Jerry:
Have I got things to tell you!
Joe:
What happened?
Jerry:
I'm engaged.
Joe:
Congratulations. Who's the lucky girl?
Jerry:
I am!
Joe:
WHAT?!
Jerry:
Osgood proposed to me! We're planning a June wedding.
Joe:
What are you talking about? You can't marry Osgood.
Jerry:
Why, you think he's too old for me?
Joe:
Jerry, you can't be serious.
Jerry:
Why not? He keeps marrying girls all the time.
Joe:
But, you're not a girl! You're a guy, and, why would a guy wanna marry a guy?
Jerry:
For security! Look, I know there's a problem, Joe.
Joe:
I'll say there is.
Jerry:
His mother - we need her approval, but I'm not worried because I don't smoke.
Joe:
Jerry. There's another problem, like what are you gonna do on your honeymoon?
Jerry:
We've been discussing that. He wants to go to the Riviera but I'm kinda leaning toward Niagra Falls.
Joe:
My God.
Jerry:
I don't expect it to last Joe. I'll tell him when the time's right.
Joe:
Like when?
Jerry:
Like right after the ceremony. Then we get a quick annulment, he makes a nice little settlement on me and I keep getting those alimony checks every month.
Joe:
Jerry listen to me there are laws, conventions. It's just not been done.
Jerry:
Joe this may be my last chance to marry a millionaire.
Joe:
Oh, Jerry — Jerry, will you take my advice? Forget about the whole thing, will ya? Just keep telling yourself: you're a boy, you're a boy.
Jerry:
I'm a boy.
Joe:
That's the boy.
Jerry:
I'm a boy. I'm a boy. I wish I were dead. I'm a boy. Boy, oh boy, am I a boy. Now, what am I gonna do about my engagement present?
Joe:
What engagement present?
Jerry:
Osgood gave me a bracelet.
Joe:
[examining it] Hey, these are real diamonds!
Jerry:
Of course they're real! What do you think? My fiance is a bum?
