Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #61

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Special Father #1: Sometimes death leaves a stain on a place, like a stain left behind by...something that stains. – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[while SF1 is still dying from his nightmare, Special Sister gets tired of his nonsense, and saves him by pulling out SF1's cross necklace that's been choking him while dreaming] Special Father #1: Oh, thank you. You saved my life. Sister...thank you. Special Sister: Okay, wrap it up, drama queen. We all need some rest now! Go to sleep. Special Father #1: What can I do to...repay you? Special Sister: YOU CAN GO TO [bleep] TO SLEEP! I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO GET ANY SLEEP 'CAUSE YOU'VE BEEN SUCKING ON BEADS, TRYING TO KILL YOURSELF. JUST SLEEP, JERKOFF! – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[as Lucy came back, she sees DJ Jesus sleeping with the Dreamster] Lucy: Hey, wake up. DJ Jesus: [still dreaming] Lu-- Lucy? Lucy: Wake up. DJ Jesus: [sees Lucy inside the coffin] Lucy, how -- How did you get here? [however, DJ Jesus can only see and hear Lucy in his dream while she's trying to wake him up] Lucy: What's wrong with you? Wake up! DJ Jesus: Okay. Stop saying that and get us out of here. Lucy: Wake up. [slaps DJ Jesus] DJ Jesus: Ow. Okay. Not necessary to slap me and say "wake up" when I'm obviously next to you and up, okay? Lucy: [slaps hardly] Wake up! What's wrong with you! DJ Jesus: Alright. Do not -- Lucy: Wake up! Wake up! DJ Jesus: Don't slap my face. Stop it! PLEASE! HEY, I'M HERE! DO NOT SLAP MY FACE AGAIN. – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Judas: Ladies and gentlemen, we've come to witness DJ Jesus attempt the most dangerous escape of them all -- The Resur-Rocktion! Judas: DJ Jesus will be placed into this sarcophagus, which will be lowered into this freshly dug grave. And this backhole will bury him under 10,00 cubic feet of dirt. And a big ROOOCK! Satan (as Dr. Franz Weiner): How are you feeling? DJ Jesus: I'm totally unprepared. Oh, my god, it's a tight fit in here. Satan (as Dr. Franz Weiner): Great, great. Sealing you up. Satan (as Assistant Lady): Sealing you up now. DJ Jesus: Uh, what's the trick? Uh, don't I have some trick to get out of here? Satan: I sure hope so. [laughs evilly] DJ Jesus: Lucy's Dad? Satan: Bye-bye, Jesus. – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[DJ Jesus randomly appears to be on stage with no thought of what just happened after getting interviewed with the therapist] DJ Jesus: Oh, uh, hello. Uhm, uh. How you folks doing? [to Judas] I can't remember what we're doing. Judas: We're doing the "Resur-Rocktion". DJ Jesus: We are? I don't do that trick. Judas: But that's what they came to see, man. DJ Jesus: But we haven't practiced it! Satan (as Assistant Lady): It will be fine. You were born to do this trick. DJ Jesus: Uh, who are you? Satan (as Assistant Lady): I'm your lovely assistant. – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[Special Father #1 talks about his fears] Special Father #1: It's something the Pope e-mailed me last week. He called it "cute puppy" in the subject. So it threw me off. I figured it was going to be a pictures of a cute puppy. And it was a link to a video of this guy with a hug larva growing under his skin, and he pushed it out through his -- [disgust] Oh, oh. Satan (as Dr. Franz Weiner): Oh, dear. That's horrible. Special Father #1: I know. It made me sick. I sent it to everyone I know. – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[Dr. Franz Weiner gets a phone call] Special Father #1: Dr...Dr. Weiner, do you want to get that? Satan (as Dr. Franz Weiner): Um, yes I will. Uh, hold one second. Satan: [normal voice] [on phone] Hello? Lucy: Hey, it's me. Satan: Uh, it's not a good time. Can I call you back? Lucy: Oh, okay. I didn't really have anything to say. I'm just -- Pissed. I got in a fight with Jesus. But, you know, I don't want to talk about it. Satan: Right, right. So 'cause I got to do, um -- Lucy: He is such a flirt! It drives me nuts. I was like, "Just don't be a slut". And he was like, "It's part of my job". Satan: Luce, can I call you back? Lucy: I was like, "What"?! And he was like -- Satan (as Dr. Franz Weiner): [to DJ Jesus] Just one second! DJ Jesus: No problem. [while petting Judas as a goat] Satan: [normal voice] Luce, really, really busy night for me, so... Satan (as Dr. Franz Weiner): [to SF1] One second! Special Father #1: Uh, take your time. Lucy: Oh, then he said he was claustrophobic, and I was like, "What"? I was gonna kill him. But then he was like, "No, I'm actually claustrophobic". And I was like, "Oh". And then he went out, and he did body shots on the two skankiest girls I have ever seen. Satan: He's claustrophobic? [referring to DJ Jesus] Lucy: Yeah. Satan (as Dr. Franz Weiner): [to DJ Jesus] You are claustrophobic? DJ Jesus: Yes. How did you know that? Satan: Thank you, Luce. [hangs up] – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[as DJ Jesus sleeps with the Dreamster on, he then meets the same demon therapist that SF1 got into] Satan (as Dr. Franz Weiner): Hello there, Jesus. DJ Jesus: Uh, do I know you? Satan (as Dr. Franz Weiner): I'm Dr. Franz Weiner. I want you to tell me about your fears. DJ Jesus: Are you a therapist? Satan (as Dr. Franz Weiner): Sort of. DJ Jesus: You know who you remind me of? Satan (as Dr. Franz Weiner): Who? DJ Jesus: Freddy Krueger. [Dr. Franz Weiner (as Satan) turns into Freddy Krueger] Satan (as Dr. Franz Weiner): Why? DJ Jesus: Because of your sweater and your lumpy skin. Satan (as Dr. Franz Weiner): [bit offended] I don't have lumpy skin. Alright. Fine. Satan (as Dr. Franz Weiner): Let's just focus on you, Jesus, and your fears. DJ Jesus: No, no, no. Hey, you're like Freudy Krueger. Satan (as Dr. Franz Weiner): Okay. That's -- That's enough. DJ Jesus: Oh, man! I wish Judas was in this dream. He'd love that joke. [Judas arrives as a goat with wings] Judas: I AM IN THIS DREAM, DUDE! DJ Jesus: There he is! Judas: That was hilarious -- Freudy Krueger. Hilarious! DJ Jesus: You're a goat, man. What's going on? [laughing] Judas: I don't know, man! – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[as SF1 opens up the bathroom door, he then sees a strange white void room with Dr. Franz Weiner] Satan (as Dr. Franz Weiner): Hello. Come on in. Special Father #1: Oh, sorry. I was looking for the bathroom. Satan (as Dr. Franz Weiner): That's alright. Come in and have a seat, please. I am Dr. Franz Weiner. I want you to tell me about your fears. Special Father #1: My fears? Satan (as Dr. Franz Weiner): Yes, please. I am interested in your worst fears, your ultimate nightmare. [suddenly the chair that SF1 is sitting in turns into a toilet] Special Father #1: Uh-oh. Doctor, is it weird if I'm going to the bathroom right now? Satan (as Dr. Franz Weiner): Number one or number two? Special Father #1: Uh...both. Satan (as Dr. Franz Weiner): Yes. It, uh, ooh, represents creativity. Special Father #1: Oh. Oh, that's good, then. Satan (as Dr. Franz Weiner): Yea-- Yeah, it's good. – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[Special Father #1 still can't sleep] Special Father #1: Damn it. Alright. I'll go pee, and then I'll be able to sleep. Special Sister: Hey, quiet down in there! Special Father #1: OH, SHUSH! – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[DJ Jesus gets a word with Lucy when DJ Jesus bought the Dreamster Machine for his fans to listen with] Lucy: You encourage them. DJ Jesus: Lucy, I'm a DJ, and having a girl sexy-dance right next to me is part of the job. It's like if I was a construction worker and you said to me, "I don't like how there's always cement hanging around you". Or if I was a baker, and you'd be like, "What's with all the yeast"? Lucy: I get it. I get it. DJ Jesus: Okay. Lucy: How about this? If you want to be with me, you can't be a ridiculous man-slut. How about that? DJ Jesus: Yeah, that's fine. I'm starting to get a little claustrophobic. So... Lucy: What?! Claustrophobic? I give you your space. All I ask is this one thing. DJ Jesus: No, no, no. Not in the relationship. I mean literally in this closet. It's tiny space for two people. So can we, uh... Lucy: How can you be claustrophobic? You're an escape artist. DJ Jesus: All escape artists are claustrophobic. That's why we want to escape. – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[Special Father #1 bought a Dreamster Machine for him to sleep tonight] Special Father #1: It's a white-noise machine. It makes noise to help you sleep. Special Sister: That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard of. Special Father #1: Sister, listen to this. [SF1 plays the Dreamster] Special Father #1: That is, um, "Summer Night". Huh? Special Sister: Sounds evil. Special Father #1: It's not evil. It's "Summer Night". Special Sister: I am really scared. This is not relaxing. Special Father #1: It's not -- Sister, it's not scary. Special Sister: It's terrifying! Listen to what it's saying! Special Father #1: It's not saying anything. Special Sister: YES, IT IS! Special Father #1: Shh! Shh! Listen. Special Father #1: Okay, so it sounds like it is saying something. Special Sister: SEE? Special Father #1: It's saying, "You..." It's saying, "Hi". Special Sister: No, it's saying "You'll die". Special Father #1: Okay, you know what? Go away. I'm going to bed -- With my machine. Special Sister: YOU'RE GONNA REGRET IT! Special Father #1: THAT WILL HELP ME SLEEP! Special Sister: IT WON'T! Special Father #1: YES, IT WILL! IT'S ALSO NOT HELPING THAT YOU GOT ME KEYED UP! Special Sister: I'M SORRY! Special Father #1: GOOD NIGHT! – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[after DJ Jesus and Judas watches the Dreamster commercial] DJ Jesus: Oh, man, it would be sweet to DJ with that thing. I could put mountain streams and raindrops into my slow-jam mixes. Hey, Judas, you want to order up one of those? Judas: Already on the phone, dude! Check it out, man -- Rain! DJ Jesus: Yeah, sweet rain. Makes me want to curl up in a little ball. Judas: Makes me want to open up my mouth and catch raindrops on my tongue, dude. DJ Jesus: That's beautiful, man. Judas: [bleep] YEAH, IT IS! WHOO! DJ Jesus: [laughing] Judas. – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Satan: Sick of tossing and turning? Tired of being tired? Satan (as Dr. Franz Weiner): [german accent] Hello. I'm Dr. Franz Weiner. And I designed the Dreamster Sound Effects Machine to help you fall asleep naturally and deeply. Here's how it works. Satan (as Dr. Franz Weiner): Our patented sound effects have been scientifically enhanced to activate the sleep center deep inside your brain. Sleepy Woman (as Becky): I tried everything -- Pills, pillows, therapy -- And nothing worked. But the Dreamster Sound Machine put me to sleep the very first time I tried it. Satan: Call now to take advantage of this special offer. Side effects may include drowsiness, nightmares, and psychotic episodes. If you die in your dreams, you die in real life. – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[after the Special Fathers saved Special Sister from the vampire altar boys] Special Father #1: You'll be alright now, Sister. You'll be alright. Special Sister: [woozy] Jesus was sticking into my kidneys. Special Father #2: You said it, Sister. Archie: I can't thank you all enough. The church owes you the greatest debt. Special Father #1: Archie, you've been bitten. Archie: What? [Special Sister then kills Archie] Special Father #1: SISTER! Special Sister: Oops, I forgot. [Sister pulls the stake out of Archie, making it worse] Special Father #1: No, don't pull it out. Special Sister: Uh, sorry. Guess I made a mistake. Archie: A "missed stake". Special Father #1: [laughs] [everyone laughs] Archie: It's like the end of a Scooby-Doo episode. – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[while the vampires are drinking Special Sister's blood, Archie crashed into the church with a big van, making the vampires retreat themselves, which then lead them to a trap, where Special Fathers and Nightshade use light panels to shock the vampire boys to death] Nightshade: High-output, full-spectrum, baby! Ha ha! 4,200 lumens! – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[when Special Sister, got caught, she then gets tied up on a cross to drink her blood from the Vampire Altar/Choir Boys] Vampire Choirboy: Lady Priest, with hate in your love and mercy, I drink your blood. Let it bring health in mind and body. Special Sister: [bleep] YOU! Vampire Choirboy: May the blood of this fat lady bring me to everlasting life. Special Sister: SUCK IT, FREAK! I'LL NEVER BE ONE OF YOU! Vampire Choirboy: No, Sister, you will never be one of us. We're gonna bleed you out, and you will die. Special Sister: YOU CAN'T TURN ME. YOUR DARK,, EROTIC POWER HAD NO EFFECT ON ME. Vampire Choirboy: Okay, that's no problem. Special Sister: Why the church? Why priests? Why meeeee? Vampire Choirboy: Taste -- Priests taste good. Special Sister: AAAAAAH! I MAY TASTE GOOD TO YOU, BUT YOUR STRANGE IMMORTAL BLOOD DOESN'T TASTE GOOD TO ME. You can't make me drink your androgynous yet powerful juices. Vampire Choirboy: We're not trying to. Special Sister: Well, good, 'cause I don't want it. Vampire Choirboy: Then we agree. Special Sister: YES! Finally. We agree to agree. Vampire Choirboy: We'll just agree to agree, then. Special Sister: Yes. Vampire Choirboy: You bleed and die... Special Sister: No! Vampire Choirboy: ...we drink your blood. Special Sister: No! Vampire Choirboy: Less talking, more dying. Special Sister: No, more talking, less dying. Vampire Choirboy: [tired] Just shut up and die. Special Sister: No! Let's keep talking. Vampire Choirboy: ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS BLEED! Special Sister: Have you seen any movies lately? Vampire Choirboy: What? Special Sister: Have you gone to see any movies? Vampire Choirboy: NO! Special Sister: What's your favorite tv show? – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[after the Special Father and Sister hunt many vampires from many churches, they celebrated] Special Sister: My feet are killing me. Special Father #1: [exhales a balloon making his voice higher] Yeah, tough week. Satisfying, though. Special Father #2: [does the same that SF1 did] Like old times. Special Sister: Enough with the helium. [leaves] Special Father #1: Sister, where are you going? Special Sister: I'm going to pee. Special Father #1: Take some balloons. Special Sister: I don't want any balloons. I'm sick of balloons. Uh-oh. [suddenly one of the vampire altar boys caught her] Special Father #1: Sister! They took her! Special Father #2: Oh, head rush. – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[after the Special Fathers and Sister destroyed all the vampires using balloons in a different church] Special Father #1: They sent you here after Father Murphy disappeared. Priest: Yes. Special Father #1: And Father Murphy, how long did he serve here? Priest: Just a week, I think. Special Father #1: Hmm. They just kept sending priests. Special Sister: Like staying in and ordering takeout. Special Father #1: [to the priest] Hey, turn your head. Have you been bitten? [Special Sister kills the Priest] Special Father #1: Oh, whoops, got a little trigger-happy there, Sister. You don't turn if you've been bitten. That's in the movies. Special Sister: Ohh. I-I've [bleep] up. Special Father #1: Yes, you did [bleep] up. Special Sister: Whatever. Sorry! Special Father #1: To become a vampire, you have to drink their blood. Special Sister: I'M SORRY! Special Father #1: Alright, clean up this mess, please. Special Sister: Fine. – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Nightshade: I did discover something interesting by accident. [Nightshade blows a balloon making the vampire altar boy scared] Nightshade: You see? Terrified. Absolutely pant [bleep]ingly terrified of balloons. Special Father #2: Whoa. That is so awful. Special Father #1: Yes, you're being cruel. Nightshade: Cruel? Louie killed 35 people at a midnight mass last Christmas. Special Father #1: Last Christmas? How long has this been going on? Archie: Well, we thought it was isolated -- One church, maybe two. Special Father #1: My god. You covered it up. Archie: We covered it up. – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[Nightshade shows the Special Fathers and Sister that he caught a vampire altar boy himself inside a cage in his basement] Special Father #1: I see, a captive subject to study in detail and test new methods on. Nightshade: Uh...well, that's a good idea, too. Um, I was just thinking more of just like a pet. My friend has a python and he was like, "I have a python". And I was like "Oh yeah? You should come over to my place sometime". And then he came over, and I was like, um, "Vampire"! So... Special Father #1: Wow, you are a real nerd. – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Nightshade: First of all, as I'm sure the Special Fathers will tell you, hunting vampires, well, forget everything you've seen in the movies. It's all bunk. Special Sister: Sunlight? Nightshade: Oh, no. Actually, okay. Sunlight is real. Sunlight can kill a vampire. But -- Special Sister: Stake in the heart? Nightshade: Ho-- Yeah, hold on. Let me give you my spiel, okay? Special Sister: Sorry. Nightshade: Forget what you've seen in the movies. It's all bunk. Special Father #1: You know, uh, Nightshade, I've heard that line in the movies. Special Father #2: Oh, I have a too. Nightshade: CAN I CONTINUE? Special Father #1: Sorry, go ahead. Nightshade: So, crosses -- They work, right? No, they don't. If crosses worked, would we have Vampire Altar Boys. Special Sister: Oh, right. The Altar Boy carries the cross. Nightshade: Garlic -- Just a mild food allergy. If you wanna give the vampire the runs, cook them ziti with some garlic sauce. Special Sister: Good to know. GET READY TO [bleep] VAMPIRES! – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
Archie: This is Nightshade. He knows how to sharpen a stake, shall we say. Nightshade, I'm sure you know who these two men are. Nightshade: I'm familiar with your work. Welcome to San Francisco, or as I call it, "San Fran". Archie: And this is a Special Sister. A little less experienced with vampires than her colleagues, perhaps, but she -- Nightshade: The most deadly assassin nun the catholic church has ever produced. You need no introduction. Special Sister: Thanks, kid. But why don't you take your lips off my ass and just tell me who to kill. [points the crossbow at Nightshade] – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 3 months ago
[when the Special Fathers and Sister, plus Archie arrives at an arms-dealer store] Special Sister: Can I bring this cognac? – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil Movie Quote	added 3 months ago

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