Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #80

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 6,896 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Tio the Terrible:
Where are Stroker and Hoop?

Double-Wide:
Who? Turner and Hooch?

Tio the Terrible:
We know they called you right after they shot me.

Double-Wide:
You guys got the wrong place.

Tio the Terrible:
Pull down his pants, Rico.

[as Double-Wide was about to pull down his pants, Tio confess him with a hammer drill]

Double-Wide:
Oh, screw this. Stroker and Hoop are headed down south somewhere. C.A.R.R.'s been repainted with the stars and bars and has a gunrack on the back.

Tio the Terrible:
You've been a big help.

Double-Wide:
They owe you money.

Tio the Terrible:
Something like that.

Double-Wide:
Me, too. Say, we could road trip it together. We could even split gas money.

Tio the Terrible:
Thanks anyway.

Double-Wide:
I got this tracking device that'll take us right to them.

Tio the Terrible:
[stops after what D. Wide said]

Double-Wide:
SHOTGUN!

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Stroker:
Don't worry, Mayor. We'll find the murderer.

Mayor:
MURDER? [scoffs] Let's not jump to any conclusions, now. I-I'm not a fancy california detective, but I have a theory. Miss Hushpuppy was a family girl. Maybe she had a family reunion coming up and she was doing some home cooking. Flour gets in her eyes and she accidentally trips and falls into a trough of batter. She stands up, slips on the wet floor and lands directly in the giant human-size fryer that she has rented for the occasion.

Hoop:
It still doesn't explain the side of coleslaw we found next to her.

Mayor:
Eh...you boys hammer out the details. All I know is it better get handled or I find a sheriff who will. Do we understand each other, Moo-Moo?

Moo-Moo:
Yes, sir.

Mayor:
Good day, gentlemen. [leaves the diner]

Hoop:
Wait, Mayor! What about your pancakes?

Mayor:
Oh, right. Ha.

Mayor:
Kind of messes up my dramatic exit.

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Mayor:
Gentlemen, as Mayor of this town, I'll be damned if I'm gonna cancel our second annual southern delicacies pageant and civil war reenactment.

Stroker:
This is only the second?

Mayor:
Yeah, we've had bad luck with festivals, Mr. Stoker.

Stroker:
"Stroker".

Mayor:
Originally there was the Vidalutha Slave Hobbling Contest and Sack Race, then the separate but equal two festivals of segregation, then the Vidalutha Tobacco Leaf Parade and Smoke-Off. Now, if this festival gets cancelled, too, well, it'll break out little town's heart.

Moo-Moo:
Well, don't worry, Mayor. I got some outside professionals on the case.

Hoop:
Oh, thank god, because I know we're in no position to-- [realizes] Oh...you mean us.

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Terry:
Hey, everyone, welcome to Plantations, where we slave to satisfy you.

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Stroker:
So what do we have here? Cat stuck up a tree? Neighbor kid swinging on Aunt Bee's porch swing again? [sees a dead fried pageant] OH, MY GOD!

Moo-Moo:
This here is Miss Hushpuppy.

Deputy:
One of the prettiest girls in the county...till somebody fried her up like a chicken.

Moo-Moo:
Damn shame. She was a shoe-in to win our Miss Southern Delicacies Pageant this weekend. Took 6 rolls of paper towels just to soak up all the grease.

[Moo-Moo takes a piece of finger off of Miss Hushpuppy's hand]

Hoop:
Oh, god.

Stroker:
What the hell?

[Moo-Moo then takes a bite of it]

Stroker:
Oh, you got to be [bleep] me.

Moo-Moo:
Well, now, hell. That ain't fried chicken batter. Well, that's Hushpuppy batter. It was a thematic death, which means he'll strike again. [takes a bite of the finger again] I'll be. A hint of jalapeno. Well, I am so sorry. Where are my manners.

[starts to take another finger piece of Miss Hushpuppy's hand for Stroker]

Moo-Moo:
Do you agree?

Stroker:
You gotta be [bleep] kidding me? I'm not putting that in my mouth.

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Hoop:
Moo-Moo!

Moo-Moo:
Hoop! How the hell are you?

Hoop:
Damn, I've missed you.

Moo-Moo:
What the hell's with your teeth?

Hoop:
They're fake, see? Yeah, I just wanted to blend in.

Moo-Moo:
You think we don't have dentist in the south?

[Moo-Moo checks the dixie bell book that shows the phone call for dentists]

Moo-Moo:
Look, Hoop -- Dentist. There's a whole section.

Hoop:
Sorry.

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Hoop:
Oh, look, guys. I think we're in the south.

Stroker:
How can you tell?

Hoop:
There's a Hardee's instead of a Carl's Junior and instead of a Ralph's, it's a Kroger's.

Stroker:
Man, it's like whole 'nother country down here, isn't it?

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Double-Wide:
Gentlemen, I give you the ultimate expression of southern pride!

[Double-Wide reveals C.A.R.R.'s new design as a southern version]

Hoop:
WHAT! I am not gonna ride in that thing.

Stroker:
It's perfect.

Hoop:
It stands for everything I'm against.

C.A.R.R.:
Oh, shut up, fool. It's heritage.

Hoop:
The heritage of slave-owning.

C.A.R.R.:
Well, you can just walk to Mississippi, then.

Double Wide:
I've added a shotgun rack, a novelty horn... [horn plays "Dixie"]

C.A.R.R.:
Ha! Hell yeah!

Double Wide:
Tweety Bird pissing on the french flag. I've even added a tracking device in case C.A.R.R. gets stolen now that he's pimped out.

Stroker:
You're a genius, Double-Wide.

Double-Wide:
My finishing touch. A southern voice chip.

C.A.R.R.:
[southern voice] Yee-haw! Let's go get them yankee sons of b*tches!

Double-Wide:
I'll just get your bill so you can settle up and you can get out of here.

Stroker:
Cool. Hey, you know what? Just drop it in the mail! [drives out of here with their new design of C.A.R.R.]

Double-Wide:
That bastard!

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Tio the Terrible:
You can't hide. I'll kill you.

Stroker:
He doesn't know who we are. He won't find us.

Tio the Terrible:
[reads the billboard on top] Stroker and Hoop, 800-555-0199.

Stroker:
Damn it! We still have those things?

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

[after Stroker and Hoop not recognizing that the man who is calling someone on phone is Tio the Terrible when Stroker threw the phone from Tio's hand]

Tio the Terrible:
You're going to pay, assholes!

Stroker:
T-This is all a mistudnerstanding!

Hoop:
We're big fans of your drug cartel. Primo quality, man.

Stroker:
Ok, we're dropping our weapons. Drop your weapon, Hoop.

[as Stroker and Hoop drop their weapons, their guns shoots Tio and Tio's girlfriend]

Stroker:
Crap. I can't shoot that well when I'm aiming.

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Stroker:
[on phone] Look, Benny, we're entitled to the other half of our payment. I need that $10,000.

Benny:
Ron Howard died in an accident. Now way in hell I'm paying you for something that would have happened anyway.

Keith:
Dad, moment of silence!

Stroker:
We had a deal, you son of a b*tch.

Keith:
Dad!

Stroker:
CRAP! DAMN IT!

Bratty Kid:
It's a moment of silence.

Stroker:
Listen, kid. I knew Ron Howard personally. Ron Howard can kiss my ass, and so can you.

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Cult Leader:
You're finished, Stroker! Seize him!

[suddenly one of the cult members starts to die]

Cult Leader:
Oh, no! The poisoned appendixes are taking effect!

Brittany Ashley:
The poisoned what?

Cult Leader:
You know, to take our souls to our new life on Venus.

Brittany Ashley:
What? I came to all the meetings, and I never heard you mention Ven-- UGH! [dies]

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Hoop:
Stroker, it's Hoop. Bad news. I have not been able to program the cult members in.

Stroker:
No [bleep].

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

[after Hoop taken the mind control device away from Ron Howard]

Hoop:
This is so incredible.

C.A.R.R.:
Who else is programmed in there?

Hoop:
Here's Jay Leno.

C.A.R.R.:
Yeah, yeah, do him. Do Jay Leno.

Hoop:
Holy cow! I'm seeing what Jay Leno sees.

C.A.R.R.:
Tell him to pick his nose.

Hoop:
Hey, Jay, this is Hoop, and I just want to say, keep up the great work.

C.A.R.R.:
Make him pick his nose!

Hoop:
And my friend wants you to pick your nose.

Hoop:
He's picking his nose.

C.A.R.R.:
Is he on tv?

Hoop:
No, it's too late. It's already -- [gasp] Oh, crap! It's 5:00 A.M. We forgot Stroker.

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Cult Leader:
[singing] You are what you eat.

Cult Members:
[chanting] Eat a person, be a person. Eat a person, be a person...

Stroker:
I eat hamburgers. Does that mean I'm a hamburger?

Cult Leader:
Yes!

Stroker:
So if you were to eat me, that means that you'll be a hamburger.

Cult Members:
...

Cult Leader:
[to his members] Do not listen to the forked tongue of the nonbeliever!

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Stroker:
What the hell is going on?

Hoop:
Hi, Stroker. Situation is clear over here. Ron is going to cleanse his soul.

Stroker:
Great, because I'm at the Nation History Museum, and I'm about to get boiled alive by cannibals.

Hoop:
Oh, crap. How big's the kettle?

Stroker:
Um, well, I'd say it's a goof two-person kettle. Maybe two and a child.

Hoop:
Good. It should take hours for that much water to boil. That'll give me enough time to master this mind-control device and control the cannibals. Got to go.

Stroker:
Hoop, can you just call the cops instead?

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Hoop:
Ron, before you crush my skull, I want you to know something. I believe in you. You don't need a mind-control machine. You already have the power to touch America's heart.

Ron Howard:
No, it's not true.

Hoop:
Just look at that award in your hands.

[Ron looks at his trophy and realizes his problems]

Ron Howard:
I'm a phony. I made them vote for me. Years ago, I found this mind-control device on an alien crash site while on location for "Happy Days". You know how most child actors end up. I was -- I was scared. Then the CIA got wind of it and wanted me to perform experiments for them. I thought I was helping my country, but it got out of control. I'm just a lucky hack.

Hoop:
No, you're not. People loved "When Harry met Sally".

[Ron sobs while hugging Hoop]

Jenny:
Mr. Howard is need on set. Mr. Howard is needed on set.

Hoop:
Cleanse your soul, Ron. Confess. Your fans will still love you. If not, they weren't your fans to begin with.

Ron Howard:
Do you think so?

Hoop:
I know so.

Ron Howard:
[goes back to sobbing]

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Brittany Ashley:
Goodbye, Stroker. I'm looking forward to our last dinner date.

Ashley Brittany:
And here's your appendix back. [throws Stroker's appendix on Stroker's face and into the boiling pot]

Stroker:
I hope you choke on my ass bone, b*tches.

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

[Stroker wakes up in a hot boiling pot in a museum full of cult members]

Cult Leader:
The sacrifice awaits. I suppose you want to know what we're going to do to you.

Stroker:
Not really.

Cult Leader:
What? Why not?

Stroker:
Well, you're obviously the leader of some weird-ass cult, and you're gonna eat me.

Cult Leader:
Wrong, smart guy! We are the Church of the Kind-Hearted Cannibals.

Stroker:
[sarcastic] Oh, right. My mistake.

Cult Leader:
Unlike our ancestors, we don't kill. We just eat the unessential organs.

Cult Members:
Praise the appendix, the coccyx, and delicious tonsils!

Cult Waiter:
Appendix? Coccyx? Napkin?

Stroker:
So, you're not gonna eat me?

Cult Leader:
Mmm, oh, no. We're making a exception for you because you're such a total ass!

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Secretary Agent:
Well, you'd better finish up.

Ron Howard:
Or else what?

Secretary Agent:
Or the CIA will stop putting the chemical in the water that makes people like your movies.

Ron Howard:
I'm sorry, the what?

Secretary Agent:
Heh heh heh! "Willow", "Backdraft", "Far and Away"?

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

[Hoop disguise himself as a woman to get inside Ron Howard's Office]

Hoop:
[reads a script] "Well, burn my biscuits! I guess the only person I've been running from is myself, Mr. Jickey".

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

[after the twins caught Stroker with the syringes they shot into Stroker's butt]

Brittany Ashley:
I am so starving. Aren't there any more vestigial organs on him? Does he really need two testicles?

Stroker:
[dazed out] Definitely need both testicles.

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

[as Stroker was about to capture the twins]

Stroker:
Nice try, girls, but I'm not falling for that lipstick crap this time.

Ron Howard:
Hi, Stroker.

Stroker:
Crap, Ron Howard! Don't you have anything better to do, Ron?

Ron Howard:
I'll teach you to tangle with me.

Stroker:
Damn it, I'm not tangling with you, Ron, alright? I made one half-assed phone call.

Brittney Ashley:
[to Ashley] Who the hell is he talking to?

Ron Howard:
Drop your pants.

Stroker:
You know, this nudity fetish of yours is getting old, Ron.

Ron Howard:
Now moon the twins.

Stroker:
Come up with some new ones, please.

C.A.R.R.:
Aw, damn it. What the hell is he doing now?

Ashley Brittany:
The fat one is becoming a pest. [while the twins stick the syringes into Stroker to sleep]

C.A.R.R.:
Ok, girls. Let's not go through this again.

Brittany Ashley:
We'll sacrifice and eat him at the festival tonight.

C.A.R.R.:
Ho, ho! I'm sorry. Did you just say you're gonna eat Stroker? You know, he's very unclean.

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

Karen:
I think it's so wonderful you wanted to have dinner to discuss Keith.

Stroker:
With all the deadbeat dads out there, it must be surprising to find a man that cares so deeply for his children.

[Stroker looks directly to her breasts]

Stroker:
That's a beautiful pendant.

Karen:
Oh! It's a japanese symbol.

Stroker:
Ah. Japan. So what does it stand for, the pendant?

Karen:
Happiness.

Stroker:
Well, if I was your pendant, I'd be happy too.

[as Stroker was about to kiss Karen]

Karen:
I'm sorry. Would you mind taking off the hat?

Stroker:
You mean my Ron Howard mind control cap? Ha ha ha!

Karen:
It was a funny joke, but it's...starting to creep me out.

Stroker:
Well, I wasn't actually totally ju-- [sees the same twins in the restaurant]

Stroker:
Karen, be calm. I just spotted two wanted criminals, and I'm taking them down. Don't look. Just act naturally. And if the waiter comes back, I want the Key Lime Pie.

– Stroker and Hoop  Movie Quote

added 5 months ago

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