Search results for 'spongebob' Page #6

Narrator:
Mrs. Puff's Boating School, where diligent students learn the rules of the road.

[The class is seen snoozing except for SpongeBob, who is drawing something.]

Mrs. Puff:
Everyone, put down your books, because it's time to pick out the hall monitor of the day!

[SpongeBob drops his pencil in anticipation.]

Mrs. Puff:
Let's see here. This week's hall monitor will be, uh,...[goes through list and finds everyone's name but SpongeBob's has a check mark by it]...gasp! SpongeBob?

[SpongeBob's desk moves into the center isle.]

Mrs. Puff:
It's Jimmy! Jimmy's the hall monitor.

Jimmy:
Mrs. Puff, I've done it already!

[SpongeBob's desk moves closer.]

Mrs. Puff:
Oh. Bill?

Bill:
No way, Mrs. Puff!

[SpongeBob's desk closes in again.]

Mrs. Puff:
Uh, Tina! You're the hall monitor.

Tina:
Hey! I've done it 3 times already!

[SpongeBob's desk closes in again, and continues to do so with every bit of Mrs. Puff's dialouge.]

Mrs. Puff:
Beth?

Bill:
She graduated!

Mrs. Puff:
Henry? [desk moves] Mira? [desk moves] Clayton? [desk moves multiple times, then camera fades out to reveal SpongeBob pressing repeatedly against Mrs. Puff's body] All right. I guess I have no choice. The hall monitor of the day is...[sighs with grief]...oh...SpongeBob!

[SpongeBob skyrockets with joy and lands beside Mrs. Puff. He salutes.]

SpongeBob:
Hall Monitor SpongeBob reporting for duty, ma'am! I'm ready to assume my position IN THE HALL! I will protect all that are weak IN THE HALL! All rules to be enforced IN THE HALL!

Mrs. Puff:
ALL RIGHT! Just take the hat and belt!

SpongeBob:
I can't accept that yet, ma'am. First I have to make my speech.

Mrs. Puff:
You can't make this easy, can you?

SpongeBob:
A grape, fresh from the vine, Your Ghostliness. [drops it into his mouth; rushes away and returns] A banana, peeled to your liking, Your Incorporealness. [drops it into his mouth]

Patrick:
One watermelon [drops large watermelon into Squidward's mouth] fresh from the manure field, Your Spookiness!

SpongeBob:
Gonna write an essay, that's what I say!

Squidward:
I'm going to make SpongeBob's final hours the best he's ever had! And this time, there's gonna be love! So much, he's gonna drown in it! Drown in it!

[Once Squidward has left the room, Mr. Krabs takes out a pencil and a clipboard and jots down a note]

Mr. Krabs:
Note to self: Watch out for Squidward.

[Squidward has just been pummeled by a vicious sea bear]

SpongeBob:
Quick, jump inside our anti-sea-bear circle before he comes back!

Patrick:
Yeah, sea bears often attack more than once!

Squidward:
Are you crazy? A dirt circle won't stop that monster! I'm running for my life!

SpongeBob & Patrick:
No!

[The sea bear comes back and starts mauling Squidward again]

SpongeBob:
Don't run! Sea bears hate that!

Squidward:
Thanks for the tip. I guess I'll just limp home, then.

SpongeBob & Patrick:
No!

[The sea bear comes back and beats Squidward up even more]

SpongeBob:
They hate limping more than running!

Squidward:
Well, maybe I'll just...

[The sea bear comes back and beats Squidward up again]

SpongeBob:
I should have warned you about crawling.

[The sea bear attacks Squidward yet again]

Squidward:
What'd I do that time?

SpongeBob:
I don't know. I guess he just doesn't like you!

Patrick:
Pretend to be somebody else!

[SpongeBob throws Squidward a stick]

SpongeBob:
Here, draw a circle!

Squidward:
Okay.

[The sea bear comes back and attacks once more]

SpongeBob:
That was an oval. It has to be a circle!

Squidward:
Move over!

[Squidward, bruised and bandaged, joins SpongeBob and Patrick inside their anti-sea-bear circle. The sea bear comes back, but then notices the circle, so he cannot attack. Instead, he merely growls angrily at Squidward, and leaves]

Squidward:
Hey, it worked! You guys saved my life! [They cheer]

SpongeBob:
Yeah. I'm glad it was just a sea bear. This circle would never hold back a sea rhinoceros.

Squidward:
What attracts them?

Patrick:
The sound of a sea bear attack.

SpongeBob:
[zooms out to reveal a sea rhino snorting, right next to them] Good thing we're all wearing our anti-sea-rhinoceros undergarments, right, Squidward?

Squidward:
...huh?

Mr. Krabs:
Three cheers for the return of our master fry cook, SpongeBob! Hip hip!

All:
Hooray!

Squidward:
Hooray.

Mr. Krabs:
Hip hip!

All:
Hooray! [Squidward unenthusiastically says "Whoop De Doo"]

Mr. Krabs:
Hip hip!

All:
Hooray! [Squidward unenthusiastically says "Oh, Boy"]

SpongeBob:
And three cheers for the fry cook who took my place when I was gone! Squidward! [Squidward smiles] Hip hip!

All:
Boo! [Squidward is shocked and frowns. The frown becomes more droopier with each "Boo!"]

SpongeBob:
Hip hip!

All:
Boo!

[Scene changes to the exterior shot of the Krusty Krab]

SpongeBob:
Hip hip!

All:
Boo!

SpongeBob:
Hip hip!

Patron:
BOO! YOU STINK!

SpongeBob:
Bye, Squidward! Bye, Mr. Krabs! [sounding flirtatious] Bye, Squidward.

Patrick:
You said "Bye Squidward" twice.

SpongeBob:
I like Squidward.

Flying Dutchman:
Tell you what. You give me back the sock and I'll give you... three wishes.

Patrick:
Make it five!

Flying Dutchman:
Four.

Patrick:
Three! Take it or leave it.

Pause.

Flying Dutchman:
Okay... uh, three. You get three wishes.

SpongeBob:
Wow, three wishes, Pat! How cool is that?!

Patrick:
Wishes?! I wish we'd known that earlier!

The clock goes back five minutes.

Flying Dutchman:
Okay, you got two wishes left.

Patrick smiles guiltily.

Mr. Krabs:
SpongeBob! Squidward! What's the meaning of this? Untie me this instant!

Squidward:
Shut up! (slaps Mr. Krabs)

Mr. Krabs:
Sweet Davy Jones, what the heck is going on?

Squidward:
I said shut up, you bucket of bolts! (slaps him again)

SpongeBob:
I can't take it! (runs off, crying)

Squidward:
SpongeBob, are you okay?

SpongeBob:
Oh, Squidward, seeing you slap Mr. Krabs like that is just too horrible to watch!

Squidward:
No, that's not Mr. Krabs. That's Robot Krabs. (Mr. Krabs is trying to get out of his chair)

SpongeBob:
Oh, yeah.

Squidward:
And the only way to deal with these robot types is to find out what they know.

SpongeBob:
Right. (slaps Mr. Krabs)

Squidward:
SpongeBob, you gotta ask him a question first.

SpongeBob:
Oh yeah. What color is my underwear? (slaps him again)

Squidward:
SpongeBob, let me handle this. (turns a light on Mr. Krabs) Where's Mr. Krabs?

Mr. Krabs:
What are you talking about? I'm Mr. Krabs. (Squid slaps him again)

Squidward:
We can do this all night if you want. Where's Mr. Krabs?

Mr. Krabs:
I'm Mr. Krabs.

SpongeBob:
Where's Mr. Krabs?

Mr. Krabs:
I'm Mr. Krabs.

Squidward:
Where's Mr. Krabs?

Mr. Krabs:
I am Mr. Krabs! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am!

SpongeBob:
This is one stubborn robot.

Mr. Krabs:
(yells) WHAT?! (his yelling knocks over the light) YOU THINK I'M A ROBOT?!

Squidward:
We don't think; we know.

Mr. Krabs:
That's the silliest thing I ever heard! I AM MR. KRABS!!!

Squidward:
(to SpongeBob) He's not cracking. We'll never get it out of him this way.

SpongeBob:
I got an idea. Keep an eye on him, Squidward. Don't fall for any of his robo-tricks. (walks off and then comes back with a blender) If Robot Krabs won't tell us where Mr. Krabs is, maybe one of his little robot friends will.

Squidward:
Uh, SpongeBob. That's a blender.

SpongeBob:
Yeah, but I saw Mr. Krabs talking to his radio before. He called it his "little buddy".

Squidward:
Oh, really? But it on the table, SpongeBob.

Mr. Krabs:
You're gonna interrogate me blender. You're crazy.

Squidward:
We're just gonna see what your "little buddy" knows. (holds up a bat)

Mr. Krabs:
No, wait! What are you gonna do with me blender?! That cost me money!

Squidward:
Where's Mr. Krabs? (pause for a few seconds) Not talkin', eh? (smashes the blender0

Mr. Krabs:
NO!!! That cost me $24.95!

SpongeBob:
I guess it didn't know anything.

Squidward:
Go get the toaster.

(SpongeBob pulls out the toaster)

Mr. Krabs:
No, not me toaster! That cost me $32.50! (Squidward smashes the toaster; SpongeBob pulls out a food processor) $62.67! (Squidward smashes the food processor; SpongeBob pulls out a coffee maker) $4... well, actually, that one was a gift. (Squidward smashes the coffee maker) NOOOO!!!

PLANKTON:
Don't listen to him, SpongeBob. Remember-- Ravioli ravioli, give me the formuoli.

SpongeBob:
Oh, and crabs... they're so cheap, they can't even PAY attention!

Mister Krabs:
It's true, I am cheap!

SpongeBob:
Wait just a burger-flipping second. (Flying Dutchman turns around)

Flying Dutchman:
Who dares back-sass the Flying Dutchman?

SpongeBob:
That would be me: SpongeBob BacksassPants.

SpongeBob:
[singing] F is for friends who do stuff together, U is for you and me! N is for anywhere, any time at all...

Chorus:
Down here in the deep blue sea.

Plankton:
[singing] F is for fire that burns down the whole town. U is for Uranium...bombs! N is for no survivors when you--

SpongeBob:
Plankton! Those things aren't what fun is all about! Here, let me help you...

Tom:
Excuse me, can I get a couple of ice cubes in here, please?

SpongeBob:
Sure! A couple of ice cubes coming up! [walks off and then returns with the drink] Here you go!

Tom:
Thanks. [drinks his lemonade, SpongeBob giggling with every sip]

SpongeBob:
[laughs loudly and obnoxiously after he's finished] April Fools!

Tom:
What did you do to my drink?!

SpongeBob:
I-- er, I-- er...

Tom:
You what?!

SpongeBob:
You asked for a couple of ice cubes in your drink, and I only put in one! [laughs]

Tom:
I guess that is kinda funny! [laughs and leaves] Yeah.

[Mr. Krabs spots Mrs. Puff in the Krusty Krab.]

SpongeBob:
Hey, that's my driving instructor, Mrs. Puff!

Mr. Krabs:
Mrs. Puff? Aw, she's married.

SpongeBob:
Oh no, Mr. Krabs; she's single.

Mr. Krabs:
Then what happened to Mr. Puff?

[Mr. Puff is seen being used as a lamp]

SpongeBob:
She doesn't like to talk about it.

SpongeBob:
I am a happy sponge!

Squidward:
"Why must every eleven minutes of my life be filled with misery?" (An inside joke about the length of many SpongeBob episodes)

Mr. Krabs:
[about missing the Krusty Krab] I bet you miss Squidward, and the grill, and the crow's nest.

SpongeBob:
Yeah, yeah! And you know what I miss the most, Mr. Krabs? That tiny squeaky sound you get when you rub two pickles together. Do you know what I mean Mr. Krabs?

Reg:
Welcome to the Salty Spitoon. How tough are you?

SpongeBob:
How tough am I? You got a bottle of ketchup?

Reg:
Sure. [hands SpongeBob a bottle of ketchup]

SpongeBob:
It's on! [takes the bottle and struggles to open it] Now if I could run this under some hot water...

Reg:
Get outta here! This place is too tough for you, man!

SpongeBob:
Too tough for me?! That's ridiculous! I'll have you know that I stubbed my toe once while watering my spice garden, and I only cried for twenty minutes!

Reg:
Listen, kid. I think you'd be more comfortable over at that place.

SpongeBob:
Weenie Hut Juniors?! Are you saying I belong at Weenie Hut Juniors?!

Reg:
What? Sorry about that. I was actually pointing to the one next to it.

SpongeBob:
Super Weenie Hut Juniors?!

Patrick:
Psst, Spongebob. (grunts as he throws a piece of waded up paper at Spongebob) Psst, Spongebob! (throws a book at Spongebob) Spongebob? (spits a bunch of spitballs on Spongebob's face) Spongebob? Psst, over here. I'm trying to tell you something. Something important.

Spongebob:
What?

Patrick:
Hi.

SpongeBob:
I call this one "The Campfire Song" song.

Let's gather 'round the campfire and sing our campfire song

Our C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song

And if you don't think that we can sing it faster than you're wrong

But it'll help if you just sing along

Patrick:
BUM BUM BUM...

SpongeBob:
C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song [Patrick not keeping up]

And if you don't think that we can sing it faster than you're wrong

But it'll help if you just sing along

C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song, PATRICK!

Patrick:
Song! C-A-M-P-F-I

SpongeBob:
Squidward!

[Squidward says nothing]

SpongeBob:
Good!

It'll help...

It'll help...

If you just sing along! [SpongeBob screams and breaks his guitar; Patrick slams a drum over his head]

SpongeBob:
OH, YEAH!! Now, wasn't that relaxing?

SpongeBob:
What did you wish for?

Mr. Krabs:
A pony.

SpongeBob:
Really?

Mr. Krabs:
With saddlebags full of money!

Mermaid Man & SpongeBob:
[singing] Oh jingle bells, Mermaid Man smells, Barnacle Boy laid an egg; the Invisible Boatmobile lost a wheel and...

Sandy:
I love karate!

SpongeBob:
I love Kare-ah-tay!

Mr. Krabs:
I love money-ay!

Squidward:
I hate all of you.