Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #62

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104 — There are currently 5,730 quotes total — keep up the great work!

[Jon eats dinner with headphones at a diner] TB's Mom: Does he need to be here? TB: You know I can't leave his side. But he's listening to music so we can have a private conversation. TB: [making sure] JON! TB: Mom, you're my mother. But you're also Renee -- A sexual being with carnal urges and desires. Your happiness means more to me than the fact that you're dating some despicable douchebag. TB: Look. I'm okay if you want to have some post-divorce [bleep] fest. TB's Mom: [gasps] Jon: [chuckles] Post-divorce [bleep] fest. [singing] Post-divorce [bleep] fest! Rock 'n' roll tonight! Pearl Jam. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[after Todd got bruised and head on back to Russian Social Club] Sergei: [reads a note] "Dragon has awoken from slumber. Fire burns hot in belly, soon to roar like angry sun". It's that all? Todd Barry: [slurred] They said to also hit Mishka with these. [holds nunchucks] Sergei: They want Mishka to hit you with these? Todd Barry: No. No. No. No. He said -- Sergei: Very well, Mishka! Todd Barry: Oh, no, no. Sergei: Come. Todd Barry: You hit him. No! You -- Oh, no. Sergei: Hit Todd Barry. Todd Barry: No. No. No. Mishka: Really?! Todd Barry: [meant Mishka] You're supposed to hit him. You're supposed to hit -- No, don't! [Mishka hits Todd Barry with nunchuks] Mishka: I feel like tough guy. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Eun Mi: I cannot believe I got to wale on Todd Barry. Jon: Oh, yeah. I knew you'd like that. I knew you'd like that. Eun Mi: That is two fun-as-hell dates. Jon: Now the only question is, uh, think you can top it? Eun Mi: Challenge accepted. Jon: Well, alright. Mwah. Eun Mi: Have a good night, Jon. Jon: I already did. Now it's time to find out if you're a shab in habs clothing. Shab -- "Smart, Hot, Asain Babe". [Eun Mi leaves] Jon: T-minus five dates till Jonny gets laid. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Qi-Qang: Our guest tonight who impersonated you and tried to get you killed. Now is your chance for payback. [as Qi-Qang removes the sack, the culprit reveals to be Todd Barry, which makes them found the wrong impersonator they thought Jon meant] Todd Barry: What the [bleep]? Eun Min: Holy [bleep] Todd Barry! Qi-Qang: [to his members] YOU IDIOTS GOT THE WRONG GUY! Todd Barry: This a mistake, man. Jon: No, it's not a mistake . This is -- This is what I planned. Qi-Qang: Shut up! This will still send a message to The Mirminskys. The murder of Bohai was the final straw. But tonight begins the storm...of revenge. Jon: Oh, yeah. Back up, baby. Todd Barry: No. No. No. No. Please. No, this is a mistake! I'm not even the right guy! Jon: No, it's not a mistake. This is what I planned for my girlfriend. Todd Barry: No! Jon: Remember how we talked about it? Todd Barry: I'd-- That's not -- Jon: And this is the part where I say that I'm sorry I got to do this. Todd Barry: Please. Please, no. Jon: I can do this, right? Wang Cho Member #3: Big, hard Jon. Jon: Yeah, big, hard Jon. Wang Cho Member #3: Big, hard Jon. Jon: Yeah, I can do this. Todd Barry: No! No! This is a mistake! [Jon nunchuks Todd] Jon: WHOO! OH, YEAH! WHOOOOOOO! That felt good! [to Eun Mi] You got to get on this! Eun Mi: Hold my purse. Todd Barry: No, you're a fan of mine. I can't do comed-- [Eun Mi nunchuks Todd] Jon: YEAH! Eun Mi: WHOO! Jon: Let's get dinner! Eun Mi: Yeah! – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[Jon and Eun Mi follows Qi-Qang to the Wang Cho's basement] Eun Mi: Are we eating here? Jon: Uh, yeah, I think we are. [Jon sees a interrogation scene where a man is tied up with a sack on his face] Jon: Oh, you know what? No, we're not eating here. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Eun Mi: Oh, my god. What is going on with your pants? Jon: Double crease. I drew the crease-piration from you, my lovely Kimono. Eun Mi: If this is how the night is starting, it is a really bad sign. Where are we going -- Back to your apartment for a candlelit dinner or something lame? Jon: Uh... [scoffs] No, of course not. Why would I do something that stupid? [chuckles] Eun Mi: Okay, then. What's the plan? Jon: Uh...you'll see. I got a couple surprises up my crease. Eun Mi: Oh, no, no, no. I need to know exactly what it is. If it's something lame, tell me so I don't waste my night. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Jon: Man, teaching you to drive stick. The Glaze is a great stepdad. TB: He's not my stepdad. Jon: Not yet. First comes stroke, then comes marriage. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
TB: The jig is up, friend. This thing with you and my Mom ends now. TB's Mom: Tony, stop! TB: Ma, he's just gonna leave you. TB's Mom: Tony, you're wrong. We have a strong connection. TB: Ma, that's just the stroke talking! TB's Mom: So what if it is? If you can't be happy for me, just, please, leave me alone so I can enjoy the rest of my trip. And if you can't be happy for me after that, then I guess you'll just have to leave me alone for the rest of my life. The Glaze: T.B., I respect the fact that you're looking out for your mother. But I genuinely care for her, and I hope you believe that. I promise that I will never harm, this lady. And I promise to be a great stepdad to you. Hmm? Hey -- I could teach you how to drive a stick shift! TB: How about drive this stick? [pulls up his gun on The Glaze] Jon: Oh, the mother/child reunion has taken a -- TB: Shut up, Jon! – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[after The Glaze kisses TB's Mom, TB was not happy about that result a few hours later] TB: He need to be fired. Jon: You know what, T.B.? In The Glaze's defense, your mother is an adult. She can pull a bang 'n' bone with whoever she wants. Right, Susan? Susan Shapiro: I had a feeling this might happen. TB: What do you mean, you had a feeling? Susan Shapiro: Let's just say The Glaze is well-schooled in the art of sex. Jon: Oh, boy. Susan Shapiro: We did a presentation with The Glaze a few years ago, and one aspect of the show was his work was a couples sex therapist. I felt I needed to know what his qualifications were, so I, um... TB: Oh, my god. Jon: Ho-ho! The plot thickens. Susan Shapiro: It's not so much what he brought to the table, 'cause you know, it wasn't much. It's what he did with it. It was his stroke. He packed more into one pump than a lifetime of lovers ever could. TB: I don't wanna hear this. Jon: I do. Susan Shapiro: I know this is difficult, but you need to know who you're dealing with. TB: Well, I think he's a manipulative opportunist -- Who dropped some new-age bull [bleep] on a vulnerable woman and then went balls deep. Susan Shapiro: Balls first. He goes balls first. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
TB's Mom: Tony, I'm sorry we got off to such a rough start, but I have had a wonderful time. TB: Well, I'm glad you had fun, Mom. But we better hurry, or you're gonna miss your flight. TB's Mom: Oh, I'm gonna stay a few more days. I want to see some museums and -- And go to a broadway show. TB: Okay. I guess I could take a couple of days off. TB's Mom: Oh, that's okay, honey. I already have somebody who's gonna show me around. [The Glaze came out of the bathroom] The Glaze: Oh. Hi, Jon. Tony. Darling, I have just had a very steamy shower. I'm gonna go and towel off before we get going. [The Glaze and TB's Mom kisses each other] The Glaze: See you later, guys. Jon: Probably not what Paul Simon had in mind with mother/child reunion. [chuckling] Oh, my god. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Mishka: Oh, good night, Todd. Good night, whore. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Jon: Honestly, I can't believe you're not Chinese. Eun Mi: Oh, believe it, dude. I'm Korean. Jon: I've been coming to the dry-cleaner for weeks. Why would you pretend that you can barely speak English? Eun Mi: I don't know. It was just fun [bleep] with you. Tickeh. Tickeh. Oh, my god. Unreal. Jon: Unreal like -- Like, good unreal? Eun Mi: Oh, this is the best time I've ever had on a date. Jon: Really? So...maybe you'd go with me again. Eun Mi: You know, normally, no way, but if you think you can top tonight, then yeah. Otherwise, don't bother. By the way, aren't those the jeans you lost your [bleep] about? Jon: Oh. Yeah, you know, I thought about it a little more, and I kind of started to like them and thought I'd wear them tonight on the date just to give credit's due about a -- About a great crease. You know -- [asian accent] Look sharp. Eun Mi: No, you had it right the first time. Creased jeans look stupid. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[Jon gives the coupon to the waiter] Jon: I believe this one is on the house tonight. Waiter: What this? Jon: Come on, dude. Don't make me look bad. It's one of your authentic chinese dinner coupons -- Given to me by this very lovely and very authentic chinese lady. Waiter: Uh, this...joke? [chuckles] You pay. Jon: Eun Mi, you want to tell this guy what's going on? He obviously does not read English. Eun Mi: [speaking Korean] Jon: So, we all set? Waiter: Why she speak Korean? You pay, or I call the police. Jon: She's not speaking Korean. It's Chinese. How about an apology? Eun Mi: [laughs] Jon: What is so funny? Eun Mi: [american accent] Dude, you're a [bleep] idiot! – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Jon: Yeah, we should, uh, get going, anyway. I want to head back home, prepare for my date with that silky chinese maiden. I'm thinking about wearing three colognes tonight -- Cover my bases. She got to like one of them. [chuckles] – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
TB's Mom: Sweetie, I'm sorry this is hard. But I can assure you I have given this a lot of thought. TB: Well, how does Dad fell about all this? TB's Mom: Well, you have to ask him, but I can tell you it was a mutual decision. TB: Well, I did call him, and he's a mess. TB's Mom: Well, what did you ask me for?! Did you invite here for an interrogation? This is not Abu Ghraib, Tony. I don't have balls for you to electrocute. Jon: [chuckles] Nice one, Renee. Don't take that. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[TB's Mom comes to New York to see his son] TB: Welcome to New York, mother. Now let's go upstairs to discuss this latest development. Jon: [to TB's Mom] Someone call Paul Simon, huh? Got a little mother/child reunion happening here. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[Jon goes undercover and shows Qi-Qang the same guy, Mishka who wore a ski mask when he shot Bohai] Jon: I told you guys -- Same guy! Look at the coat, right? Qi-Qang: It's a very specific jacket/jean/shoe combination. Jon: Yeah, right? Qi-Qang: You convinced me, Jon. Jon: Believe that asshole? Hate that guy! Jon: I like his shoes, though. Those are pretty cool. Those are the shoes that tone your butt, right? Hey, they should make a pair that tone your wiener. [laughs] – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
TB: [on phone] Hello? Oh, my god. Jon: Oh, you know what? T.B., you got to stop taking these phone calls, man. It's always, "Hello? Oh, my god". Then it's bad news. See? Look at his face. Bad news. Let me guess -- Sergei shot David, cut off his dick, I'm next. Right? Something like that? TB: It's my Mom. She's getting a divorce. She's leaving my Dad. Jon: So, my dick's not next? – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Jon: This hoop therapy's been really working. Got to tell you, old Jon would have lost his [bleep] about those creased jeans, but new Jon stayed cool as a cuke. The Glaze: Mm-hmm. Jon: That lady's pretty cute, too. The Glaze: Asian people represent safety to you right now, Jon. The Wang Chos offer you protection, and suddenly, your dry-cleaner is desirable. Maybe you should ask her out. Hmm? See where it leads. Jon: I don't know. She barely speaks English. The Glaze: That may be just what you need -- Someone who can't articulate any demands on you. But you won't know, Jon, unless you try. Jon: It'll be my first chinese date. The Glaze: Remember -- It's about energy, not control. TB: Oh, geez. The Glaze: A critic judges what he himself cannot achieve, T.B. What are you so scared of? Hmm. [puts the hoop around TB] Why don't you try it? TB: Because I have the good sense not to fall for some con-artist bull [bleep]. I'm not a sucker. No offense, Jon. Jon: Hey, none taken. I'm having fun. TB: [to The Glaze] What's next for Jon -- Playing in a sandbox? Jon: Hey, that sounds cool. When we doing that? – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Jon: Why are my jeans creased?! Eun Mi: Oh, jean need crease. Look sharp. Jon: No, you [sighs] You don't crease jeans. You crease slacks. Eun Mi: Jean need crease. 20 dollar. Jon: Are you out of your mind?! 20 bucks?! These took a long time to break in. Now they're ruined. You just lost a customer. Eun Mi: Oh, no, no. Hold on. Hold on. Uh... [out of character] I-I no supposed to do this, but...prease, take this. I give you coupon, make you happy customer. Jon: I can take this to any chinese restaurant in the city, and they'll accept it? Eun Mi: Oh, anyplace. Chinese people make special code. That how chinese people do things. Jon: Special code? You chinese people stick together. I like that. I also like good business. You also got a customer back. I'm Jon. Eun Mi: My name Eun Mi. Jon: It's very pretty. It's delicate. It's like a tender piece of pineapple fried rice. Without the pineapple, though. I don't -- I never understood that dish. Like, why ruin fried rice with warm fruit? Ugh. Gross. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
[Jon finally got his new jeans from a clothing store] Eun Mi: Me sorry it take rong time. I try find tickeh. Jon: What? Tickeh? Eun Mi: Tickeh. Jon: Oh -- No, no, no, no. Ticket. Eun Mi: Tickeh. Jon: No -- Tick-et. Put a "T" on the end. Eun Mi: Tick-en. Jon: Ticket. Eun Mi: Tick-ed? Jon: You hear at the top? Tuh. Tuh, tuh, tuh, tuh -- "Ti"... Eun Mi: Ti... Jon: ..."Cket". Eun Mi: Tuh-cket-tuh. Jon: No, nevermind. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
TB: Jon...you remember when you thought I was trying to grandpa your granddaughter? Jon: T.B., water under the bridge. I'm cool with it. TB: I was trying to grandpa her. Jon: I [bleep] knew it, man! You [bleep] asshole! – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Jon: Charlie, my man. Good news Good news. I took some of your inheritance money and helped out a very special group of people -- Bank-wired them a million bucks today. So, uh, thank you, friend. You helped my family, and you might help me get laid. – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago
Wang Cho Meber #2: Hey Qiqang! Jon posted a new video. [Qi-Qang and the Wang Cho members see a fake video where Mishka (as Jon) killed Bohai from Wang Cho] Qi-Qang: The sandwich humper is dead! – Delocated Movie Quote	added 2 months ago

We need you!

Help us build the largest authors community and quotes collection on the web!

The Web's Largest Resource for

Famous Quotes & Sayings

A Member Of The STANDS4 Network

Browse Quotes.net

#A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Random New Quotes

Quiz

Are you a quotes master?

"Who steals my purse steals trash; But he that filches from me my good name robs me of that which not enriches him and makes me poor indeed."

A Othello

B lincoln

C Marcus Aurelius

D Julius Caesar