[Kermit, Scooter, and Uncle Deadly are hiding under a desk as Miss Piggy goes on a rampage]
Miss Piggy:
WHO REPLACED MY THICK SHARPIES WITH FINE-TIPPED SHARPIES?! I'M SIGNING AUTOGRAPHS, NOT WRITING THE BIBLE ON A GRAIN OF RICE!
Kermit the Frog:
I have a feeling this isn't about pen thickness.
Uncle Deadly:
I was fitting Piggy for a new dress...
Kermit the Frog:
Oh, no, no, you forgot to cut out the tag? She knows her size?!
Uncle Deadly:
Oh, please. I've woven such a cocoon of lies, she doesn't know what size, weight, or how old she is.
Miss Piggy:
LOOK AT THIS NONSENSE! PENCILS, HIGHLIGHTERS, A BACKSCRATCHER?! IF YOU'RE ITCHY, TAKE CARE OF IT AT HOME!
Kermit the Frog:
What is going on?
Scooter:
The Peoples' Choice Awards are coming up, and she doesn't have a date.
Uncle Deadly:
Shocking. She seems like such pleasant company.
Miss Piggy:
HOW DARE YOU TRY TO CALM ME DOWN WITH CAKE! [pause] GIVE ME THAT CAKE!
[Miss Piggy leaves]
Kermit the Frog:
Wait here. [peeks out] Clear.
[Everyone emerges to find the office in ruins.]
Scooter:
Whoa.
[Dr. Bunsen Honeydew whimpers. Kermit, Scooter, and Uncle Deadly turn to see that he is holding a calendar with a pen sticking out of it]
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew:
I tried to offer her a ballpoint. [faints]
Uncle Deadly:
You've got to find that pig a date.
