Wikidude's Quotes Page #5,346

Here's the list of quotes submitted by wikidude  —  There are currently 140,397 quotes total — keep up the great work!

[a library full of sperm samples falls over John, spilling everything]'

John:
FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! Oh, my God! It's in my eyes! I'm blinkin' it in! [to Ted] You gotta fuckin' help me! Oh, my God! It's in my fuckin' mouth!

Ted:
Hold on. I got to post this on Facebook.

John:
NO!!!

[Ted snaps a photograph of him]

Ted:
[types on his phone] #GrrMondays.

[a nurse walks in]

Nurse:
Oh, my God!

John:
Look, I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!

Ted:
We swear to God, it was an accident! We're so sorry!

Nurse:
Well, I guess it's all right. Those are the rejected sickle cell samples.

Ted:
Oh, ya hear that, Johnny? You're covered in rejected black guy sperm. You look like a Kardashian.

Ted 2  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

[Ted and John smoke from a bong with Samantha]

John:
That weed's really good. Reminds me of the strain I smoked last summer called, "Here Comes Autism."

Ted:
Yeah, I was just going to say, it's sort of like this other batch we had called, "How Long Has That Van Been There?"

Samantha:
No, it's this new strain my dealer gave me called, "Help Me Get Home."

Ted 2  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

John:
Skywalker, Solo, Vader, Kenobi, Palpatine, Calrissian, Balboa, Rambo, Griswold, Stepford, Bickle, Gump, Corleone, Wonka, Lebowski, Venkman, Spengler, Stantz, Rizzo, Zuko, Golighty, Higgins, Dolittle, Poppins, Bond, Blofeld, Blutarsky, Soze, O'Hara, Butler, McFly, Plissken, Ventura, Burgundy, Scissorhands, Drebin, Bueller, Lecter, Dumbledore, Sparrow, Doubtfire, Bourne, Von Trapp, Zoolander, Kirk, Spock, McCoy...

Ted:
Clubber Lang!

John:
FUCKING...

Ted 2  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Samantha:
Can either of you tell me who wrote The Great Gatsby?

John:
Judy Blume?

Ted:
Hitler?

Samantha:
F. Scott Fitzgerald.

John:
Who's that?

Samantha:
The author.

John:
Well, why are you saying fuck him?

Samantha:
What?

Ted:
You just said, "Eff Scott Fitzgerald". I mean, what would Scott Fitzgerald do to you?

John:
Yeah.

Samantha:
No, that's his first name.

Ted:
[confused] His name's "Fuck Scott Fitzgerald"?

Samantha:
What? No!

John:
Well, what does the "F" stand for?

Samantha:
Francis.

Ted:
No, it's got to be "Fuck".

John:
It must be "Fuck".

Ted:
It's got to be "Fuck".

John:
It has to be "Fuck".

Samantha:
Why the Hell would it be "Fuck"?

John:
Well, 'cause otherwise, why wouldn't he just say it?

Ted:
Yeah, he's hiding something. It's "Fuck". It's "Fuck," it's "Fuck."

Samantha:
That's completely insane. You guys are idiots.

Ted:
Yeah, well, whatever. Ted Clubber Lang. Get used to it.

Ted 2  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Film Executive:
The new Superman is... Jonah Hill!

John:
FUCK!

Ted 2  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Donny:
You know... I really love that Neil Diamond. Especially that song they sing at the, uh, the Red Sox games. It's just so infectious. You just can't help but sing along. [starts singing] Hands, touching hands, reaching out. Touching me, touching you. Sweet Caroline...

Ted:
[suddenly sings out due to temptation] Bah bah bah! --FUCK! [Donny jumps to grab Ted and starts punching him] Crazy son of a bitch!

Vendor:
Hey! What are you doin' to that bear?!

Donny:
I'm sorry, I, uh...

Vendor:
You better be planning on buying that!

Donny:
He just reminds me of when I was a kid.

Vendor:
Yeah, that's great. 40 dollars. [Donny goes to grab some cash]

Ted 2  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

[last lines]

Ted:
[off screen, disgusted] Oh! Fuck me!

Tami-Lynn:
What's the matter?

Ted:
That can't be normal! He's gotta be sick!

Tami-Lynn:
He's not sick; it's just baby doodie.

John:
Yeah, that's what babies do, Teddy.

Ted:
Oh, you don't think this diaper's gross?

John:
No.

Ted:
All right, here. Catch. [throws diaper at John, offscreen, and a squish is heard]

John:
[disgusted] OH, TEDDY! WHAT THE FUCK?! [everyone screams in disgust; Ted laughs] HOLY SHIT! OH, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!

Ted:
[takes photo of John, offscreen] [typing] #shithappens.

Ted 2  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Donatello:
[Skateboards in the sewers, and then stops to sit down next to Michelangelo] How are you doing?

Michelangelo:
Fine.

Donnie:
Nice night.

Mikey:
Pizza dude's got 30 seconds.

Donnie:
Hey, Mikey. Did you ever think about what Splinter said tonight? I mean about what it would be like, you know, not having him?

Mikey:
Hmm. Time's up. $3 off.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Mikey:
Yes, friends, the new turbo ginsu. Wa-hoo! [tosses the pizza while Leonardo slices it] It dices, it slices, and it makes French fries and 3 different... [a pizza slice lands on Splinter's head] WHOOPS.

Splinter:
Mmm, kids.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Casey Jones:
New game, round-head: [pulls out a cricket bat] Cricket.

Raphael:
Cricket?! Nobody understands cricket! You gotta know what a crumpet is to understand cricket!

Casey:
I'll teach you! [swings and hits Raphael into a trash can] 6 Runs.

Raph:
[struggles to get out]

Casey:
[running] So long, freak! I've got work to do!

Raph:
[finally free of the can and furious] FREAK?! FREAK?!?

[Casey leaps over wall and runs while Raph gives chase before he runs over a taxi cab]

Passenger:
What the heck was that?

Cab driver:
Looked like some sort of turtle in a trenchcoat. [passenger is silent] You're going to LaGuardia, right?

Raph:
[still chasing Casey] Come back here! I'm not finished with you! DAAAAAAAMN!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

[April is called into Sterns' office]

Chief Sterns:
O'Neal, get in here.

April:
[to the technician] Time me.

Sterns:
Just what is it that you hope to accomplish out there, besides busting my chops?

April:
I think you know just as much as I do about the Foot Clan and I don't think you're doing anything about it.

Sterns:
You expect me to waste precious manpower because some immigrants are reminded of something that supposedly happened, years ago in Japan?!

April:
Have you got anything else?

Sterns:
Are you tryin' to tell me how to DO MY JOB?!

[April walks out of Sterns' office as the door shuts]

Technician:
1:07, a new record.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

April:
You guys eat pizza?

Mikey and Donnie:
[simultaneously] Doesn't everybody?

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

April:
Will I ever see you guys again?

Mikey:
Indubitably!

Leonardo:
Well, that depends on how fast you stock your pizza.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Mikey:
Ha-ha! No doubt about it. She loved us! It was the impressions, dudes.

Donnie:
You wish.

Leo:
Hold it!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

[after Raphael gets a mention from April on the news]

Donnie:
Hey, look. Nyuk-nyuk. I think he's blushing.

Raph:
[angrily] I am NOT.

Donnie:
I think he's actually turning red. [Raph angrily chucks a Sai into the floor between Donnie's legs] Uh, hmm. Maybe not.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

[Watching an argument starting between Leonardo and Raphael]

Mikey:
Fight?

Donnie:
Fight.

Mikey:
Kitchen?

Donnie:
Kitchen.

Mikey:
Yeah.

[Later, while eating pork rinds]

Mikey:
[hands him a pork rind] Pork Rind?

Donnie:
[takes the pork rind] Pork Rind.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

[2 Foot Ninjas are left after Raphael defeats a large number. They look at each other in fright and confusion.]

Raphael:
I mean, come on, how do you guys expect to beat me? [Camera pans as an overwhelming number of Foot Ninjas leap onto the rooftop.] Good answer. Good answer.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

April:
Hasn't Raph been gone a long time?

Donnie:
Nah, he does it all the time. He likes it.

[scene cuts to Raph being assaulted by the Foot.]

April:
Are you sure?

Donnie:
Ah, don't worry. He'll probably be back any minute.

[An unconscious Raph is thrown through the skylight, landing at Donnie's feet]

April:
Raph! Is he...?

Leonardo:
No, he's alive, barely.

April:
Oh, God.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Leo:
[about Casey] Who the heck is that?

Mikey:
Wayne Gretzky, on steroids?

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

April:
What did you do, did you take classes in insensitivity?

Casey:
Hey, I was just trying to break it to you easy.

April:
Oh, well, you failed miserably!

Casey:
Hey, Broadzilla, you wouldn't even be standing here if it weren't for me, okay?

April:
And what do you want, do you want a 'thank you'?

Casey:
No, it's me who should thank you for that privilege, right?

April:
Fine!

Casey:
Yeah.

April:
Thank you.

Casey:
No, thank you!

April:
You're welcome!

Casey:
You're welcome! [they each march to their separate rooms slamming the doors behind them]

Donatello:
Gosh, it's kind of like Moonlighting, isn't it?

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Mikey:
[yawns] Oh, man, I could go for a little deep dish action right about now.

Danny:
I had some pizza here the other day. There might be some left over.

Mikey:
[runs over to the table as April laughs, Donnie takes a look at it] Well?

Donnie:
Question.

Mikey:
Ugh. Yeah?

Donnie:
Do you like penicillin on your pizza?

Mikey:
D'oh! [he and Donnie start humming "Taps"]

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Leo:
[Shredder shows up] Does anybody have any idea about who or what this is?

Mikey:
I don't know. But I'll bet it never has to look for a can opener.

The Shredder:
You fight well in the old style, but you've caused me enough trouble. Now you face... The Shredder.

Donnie:
The Shredder?

Mikey:
Uhh... maybe all that hardware's for making coleslaw.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Raph:
Where's Splinter?

Shredder:
Ah, the rat. So it has a name. It had a name.

Leo:
[angrily] YOU LIE!

Shredder:
[evilly smiles] Do I?

[Leo angrily charges toward Shredder, but Shredder flips Leo, and points his yari to Leo's neck]

Shredder:
[To Raph, Donnie and Mikey] He [Leo] dies. Weapons! [Gestures with his head] NOW!! [Raph, Donnie and Mikey discard their weapons to save Leo.] Fools! [chortles] The three of you may have overpowered me with the loss of but one. Now your fate... WILL BE HIS!! [Brings back his yari and prepares to stab Leo.]

Raph, Mikey, and Donnie:
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Suddenly, Splinter appears startling Shredder]

Mikey:
Splinter!

[Leonardo seeing Shredder in shock rolls away back to the other Turtles]

Splinter:
Yes, Oroku Saki, I know who you are. We met many years ago, in the home of my master... Hamato Yoshi!

[Shredder removes his mask, revealing the scars underneath from their last encounter, revealing him to be Oroku Saki.]

Raph:
It's him [Oroku Saki].

Oroku Saki:
[angrily] You. Now I will finish what I began with YOUR EAR! [attempts to joust Splinter, but his yari is caught in a nunchaku chain and he is hanging over the edge of a building]

Splinter:
Death comes for us all, Oroku Saki, but something much worse comes for you, for when you die, it will be... [Oroku Saki reaches for the back of his belt, takes out a knife and throws it at Splinter, who dodges and grabs it and, at the same time, releases Shredder, who falls, screaming, into the dustcart] ...without honor.

Casey:
Oops! [Activates the trash compactor with Shredder inside]

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Leo:
We were awesome!

Mikey:
Bodacious! Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Raph:
Bitchin'!

Donnie:
Uh...mmm-mmm.

Mikey:
Gnarly!

Leo:
Radical!

Raph:
Totally tubular, dudes!

Mikey:
Wicked!

Raph:
Hellacious!

Donnie:
Uh... mega...

Splinter:
Ahem.

The Turtles:
Huh?

Splinter:
I have always liked... 'Cowabunga'.

Turtles:
Hmm? COWABUNGA!!

Splinter:
[laughs] I made a funny! [laughs again]

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

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