Search results for 'spongebob' Page #42

Squidward:
[quickly removes his relaxing stuff and takes out a phone book] Let's see here. Friends. [coughs and then blows away the dust, then sighs] [while looking through the phone book] Friends, friends... [keeps flipping the pages until he spots the number, "555-5717". Squidward gets surprised until it is revealed that the number was formed by little bugs] Hm. Yeah, I wonder if I still have my receipt for this thing. No big deal. Anybody can make a friend by... [reveals more of the card that says...] "TONIGHT!"? [walks around the house] Let's see. There must be someone who's a real part of your life, Squidward. Who do you see every single day? Who do you know like the back of your suction cups? [sees SpongeBob out the window, laughing and playing with his jump rope] But, of course! It's so simple. [runs outside. SpongeBob falls on his jump rope] SpongeBob, I have something to ask you.

SpongeBob:
[happily blinks his eyes to the camera] Of course, I'll go to the opening with you!

Squidward:
That wasn't the question. Which way did the mailman go?

Squidward:
[same tone] The spatula...TIED TO YOUR NOSE!

SpongeBob:
Ohhh, this! [explains quickly] Well, you see, this got stuck up there so I stacked stuff and I climbed up to reach it. I reached it and grabbed it. I got it but then I fell and I screamed! I was sure I was dead but then I wasn't but then I tripped and I got this splinter and...Squidward? Squidward, were you listening at all? I got this really bad splinter, you see? And I couldn't hold the spatula with my hand so I used my nose. Makes sense now, huh?

Squidward:
[sarcastic] Oh, yeah, that makes perfect sense. You're a half-wit who injured himself at work being a nitwit.

SpongeBob:
[laughs] Good one, Squiddy.

Squidward:
[grumbles] Injury. Your brain is injured! [gets an idea] Wait a minute. Did you say that you got that splinter injury at work?

Squidward:
[shoves Patrick] Stop pushing me Patrick.

Patrick:
You mean like this? [shoves Squidward]

Squidward:
No like this! [shoves Patrick]

SpongeBob:
[both Patrick and Squidward are fighting] You shouldn't fight in here. This is a magical place.

[Scene zooms to outside the well]

Squidward:
Patrick, get off of me! [scene zooms back into the well where Patrick is sitting on Squidward] I told you I am claustrophobic!

Patrick:
Nice try, Squidward, but there's no Santa Claus here.

Squidward:
Patrick!

Squidward:
[to himself] Now for some soothing sounds from Squidward's clarinet. Thank you, thank you. [plays his clarinet badly. SpongeBob proceeds to build his Bubblestand super fast, making a loud racket] I thought I...Huh?

SpongeBob:
[waving] Hey, Squidward! Wanna blow some bubbles? Only 25 cents.

Squidward:
Right, like I would spend a moment of my time blowing bubbles.

Squidward:
[to SpongeBob, after quitting] You know, that reminds me. There's something I've been wanting to tell you from the day we first met - goodbye... Next time you'll see me, this town will be eating from the palm of my hands.

[Cut to Squidward, now broke, inside the cardboard box]

Squidward:
[holding a cup] Spare change? Spare change, ma'am?

Squidward:
[to SpongeBob] How am I supposed to enjoy your day off if you come to work anyway?!

Squidward:
[to SpongeBob] The day I willingly practice my musical art with you is the day I grow hair on my...

Squidward:
[to SpongeBob] Would you please stop leaving your undergarments on my front lawn?

SpongeBob:
Squidward, could you watch Gary this weekend?

Squidward:
What's a Gary?

SpongeBob:
Not a Gary. Gary. He's my pet snail. [shows Gary to Squidward] Say hello.

[Gary hisses at Squidward and drools]

Squidward:
You actually care for that thing?

SpongeBob:
I love Gary.

Squidward:
Well, I don't. Get somebody else. [walks off]

SpongeBob:
I guess we can't go away this weekend after all, Patrick.

Squidward:
[stops walking] Go away? [walks in reverse back to SpongeBob's Pineapple] You mean, if I watch Gary, you guys will be gone all weekend?

Squidward:
[upon seeing SpongeBob dancing] That is the stupidest dance I've ever seen.

SpongeBob:
[to Squidward] Who put you on the planet? Ugh!!

Squidward:
[upon seeing SpongeBob spying on him through the window] SpongeBob! How long have you been spying on me?!

SpongeBob:
Umm... What day is it today?

Squidward:
It's the day you go away and never come back!

SpongeBob:
But Squidward, if I do that, then how am I going to help you get your house ready for the big TV show?

Squidward:
How did you know about that?

SpongeBob:
I was spying on you.

Squidward:
[yelling] Will you go night night time already?

SpongeBob:
[noticing Nosferatu] Nosferatu? [lights flicker]

Squidward:
Why are you sticking out of the wall like that?

[SpongeBob and Squidward run out of the room, and Nosferatu bites into a pillow, then spits it out.]

Squidward:
[running with SpongeBob] I can't believe Nosferatu tried to bite me! He's a real life v-v-vampire!

SpongeBob:
He's gonna suck our blood! [sobs]

Squidward:
There's got to be a way out of this castle!

Slappy:
[slithering in front of them] I can show you a way out. [laughs while holding battle ax, SpongeBob and Squidward wear gas masks as Squidward shoots sleepy gas onto Slappy. suddenly tired] Slappy sleepy. [falls to ground]

Squidward:
[tosses gas equipment] Let's try these doors. [opens door to reveal scary monsters on the other side, SpongeBob and Squidward scream and run away, Squidward opens another door to reveal a skull with flaming eyes. They both scream. Squidward opens another door to reveal some live-action sushi and both scream. They begin running on a conveyor belt and look behind them to see a mutant gorilla running after them.]

SpongeBob and Squidward:
Gorilla monster! [scream]

Squidward:
Quick, [points] down the laundry chute! [They both dive into the laundry chute. The gorilla falls on its face and crashes off-screen.]

SpongeBob:
[he and Squidward slide down a slide] Whoa! [both end up in a laundry basket wearing vampire outfits, and scream at each other]

Squidward:
[pointing to coffin] It's a vampire's coffin! [holds onto SpongeBob and whimpers, Five coffins rise from underneath the sand and start dancing around SpongeBob and Squidward. The coffins spin around and vampire fish come out of them.]

Vampire fish:
Nosferatu two-step! [close their coffins and enter the sand again]

Summer:
What're you doing?

Seth:
Almost watching TV. This is either SpongeBob SquarePants or JAG.

Tattle-tale Strangler:
For all we know, he could be the Strangler.

Patrick:
I'm the Strangler? I should've known! I gotta turn myself in! Aaah! [runs out to the police station, smashing though SpongeBob's house's wall on the way]

Spongebob So Patrick's the Strangler. [the Strangler starts fuming] Gee, ya think you know a guy-

Strangler:
HE'S NOT THE STRANGLER!!!

Spongebob:
He's not?

Strangler:
[tears off phony moustache] I AM!!!

Spongebob:
Hey, how'd you do that without shaving cream?

Strangler:
Aw, it's a 'FAKE' you idiot! I bought it at the party store!!!!!!

Squidward:
Did somebody say party?

Tattletale Strangler:
Oh, forget the key! Let's climb through this window. I can't reach it. Do you think you could hop up on my shoulders, kid?

SpongeBob:
[SpongeBob is wearing cleats] Sure! With these spiky cleats, anything is possible! [jumps onto the Strangler]

Tattletale Strangler:
Cleats?! [SpongeBob's feet land on the Strangler's eyeballs. The Strangler screams in pain] GET YOU FEET OUT OF MY EYE SOCKETS!!

SpongeBob:
I'm trying, but my cleats are stuck in your corneas!

The King:
[to SpongeBob in Squidward's dream] Oh, do tell me the one about the man from Peru again!

Tom:
And on your right, if you look, you'll see two naked guys fighting over a can of paint!

[The passengers and Tom laugh. The bus drives off. SpongeBob covers his lower half]

SpongeBob:
Oh my gosh, Patrick, help me find our clothes!

[SpongeBob pats the ground, trying to grab the clothes. Patrick sprays SpongeBob's right hand and it disappears]

Patrick:
I gotta hand it to you, SpongeBob. You look kinda funny.

Tom:
Chocolate? Did you say chocolate?

Patrick:
Yes, sir, with or without nuts. :[He holds two chocolate bars: one with a peanut logo, and one without]

Tom:
Chocolate! CHOCOLATE! CHOCOLATE!!!! :[SpongeBob and Patrick are concerned and backs away slowly from the screaming fish] CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!!!!

Tom:
CHOOOOOOCOLAAAAAAAAAATE!!!!!!!!!!!

[SpongeBob and Patrick are on the ground, begging Tom not to hurt them]

Tom:
[laughing maniacally] FINALLY!! I've been trying to catch you boys ALL DAY! NOW THAT I GOT YOU RIGHT WHERE I WANT YOU… [calms down instantly] I like to buy all your chocolate! [holds up a mountain of cash]

[Chocolate bars fall out of Patrick's pants, followed by a Hershey kiss, then he and SpongeBob melt like chocolate]

SpongeBob:
Thank you for your patronage.

Tom:
Excuse me, can I get a couple of ice cubes in here, please?

SpongeBob:
Sure! A couple of ice cubes coming up! [walks off and then returns with the drink] Here you go!

Tom:
Thanks. [drinks his lemonade]

[SpongeBob giggles with every sip, and Tom finishes his drink]

SpongeBob:
[laughing] April Fools!

Tom:
What did you do to my drink?!

SpongeBob:
I-er, I-er...

Tom:
You what?!?!

SpongeBob:
You asked for a couple of ice cubes in your drink, and I only put in one! [laughs]

Tom:
Hey, I guess that is kinda funny.

Tommy's mother:
Tommy, I've got a fresh load of laundr- [screams as she thinks Tommy is having a seizure on the floor] Tommy! Oh! Oh, dear me, no! [dials 911] Hello, it's an emergency! My son! He's-

Tommy:
[scoffs] Mom, calm down. [stops music] I'm just doing "The Cramp".

Tommy's mother:
[hangs up phone] Oh, oh you kids and your crazy dance fads. [laughs and is soon joined by Mr. Krabs, SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward]

Patrick:
Hey, everybody, let's all do "The Cramp"!

All:
Yeah!

[Tommy's mother sets up the music. Everybody dances "The Cramp" while SpongeBob and Patrick scream]

Tony Jr.:
[stops walking and notices SpongeBob] Yeah, what is it? Can't you see I'm walking here?

SpongeBob:
I can see that! And I'm eager to learn more from you!

Tony Jr.:
Eager?

SpongeBob:
Yeah!

Tony Jr.:
I can't teach you anything more at this square school, no offense, SquarePants.

SpongeBob:
None taken!

Tony Jr.:
Well, if you really wanna learn more, you can come by my house later! [walks off]

SpongeBob:
Oh! I'll be delighted to!

Toolshed:
PeterGuist.

Mysterion:
1999 Spongebob SquarePants Movie

Voice of Security Guard:
Hello, can I help you?

Patrick:
Can I get a large number one, extra-sized?

SpongeBob:
But you just ate three orders of fried oyster skins.

Patrick:
[with foul breath] I love fried oyster skins.

Security Guard:
We're sorry, but your kind isn't allowed here. [turns to his partner] He's not leaving, Orville. You got your nightstick ready?

[Patrick's putrid breath wafts under their noses]

Security Guard:
Fried oyster skins?!

[Both keel over in a dead faint. One security guard hits his head on the button that opens the front gate, allowing SpongeBob and Patrick to enter the city]

Patrick:
Guess we have to order inside.

Zoo Worker 1:
Mr. Krabs has stolen a very important item from the oyster. [rips off Mr. Krabs' clothes by accident] Behold! [the crowd gets disgusted] Wait a minute... [reveals Clamu's pearl] Behold! The oyster's pearl! [the crowd gasps in shock; the zoo worker then gives the pearl to Clamu] Here you go, girl.

[Clamu sniffs her pearl and the crowd cheers. But suddenly, the pearl starts to crack. And to everyone's amazement, it hatches into a baby oyster]

Baby Oyster:
Mama. Mama.

SpongeBob:
Mother of pearl! The oyster's a mother! And that pearl's no pearl, it's an egg!

Baby Oyster:
Mama.

[The baby oyster and Clamu embrace each other]

All:
Awww... [they glare at Mr. Krabs]

Mr. Krabs:
But it's Free Day!

[The crowd boos as they throw peanuts at Mr. Krabs, burying him, thus ending the episode]