Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #167

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 5,773 quotes total — keep up the great work!

VC:
I'm Tee-Head. My victim loves golf.

Jon the Torture Consultant:
Alright, you know what? Focus on his fears, not his hobbies, but otherwise, a hole-in-one, V.C. Very good.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell  Movie Quote

added 8 months ago

[Dizzay's torture is showed to be wearing a clown costume with his pants down, Eddie shown being stuck in a anthill surround by big ants, and a random nuke explosion scene on tv]

Jon the Torture Consultant:
Way too much going on here. Quality, not quantity.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell  Movie Quote

added 8 months ago

[Benji is dressed as latex body suit with a pink tutu holding a saw while dancing]

Jon the Torture Consultant:
Very disturbing, Benji. You can teach my seminar someday.

Benji:
Thank you.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell  Movie Quote

added 8 months ago

Troy:
Gary, you've been downloading porn this whole week?

Gary Bunda:
No.

Gary Bunda:
Yes. But it's just this one picture.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell  Movie Quote

added 8 months ago

Jon the Torture Consultant:
Where can I take a shower and get this sh*t off me?

Benji:
Uh, Diarrhea Lagoon?

Jon the Torture Consultant:
Diarrhea Lagoon is not gonna work.

Benji:
Well, the acidity is like an astringent.

Jon the Torture Consultant:
I don't want diarrhea on me. Where can I get a clean shower, clean water, to get all this muck off me?

Benji:
There's the donkey-cum waterfall.

Jon the Torture Consultant:
Donkey-cum waterfall?

Benji:
Yeah.

Jon the Torture Consultant:
Someone piss on me. I want this -- I want this off me. If it's piss, I don't care.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell  Movie Quote

added 8 months ago

Jon the Torture Consultant:
I assume you guys all have your books open to chapter 1, yes?

Demon Employees:
Yes.

Jon the Torture Consultant:
Start ripping those pages out. I want you to take all those pages, roll them up nice and tight, and then I want you to shove those pages right up your ass.

Jon the Torture Consultant:
And then once you're done shoving them up your ass, then you can pull them out of your ass, because, apparently, that's what you guys have been doing with you tortures -- Pulling them out of your ass.

[Gary starts to actually shove pages up his ass]

Satan:
Gary, don't literally do it.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell  Movie Quote

added 8 months ago

[Satan's stomach burst out a tortured consultant to get the demon employees motivated in torture business]

Jon the Torture Consultant:
Alright. Do I have your attention? Satan hired me as a consultant to light a fire under your asses because, apparently, real fire isn't enough.

Gary Bunda:
Is he dead?

Satan:
Gary, pay attention.

Gary Bunda:
Jesus Christ.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell  Movie Quote

added 8 months ago

[Satan imitates calling his phone]

Satan:
Hello? Yeah, hey. How's your torture going? THAT'S YOU GUYS -- PHONING IT IN!

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell  Movie Quote

added 8 months ago

Tortured Soul:
Shouldn't someone be flaying me open with those whips?

Dizzay:
Man, you're in a hurry to get your ass whupped, ain't he?

Ted:
You all flayed now? Flay master.

Dizzay:
I can go for some coffee.

Ted:
Ooh. Coffee now? That's be good.

Ted:
[to Tortured Soul] How do you take your coffee?

[the Tortured Soul is revealed as Satan in disguise]

Satan:
Black...like I'm gonna make your bottom.

Ted:
How did you get out of those manacles?

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell  Movie Quote

added 8 months ago

Ted:
This little computer got a game on it where you can be your own dolphin and then you can name it. Guess what I named mine.

Dizzay:
What?

Ted:
Ted.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell  Movie Quote

added 8 months ago

Satan:
Eddie, I called you up here because you're a tortured soul, right?

Eddie:
Yes.

Satan:
Yeah. To me...you don't seem that...tortured.

Eddie:
Oh, no. The demons do a number on me. I mean, you hear my screams. They echo!

Eddie:
AAAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAH! You hear that right?

Satan:
I know those guys are buddies of yours.

Eddie:
[pauses] ...Okay.

Satan:
Yeah.

Eddie:
You got things going on. Like, I mean, Gary's on his phone a lot.

Satan:
Yeah, yeah.

Eddie:
Their heart's just not into it. Hot pokers? Again? I think the main torture with these guys is boredom.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell  Movie Quote

added 8 months ago

Robot:
I don't care who wins. I like to see a good fight, like when Murph took down that big Russki in Frisco. Murph was drunker than a turd-house rat, but, by god, he knocked that Russian bear out cold with a body shot and a lit cigar in his mouth!

Saul of the Mole Men  Movie Quote

added 8 months ago

Bertrum:
[to Johnny] So...about that Thunder Hole --

Clancy:
FORBIDDEN!

Saul of the Mole Men  Movie Quote

added 8 months ago

Dr. Lawrence 'Brad' Perkins:
The judge request your presence in the courtroom.

Saul:
Judge? Courtroom? What do you people know of justice? Of common decency? The crapper's a hole in the ground, for crying out loud, and there's only one corncob to share between the two of us.

[Mole Men Prisoner #1 still plucking his eyes out in agony]

Dr. Lawrence 'Brad' Perkins:
You were promised a full and fair trial, and that's what you'll get.

[cuts to next scene where the courtroom takes place in a battle arena between Saul and the Judge who is a worm monster]

Dr. Lawrence 'Brad' Perkins:
If the Judge finds you innocent, your life shall be spared. If the Judge eats you, it means you are guilty.

Saul of the Mole Men  Movie Quote

added 8 months ago

[Saul drawing the number of days he's been in prison by using a rock]

Dr. Lawrence 'Brad' Perkins:
Stop vandalizing your cell. We just renovated this wing.

Saul of the Mole Men  Movie Quote

added 8 months ago

Bertrum:
Why don't you sign this important document in triplicate, effectively green-lighting my big secret idea - Project Thunder Hole!

Bertrum:
A single hole so massive that it will make all other holes obsolete! A hole so grand in scope, we mole men will never have to dig another hole again! And we'll dig it where we've never dug before -- Straight up.

Clancy:
FORBIDDEN!

Saul of the Mole Men  Movie Quote

added 8 months ago

Bertrum:
Your kingship, I offer you this token of admiration. Just a simple novelty item.

Johnny Tambourine:
It's a pen!

Bertrum:
Now turn it over.

[Johnny turns over the pen that shows a naked mole woman]

Johnny Tambourine:
Wow!

Robot:
These buffalo still have a few tricks up their sleeves.

Johnny Tambourine:
I can honestly say I've never received a more heartfelt and meaningful gift.

Clancy:
Oh, come on!

Saul of the Mole Men  Movie Quote

added 8 months ago

Mole Men Prisoner #2:
I got a plan.

Saul:
You do?

Mole Men Prisoner #2:
A plan to bust out of here.

Saul:
No way.

Mole Men Prisoner #2:
Gonna fake an injury to distract the guard, then make a break for it. You in?

Saul:
You better believe it, pal.

Mole Men Prisoner #2:
Great.

[Mole Men Prisoner #2 breaks one of Saul's legs]

Mole Men Prisoner #2:
You, guard, man down!

[Mole Men Prisoner gives a thumbs up to Saul afterwards while Saul gets beaten to death by the officers]

Saul of the Mole Men  Movie Quote

added 8 months ago

Mole Men Prisoner #2:
Hey, flesh sack. Can I get a spot?

[Saul feels concerned]

Mole Men Prisoner #2:
Get on over here. Ain't no sex thing.

Saul of the Mole Men  Movie Quote

added 8 months ago

Clancy:
Your majesty, I come to pay my respects and offer a tribute.

[Johnny confused]

Robot:
That's a gift. He's giving stuff to you.

Clancy:
The kings of old believed it helped ward off the evil spirit of Otnip. Father believed it helped him rule with wisdom, strength, and clarity.

Johnny Tambourine:
Oh, um, thanks.

Clancy:
You don't like it?

Johnny Tambourine:
No, no --

Clancy:
You seem underwhelmed.

Johnny Tambourine:
It's fine.

Clancy:
It has a great deal of sentimental value. It symbolizes the lineage of the mole man royal family as well as our love of orbs.

Robot:
He said he doesn't like it.

Clancy:
Well, I guess I can just take it back.

Johnny Tambourine:
[happily] Okay.

Clancy:
So, you're refusing my gift, then?

Robot:
You heard the man.

Clancy:
Son of a bitch!

Saul of the Mole Men  Movie Quote

added 8 months ago

Saul:
What sort of topsy-turvy world is this? Mole men? Talking rocks? Maybe I am nuts.

Mole Men Prisoner:
Nuts? I'm afraid you're all too sane, my friend. The rocks talk to me, too.

Saul:
Really? What did they tell you?

Mole Men Prisoner:
This.

[the Mole Men Prisoner plucks both of his eyes out screaming in agony as well as Saul]

Saul of the Mole Men  Movie Quote

added 8 months ago

Gary Bunda:
Need a little help?

Ted:
Guys?

Dizzay:
Ted, man, welcome back, brother. We missed you.

Ted:
Well, what's all this stuff?

Benji:
We knew you didn't want to cut off the noses of the dolphins, so we're gonna do it for you.

Ted:
[laughing] Guys!

Gary Bunda:
We've never said anything about not sewing those snouts back on, so what I brought was a little bit of sewing thread and a needle and some antiseptic. And what we'll do is we'll sew the snouts back on their bodies. They'll be out in the ocean dancing and singing for the rest of their lives -- Naturally.

Satan:
Don't sew the snouts back on!

Gary Bunda:
No, we definitely won't do that.

Satan:
I want those dolphins to bleed out.

Gary Bunda:
Man, his hearing has gotten, like, way better.

Dizzay:
Yeah.

Gary Bunda:
Can I just have some of the water?

Satan:
Nope. No water. Beat it.

Benji:
[to Ted] Anyway, you know...

Gary Bunda:
[to Ted] Sorry, dude.

Ted:
See you guys.

Gary Bunda:
Probably not.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell  Movie Quote

added 8 months ago

[Satan gives Ted a new job by doing Dolphin Haven]

Satan:
So, what you have to do is you take a hook and you slam it into their blowhole. Take this, and you cut off their snouts. Pretty -- Pretty quick. They're gonna be making lots of [imitates dolphin] but, trust me, they're not giggling. They're in a lot of pain.

Satan:
Get 50 of them done by the end of the day today, and then, uh, we'll work our way up, alright?

Ted:
[soft voice] Why?

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell  Movie Quote

added 8 months ago

Ted:
Troy, have a moment with your computer?

Cliff the Software Demon:
Hey, sorry about the shack, man. My CD-ROM drive's all wonky.

Ted:
I'm going to gouge your eyes out.

Satan:
Hey, Ted. Welcome back, buddy. Come with me. I got a new job for you.

Ted:
[to Cliff] I'm coming for those eyes.

Cliff the Software Demon:
You don't have the balls.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell  Movie Quote

added 8 months ago

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In which movie does this quote appear: "May the Force be with you."?
A Toy Story
B Star Wars
C E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial
D Rocky