[Seeing Wade's mutation for the first time]
Weasel:
You look like an avocado had sex with an older, more disgusting avocado.
Wade:
Yeah.
Weasel:
Not gently. Like it was hate-fucking. There was something wrong with the relationship, and that was the only catharsis that they could find without violence.
Wade:
And the only guy who can fix this fugly mug is the British shitstick who ran the mutant factory, and he's... gone! Poof!
Weasel:
Well, you gotta do something to remedy this, 'cause as of now, you only have one course of action.
Wade:
Damn straight. Find Francis.
Weasel:
[at the same time as Wade] Star in horror films.
Wade:
What?
Weasel:
Star in your own horror films. Because you look like Freddy Krueger face-fucked a topographical map of Utah.
Wade:
Here's what I'm actually gonna do: I'm gonna work through his crew until somebody gives up Francis, force him to fix this, then put a bullet in his skull and fuck the brain-hole.
Weasel:
I don't wanna see that, or think of it... again. But, the douchebag does think you're dead, right?
Wade:
Yeah.
Weasel:
That's good. You should keep it that way.
Wade:
What, like, wear a mask?
Weasel:
Yes. A very thick mask. All the time. I'm sorry, you are... haunting. Your face is the stuff of nightmares.
Wade:
Like a testicle with teeth.
Weasel:
You will die alone. I mean, if you could die. Ideally. For others' sake.
Wade:
[getting annoyed] That'll do!
