Wikidude's Quotes Page #392

Here's the list of quotes submitted by wikidude  —  There are currently 140,397 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Angela:
What is it?

Dwight:
It's my Aunt Shirley. She's on her last legs.

Angela:
Dwight, that's awful.

Dwight:
You have no idea. I mean her hair, her clothes, its all falling off in great, big clumps. And we need someone to go out there and clean her up. We had a nurse, but she quit, because she was "poisoned" by Aunt Shirley.

Angela:
What do you mean by poisoned?

Dwight:
Probably nothing. Or Strychnine. Or Lemonade and Strychnine, which is actually what it was.

The Office, Season 9  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Phyllis:
I can't be around sad people, it just makes me sad.

Stanley:
I'm the same around horny people.

The Office, Season 9  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Andy:
I know you may not be feeling love for me right now, but if you fake it, I won't be able to tell the difference.

The Office, Season 9  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Dwight:
I really like Andy these days. He's pretend, and he does exactly as I tell him to. All that will change when real Andy comes back tomorrow. [thinks for a moment] Unless he comes back as pretend Dwight. In which case, we're in for an epic, confusing showdown.

The Office, Season 9  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Dwight:
This has been a wonderful day. I have to say, I like hanging out with a vengeful bitch.

Pam:
I know. You miss Angela, don't you?

The Office, Season 9  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Erin:
Yeah, Darryl's here. So is Santa Claus. It's just a regular Thursday. [Whispers] Neither guy is here. And its Friday. Welcome to me and Darryl's world of lies.

The Office, Season 9  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Dwight:
Well they can't all be winners. But Trevor's next, and he's a real professional. You say, "jump," and he says, "on who?" He loves to jump on people, that Trevor.

The Office, Season 9  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Dwight:
Big changes coming to the old desk clump. No longer a Pam-Jim alliance against Dwight. Now it is Dwight and a friend axis against Pam.

Jim:
You could've just called that an alliance too, right?

Dwight:
I chose my words very carefully.

The Office, Season 9  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Dwight:
I'll be dammed if I'm gonna let us lose me.

The Office, Season 9  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Pam:
[on phone] Did you send Dwight on a quest for the Holy Grail?

Jim:
I think I'm a little too busy these days to s - - [whispering] Oh, my God. I did send Dwight on a quest for the Holy Grail.

The Office, Season 9  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Erin:
The pen delivery went amazing, and now I've got all these pens just waiting to be unpacked. But Pam did not tell me to unpack the pens, and I'm not one of those people who's just like, Uh, sure. I'll accept the pens when they come in, and then as soon as your back's turned, I unpack the pens and get all this credit as some great pen unpacker. On the other hand... they are just sitting here. Pam didn't tell me not to unpack them. Don't want to be a busybody, but I don't want to be a lazybones.

The Office, Season 9  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Dwight:
[on phone with Jim] I hope you've been paying your wig storage bills, Jimbo, because it's time for another episode of Handsome and Stinky: Paper Brothers for Hire.

Jim:
Sorry, Stinky, can't do it. Too busy.

Dwight:
Oh, God, this again? You're Stinky.

Jim:
Okay, there's no possible way I can get there, so just ask Phyllis. She can be your older sister or something.

Dwight:
Phyllis, my sister? More like my dead great-great-grandmother who died of stupidity.

Phyllis:
I have ears, Dwight.

Dwight:
Oh, do you really have ears, Phyllis? Like all human beings? We all have ears. [back to Jim] See what you leave me with here, Jim?

Jim:
Hey, I'm in Philadelphia right now.

Dwight:
How is that my problem? Get in your car and drive down here. You can make it in 30 minutes if you drive 240 miles per hour.

Jim:
Huh. How long would it take me if I drove 300 miles an hour?

Dwight:
Hmm. That's a good... question. 300 times...

[Jim hangs up]

Dwight:
180... Um that comes to 25 minutes. [realizes Jim hung up] Yes. Oh, well, thank you, Jim. Yes, I am better than you. Thanks for acknowledging that. Okay, bye bye. Love you.

The Office, Season 9  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Phyllis:
I knew the party was today, but nobody asked me to plan it, so I didn't. Hmm, funny how that works.

Meredith:
[Scoffs] We're out there sweating our balls off every day, bustin' our balls. We deserve a Christmas party!

Nellie:
Well, then, why don't we just get some liquor and those mini-cupcakes?

Kevin:
Mini-cupcakes? As in the mini version of regular cupcakes, which is already a mini version of cake? Honestly, where does it end with you people?

Dwight:
What about an authentic Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas? Drink some gluhwein, enjoy some hasenpfeffer. Enjoy Christmas with Saint Nicolas' rural German companion, Belsnickel.

Jim:
Yes! That, that, that! We're definitely doing that. Are we all in agreement?

Kevin:
No.

Angela:
No!

Jim:
Done, right?

Angela:
No.

Stanley:
No. I want Tropical Christmas.

Meredith:
Topless Christmas.

Creed:
Tapas Swiss Miss.

The Office, Season 9  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Dwight:
Most people don't even know that a candy cane represents a shepherd's crook. Which I assure you does not taste like peppermint. It tastes like sheep feces.

Oscar:
How would anyone even know...

Dwight:
Have you ever tasted a shepherd's crook?

The Office, Season 9  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Nellie:
This next one goes to Darryl for pocket-dialing a customer while having sex. Oh, you salty dog!

Darryl:
Well, you know, what can I say? A playa's gotta play.

Pete:
There you go.

Darryl:
[to the camera crew] Actually, that was the sound of me eating spaghetti, but I'm a let them think the other thing.

The Office, Season 9  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Pam:
Do you think Kevin cares what other people think about him? Or Creed or Meredith? Oh my gosh! These are my role models now.

The Office, Season 9  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Sylvester Stallone:
[gasps] Birdie? Is that you? It is you. Oh. You came back to me. Hey, everybody. Let's change that tone.

[All cheering]

The Muppet Show, Season 3 (1978-1979)  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Waldorf:
Well, they say all good things come to an end.

Statler:
What's that got to do with this show?

[They chuckle]

The Muppet Show, Season 3 (1978-1979)  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Gonzo:
Well, that was really joyful.

Kermit the Frog:
Okay, Well, The time has come to say goodbye. Because we don't have much else to say.

Gonzo:
And if you're worried about Fozzie. Rest assure, he is scared.

Kermit the Frog:
But before we go, let's have one last round of applause for the one and only, Sylvester Stallone!

Gonzo:
And his pet Birdie!

Kermit the Frog:
YAYYYYYYYYYY!

Gonzo:
Yippee!

Sylvester Stallone:
Oh, thank you, Gonzo. Birdie thanks you too. Well, thank you, Kermit. Bless you at all, I had a wonderful time. And Birdie came back. I only hope I didn't hurt the talking punching bag.

The Punching Bag:
Hey, what hurt? Come on, Stallone, give us one last punch for old time's sake.

Sylvester Stallone:
Okay. [punches the punching bag]

The Punching Bag:
[chuckles] Hey, Stallone, that's my kind of guy.

Kermit the Frog:
Okay. That's it for now. Hey, listen, be with us next time when our guest will be one of the world's greatest tuned slam players.

Gonzo:
Thank you again for telling me.

Sylvester Stallone:
Thanks for seeing Birdie. You made me the happiest star of all.

Double Bass Player:
We'll see you next time on The Muppet Show!

Kermit the Frog:
You all have been a wonderful laugh track.

The Muppet Show, Season 3 (1978-1979)  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Sylvester Stallone:
Wow. I have a bird. Everyone, this is Birdie. Birdie, this is everyone. Isn't she cute? Look at the feathers she has. Isn't she the cutest bird on stage [they touched their noses and smile together]

Statler and Waldorf:
[laughing hysterically] You're my best friend!

Gonzo:
Animal reunion.

Sylvester Stallone:
Gonzo, this is Birdie.

Gonzo:
Wow, a real bird. So nice to have you here.

Sylvester Stallone:
Thank you so much, Gonzo. You are a great friend of mine.

Gonzo:
Right back at ya, Sylvester.

The Muppet Show, Season 3 (1978-1979)  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Martha:
George, wake up! I think I hear prowlers.

George:
Oh Martha, go back to sleep.

The Muppet Show, Season 3 (1978-1979)  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Kermit the Frog:
Thank you, Thank you, And welcome again to The Muppet Show. And we have great show because our guest star is on our favorite German actress, Mrs. Elke Sommer. But before we get to her, Ladies and Gentlemen: Bobby Benson's Baby Band!

The Muppet Show, Season 3 (1978-1979)  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

[Statler & Waldorf chuckling]

Waldorf:
I bet you were expecting chickens.

Statler:
Woof Woof Woof!

[Statler & Waldorf laugh]

Waldorf:
Woof Woof!

Statler:
Woof Woof!

The Muppet Show, Season 3 (1978-1979)  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

Kermit the Frog:
Welcome to The Muppet Show. We have great show tonight, Because our special guest star a famous director, screen writer, and the star of the popular movie called Rocky, Sylvester Stallone. [a group teenage girls jumps to the stage] GET OUT OF THERE! [to the audience] Sorry about that, folks. Now anyways, We will like to start with a little Hawaiian number.

One of the teenaged girl:
Is Sylvester going to wear a Hawaiian skirt?

Kermit the Frog:
[to the girl] NO! HE IS NOT IN THE OPENING NUMBER! Please get back to seat! Uh, Curtains!

The Muppet Show, Season 3 (1978-1979)  Show Quote

added 9 months ago

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In which movie does this quote appear: "Here's looking at you, kid."?
A Taxi Driver
B Casablanca
C In the Line of Fire
D Unforgiven