Wikidude's Quotes Page #5,440

Here's the list of quotes submitted by wikidude  —  There are currently 140,397 quotes total — keep up the great work!

John Johnson:
Hello everyone, I am a park ranger and I will be leading you on the tour. All of the park rangers were, at one time, guards, myself included. My name is John Johnson but everyone here calls me "Vicky".

Tony Giardino:
I love Vicky.

Charlie Mackenzie:
Yeah, Vicky's the best.

– So I Married an Axe Murderer  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Charlie Mackenzie:
Hi, can we get our check please? Thanks.

[the check comes]

Charlie Mackenzie:
I'll get that.

Tony Giardino:
No i got it.

Charlie Mackenzie:
No, no, no, no.

Tony Giardino:
No, no, no. Let me.

Charlie Mackenzie:
No, no, no, no, no, no.

Tony Giardino:
Charlie, please.

Charlie Mackenzie:
No, no, no, no, no, no.

Tony Giardino:
Let me pick this up, please.

Charlie Mackenzie:
No, no, no, no, no, no.

Tony Giardino:
I insist.

Charlie Mackenzie:
No, no, no, no, no, no. No to infinity. Negatory. Negatory, good buddy. Ne-ga-to-ry!

Harriet Michaels:
I'll pick up the check.

Charlie Mackenzie:
Okay.

– So I Married an Axe Murderer  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Charlie Mackenzie:
I think I'm dating Mrs. X

Tony Giardino:
Charlie. Two words: Therapy.

– So I Married an Axe Murderer  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Stuart Mackenzie:
So, Charlie tells me you're a butcher.

Harriet Michaels:
Yes, I am a butcher.

Stuart Mackenzie:
Do you link your own sausage?

– So I Married an Axe Murderer  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

May Mackenzie:
Harriet, why don't you come with me. I have wonderful photographs when he was a wee baby.

Stuart Mackenzie:
And show her the picture of Charlie when he shit his pants at Niagara Falls.

– So I Married an Axe Murderer  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Harriet Michaels:
Charlie, have you ever stood at the edge of a cliff or a subway platform with someone and you thought just for a split second "What if I pushed him?"

Charlie Mackenzie:
Well, not really. Usually I follow the Judeo-Christian ethic of "Thou shalt not kill" but that's just me.

– So I Married an Axe Murderer  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Frank/Obituary writer:
Here's another one here, Native San Franciscan, plumber, Elliot, Ralph. Moved to Dallas, disappeared four months ago. Body was found in a sewer.

Newspaper reporter:
Well, guy takes his job too seriously, life goes down the drain. Haha.

Charlie Mackenzie:
Did they mention anything about his wife?

Newspaper reporter:
Alright, okay. Look, I know that we're talking about real people so I'm sorry.

Charlie Mackenzie:
No, no. I'm serious, did they mention the wife?

Newspaper reporter:
No, look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make a joke about other people's lives.

Charlie Mackenzie:
No, no. I'm really serious. Did they mention the wife? I just want to know about the wife.

Newspaper reporter:
Hey, hey! You win, you win, okay? I'm a bad person!

Frank/Obituary writer:
Hey, c'mon take it easy, will ya?

Newspaper reporter:
No, he's saying I'm a bad person and that I'm insensitive. He's saying I'm a shit.

Frank/Obituary writer:
He's not saying you're a shit!

Charlie Mackenzie:
Did they-did they mention the wife?!

Newspaper reporter:
No! No! They didn't mention the wife! Ya happy?! Yeah! Oh hoo, yes, yes. I'm insensitive! I'm a very insensitive man! Stop your job, look at the insensitive man! That's what they're paying you for!

Frank/Obituary writer:
[to Charlie] He was my ride home.

– So I Married an Axe Murderer  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Charlie Mackenzie:
I don't want to lose you.

Harriet Michaels:
You didn't. You rejected me.

Charlie Mackenzie:
Okay, I'm un-rejecting you.

– So I Married an Axe Murderer  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Harriet Michaels:
Ralph, this is Charlie.

Ralph:
It's really great to meet you.

Charlie Mackenzie:
Oh no, no. It's great to meet you. Yes, yes. I love you!

[hugs her tightly out of happiness, making his towel drop]

Charlie Mackenzie:
...I'm naked, aren't I?

– So I Married an Axe Murderer  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Celeste Talbert:
[accepting an award] Ohhh, there's so many people to thank. First of all, my fabulous supporting cast, who gives a new meaning to the word "support"...

[At their table]

Ariel Maloney:
Bitch!

David Barnes:
Hag!

Montana Moorehead:
I hate her so much!

– Soapdish  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Betsy Faye Sharon:
Very, very good, Mark. And very true. I love what you're doing. I just, I think if we could try it one more time, and this time... I don't know... maybe try one without your shirt.

Mark:
Sure.

[Removes it and reviews the script]

Mark:
"Will you be having wine with dinner?"

Betsy Faye Sharon:
[lustily] I think we've found our waiter!

– Soapdish  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Ariel Maloney:
New boy in town?

Jeffrey Anderson:
Just got off the choo-choo... you have lovely eyes.

Ariel Maloney:
They're nothing compared to my tits! You should come up and see them sometime.

– Soapdish  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Jeffrey Anderson:
Of course I can kiss her!

Lori Craven:
This is ridiculous! I can kiss who I want!

Celeste Talbert:
No! You can't! You can't kiss her!

Jeffrey Anderson:
Why because she's your niece?

Celeste Talbert:
[shouts] No, you nitwit! Because she's my daughter! And your daughter.

Lori Craven:
What?

Jeffrey Anderson:
What are you talking about?

Celeste Talbert:
We're her parents! You and I! [sobbing] We're her Mommy and her Daddy.

– Soapdish  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Celeste Talbert:
[sobbing] I got pregnant, and I was so young! And the show made me sign a paper saying I'd never mention the baby! So I went home to Iowa, and I had you, and I gave you to Grandma to raise, and I made up a twin sister Simone who died in a car wreck and said she was your actual mom. And then the show told everyone I had TB and sent my character to a sanitarium in Tierra del Fuego...

Rose:
[to herself] Now why can't I write shit like this?

– Soapdish  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Celeste Talbert:
[sobbing] And now you're back, and I've ruined three lives! Three lives! Me, America's Sweetheart! [sobbing louder] Oh, God...!

David Barnes:
[checks that the cameras are still rolling] This is fucking great!

– Soapdish  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Lori Craven:
[bursting into David's office] We need to talk. Look, I don't care WHAT Tawny Miller says. This hat makes me look like the GOD damned Tweety Bird. [to Montana] Do you mind?

Montana Moorehead:
You, you're asking me to leave?

Lori Craven:
That's right. I'm asking you to leave.

Montana Moorehead:
David...

David Barnes:
Miss Moorehead, may Miss Craven and I have a moment alone, please?

Montana Moorehead:
No problem. I'm a professional. I do things professionally. [storms out] I hate you! I hate you, you pig!

David Barnes:
She's got a lot of spirit.

Lori Craven:
She's a deranged bitch!

– Soapdish  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

[Reading unrehearsed lines off the TelePrompTer]

Celeste Talbert:
[as Maggie] Dr. Randall, what a surprise! Are you having lunch here?

Jeffrey Anderson:
[as Dr. Randall] I will if it's that sample. Huh... I wish it was that simple.

Edmund Edwards:
[offstage] This guy never heard of contact lenses?

Jeffrey Anderson:
The test results have come back.

Celeste Talbert:
And?

Jeffrey Anderson:
And I'm afraid the results are very disturbing. It seems that Angelique has a rare case of brake fluid... [pause] Bran... fluid. Bran flavor.

Burton White:
What the hell?

David Barnes:
[offstage] Brain fever!

Edmund Edwards:
[offstage, loudly] Say it!

Celeste Talbert:
Brain fever!

Jeffrey Anderson:
[as Dr. Randall] Yes. Brain fever. Or what we call in Austria... [they both goggle at the word] Kopfgeschlagen. At the current rate of inflation, her brain will laterally explore the...

Celeste Talbert:
Literally explode?

Jeffrey Anderson:
Exactly, within the next three houses.

Celeste Talbert:
Hours?

Jeffrey Anderson:
Yes, will literally explode within next three hours. I would suggest leaving the restraint.

Celeste Talbert:
Restaurant?

Jeffrey Anderson:
Restaurant, yes.

Celeste Talbert:
Her brain will actually explode?

Jeffrey Anderson:
Yes, yes, I've, um, seen it happen. It's a dreadful, dreadful thug. Thing.

– Soapdish  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

[Jeffrey is about to prepare the brain transplant]

Lori Craven:
MOTHER!

[Celeste sits up]

Lori Craven:
No, I can't let you do this!

Burton White:
[off stage] She spoke?

Jeffrey Anderson:
She spoke!

Montana Moorehead:
Sudden speech, the last stages of brain fever! She can blow up any moment!

Lori Craven:
I can always speak! Mother...

Montana Moorehead:
She's MY mother!

Celeste Talbert:
MONTANA, SHUT UP!

– Soapdish  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Montana Moorehead:
[as Lori, Celeste, And Jeffrey kiss and make up]WAIT! Wait! But I'm carrying his child!

Jeffrey Anderson:
I didn't sleep with her! Will somebody please believe me?!

Edmund Edwards:
[offstage, delighted] This is what I meant. This is what I told them to do. This is soap opera!

[Ariel and Rose enter as doctors]

Jeffrey Anderson:
Doctor!

Ariel Maloney:
A second opinion... this is Dr. Frans Blau of the sex change clinic in Bethesda, Maryland.

Rose Schwartz:
[German accent] Thank you. Dr. Randall, after extensive investigations, I've come to the conclusion that it's virtually impossible for you to have impregnated your nurse, Montana Moorehead, because before she came to our little clinic, she was... Milton Moorehead of Syosset, Long Island.

[Rose opens the high school yearbook showing Montana's teenage boy photo]

Rose Schwartz:
[normal voice] Hello.

Montana Moorehead:
[shouts and runs off] NO! NO! NO!

Edmund Edwards:
[offstage] She's a boy!

[long, incredulous pause]

David Barnes:
Yeah, well we knew that. [starts gagging]

Edmund Edwards:
Are you okay?

David Barnes:
[weak voice] I'm fine. I'm just going to go congratulate the others.

– Soapdish  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Jerry:
[breaks down into tears] Oh, why did I ever let you talk me into this?

Joe:
Why are you even speaking to me about it?

Jerry:
I just don't have a good feeling about this.

Joe:
Oh, come on! What are you worried about? This job is going to last a long time.

Jerry:
Well, suppose it doesn't?

Joe:
Jerry, boy, why do you have to paint everything so black? Suppose you got hit by a truck. Suppose the stock market crashes. Suppose Mary Pickford divorces Douglas Fairbanks. Suppose the Dodgers leave Brooklyn!

Jerry:
[Jerry notices the badge of an undercover agent at a nearby table] Joe...?

Joe:
Suppose Lake Michigan overflows.

Jerry:
Well, don't look now, but the whole town is underwater!

– Some Like It Hot  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Sig Poliakoff:
The instruments are right but you're not...

Jerry:
Wait a minute. What's wrong with us?

Sig Poliakoff:
You're the wrong shape. Goodbye!

Joe:
What are you looking for — hunchbacks or something?

Sig Poliakoff:
Oh, it's not the backs that worry me...

Jerry:
Well, then, what is it then?

Joe:
Yeah! What kind of a band is this, anyway?

Sig Poliakoff:
You gotta be under twenty-five...

Jerry:
Oh, we could pass for that!

Sig Poliakoff:
..you gotta be blonde...

Jerry:
We could dye our hair!

Sig Poliakoff:
...and you gotta be girls.

Jerry:
We could—!

Joe:
No, we couldn't!

– Some Like It Hot  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Jerry:
[in high heels] How do they walk in these things, huh? How do they keep their balance?

Joe:
It must be the way the weight is distributed. Now, come on.

Jerry:
It's so drafty. They must be catching cold all the time, huh?

Joe:
Will you quit stalling? We're gonna miss the train.

Jerry:
I feel naked. I feel like everybody's staring at me!

Joe:
With those legs, are you crazy? Now, come on.

[They see Sugar Kane]

Jerry:
Look at that! Look how she moves. That's just like Jell-O on springs. She must have some sort of built-in motors. I tell you, it's a whole different sex!

Joe:
What are you afraid of? Nobody's asking you to have a baby.

– Some Like It Hot  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Beinstock:
Saxophone, Bass. Am I glad to see you girls. You saved our lives.

Jerry/Daphne:
Likewise, I'm sure.

Sue:
Where did you girls play before?

Jerry/Daphne:
Here, there, and around.

Joe/Josephine:
We spent three years at the Sheboygan Conservatory of Music.

– Some Like It Hot  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

Jerry:
[about the women] How about that talent, huh? Like falling into a tub of butter.

Joe:
Watch it, Daphne.

Jerry:
When I was a kid, Joe, I used to have a dream. I was locked up overnight in a pastry shop and there was goodies all around. There was jellyrolls and mocha eclairs and sponge cake, and Boston creme pie and cherry tarts -

Joe:
Don't. Listen to me. No butter, no pastry. We're on a diet!

– Some Like It Hot  Movie Quote

added 5 years ago

We need you!

Help us build the largest authors community and quotes collection on the web!

Browse Quotes.net

#ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ 

Quiz

Are you a quotes master?

»
"Dirt in the fuel line... just blowed it away."
A Casablanca
B Bonnie and Clyde
C The godfather
D Gone in 60 seconds