Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #14

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 5,718 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Lucy:
[to the meat version of Lucy] What are you looking at, fatty? Fatty fat face.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

[while Tad keeps making sex of the Meat Lucy, he suddenly gets a phone call]

Tad:
[on phone] Hello?

Satan:
Hey, Tad. It's Satan.

Tad:
Hey. [to Lucy] It's your Dad.

Lucy:
DAD!

Satan:
What are you doing, man.

Lucy:
DAD!

Tad:
Nothing, just working.

Lucy:
IT'S LUCY!

Satan:
World's best busboy.

Lucy:
DAD!

Satan:
How's the -- How's biz?

Tad:
It's alright.

Satan:
Good, good.

Lucy:
DAD!

Satan:
You enjoying yourself over there?

Tad:
Yeah, yeah. It's fine.

Satan:
I told you it was gonna be --

Lucy:
I'M TIED UP WITH MEAT!

Tad:
Yeah, it's alright.

Satan:
It's a fun place to work. That's the point. You could be doing anything as long as it's a fun place to work.

Lucy:
[cries] DAD!

Tad:
Yeah, yeah.

Satan:
Anyway, got a little surprise for you.

Tad:
Oh, what's that?

Satan:
Why don't you go put on Channel 5 on the TV in the bar?

Lucy:
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Tad:
Okay.

Lucy:
DO YOU NOT HEAR ME?

Satan:
And enjoy.

Tad:
Thanks.

Satan:
Alright, I'll see you later.

Lucy:
DON'T HANG UP!

Tad:
[hangs up]

Lucy:
Where are you going?

Tad:
Your Dad wants me to watch something on TV.

Lucy:
Ugh. Typical.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

[the next day while Lucy is still tied up inside the freeze barrier]

Lucy:
Oh, my god. What time is it?

Tad:
It's 10:00. We just opened.

Lucy:
What are you doing?

Tad:
I'm working. I'm on the breakfast shift.

Lucy:
Yeah, me too.

Tad:
Yeah, you know, you must be a terrible bartender 'cause no one even knows that you're not there.

Lucy:
Tad, you can't keep in here.

Tad:
I need to THINK! I just... [addictively looks at the meat version of Lucy]

Lucy:
Oh, here we go.

Tad:
...need to think.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

Senator Whitehead:
Hey, master, uh, what are you doing here? T-This is my new schools thing. It's not really a *you* thing, uh, and the press is here.

Satan:
You know, I saw your son's rap sheet online. So funny!

Senator Whitehead:
[chuckles] Please, can I call you on monday?

Satan:
Man, that thing he did in the grocery store? I mean, wow. [to a civilian] How you doing? Hi.

Senator Whitehead:
Hi.

Satan:
Tad's alright, though, you know? It's -- It's because of your son, Senator, that I started my sex-offender art project.

Senator Whitehead:
What?

Satan:
His son is a sex offender.

Senator Whitehead:
[fake laughing while every person is looking at him]

Satan:
Uh, we're moving sex-offenders around the city to make, uh, like, a fun design.

Senator Whitehead:
Oh, great!

Satan:
Why are you pulling at me?

Senator Whitehead:
Just -- Can we, uh -- Why don't we talk over here --

Satan:
No, no, no, no. Can't right now. The band's letting me sit in.

Senator Whitehead:
What?

Satan:
I'll play something for you.

Senator Whitehead:
What?

Satan:
Don't let them take my drink!

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

Lucy:
You know who my Dad is, right?

Tad:
Yes.

Lucy:
Well, when he finds out what kind of a freak you are, he is gonna kill you.

[cuts to the next scene where Satan is at a dinner party]

Satan:
[to Whitehead] Your son is a total freak. I love him.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

[Tad getting ready to point the knife at Lucy]

Lucy:
Oh, my god. Tad, what are you doing?

Tad:
I'm going to...work on my meat.

Lucy:
Um, what are you doing that for?

Tad:
You're a little heavier than I thought.

Lucy:
It's the way I'm sitting.

Tad:
I'll tell you, there's nothing like working from a live model.

Lucy:
You know, it's not easy to sit up straight.

Tad:
Yeah, but could ya?

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

[meanwhile Lucy gets tied up from The Senator's Son in the freeze barrier]

Lucy:
So, I guess you probably don't want me to [shouting] YELL AS LOUD AS I CAN!

Tad:
This thing is soundproof pretty much.

Lucy:
I DON'T THINK THAT'S TRUE! THE CRAZY BUSBOY'S GOT ME IN THE WALK-IN!

Lucy:
It doesn't matter anyway because my boyfriend about 12 other guys are waiting for me to come back to the bar. So I'm sure they're gonna come in here any minute.

[cuts to the next scene]

Judas:
Isn't there, like a Chevys down the street? They've got chicken breasts there.

DJ Jesus:
Oh, yeah!

Judas:
Let's shoot there, huh?

DJ Jesus:
Yeah, cool. Great idea.

Judas:
Let's bounce!

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

Judas:
Lucy's taking a long time with that food, huh?

DJ Jesus:
Well, for Lucy, service is not about speed. It's about power.

Judas:
Wow, that's deep, man. You should write that down.

DJ Jesus:
Already did...in my brain diary.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

[as Lucy checks the freeze barrier, she sees a version of Lucy made out of meat]

Lucy:
What the -- Ew! Oh, it's that creepy busboy.

Tad:
[holding a knife] No, I don't think so. You're not leaving.

Lucy:
Oh, hi, Tad.

Tad:
I cannot get fired.

Lucy:
No, no. Why would you get fired? Tad, I didn't mean creepy. I meant creative.

Tad:
Shut up. SHUT UP!

Lucy:
Okay.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

DJ Jesus:
Hey, want to see some, uh, foodigami?

Lucy:
Foodigami?

DJ Jesus:
Yes.

[DJ Jesus uses meat to make it into a swan]

Lucy:
Nice!

Judas:
AWESOME!

DJ Jesus:
I decided to start working with food because food is elemental. It's personal, universal. I want to take food and turn it into food.

[DJ Jesus makes another food into a poodle]

DJ Jesus:
Here you are, kid.

Customer:
Thanks.

[acting ends]

Steve:
Great. We got it there.

DJ Jesus:
Nice job, Steve.

Steve:
No prob.

DJ Jesus:
Hey, uh, Luce.

Lucy:
Yeah.

DJ Jesus:
Did you see the chicken-poodle thing I just did?

Lucy:
Uh-huh.

DJ Jesus:
You have, like, 40 or 50 chicken breasts? 'Cause, uh, I want to make a whole flock of little chicken poodles.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

Becky:
Alright, so, the first thing we got to do is go on the sex-offender registry and erase Tad's information before someone finds it and uses it against Senator Whitehead.

Satan:
Hmm.

Becky:
Are you with me?

Satan:
I got to say, I don't like the way he's running his campaign.

Becky:
Yeah, you mentioned that.

Satan:
I mean, he's gonna lose if he tries to go around kissing babies.

Becky:
I think you might be right.

Satan:
Y'know I thought he was gonna run as the first openly satanic candidate, you know?

Becky:
Yeah, well, I'm on the sex-offender site, so what do you want to do?

Satan:
Wow, look at that? You can see them on a map?

Becky:
Yeah, you haven't seen this? And look, you click on one of those dots, and it brings up his mug shot. It's like the worst online dating site in the world.

Satan:
Ooh, look at that guy.

Becky:
Yeah.

Satan:
Wait, wait. Go back to the map for a second.

Becky:
Uh-huh.

Satan:
What does that look like?

Becky:
What, the dots?

Satan:
Yeah. It looks like a smiley face.

Becky:
Oh, yeah. Except for this one guy. He's messing it up. Should we move him?

Satan:
Yeah. Let's move them all and spell something out -- Something fun, like "Gotcha" with an exclamation point.

Becky:
[wheezes]

Satan:
Or, uh, or spell, uh -- "Whitehead for President".

Becky:
That's funny. How about just a big "W"?

Satan:
That's funny, too, Becky. You're having fun at work.

Becky:
Fun?

Satan:
YES!

Becky:
Yeah, I guess.

Satan:
You WERE, Becky.

Becky:
I guess.

Satan:
Don't take it back.

Becky:
No, this is -- This is fun.

Satan:
Don't do that. Don't itch your neck.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

[The Senator's Son becomes a busboy for Satan's Restaurant]

Tad:
Take any glasses back, dirty plates?

Lucy:
Nope. I'm good.

Tad:
Okay.

Tad:
Hey, you see that lady over there? She got the chimichanga, but she only ate half.

Lucy:
Good to know.

Tad:
[laughs] She left over a lot of guacamole.

Lucy:
She sure did.

Tad:
Mmm. She left over a lot of food. It's still warm.

Lucy:
Okay.

Tad:
You're nice.

Lucy:
Uh, thanks?

Tad:
Well, better get this stuff into the kitchen.

Lucy:
Ok.

Tad:
'Cause I'm gonna [bleep] it.

Lucy:
What? What did you just say?

Tad:
Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

Lucy:
Okay.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

Becky:
Hey, I'm sure we can find something for The Senator's Son. What about something at the restaurant?

Satan:
That's fine.

Tad:
[said it calmly] No, no, no. No.

Satan:
Y'know what?

Tad:
No.

Satan:
You can be a busboy.

Senator Whitehead:
Oh, great.

Tad:
Aw.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

Satan:
Alright, I have some thoughts about your campaign. I got to tell you, I think you're playing it too safe.

Senator Whitehead:
Master, with all due respect, the presidential campaign is a delicate thing. I can't just -- Pbht! -- Spray it all out there.

Satan:
[laughs then gets pissed] WHAT?! PBHT! WHAT DOES THAT MEAN, HUH? SENATOR? PBHT! SPRAY IT ALL OUT THERE.

Satan:
ARE YOU TELLING ME!

Senator Whitehead:
[scared] I-I was making em, uh, --

Satan:
YOU'RE TELLING ME HOW TO RUN A PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN?

Senator Whitehead:
I-I was making a metaphor.

Satan:
AND YOU'RE GONNA PBHT! -- SPRAY IT ALL OUT THERE, HUH?

Senator Whitehead:
Well, I --

Satan:
IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT TO DO?

Senator Whitehead:
I've had people tell me that's not, uh --

Becky:
I think what The Senator is trying to say, Satan, is that he appreciates your input and your assistance.

Satan:
Well, here's what the --

Becky:
Let's remember that were all --

Satan:
Here's what The Senator said to ME!

Becky:
Uh-huh.

Satan:
PBHT! SPRAY IT ALL OUT THERE.

Becky:
I know how much you hate when people make that noise, but let's not lose focus. We're all working towards the same goal here.

Satan:
[sighs] [to Whitehead] I'm sorry. I'm on the south beach diet.

Satan:
And it makes me a little edgy.

Satan:
Not to mention I have hygiene issues. When someone goes, "Pbht"! and it's not me -- It's not hygienic.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

Senator Whitehead:
I need you to give my [bleep] up son a job.

Satan:
Hmm.

Senator Whitehead:
It can be anything. Uh, I just need him tucked away somewhere during the campaign. He's a registered sex offender. Did you know that?

Satan:
Uh, not surprised. I mean, look at him.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 22 days ago

[after another ritual human sacrifice was over]

Senator Whitehead:
I can't believe this.

Lucy:
So, you thought there was gonna be an orgy?

DJ Jesus:
He -- He said. [referring to The Senator]

Lucy:
[to Whitehead] And you put an escape artist in a cage.

Senator Whitehead:
I can't believe this.

Satan:
And your car wouldn't start.

Senator Whitehead:
[mumbling] I can't believe this.

Satan:
What a total bust.

Senator Whitehead:
This is a disaster.

DJ Jesus:
Hey, I had a good time.

Satan:
Hey, can we stop somewhere and get some food?

DJ Jesus:
One food stop coming up.

Satan:
I love it!

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 25 days ago

Senator Whitehead:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No "Gloria".

DJ Jesus:
Hey, peace, brother.

Senator Whitehead:
No, no, no, no, no. Stop the record.

DJ Jesus:
No can do. Dancing to Gloria is a pure thing. You can't start it artificially or stop it prematurely. You just got to give in to...

DJ Jesus and Special Sister:
[singing] GLORIA!

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 25 days ago

[while Reggie still makes jokes]

Reggie:
You ever take a [bleep] so big, you take a photo of it?

Satan:
YES!

Reggie:
Um, you know what it's like -- "Wow, look at that thing. I got to get a picture of that".

Satan:
[laughs]

Reggie:
Um...

Satan:
[sees the audience not amused at all] Oh, boy.

Reggie:
Uh, well, uh, that's all my time, uh, uh, good night.

Satan:
Ha ha. Alright, that was, uh, Reggie Goldstein, everybody. Little too hip for the room. That's funny stuff. You'll talking about that tomorrow. Sense of humor, anybody?

[suddenly a lighting bolt strikes down a cult member to death]

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 25 days ago

[while the Special Fathers and Sister are sneaking in the Bohemia Grove that the cult is doing human sacrifice]

Special Sister:
Are we there?

Special Father #1:
No. We're going in circles.

Reggie:
[on stage] Tickling Captain Brownbeard.

Satan:
[on stage] [laughs]

Special Father #1:
Is someone doing comedy?

Special Sister:
THESE PEOPLE ARE MONSTERS!

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 25 days ago

Satan:
Minions, worship me. Kneel before me.

Cult Members:
Praise Satan.

Satan:
Ten presidents have announced their candidacy in front of this unholy altar. We celebrate the quest for power. We desecrate this ground with blood and FIRE!

Cult Members:
Praise Satan!

Satan:
Bur first, please put your hands together for our opening act. You've seen him on "Premium Blend". Folks, please welcome the very funny Reggie Goldstein.

Reggie:
Yeah, alright. Let's keep it going for Satan. Huh? Keep it going for him. Satan.

Reggie:
Hey, I got to tell ya, I got to ask ya -- Has this ever happened to you? You're in the bathroom, like a public bathroom at the mall or something, and some guy's in the stall next to you, right, taking a big, old dump, and, uh, he does that thing where he's coughing 'cause he's trying to cover up the noise. But this guy, he's kind of missed. The timing's a little off, so he's like [coughs and make fart sounds] It's like, what's going on? It's a like a badly done karate movie.

Satan:
[laughs] Yes.

Reggie:
Um, yeah, you ever, uh, do that thing where you go to wipe your ass, and uh, the toilet paper...

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 25 days ago

Lucy:
[on phone] Um, I'm just going to a thing for my Dad. Some political thing. Boring. What are you doing?

DJ Jesus:
Oh, uh, nothing. Just some gig -- A bar mitzvah. It's, uh, not an orgy.

Lucy:
What?

DJ Jesus:
What?

Lucy:
Did you just say it's not an orgy?

DJ Jesus:
Yes.

Lucy:
That's so weird. Why would you say that? Why would you explicitly say, "it's not an orgy"?

DJ Jesus:
Um, I'm losing you, Luce.

Lucy:
It's not the kind of thing --

DJ Jesus:
No, I really can't hear you with what you just said. I can't hear. I'm gonna call you later.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 25 days ago

[Satan comes to Reggie's house and shows him his jokes]

Reggie:
Really? Poop?

Satan:
Yes, poop. Poop.

Reggie:
'Cause I got a couple jokes about my kids and changing diapers, and it's a good start --

Satan:
No, no, no, kids. Kids aren't funny.

Reggie:
Okay, you know. I got this whole chunk about marriage and its pretty solid. It goes over--

Satan:
No, also not good. Marriage -- No good.

Reggie:
Okay.

Satan:
[to Reggie's Wife when she gave them coffee] Hi.

Reggie's Wife:
Hi.

Satan:
Thanks.

Satan:
Reggie, you need a hook, right?

Reggie:
Yeah.

Satan:
Yeah, I just don't have that one joke I told you. I got a whole bunch of jokes about poop.

Reggie:
Oh, yeah?

Satan:
Yeah, you're gonna be Reggie, the Poop Guy -- The [bleep] Comedian.

Reggie:
Okay?

Satan:
What's your last name?

Reggie:
Goldstein.

Satan:
You'll be like -- You'll be like, Reggie "I'm taking a [bleep]" Goldstein.

Reggie:
Oh, yeah, o-okay.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 25 days ago

Becky:
Satan?

Satan:
Hmm?

Becky:
You got a minute?

Satan:
Not really. I got to write some material for this comedian.

Becky:
Well, I just wanted to talk to you about Lucy. She need to be The Senator's date at the Bohemian Grove Sacrifice.

Satan:
You know how hard it is to write a joke -- Just one joke?

Becky:
Did you hear me?

Satan:
What?

Becky:
We're moving into a serious phase here. Whitehead could take the presidency, and Lucy should be at his side, as we've always planned.

Satan:
Right, right, right. Can I read you a couple?

Becky:
[sighs] Yeah.

Satan:
Alright, so, you know when you're, uh, you're in the bathroom stall and you're taking a poop next to someone else who's taking a poop?

Becky:
Really?

Satan:
What?

Becky:
Poop jokes?

Satan:
...Yeah, they're funny.

Becky:
That's what you've been working on all day -- Poop jokes?

Satan:
Well...yeah. What's wrong with that?

Satan:
Becky.

Becky:
Uh-huh?

Satan:
You go poop.

Satan:
I know you do.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 25 days ago

[the Special Father and Sister go to a mask store to disguise themselves at a ritual human sacrifice ceremony]

Mask Woman Cashier:
Something like this? [holds up a clown mask]

Special Father #1:
No, no. You didn't see "Eyes Wide Shut"?

Mask Woman Cashier:
No, sorry.

Special Sister:
Who cares. It's probably fine.

Special Father #1:
No, it's not fine. They'll spot us in two seconds with that.

Special Father #2:
Hey, I like a this one. [holds up a puppy mask]

Special Father #1:
No, it's not trick-or-treat. It's a very specific kind of mask.

Mask Woman Cashier:
For an orgy.

Special Father #1:
YES, for an orgy.

Special Sister:
I would wear this to an orgy. [puts on a purple yeti monster mask]

Special Father #2:
You know what, I'd wear it to an orgy, too.

Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil  Movie Quote

added 25 days ago

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