Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #230

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 5,751 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Sheriff:
Your sis is gonna win the crown this year or I'll have to kiss my dong goodbye.

Hurshe:
You let my sister win, I will chew off your pecker, pan-fry it in grease, and eat it with hot sauce.

Sheriff:
Ew. Can I watch?

The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Doc:
Gave you a mouth tightenin', removed a rib -- Want a bite? Made your A-hole your B-hole, moved your G-spot to your P-hole, and T-bagged your C-cups with deez nuts.

The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Sheriff:
Babe, can you keep these pies comin'? I think I'm gonna need a lot of them.

Hambrosia:
I guess. But you can't be around to watch me bake.

Sheriff:
I love it when I'm not around!

[Hambrosia getting ready to hug Sheriff]

Sheriff:
We'll finish this hug up later.

The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Meemaw:
If you let Hurshe win the Miss Heartshe crown, I will turn your pecker into a carrot!

[Meemaw gives Sheriff a carrot in a bottle which means she already did it to someone else before]

The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Sheriff:
[reads a note] "Adios lifemigo". Must be Mexi-gibber for "Slop's on"!

The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Sheriff:
Hambrosia said she'd die if she was crowned Miss Heartshe, so I bribed Hurlan to pick her!

[Hurshe grabs Sheriff by his balls]

Hurshe:
What?! You let Hambrosia win the Miss Heartshe crown, I will never let you sex up my back bottom face again!

Sheriff:
[groaned] Noooooooo!

The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Hambrosia:
I hate to think I might win. I'm so ugly and worthless! If a nothing like me won, I'd just die. Doc agreed. I'd literally die.

Sheriff:
You mean you'd die? Like, you'd be dead... And I'd be forced to get to grind my widower's sorrow into your sister...till I spurt my grief away?

Sheriff:
Don't wait up for me, honey.

The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Hurshe:
I thought we'd spice things up today with something new.

Sheriff:
But, Hurshe, we already done did it all. Unless you wanna dip your Miss Heartshe crown in hog snot and shove it up your side door.

Hurshe:
Weirder.

[Hurshe pulls up a dirty condom inside her breasts]

Sheriff:
Condoms are a sin!

Hurshe:
What's your favorite animal?

Sheriff:
Well, you know I love poodles. I only blog about 'em every day.

[Hurshe's vagina blows the dirty condom into a poodle as a balloon]

[then Sheriff notices that there's blood on the poodle]

Sheriff:
Uh, sugar, you better see the Doc.

Hurshe:
I got a 'pointment in the mornin'. I'm getting myself all souped up so I can keep my streak of snatchin' the Miss Heartshe crown from my snatchless sister.

Hurshe:
[just to make sure] Who as you know, is your wife.

The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

TV Hurlan:
Meemaw, if you're watching this, it means I'm sick of Hoss' tapes telling me what to do, so I'm gonna take over Hoss's tapes with my own tapes so I can tell myself what to do.

Hurlan:
This guy in charge? He's too idjit to even make a TV right-sided-ed-ed.

TV Hurlan:
Me? You're the one's upside-down!

Hurlan:
You're upside down!

[Meemaw's face which is literally upside-down]

Meemaw:
You're both upside-down.

The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Clem:
I got one! I got one! Uh, Uh, Uh, A Jew, A Black, and Mexican.

All:
[laughter]

The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Hurlan:
Say if, for example, just yesterdaddy, I decided that Hambrosia's gone too nutballs trying to take over, so I told her, "Y'all ain't never gonna be in charge, 'cause what you don't know is that Meemaw can't die."

Boss Hoss:
You told your sister the secret?! One of the voices in her head might leak it to the press! Her mind have the loosest lips in town. This holler is on high alert!

[imitates alarm sounding]

The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Hurlan:
I wanna change the name of this town. "Heartshe Holler" is too borin'. I wanna call it "Dare to Dream... of a world where you control your own life and not your mean ol' Daddy that locked you in a cave for 40 years and put you in charge after he died, but left a set of prescient videotapes that micro-manage your every decision."

The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

The Reverend:
Miss Heartshe, forgive me because my eyes aren't so good. Are you white?

Hambrosia:
Yes, sir.

The Reverend:
I rest my case.

The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

[after Hurlan poured gasoline oil to burn Meemaw for her request]

Hurlan:
You're free Meemaw. What's the secret?

Meemaw:
This is the secret.

[another Meemaw randomly shows up]

Meemaw:
What are you doing?!

Hurlan:
I was just trying to kill you.

Meemaw:
Why would you try to kill me?!

Hurlan:
You told me to!

Meemaw:
Why would I do that?! I'll never tell you my secret!

[later, after that scene]

Boss Hoss:
[to Hurlan] [laughs] That's hilarious! That's how she told me!

The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

[The Reverend throws his Dream Book into a woodchipper that randomly appeared out of nowhere]

The Reverend:
Toader! You see what you did? You destroyed my dreams.

The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Xavier:
Life is just death in drag.

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Xavier:
It's the drumbeat to which our spirits dance. It's only the size of a fist, but it packs a lot more punch. Some folks say its every beat is the sound of god kicking an angel in the face.

Xavier: Renegade Angel  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Boss Hoss:
You going buck-nuttin?

The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Boss Hoss:
So both of y'all claim to be gestating the child what has the mark?

Hurshe:
She's trying to steal uterus thunder with that wannabe baby! She's insane in the womb-brain.

Hambrosia:
You've had more nuts in you than my dog's mouth, you baby-hoarding baby whore!

Boss Hoss:
All right, now. There's just one way to settle this -- A good old-fashioned "Settle This Off."

Hambrosia:
I'll go birth up my baby, and if y'all could read, you'd read it and weep.

Hurshe:
Well, I'm happy to push out my pudding proof, and you're gonna eat a ass full of your words.

Boss Hoss:
Oh, y'all just gonna leave the TV on?

The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Bartender:
You gonna be a papa? What kind of daddy you gonna be?

Hurlan:
Well, my father wasn't around, so I don't know how to daddy.

The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Doc:
Your pop is in a vegetative coma. But with proper medical care, he could be upgraded to a vittle state with a side of corn.

Doc's Daughter:
At least I get some free corn.

The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Hurshe:
Say it!

Sheriff:
I'm your sister's husband!

Hurshe:
Yeah! Say the rest!

Sheriff:
We are gonna destroy your brother, the mayor, who grew up in a cave and thus has no understanding of even the basics of life so you can take over this town!

Hurshe:
Yeah!

Sheriff:
Your brother is watching us!

Hurshe:
Oh, I like that.

Sheriff:
No, your brother is really watching us.

Hurlan:
What was you guys just doing? Was that wrestling or dancing? Slap casserole?

Sheriff:
We were, uh, playing doctor.

Hurlan:
Then I want to be a doctor!

The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Doc:
What are you doing up my wife?

N-Word the Robot:
It was just so lonely... at the top

Doc:
Good thing I programmed you with a termination code.

[Doc shoots N-Word into a bunch of raining coins]

Doc:
Honey! We're rich!

The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

Boss Hoss:
Ohh, you want to get your nose up the dirt of the common folk, huh? Well, have at it.

Clem:
Ooh, look at that big shot standing in his fancy office, getting razzed by us good ol' boys.

Grinder:
You ain't one-aus.

Bar Redneck:
You're one-ayou!

The Heart, She Holler  Movie Quote

added 1 year ago

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