. Forever to the end. Noah has got a weird dick anyways.

Scarlett:
He is always saying it points true north. Like, what does that even mean?

Jamie:
Well, he was a boy scout, so...

Mr. Neighbor's House  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Aubrey Duncan:
Well, that does sound like quite a handbag your mother had.

Jim:
Yeah.

Aubrey Duncan:
But why don't we talk about what you brought in today?

Jim:
Okay.

Aubrey Duncan:
Now the unusual brushstroke in this painting leads me to believe it may be the work of Wallace Murray.

Jim:
Oh.

Aubrey Duncan:
[uses a magnifying glass] Ah, yes. Indeed it is. Now, a work by Murray can be worth as much as $20,000.

Jim:
Wow. [laughs]

Aubrey Duncan:
Now tell me. Do you know these young men pictured here?

Jim:
Yes, I do. It is actually my brother and I.

Aubrey Duncan:
Let me guess. Is this one you? [points to the one with glasses]

Jim:
Guilty. [starts to have a panic realization of what he said about the glasses part]

Aubrey Duncan:
Now, unfortunately there is a lot of fire damage.

Jim:
Really, w-where?

Aubrey Duncan:
Well, uh, beginning here and... [touches the burnt paint on the right side of the painting] prominent in this area and then I suppose...of course this is a full lack of canvas...through here. It's roughly 40%.

Jim:
Well, there's a funny story behind that.

Aubrey Duncan:
Oh! I would love to hear a funny story.

Jim:
Well, there -- There was a fire.

Aubrey Duncan:
Was -- Was that the funny story?

Jim:
No.

Aubrey Duncan:
Well, given the damage...

Jim:
He's dead.

Aubrey Duncan:
Who is dead?

Jim:
My brother.

Aubrey Duncan:
Did he die in...in this fire? [referring to the burnt up painting]

Jim:
What fire?

Aubrey Duncan:
Thank you for bringing this in today, Jim. Uh, sadly, this appears to me to be basically worthless. It is, after all, "One man's junk".

Jim:
I see. Thank you for your time.

Aubrey Duncan:
Thank you.

[Jim ruins the painting with his anger]

Mr. Neighbor's House  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Commercial Announcer:
New from Yaytime Toys, it's the board game that takes you into the incredible world of "Mr. Neighbor's House". It's the...

Children:
Mr. Neighbor's House Television Programs Board Game!

Commercial Announcer:
Mr. Neighbor is having his 31st annual 5th birthday party, but there are challenges and delays along the way.

Mr. Neighbor:
And I need your help to get home, take a shower, put my clothes back on, and set out snacks!

Children:
We can do it, Mr. Neighbor!

[The children puts Mr. Neighbor at the Witch's Wigwam?

Children:
The Witch's Wigwam?

Child with Glasses:
You owe us $37,000.

Child with Long Hair:
For the persecution of our wiccan beliefs.

Commercial Announcer:
The special-friends cards are there to help.

Child with a Bow:
Ms. Lady moves you ahead four spaces. Maybe they'll finally kiss.

Child with Glasses:
Nope, because they landed on Poor People Lane.

Children:
Class differences!

Child with a Bow:
Oh, poor Mr. Neighbor.

Child with Long Hair:
[to the girl] Your parents are divorced.

Child with a Bow:
...

Mr. Neighbor's House  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Game Show Host:
Round 2 is just like Round 1. The only new rule is have fun! Jim is playing for the his and hers set of monogrammed hand towels and complete redemption from past sins.

Jim:
[concerned] Wait, I am?

Mr. Neighbor's House  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Jimmy:
Anyways, the quote is from John Berger. He wrote "Ways of Seeing". It's a critique of traditional western cultural aesthetics, basically raising questions about hidden ideologies in visual images, which reminds me, Wolfe...I have photos of you at the crime scene.

Wolfe:
What? That's impossible.

Jimmy:
Berger says that the relation between what we see and what we know is never quite settled.

Wolfe:
I don't know what you're talking about.

[Jimmy punches Wolfe]

Jimmy:
You're a smart guy, Wolfe. Think about it. What does that mean?

Wolfe:
I don't know. Reality or something?

Jimmy:
Acceptance of reality. [punches him again]

Wolfe:
Ow! That's basically what I said!

Jimmy:
I WAS LOOKING FOR SOMETHING MORE SPECIFIC! [punches him again]

Wolfe:
You should have been clearer!

Jimmy:
ALRIGHT! THAT'S ON ME! I APOLOGIZE! MY BAD! [punches him again]

Wolfe:
Then maybe you should stop punching people when you ask them questions!

Jimmy:
THAT'S GOOD FEEDBACK! MAYBE SOMETHING LIKE THIS! [slams Wolfe's head down on a metal desk]

Wolfe:
OW!

Jimmy:
Is that any better?

Wolfe:
No. No. It's worse! Please punch me. Please!

Jimmy:
PUNCH YOU? YOU WANT ME TO PUNCH YOU?

Wolfe:
Yes! Yes! Please!

Jimmy:
Alright. Here we... [punches him a lot of times]

[Detective Randal arrives to see how the interrogation's doing]

Detective Randal:
So it turns out... [sees Jimmy punching the hell out of the suspect] Okay.

Mr. Neighbor's House  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

[Jimmy throws a chair]

Detective Randal:
Jimmy, what the hell?!

Jimmy:
Sorry to interrupt. But listening to your conversation here with Detective Randal reminds me of a quote from one of my favorite, I guess you could say intellectuals.

Detective Randal:
Come on, Jimmy. Don't do this.

[Jimmy throws Randal's coffee mug]

Detective Randal:
That was my favorite coffee mug.

Jimmy:
I know. That's why I threw it.

Mr. Neighbor's House  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

[Mr. Neighbor finally found the secret door]

Mr. Neighbor:
What do you think, gang? Should I open it?

All:
[everyone agreed]

[as Mr. Neighbor opens the door, the door is somehow locked]

Jen:
Try turning the knob the other way.

Mr. Neighbor:
Good idea, Ms. Lady.

[Mr. Neighbor turns the knob the other way, but didn't work either]

Ice Cream Bruce:
Maybe it's a key card.

Scarf Monster:
[mumbles]

Jen:
Try knocking.

Ice Cream Bruce:
Is there another door knob?

Some Other Guy:
Maybe it's a padlock.

Daisy:
Try pushing it.

Jen:
Maybe it's a retina scan.

Mr. Neighbor's House  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

[Mr. Neighbor gets back to the couch with Buddy after talking about lies]

Buddy:
A lie is a lie no matter--

Mr. Neighbor:
No, Bu-Buddy. We're-We're pass that.

Buddy:
Oh.

Mr. Neighbor:
But I learned an important lesson.

Buddy:
[gasps] A lesson? Oh, boy! What did you learn, Mr. Neighbor?

Mr. Neighbor:
That you should always tell the truth, and when you hurt the people you love, you need to...

Buddy:
Give them a band-aid!

Mr. Neighbor:
NO, APOLOGIZE! [goes back to his positive self] You have to apologize.

Mr. Neighbor's House  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Buddy:
Mr. Neighbor! You're back! Did you find the secret door?

Mr. Neighbor:
I didn't find it, Buddy.

Buddy:
What?!

Jen:
But the truth behinds all of the unhappiness in Neighborton must be behind the secret door.

Mr. Neighbor:
Dr. Salmonfish said the secret door can... [thinks for a sec] ...only be found by those who are truly honest.

Buddy:
But you're the most honest person in Neighborton, Mr. Neighbor.

Jen:
Very honest.

Scarf Monster:
Mm-hmm.

Ice Cream Bruce:
I heaarrrd that.

Mr. Neighbor:
Thank you, friends, but actually, I told a little white lie.

All:
[everyone gasps except for Jen when her horrified gasp was delayed while eating a pie]

Buddy:
But, Mr. Neighbor, telling a lie is wrong. You always say a lie is a lie no matter...

[Buddy lost movement again when Mr. Neighbor gets up from his couch to say the rest of the quote that Buddy was about to say]

Mr. Neighbor:
A lie is a lie no matter what the color, and when you lie, you hurt your brother.

Mr. Neighbor:
Earlier today, Chef Bread asked me to try his Arbor Day Pine Tree Pie, and I told him it was the most delicious dessert in the whole wide world.

Jen:
Which is why I decided to eat nothing but pine tree pies.

Ice Cream Bruce:
[while holding a flaming matchstick] And why I decided to give up selling my ice cream.

Duff and Daisy:
And we share genitals!

Mr. Neighbor:
I didn't want to hurt your feelings, Chef Bread, but the truth is your pie tastes like a boot full of rotten sausage.

[Chef Bread's hat slides off as a sign of disappointment]

Mr. Neighbor's House  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

[Mr. Neighbor finally sees his mother back as a floral purse]

Mr. Neighbor:
Mother.

Wendy Neighbor:
Hello, Jim.

Mr. Neighbor:
Everyone, this is my mother, Wendy Neighbor.

[as Mr. Neighbor was about to hug his Ma]

Wendy Neighbor:
No, no, no, no, no. Mama just got her hair did. What the hell is going on here?

Mr. Neighbor:
It's my birthday.

Wendy Neighbor:
Oh, sh*t.

Mr. Neighbor:
That's why you're here, right?

Wendy Neighbor:
I don't know if I got a gift or anything. Hold on. [throws makeup supplies and stuff] Alright, you know what, I don't have a present. [scoffs] Who cares? Holy sh*t. You got bald. Ugh. Disgusting.

[as his Mom steps on Mr. Neighbor's birthday hat, Mr. Neighbor had enough]

Mr. Neighbor:
We were just about to have cake.

Wendy Neighbor:
I can't have cake. I just got my stomach pumped.

Mr. Neighbor:
You told me 31 YEARS AGO THAT YOU WERE GOING OUT TO GET ME A BIRTHDAY CAKE!

Wendy Neighbor:
Oh, christ. Get over it. I don't need this. I'm just gonna get what I came for and go. Where is it? Where is it? Booyah! Sweet insurance money. Mama's getting paaaaaid!

Mr. Neighbor's House  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Donna the Mystic:
Go ahead, Mr. Neighbor. Make your wish.

[as Mr. Neighbor blows the candles out, something didn't feel right]

Buddy:
What's wrong, Mr. Neighbor?

Mr. Neighbor:
My wish didn't come true, Buddy.

Buddy:
SH*T!

Mr. Neighbor's House  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Jen:
I know, Mr. Neighbor. Let's play a party game!

Mr. Neighbor:
I have the perfect party game. You guys can lock me in the basement so I'm "out of your hair", and that way, you can party like hell in here.

Todd the Demon:
That doesn't sound like a very fun game, Mr. Neighbor.

Mr. Neighbor:
I guess it wasn't. [realized he forgot the demon ghost's name] Um...

Todd the Demon:
Oh, the name's Todd.

Mr. Neighbor:
Hello, Todd. Thanks for coming.

Mr. Neighbor:
Well, I do have a web cam and a spoofed I.P. addr--

Mr. Neighbor's House  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Mr. Neighbor:
All my friends are here. Welcome, everyone, to Mr. Neighbor's 31st annual 5th birthday party!

All:
[cheered]

[after that, everyone was silenced and didn't know what to do next]

Jen:
So nice.

Mr. Neighbor:
I'm sorr--

Jen:
It's nothing I was just --

Mr. Neighbor:
It's okay.

Jen:
I was just gonna say wouldn't...

Mr. Neighbor:
If anybody wants to talk...

Jen:
...wouldn't miss it. [chuckles] So...

Mr. Neighbor's House  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

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What TV series is this quote from: "I lost my shoe."?
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