Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #225

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 6,084 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Narrator:
One way to keep the romance alive in marriage is to unite against a common enemy.

– The Shivering Truth  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Narrator:
Maintaining long-term relationships can be difficult work.

– The Shivering Truth  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Mr. Lawson:
I met someone.

Mrs. Lawson:
How? Who is it?

Mr. Lawson:
Would you like to meet her? I'll get her right now.

[Mr. Lawson turns into Mary who's been loving inside him this entire time]

Mrs. Lawson:
You stay away from my man!

Mary:
Wait. It's not what you think. I was just using your husband to get to you. I need you to sign this -- Quick!

Mrs. Lawson:
What? What is this?

Mary:
No time to think. Sign now or die!

[Mrs. Lawson turns into Abraham Lincoln]

Abraham:
Oh, Mary, my dearest. There you are. Why do you toy with me like this?

– The Shivering Truth  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Narrator:
Though only together 3 seconds per year, the Lawsons were like any other couple.

– The Shivering Truth  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Mrs. Lawson:
Bears don't eat dears, liar! What's going on here? I want to speak to my real husband -- now! [pulls up a knife] Where is he?!

Mr. Lawson:
[voice breaking] I don't think I can bring him back.

Audience:
[groans]

[turns into a cat]

Audience:
[awww]

Mr. Lawson:
But I'll try.

– The Shivering Truth  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Mrs. Lawson:
What are you thinking for dinner?

[Mr. Lawson turns into a parrot]

Mr. Lawson:
You know what sounds good, is just a plate of birdseed.

[turns into a koala]

Mr. Lawson:
Actually, scratch that. I think I'll just have some eucalyptus leaves.

[turns into a bear]

Mr. Lawson:
Or you know what? I'm really craving a deer carcass tonight.

[turns into deer]

Mr. Lawson:
Whoa, bear! Hold your horses now.

[turns into a horse]

Mr. Lawson:
Hey, leave me out of this.

– The Shivering Truth  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Chinese Woman in Machine:
After 10 generations, I first person in family to get very own life crank. What secret to my success? Always turn life crank. Never let the crank of life turn the 'u' of 'you' in 'u.' That a million-dollar slotto. Just got to call over to corporate and have them crunch number. But don't let a number crunch a-you.

– The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Cutter the Vet:
Before I ascend to the next level, I suppose I ought to reward myself extra nice for knowing the way.

[He sucks his own penis making his body implode to the same place he experienced after war where the woman was dead and the Vet was the baby]

– The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Britchard:
So what's next for you?

Cutter the Vet:
Nothing left to do. I'm going to a better place -- Where those who have cracked the code on this world go. It's not a physical place.

Cutter the vet:
Now, I want you to know that your father and I love you very much, but I just can't live inside your hollow book anymore. It's too full of empty platitudes.

– The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Chinese Woman in Machine:
Order up! Doc suey, just how you like.

Doc:
No beverage? Hmm?

Chinese Woman in Machine:
So sorry.

[The woman in machine squirts brown pee into Doc's mouth]

– The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Doc:
[singsong] I'm dumb.

– The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Cutter the Vet:
I'm telling you, Parde, Muffnuts haven't even hit the market. We already got a cartoon show, fashion label, hotel chain, and a line of jacking creams.

Cutter the Vet:
Since I started this sentence, we've stopped selling the actual Muffnuts. It's about the brand. Muffnuts is an attitude, a way of life, a state of mind, a stay of attilife, a watay of lifeatudenut.

The Reverend:
Do you think it would be okay to work Muffnuts into the bible? Of course, the church would split the royalties.

Cutter the Vet:
Sold. Now to stroke out a meward for a job well done. You mind if I 'gradtulate myself in the groin with my hand?

The Reverend:
Do you mind if I join you?

Cutter the Vet:
[gasp in a sexualize way]

– The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Hurshe:
Oh, me so absorbed Vet's demons, I got to go take care of his unfinished psychebusiness before I can return to my asskissulations without a threat of asphyxiations.

– The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Hurshe:
Oh, my meal ticket to eternity!

– The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Hurshe:
How 'bout a littles tit for your immortalit-- What?

[flashback intensifies and starts to strangle Meemaw]

Hurshe:
Ohh! Oh, shoot! Vet's demon cream really stuck to my emotional ribs.

– The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Hurshe:
You know, that ain't the only hole I can fill with muff. I'll make the little old man in your sloppy boat choke on my fish sandwich, girl. I'll make you feel like you're 300 again.

– The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Hurshe:
You fill the hole with the muffin. I call 'em "Donuffins."

– The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Cutter the Vet:
Muffins and doughnuts? They ought to make a combo -- Call 'em "Muffnuts." That's a million dollar idea. Let me get it up on blocks, see if it's got legs. Just got to call the coast -- Have the boys in corporate crunch the numbers.

Cutter the Vet:
Guys, Muffnuts! I know, right?!

– The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Hurshe:
Mm! Ahoy vey! That was a whale of a demon, seaman! Look like you got a load off more than your mind.

Cutter the Vet:
This is a fine how-do-you-doozy! I feel like a million bucks' worth of new leafs, like my whole issue went down your drain.

Hurshe:
You went from nuts to normal in two pumps and a squirt!

– The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Hurshe:
Whatever's bungholin' your soulbritches, I'ma suck it out of you.

Hurshe:
Hmm! Your in-and-out-surance requires a 5-buck copay.

– The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Hurshe:
What can I do you for?!

Cutter the Vet:
Well, see, years ago I was on this mission --

Hurshe:
I mean back door, mouth door, or doggy door? Don't got time for your sob story.

– The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Hurshe:
I'ma get ahold of that dyin' bag's eternal life if it kills me.

– The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Hurshe:
I'm gonna get my nose so far up Meemaw's tushy, it'll be coming out of her nose!

– The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Hurshe:
I must have watched a hundred of these tapes! They're all just bore-o-cratic orders.

Hurshe:
Which tape gonna tell me how to get my perks -- My key to the sexecutive outhouse? I thought I'd be showering in gold.

– The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

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