Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #63

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 6,008 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Young Steve:
My priorities are my hair, girls, yachts, hanging and banging, and thinking about girls.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Frank Smith:
I can't believe the easter bunny was real.

Baby Cakes:
Hey, sometimes, a thing is. It just isn't to you.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[after Quimberly got her brain back, she turns back to normal]

Quimberly:
Steve, let me tell you something. You're shallow, dunk, sex-addicted asshole, and we're over.

Pony:
She dumped you?

Steve Smith:
Yeah, power of Christ.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[since Jesus gave food to one of the students, and gave everyone's brains back to normal that Dean stoled, Mayor wins the checkers round again]

Mayor:
In Dean's face! Mayor win again!

Dean:
Wait! No! I was about to win!

Cravid:
Boy, you're pretty stupid, Cakes. [takes Prof's dollars from the bet]

Professor Cakes:
Dean, you lost me another $50, you f***ed up person!

Jesus:
Now...to punish that fiend Chris Brown.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[Jesus came by for an important message]

Jesus:
[to the teachers and students Hello. We are looking for our lost friend the easter bunny. I'm worried. Do any of you have any clues to where he is now?

Pony:
I do. Chris Brown beat the easter bunny and dumped him in the lake last night.

Jesus:
[sighs] I see. Chris Brown would do that. He is, uh, human garbage.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[Easter Bunny crashes in Pony's solitary confinement]

Easter Bunny:
Gonna splat this girl with eggy-weggy.

[Pony tackles the easter bunny and beats the heck out of him]

Pony:
YOU DIE!

Easter Bunny:
PLEASE STOP!

Pony:
F*** YOU! F*** YOU! I WILL F***ING KILL YOU! THIS WOLRD SUCKS! EASTER BUNNIES AND DEAD HUSBANDS! DIE YOU F***ING EASTER BUNNY! DIE LIKE MY DEAD HUSBAND! DIE LIKE JOHNNY!

Easter Bunny:
[screams]

Pony:
I was relieved when Johnny died! I got married to him way too quick! I felt guilty for feeling like this for so long! [chokes and punches the easter bunny to death]

Pony:
I do miss him, though.

Baby Cakes:
Oh...she's a Chris Brown.

Pony:
No. I'm a brown widow.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

CEO History Network Woman:
Frank, we just wanted to have you in so that you could explain your show to us in person, you know help us fall in love with it.

Frank Smith:
Awesome! Um...could you -- Could you just hold on...one sec.

Frank Smith:
[texts] "I think this History Channel broad wants me to lick her and stick her. What do I say, Pony"?

[Pony didn't respond after begin held into the facility]

Frank Smith:
[weakly] Damn it.

Frank Smith:
Okay, well, the way I see it, I think you...should...go ahead and unwrap your chops, your boobs, and, uh, let me spend 20 minutes high heat on your chops. After that, I'll head down to your skirt steak and "prime you" for a bit. Then maybe you could work on my dagger some. Oh, and then you could just put all your fingers in my mouth and spit on my pee-pee. Then we'll -- Then we'll both, uh, produce the juice. So, uh, yeah. Chop-chop.

[Easter Bunny runs into the office building throwing eggs as always]

Steve Smith:
Frank, I didn't sh*t right!

[Baby Cakes grabs Frank out of the interview to catch the easter bunny]

CEO History Network Woman:
Wow. I was about to do everything that handsome man said, and then give him a history channel special. Too bad.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Pony:
[realizes the two guard standing right in front of him] Wait, what are these f***s for?

Therapist:
Pony, we feel, due to your hostility and your, uh, disassociated nature, you need to rest somewhere safe.

[the two guards handle Pony]

Pony:
THOUGHT POLICE! THOUGHT POLCIE!

Therapist:
You are a danger, and this Steve guy is probably a great and cool dude.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Therapist:
Pony, don't you think your aggression to Steve might be related to your dead husband?

[Pony still looking at his phone]

Therapist:
Uh, news flash -- You can't fix Pony by fixing Steve.

Pony:
Genius! Hold on. Let's see. Baby Cakes is Steve's life coach, and Frank is Baby Cakes' life coach, so...

Therapist:
I'm afraid your hostility towards him is alarming. And given you can handle death with such a blase manner, I need to recommend that you stay in a facility so to ensure Steve's safety.

Pony:
[doesn't care] Cool. Cool.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[Frank sees Baby Cakes nude in his classroom]

Frank Smith:
Oh, my god! You're nude?!

Baby Cakes:
[realizes] Ooh! I'm naked. Oh, well.

Frank Smith:
[sighs] I was supposed to make you normal, but you're still just a lobotomized Shrek.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[Dean slice Quimberly's brain to find out if she plays checkers]

Professor Cakes:
Honestly, you're not even going after kids who look like checker players.

Dean:
Don't judge a brain by its cover!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Eatser Bunny:
[while throwing easter eggs around the school and campus] TERRITORY MARKED!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[Steve cooks some chocolate eggs]

Quimberly:
Organic?

Steve Smith:
Hardly. I didn't think I'd crap enough for all these plants, but these eggs [stomach grumbles] ...they kind of grow.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Therapist:
So, Pony, we've found some things out. You're ashamed of your heritage. You are developing a drinking problem. You're poor.

Pony:
Oh, you got all your little pigeons in all you little holes, don't you?

Therapist:
Mm-hmm. Not about me right now.

Pony:
Well, Steve is really the one who should be here. He won't let himself get close to someone. He dates girls for only, like, two weeks. What a dick.

Therapist:
Still, even more importantly, I don't think you've properly dealt with the grief over the early death of your husband Johnny Merks. Have you shared this with anyone. That was, what, right out of high school?

Pony:
Yeah, yeah, Johnny died in a boating thing. I mean, it sucks, but it's life.

Therapist:
Well, still that not a -- Yeah, let's not blow pass that, 'cause that's really big.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[Baby Cakes coaches Steve]

Baby Cakes:
What's up, Steve?! Hey, time to um -- Time to -- Time to take that party up a notch, my man!

Steve Smith:
Awesome! Party coach!

Quimberly:
Um, energy?

Baby Cakes:
Yeah! So, the big new party move is...we got to go sh*t in all the potted plants around campus!

Steve Smith:
What?

Baby Cakes:
Shut up and do as I say. Or else, you are a Chris Brown.

Steve Smith:
[bleep] damn it. Quimberly, I got to go party.

Baby Cakes:
Party! Yeah! We'll go get you a belly full of magical eggs, and then you're gonna sh*t in some plants!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[Frank coaches Baby Cakes in BC's room]

Frank Smith:
God, it's so stuffy in here! You know you have a ceiling fan, right?

Baby Cakes:
I try not to look up so I won't break the fourth wall of God's TV.

Frank Smith:
Whatever. Just walk me through your day.

Baby Cakes:
Well, I have one small glass of vodka mixed with sweet and sour sauce every hour on the hour from my padme cup.

Frank Smith:
Oh, my god. You're a mindless hog. Okay, then what?

Baby Cakes:
Then I do two things that keep a horrible villain from appearing on campus. First, I eat seven scrambled chocolate eggs.

Frank Smith:
Okay. Then?

Baby Cakes:
Then, oh, then...I sh*t in all the potted plants around campus.

Frank Smith:
Okay, THAT is the first thing you stop doing.

Baby Cakes:
I'm serious! [shows him a picture of the easter bunny] He's magic.

Frank Smith:
Wha-- The easter bunny?

Baby Cakes:
I don't know. He's rabbit-looking and bunny-acting, friend of Jesus Christ.

Frank Smith:
Yeah, he's a fictional character.

Baby Cakes:
Well, I claim our territory by sh*tting in the plants. If I don't, he'll show up and claim this territory as his, and I don't want that.

Frank Smith:
Well, I didn't want to burn down my hoard house, but neither of us want to be Chris Browns.

Baby Cakes:
Hey, who is he by the way?

Frank Smith:
Chris Brown is a cannibal who eats people in parked cars.

Baby Cakes:
Whoa, okay, yeah, I don't want any part of being Chris Brown.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Pony:
Wait, what are these two big chunks of time scheduled out of every single day?

Frank Smith:
Oh, those are upkeep and gathering for my...hoarding house.

[Pony and Frank checks Frank's old house with all of his hoarding stuff]

Frank Smith:
Yeah, so, this, um, uh -- This is all my real stuff. I spend most of my time and, uh, money...on this.

[pans to the next scene where Pony burns all of Frank's belongings inside his old house]

Frank Smith:
[sobbing] THAT'S ALL MY STUFF!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Pony:
[checks Frank's laptop] Why have you listened to Christina Aguilera's "I Am Beautiful" 902 times?

Frank Smith:
Oh, that's my morning ritual. I put on Christy and do naked tantric anger exercises in the mirror. See, I stand really still, erecting a monster hard-on, but I don't touch it. I just look at it while it grows, and I shout the words of the song!

Frank Smith:
Then, I shower and masturbate to thoughts of you and Nazi Germany.

Pony:
...

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Pony:
Okay, you've got total access to my life. Coach me to stop all my bad sh*t and to do new good sh*t.

Steve Smith:
Dude, I don't really have anything.

Pony:
[scoffs] You suck! If I drew your name, I'd hit you with tons of criticism.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Dean:
What's that over there?

Professor Cakes:
Oh, no. Um...this is a cadaver brain. I've been accessing the memories through advanced scanning I've only been monitoring from the screen. I'm developing this helmet, but it's, uh, still experimental. It's highly unsafe, and --

[Dean grabs the helmet to put into his head]

Dean:
[french accent] I cannot believe this s**t!

Professor Cakes:
[gasps] You have the brain's attributes.

Dean:
Sure, now I know stupid, useless french, and I can play dumb, damn accordion, but this dead french f*** doesn't know anything about checkers!

Professor Cakes:
Wait! Wait! Unplugging it might damage your brains. I tried to warn you!

Dean:
[french accent] Your so worthless!

Professor Cakes:
No. N-no comprendo.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Dean:
Awesome brain lab. You gonna shock me?

Professor Cakes:
No, no, no. Uh, can you do me a favor? Just sit here and look at this checkers website for kids. It -- It may --

Dean:
Aw, you've got to scroll down?! F*** this! It's too much.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Steve Smith:
God, I got to break up with this Quimberly girl. Her two weeks are up.

Baby Cakes:
Hey, we're gonna be life coaches!

Pony:
Write your names on these post-its, and you'll be coaching who you draw.

Baby Cakes:
I get...Steve!

Steve Smith:
Yes! You're gonna be my new party coach.

Baby Cakes:
Yes!

Frank Smith:
[pulls out a name and gets BC] OF COURSE! I get the hardest job!

Pony:
Well, then I get Frank.

Steve Smith:
Oh, then I get Pony. No, no, no, this is a bad idea.

Pony:
Come on. This will be good for us.

Steve Smith:
I don't think friends should say "should" or "shouldn't" to friends.

Pony:
Well, according to this Marie Claire interview with Chris Brown, that's the same thing he would say. You want to be Chris Brown?

Steve Smith:
Of course not!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Baby Cakes:
So, the college put me on probation again.

Frank Smith:
What for?

Baby Cakes:
Oh, you know, sh*tting in all the potted plants around campus.

Frank Smith:
What?!

Pony:
See, okay, that's just the type of thing I'd fix if we tried this thing I'm reading about where friends can be life coaches for each other.

Baby Cakes:
Hey, my life is awesome already.

Pony:
Sure, but, with a few tweaks, we can make out lives even better -- Like change this little thing or that bad habit.

Frank Smith:
Well, I'll do it because, one, I want a History Channel Special, and, two, I can't get girls to...I just can't get girls. My life sucks.

Baby Cakes:
[to Pony] So, what happens when we figure it all out? I bet nothing.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Steve Smith:
Quimberly...you know, we've been seeing each other for about two weeks now, but I'm not sure we're...connecting.

Quimberly:
Um, energy? Space. Organic. Right? More like...it tends to, like, holistic.

Steve Smith:
[to himself] Got to stop dating people for their looks.

Quimberly:
[does seduction by doing yoga] Mm...so, um...veggies.

Steve:
Mm...yeah, who am I to judge?

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

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