Search results for 'spongebob' Page #10

Howard:
Why are marine biologists always so cute?

Raj:
I don't know, but I'd like to get lost in her Bermuda Triangle.

Leonard:
That's not helpful.

Howard:
Then I won't say I'd like to cover three quarters of her surface area.

Leonard:
Are you done?

Raj:
Not yet, this is fun! Ooh, I know... I'd let her free my Willy.

[Leonard gets up]

Raj:
Where are you going?

Leonard:
Going to ask her if she'd be willing to talk to Penny. Tell her she has nothing to worry about.

Howard:
Leonard wait.

Leonard:
What?

Howard:
I'd like to spongebob her squarepants.

Raj:
Now we are done.

Ideal Plankton:
Neptune's network! Which one of you is the real SpongeBob?

[SpongeBob and Off Model SpongeBob point at each other. Then stare at themselves in confusion]

Ideal Plankton:
I'll have to use all the computation power I have to figure this out. Eeny, meeny, miney, moe. [blasts Off Model SpongeBob]

SpongeBob:
Duh, duh, doy, doy. Duh, duh, doy, doy.

Ideal Plankton:
Oh, no. I think I destroyed the wrong SpongeBob.

SpongeBob:
Duh, duh, doy— [shakes himself back to his normal form] How do I look?

Ideal Plankton:
Stunning.

Incidental 211:
[Walks up to SpongeBob and Squidward and blows a raspberry] Hey! [Blows a raspberry] You're those weirdos that have been [blows a raspberry] chasing me around town. [blows a raspberry.]

Squidward:
Why were you waving at us and then running away?

Incidental 211:
Huh? [blows a raspberry] I can't [blows a raspberry] understand your accent. [blows a raspberry]

SpongeBob:
I'll handle this, Squidward. I speak fluid Rock Bottom-ish. Why [blows a raspberry] were you [blows a raspberry] waving at us? [blows a raspberry]

Incidental 211:
I wasn't [blows a raspberry] waving at you. [blows a raspberry] I was [blows a raspberry] drying out my armpits. [SpongeBob holds up a fresh Krabby Patty to him and he gasps. He smells it and becomes surprised.]

SpongeBob:
We just wanted to [blows a raspberry] sell you a hot [blows a raspberry] delicious Krabby Patty. [blows a raspberry]

Incidental 211:
It does look [blows a raspberry] tasty.

SpongeBob and Squidward:
We're gonna sell a patty. [both blow raspberries. A large bus drives in and knocks away their food truck.] Huh? [Several Rock Bottomites walk off the bus while blowing raspberries. They go into the Rock Bottom cemetery, jump into coffins, and close them. Several clowns also walk off the bus and enter the circus while blowing raspberries. They walk into a small clown car which then drives away.]

Incidental 222:
[walks off the bus] Hey, Bert. [blows a raspberry] Too bad you couldn't [blows a raspberry] come with us on our yearly trip to the [blows a raspberry] Krusty Krab, [blows a raspberry] but here's your Krabby Patty. [He blows a raspberry and hands a Krabby Patty to Incidental 211]

Incidental 211:
Thanks, Frank. [blows a raspberry] But you know how long these pits take to dry. [blows a raspberry] Sorry, fellas. [blows a raspberry] I'd love to buy a patty from ya, but I already have a whole bag. [He eats the patty. SpongeBob and Squidward groan and melt.]

Innkeeper:
[stopping in front of them] Don't go to the castle! Don't go to the castle! Don't go-- [gets run over by a skeleton horse pulling a carriage, Creepy coachman pats carriage, opening stairs which crush the inkeeper]

Squidward:
Ah! Well, a coach to the castle. How elegant. [walks forward, then SpongeBob follows] Step lively, SpongeBob.[Squidward enters the carriage, and SpongeBob puts the mail bag in the back. SpongeBob enters as well, and the steps are lifted. SpongeBob looks at the innkeeper.]

Innkeeper:
[lifting head up, injured] The castle!

SpongeBob:
Aw. [holds Krabby Patty] Looks like someone could use a Krabby Patty. [feeds innkeeper patty, moving his mouth to chew it Innkeeper weakly gives thumbs up The carriage moves onward to Nosferatu's castle. SpongeBob and Squidward move from side to side in the carriage, bumping into the walls, as it moves across the sharp corners. They then go around some curves, making SpongeBob and Squidward move in the carriage again.]

SpongeBob:
[spinning in air] Whoo! Whoo! [SpongeBob and Squidward's body parts move all over the place in the carriage like pinballs as it continues moving forward. They finally arrive at the castle, and Squidward falls out of the carriage in pieces.]

Squidward:
[standing up] We're taking the bus on the way home! [inhales and sucks his nose back in, SpongeBob tosses the mail bag directly onto Squidward, which floats in place] Huh? Hmm. [SpongeBob gets off the carriage, and the creepy coachman hisses at them as he leaves. The carriage turns into a bat and flies away. The mail bag crushes SpongeBob and Squidward, to which Squidward gets out from it and knocks on the door with the door decoration.] Hello, Nosferatu? [lightning crashes, looks around] Hmm. [walks away] Well, looks like nobody's home. [door opens] Of course. [Squidward peeks inside to reveal the interior of Nosferatu's castle, which causes some jellyfish bats to fly away.] Hello? [hesitantly walks inside] We're just here to drop off your mail.

SpongeBob:
[almost falling on Squidward] Whoa! [Squidward shoves him]

Squidward:
[lightning crashes, causing him to scream and grab onto the mail bag] What's happening?

Jenny Jones:
A job. Like flipping burgers?

DCI John Luther:
Well, them burgers are not going to flip themselves, are they?

Jenny Jones:
It's, like, 2p an hour. Who am I, SpongeBob?

DCI John Luther:
I don't know what that is.

Jenny Jones:
He's a sponge. He flips burgers.

Jim:
Hey, Eugene, where's that little fry cook of yours?

Mr. Krabs:
He thinks you're taking his job, so he's run off!

Jim:
Hey, great idea! And you can give me a raise! [both laugh it off]

SpongeBob:
[watching from the freezer] Look at them. Mr. Krabs is probably offering Jim my job right now.

Mr. Krabs:
Well, I better go find him. [SpongeBob comes out] SPONGEBOB!

SpongeBob:
Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. I was just leaving. I'm not fit to inhabit the same kitchen as Jim. So it is with a heavy heart that I relinquish my position as fry cook.

Jim:
What are you thinking, SpongeBob? I'm not taking your job!

SpongeBob:
But you're the greatest fry cook in the world! The Krusty Krab deserves better than me.

Jim:
Both those statements are true, SpongeBob, but there's a reason I left the Krusty Krab. It all started on a warm summer evening. Business was slow, so Squidward and I were having one of our famous bull sessions...

[Flashback to the day Jim left the Krusty Krab]

Jim:
We should open our own restaurant and stop relying on old man K's pockets.

Squidward:
No, thanks. I'm just doing this until my clarinet career takes off.

Jim:
What if it never does? Don't you wanna have something to fall back on?

Squidward:
Yeah! Ha! I could lose my beautiful, flowing hair, too, but I'm not buying a wig yet. [his hair suddenly falls out]

Jim:
Well, while you go wig shopping, I'm gonna go talk to Mr. Krabs. [Walks into Mr. Krabs' office] Hey, Mr. Krabs, you gotta second?

Mr. Krabs:
Anything for you, Jimmy, me boy. Cop a squat and lay your wreck and tell me what's on your wig, Jim.

Jim:
Cut the gas, Krabs, and dig this: I've been bustin' my conk for you. You better lay on some extra gravy, or I'm going to agitate the gravel.

Mr. Krabs:
What now?

Jim:
You know, lay a patch.

Mr. Krabs:
'Scuse me?

Jim:
Give me a raise, or I'm quitting!

Mr. Krabs:
A raise? That's not in my "Hiptionary." Help me get with it, Jack.

Jim:
Stop talking like that!

Mr. Krabs:
These sideburns aren't real. [rips them off]

Jim:
I need more money in my paycheck at the end of every week! Capiche?!?

[Mr. Krabs laughs hysterically; Jim leaves in a huff]

Squidward:
My hair! My beautiful hair! My hair! My hair!

[Flashback ends; Mr. Krabs is still laughing]

Mr. Krabs:
Aye, it's still as funny today as it was then. [sighs]

[Squidward is outside still crying over his hair loss]

Mr. Krabs:
You see, SpongeBob, you've got one quality Jim will never have: You're cheap!

SpongeBob:
Wow! I never thought about it that way!

Karen:
Call it a computer's intuition, but I sense your regular approaching, with an unusually large wad of cash.

Mr. Krabs:
Look at all that loot!

Plankton:
That's right, Krabs, and you're going to have to keep looking when my customer comes in and pays me for my chum!

Mr. Krabs:
D'oh, just put me out of me misery!

[Nat walks in, angered]

Plankton:
Back for more of my delicious chum, I see!

Nat:
Not this time!

Plankton and Mr. Krabs:
Huh?

Nat:
Not ever again! [throws all the money at Karen] The deal's off, computer! I can't eat another bite of that slop, no matter how much you pay me!

Plankton:
Ha-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba...Huh?

Nat:
I have eaten 10 of those things, and I've all ready had to go to the doctor...twice! [groans in pain] If you need me, I'll be getting my stomach pumped...again. [gets carried out]

Plankton:
What's the deal, Karen?

Karen:
"The deal" was that I paid Nat to eat your chum, so you'd quit your constant complaining.

Plankton:
All this time, I never had one regular customer?

Karen:
Duh.

Plankton:
Should have known! Why would anyone ever eat my slop?

Karen:
Ugh, there he goes again. Cut it out, Plankton!

Plankton:
What? It's just obvious that I'm a complete failure, and wasted of a lower life form! Oh, woe is me! [cries]

SpongeBob:
Quickly, now is the time to make a hasty retreat!

Mr. Krabs:
What, and miss this? I've never enjoyed me self more! This irony is pretty good stuff. [laughs]

Karen:
How did you figure that out?

SpongeBob:
[lets go of Spot, who bounces] This happens all the time when he plays with Gary. [Spot barks, then Gary splats him with his eye stalks. This repeats.]

Karen:
Oh, I admit, looking after Spot while Plankton is gone is proving trickier than I thought. [Spot hops on some tables, sucks up an entire food plate, and chews on a ketchup bottle, making him squirt ketchup all over the place while flying in the air.]

SpongeBob:
[shrugging] Maybe he needs to burn off some energy?

Kelpy G:
[crowd is softly chanting "Kelpy"] At this time, I'd like to welcome a very special guest to the stage — Mr. SpongeBob SmoothPants. [SpongeBob and Kelpy play their instruments at the same time and the crowd loves it]

Squidward:
This isn't fair. I should be on stage, not SpongeBob. I'm the mega-talent. I'll show you, Kelpy. [tries to play his clarinet, but security takes Squidward away] But I'm a musician!

Kenneth:
[Excited about cable TV] There's a whole channel on the cable that just tells you what's on the other channels!

Jack:
I know, Kenneth. It's okay.

Kenneth:
I'm glad I'm not a white man, Mr. Donaghy. ...Is SpongeBob SquarePants supposed to be terrifying?

Jack:
You're darn right he is, Kenneth.

Kenny:
[takes out the oxygen tank and throws it on the ground] This gets real uncomfortable after a while. [breathes in. His face turns blue. He runs to the oxygen tank]

SpongeBob:
[enters the bathroom with a Krabby Patty on a plate] Sorry to bother you, Mr. the Cat, but I thought you'd just like a bite to... [drops the patty in shock] Whoa!

Kenny:
[breathes through the oxygen tank and sighs. SpongeBob starts to panic] Good thing I've got this oxygen tank and mask, or otherwise there's no way I'd be able to hold my breath for this long.

SpongeBob:
[camera zooms in to his heart which has a face similar to his. It loses a tooth and eye, then breaks] How could you, Kenny?! You broke my heart! Here I was this entire time believing your act, only to discover that it was nothing but... an act!

Kenny:
But it's not what you think!

SpongeBob:
There's no room for thoughts now. Only for tears. [runs away, sobbing]

Kenny:
SpongeBob, wait! [trips over the oxygen tank, and uses it again]

Kevin:
Punch yourself in the face

Spongebob:
[Punches himself in the face]

Kevin:
Doesn't that hurt you?

Spongebob:
[holds up a metal boxing glove] Do you want it to hurt me, Kevin?

Kevin:
[after the king jellyfish takes the pie bubble] How did you know?

SpongeBob:
[laughs] Everybody loves pie!

Kids:
[chanting] We want Mermaid Man! We want Barnacle Boy! [kids throw Squidward into the window, which solidly flattens and Squidward slides away. The kids chant some more while throwing stuff around] We want Mermaid Man! We want Barnacle Boy! We want Mermaid Man!

Mr. Krabs:
Uh, hey, kids? [The kids stop chanting] Uh, well, there's Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy... in the ballroom. [all the kids run inside the ballroom and Mr. Krabs closes the door behind them to keep them inside] SpongeBob!

SpongeBob:
[He jogs over] Yes, sir.

Mr. Krabs:
Go get those AWOL do-gooders you talked me into hirin', and bring their patoots back here on the double!

SpongeBob:
Aye, aye, Mr. Krabs. [He runs off-screen]

Mr. Krabs:
[Grabs a broom] Back, you! Back! [the broom he was using to keep the kids back is eaten. The scene changes to Shady Shoals Rest Home where all of the fish are either running away or hiding in fear of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy's destruction of the place. SpongeBob enters the building]

Krabs:
I thought the Foxy Grandpa would get him for sure I didn't wanna have to do this but he leaves me no other option I'm gonna have to scare it off of him (Night time has come and Krabs draws a picture of a ghost) This'll scare him

SpongeBob:
OH MY GOSH! A FLOATING SHOPPING LIST!!!

Krabs:
I'M NOT A SHOPPING LIST, I'M A GHOST!!

SpongeBob:
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Krabs:
(laughs evilly) Now listen Spongebob

Spongebob:
How do you know my name? Who are you?

Krabs:
I am the ghost of soda drink hats and I'm here to tell ya that soda drinking hat you possess is cursed

Larry:
[amazed by the reflection] Whoa, those dudes are huge! I wonder what they lift. [hits Bubble Bass slightly with his elbow]

Bubble Bass:
[notices the reflection and drops his drink in fear] Those aren't dudes. They're giant monsters! [screaming] EVERYBODY PANIC!!!!!!!!!!!! [the three start panicking and run around in circles, Louie is biting SpongeBob, and their ruckus causes the lighthouse to start rocking. At the same time, Mrs. Puff is still listening and rocking to the rock music, unaware of what's going on outside. The lighthouse tips over and rolls out of the boating school. Larry, Bubble Bass, and the small fish are still panicking until they see that the reflection is gone]

Larry:
[happy] Those buff monsters have vanished! [hugs the other two] We're saved! [he and the other two hear some noise, and realize the lighthouse is coming their way]

Bubble Bass:
We're doomed! [gets out his drink and starts walking across the sidewalk away from the lighthouse, while the other two runoff in a different direction. The lighthouse runs over him, causing him to get submerged into the sidewalk with his posterior sticking out] My cheeks!

[Bikini Bottom News plays, showing Perch Perkins having an interview with Fred about the lighthouse.]

Perch Perkins:
Can you please tell our viewers the cause of this destruction?

Fred:
[frightened] It was a lighthouse. It rolled through town, destroying everything in its path! [pants] A lighthouse! [goes on his knees and starts crying]

Perchy Perkins:
[shocked] My goodness. Were you or YOUR LEGS injured by this insane lighthouse?

Fred:
[sad and kicks a rock] No.

Larry:
[on being a lifeguard] You know, SpongeBob, the girls and the big chair are great, but the best part is knowing that you're the only thing standing between these good people [cuts to annual hot dog chug, then back] and a watery grave. And that's what it's all about. Their lives are in your hands now... 'Cause I got a date with a tanning booth!

Later on:

SpongeBob:
Go on, little clown. Oh, I mean "Mr. Little Clown"!

Later on:

[Mr. Krabs walks out of the store, with his right eye wearing a suit and hat]:

SpongeBob:
Tell your friends about us!

Mr. Krabs:
Not likely!

Lead singer:
[singing Patrick's poem] ♪Twinkle, twinkle, Patrick Star! I made myself a sandwich. My mommy named it Fred. It tastes like beans and bacon. And smells like it's been dead. Writing stuff is hard so I use a pointy pencil. Pointy, pointy, pointy, pointy, pointy, point! Pee-yew! what's that horrible smell?♪

Singer:
Drum Solo! [plays drum solo. Wallpaper peels and plants become dead and picture of Mr. and Mrs. SquarePants shakes]

Lead Singer:
♪I have a head, it ends in a point. pointy, pointy, pointy, pointy, pointy, point!♪ [in their picture, Mr. and Mrs. SquarePants get annoyed and Mrs. SquarePants turns the picture over] ♪This song is over, except for this line, you win this round, broccoli!♪ [the song ends as SpongeBob's house peels and the stereo crashes on top of SpongeBob and Patrick]

Lifeguard:
Hey look, a cardboard box washed up on the beach. [looks at him through a telescope] Holy fish paste, IT'S A GUY!!! [runs to SpongeBob and turns him over] Why! Why! Why-hy-hy!

Sandy:
SpongeBob!

SpongeBob:
[to Lifeguard] C-come closer. I need...I need...

Lifeguard:
[tearfully] What do you need?

SpongeBob:
[whispers] A tailor...[shouting] because I ripped my pants!

Lou:
May I help you?

SpongeBob:
I'll take a banana split.

Lou:
Uh, we don't have that.

SpongeBob:
That's okay, I already "split" my pants. Get it?

[Sandy laughs]

Lou:
[sarcastically] Tee-hee. Anything else?

SpongeBob:
How about, "ripple"? [shows the rip in his pants; Sandy laughs some more] No thanks, already got one.

[Sandy rolls on the sand laughing]

Lou:
May I help you?

SpongeBob:
I'll take a banana split.

Lou:
Uh, we don't have that.

SpongeBob:
That's okay, I already split my pants! Get it?

Lou:
[sarcastically] Tee hee. Anything else?

SpongeBob:
How about...rip-ple?! [shows the rip in his pants] No thanks, already got one!

Mail Fish:
Package for Mr. Squarepants.

SpongeBob:
Great! Thanks. [trying to strike up a conversation] So, uh, you like delivering mail?

Mail Fish:
It puts bread on the table.

SpongeBob:
Rye or pumpernickel? [laughs]

Mail Fish:
Oh, brother.

SpongeBob:
So, do you deliver your own mail, or do you have your own mail person? But then who delivers his mail? Is there a never-ending chain of mailmen delivering mail to other mailmen? Well, I guess a P.O. box could in theory break the chain...

Mail Fish:
[interrupting] Don't you have a paper to write?