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Cyrus Barnaby: The dummy is drugs. It's a high-impact, pressure-molded cocaine. And there's been a whole wave of fake dummies crossing the border. Susie Wagner: So, our bloodbath was a drug deal gone bad. Chris Monsanto: I want a name. Cyrus Barnaby: Dominic Saldivar. He owns the factory that makes these Guadalajara. Chris Monsanto: Well, kids, you know what these means? Susie Wagner: We're gonna report this to the D.E.A.? Chris Monsanto: Not quite. We're going down to Mexico to find this Saldivar fellow and make him D.E.A...D. – Eagleheart (2011)	added by timothyj.29104 1 month ago
Cyrus Barnaby: Yes, a kid came in and sold this to me last week. But it was worthless, non-functional -- Had no "hand hole". Turns out a Mexican cartel used it to smuggle cocaine into the country. Brett Mobley: How'd they get the drugs inside without a hand hole? Is there a drug hole? Cyrus Barnaby: No, but...take the handy-dandy arm, and then you dip it into the handy-dandy basin...and presto. Chris Monsanto: Handy-dandy nostril candy. – Eagleheart (2011)	added by timothyj.29104 1 month ago
Chris Monsanto: Well, well, well. Cyrus Barnaby. Cyrus Barnaby: Afternoon, Marshal. Stopping by for a quick tutorial of the linking rings? [Chris shows him a tiny red bow tie] Chris Monsanto: What do you know about this? Cyrus Barnaby: I don't know anything. Chris Monsanto: Okay. [forcefully grabs Cyrus' head down on table] For somebody who tricks people for a living, you're not a very good liar. Cyrus Barnaby: Devin, call the police. Brett Mobley: You should stick to peddling fake dogsht instead of REAL BULLSHT, BARNABY! [knocks over one of Cyrus' stuff] – Eagleheart (2011)	added by timothyj.29104 1 month ago
Chief: It was an impressive massacre. Over 200 shots fired. Chris Monsanto: Looks like someone really hates school buses. Brett Mobley: Or really loves tiny holes. Chris Monsanto: Okay, uh, Brett. Remember when I duct-taped your mouth shut the other day? Brett Mobley: Yeah. Chief: And it appears they got away with whatever they were after...except... Chris Monsanto: Ah, here we go. [Chief pulls up a tiny bow tie] Susie Wagner: A tiny bow tie? Really? What about bullet casings? Chris Monsanto: How about sausage casings? Throw in some lemonade, and we got ourselves a street fair. [to himself] Stupid. – Eagleheart (2011)	added by timothyj.29104 1 month ago
Police Guard: Papers. Mexican Guy: Si. Police Guard: What's the reason for your trip? Mexican Guy: They are traveling entertainers. Police Guard: How many with ya? Mexican Guy: Four big, four small. [Police Guard sees 4 mexicans carrying 4 wooden dummies] Police Guard: You can go through. – Eagleheart (2011)	added by timothyj.29104 1 month ago
Chris Monsanto: It's good to be back on el groundo de firmo. [sees the blimp of Cloudtopia explodes] Susie Wagner: Chris, you must have killed hundred of people. Chris Monsanto: [to the viewers] Sky crime. – Eagleheart (2011)	added by timothyj.29104 1 month ago
Chris Monsanto: [lights a cigar] I guess, in this case, smoking is bad for your health. [Chris throws the cuban cigar to the combustible gas] Chris Monsanto: Yes! [said it calmly] – Eagleheart (2011)	added by timothyj.29104 1 month ago
[when Chris, Susie, and Brett were about to escape from the blimp] The Baron: Where are you going with my Marshals? Chris Monsanto: We're getting off this blump. The Baron: I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Chizz. There's only one day you can leave Cloudtopia... [gun cocks] splatter-day. Chris Monsanto: Well, I got news for you. My name ain't Chiss. It's Chris -- Chris Marshal, U.S. Monsanto. [after Chris defeats The Baron by punching him out of the blimp] The Baron: [while falling] This is kind of nice! The Baron: OH, GOD! THE GROUND! NOOO-- [dies] – Eagleheart (2011)	added by timothyj.29104 1 month ago
[while Brett and Susie are being blindfolded to do a challenge] Brett Mobley: Please tell me that was a sausage. [take off blindfold] Ew. Sky Burglar #2: [to Susie] You're next sweet cheeks. Chris Monsanto (as Chiss): Hey, buddy, buddy. Change of plans. Baron wants these two freakos. Sky Burglar #2: For what? Chris Monsanto (as Chiss): Eh, I don't know. He says something upstairs isn't illegal enough. I just work here. Sky Burglar #2: Say no more. [laughs] Chris Monsanto (as Chiss): Nice chomping there, Brett. Brett Mobley: [disgust] It was chewy like a bicycle tire. – Eagleheart (2011)	added by timothyj.29104 1 month ago
The Baron: Can I get you something to drink? Chris Monsanto (as Chiss): Yeah, sure. [The Baron shoots a sky burglar who has a drink] The Baron: [to Chiss] Here you are. Chris Monsanto (as Chiss): I thank you, sir. – Eagleheart (2011)	added by timothyj.29104 1 month ago
Chris Monsanto (as a Chiss): Hey, Baron! Looky what I got here -- Marshal Monsanto. I killed him. I killed him real dead-like, too. The Baron: Nice work, friend! What's your name? Chris Monsanto (as Chiss): Uh, Chiss. The Baron: Welcome to Cloudtopia...Chizz. The Baron: Please, stay as my guest. Later, we're going to watch pirated DVDs and gay-marry each other. – Eagleheart (2011)	added by timothyj.29104 1 month ago
Grunke: Marshal! Chris Monsanto: Uh, no, no. I'm, uh, just impersonating a Marshal. Grunke: Oh, nice. Good sky crime. Chris Monsanto: Thanks. Grunke: Name's Grunke. Get you anything you want. Yellows, reds, goofballs, high-hats -- I got it all. Chris Monsanto: No. Thank you. That's fine. Although, come to think of it, a high-hat actually sounds kind of tasty right about now. Grunke: Wait a minute. Now that I see you in profile...you are a Marshal! Well, you're in Cloud Country now! Up here, anything goes. [Grunke suddenly gets stabbed by a sky burglar] Grunke: See what I mean? [dies] [after Grunke gets killed, Chris get into disguise] Sky Burglar #2: Hey, what are you doing to Grunke? Chris Monsanto: I'm gonna have sex with his corpse. Sky Burglar #2: Oh. Nice. Good sky crime. [leaves] Chris Monsanto: Bunch of wackos up here. – Eagleheart (2011)	added by timothyj.29104 1 month ago
Chief: Susie and Brett have been sky-napped by The Baron. You have to go up to Cloudtopia and rescue them. Chris Monsanto: Both of them? Chief: Well, concentrate on Susie, but if you can get Brett, it would save me a lot of paperwork. – Eagleheart (2011)	added by timothyj.29104 1 month ago
[after Brett and Susie were kidnapped from The Baron a couple minutes ago] Chris Monsanto: Hey, Brett, your shoe fell off your blow-up doll. Chief: Where did you find that? Chris Monsanto: Out, right outside. Chief: [realizes The Baron was here] Good god. Chris Monsanto: What? The drop-tile ceiling? I know. They're so dated. – Eagleheart (2011)	added by timothyj.29104 1 month ago
Brett Mobley: So, the pizza guy says, "Hey, I just dropped all these strombolis on the floor. I'll let you have them half-price". So naturally, I'm like, "What flavors are they"? And just as he was about to tell me, I woke up. Susie Wagner: You already told me this. – Eagleheart (2011)	added by timothyj.29104 1 month ago
The Baron: What has happened to my hookers and my drug dealers? Sky Burglar: Sorry, Baron, they're...dead. The Baron: Dead?! Damn it. I was counting on their proceeds to complete operation groundless. Sky Burglar: Some Marshal is waging war against sky crime. Says he won't quit till he puts you out of commission. Monsant...something. The Baron: Marshal Monsantfield, you're about to -- Sky Burglar: [interrupts] No, it's actually Monsanto. The Baron: Marshal Monsanto, you're about to find out the sky's the limit...of your life. – Eagleheart (2011)	added by timothyj.29104 1 month ago
Chris Monsanto: It's time to scrub the clouds and return the sky to God. – Eagleheart (2011)	added by timothyj.29104 1 month ago
[after Chief explains who The Baron is and also operates sky crimes from Cloudtopia] Chris Monsanto: So you're telling me anything that happens in the sky is legal and there's a giant crime blimp flying around this place? Chief: Yes. Chris Monsanto: I don't know how I missed that. – Eagleheart (2011)	added by timothyj.29104 1 month ago
Chief: Three more victims of senseless sky crime. Oh, well. Susie Wagner: Witnesses say they were all pushed out of a hot air balloon. Chief: Well, thank god none of our cars were damaged. Chris Monsanto: Hey, Chief, where you think you're going? Now, Chris Monsanto doesn't walk away from a triple drop-n-plop mental clop. Susie Wagner: Sounds like you need to brush up on your town statutes, Chris. Anything that happens in the sky is perfectly legal. – Eagleheart (2011)	added by timothyj.29104 1 month ago
[Brett Mobley walks pass through several of dead bodies while eating ice cream] Brett Mobley: Excuse me. Excuse me. [sees a fallen dead body] Hey! Get your own cone! [realizes it's a sky crime] Brett Mobley: Oh, geez. [Brett still eats his ice cream cone] – Eagleheart (2011)	added by timothyj.29104 1 month ago
[the two couple and a guy enjoy a nice hot air balloon ride] Samantha: It's so beautiful here. Samantha's Husband: Samantha...will you make me the happiest escrow officer in the world and be my wife? Samantha: [gasps] I will! I will! I will! I will! I will take that ring, that is. Why don't you go marry that parking lot down there, you dumb piece of sht! [Samantha throw his husband out of the hot air balloon] Guy:* Oh, my god! You killed him. Samantha: Well, if you miss him so much, then why don't you join him?! [suddenly a burglar arrives in the hot air balloon] Sky Burglar: Give me your money! Samantha: F* YOU! [Burglar manages to throw Samantha off the hot air balloon] Guy: [after getting shot] HELP! POLICE! Sky Burglar: Police? News flash, balloon boy, there's no law up here. [Burglar throw the guy out of the hot air balloon] Sky Burglar: SKY CRIME! – Eagleheart** (2011)	added by timothyj.29104 1 month ago
Susie Wagner: Samuel, hi. I brought the antidote to the Creepatin so you don't have to be a creep anymore. Samuel: No, thanks. I think I'm going to stay a creep. Susie Wagner: ... Samuel: I'm going over to the high school to watch the girls soccer team practice. [leaves] Susie Wagner: [sad] Goodbye, Sam Drake. [as Sam Drake leaves he got hit by a van] – Eagleheart (2011)	added by timothyj.29104 1 month ago
[after Neil Phipps was defeated] Neil Phipps: [to his pet spider] YES! BITE ME, MY CHILDREN! BITE ME! I'M COMING, JACKO! [laughing] I'M COMING! – Eagleheart (2011)	added by timothyj.29104 1 month ago
Susie Wagner: Neil Phipps! You're under arrest on four counts of first-degree creepicide. Chris Monsanto: You added your name to the murder list so that we'd think you'd be one of the victims. Very ingenious. Neil Phipps: You got me all wrong, Monsanto. I was simply autographing what I consider my most masterful to-do list yet. Now, if you'll excuse me, these fine ladies are on my other to-do list. And by "do", I mean do. Susie Wagner: You girls aren't attracted to him, are you? Sexy Woman: Hey, compared to the creeps in this town, this guy's John Stamos. Susie Wagner: Neil Phipps is no John Stamos. Neil Phipps: I am SO John Stamos! – Eagleheart (2011)	added by timothyj.29104 1 month ago

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