Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #104

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 5,747 quotes total — keep up the great work!

[after Steve wins from the court where his son gets a death sentence]

Steve:
My baby's life flashed before my eyes, and I'm next. Why go on?

Baby Cakes:
I need to crash here for a few days. Dad's got a new lady, and then doing it all over the house.

Steve:
[acts like a Dad] Well, you're just a big ol' baby who need a good daddy, aren't you?

Baby Cakes:
[confused] What the f*** are you doing, Steve?

Steve:
Yes, you are. Yes, you are.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Dean:
Court is now in session! Prosecution, what say you guys?

Steve:
Dean, we request the death sentence.

Dean:
Defense.

Professor Cakes:
Uh, our lead lawyer just pulled up.

[Frank showed up while still having all his bling]

Frank:
Apologies to the court. I was praying with our giant loved one out there. Such a strong soul.

Steve:
Objection, your honor. Come on!

Frank:
Yeah, objection overruled, because Steve is a callous son of a bitch!

Dean:
That's a real objection, Frank!

Frank:
I'll sustain it. I'll sustain it. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, do we throw away our elderly? No! Not when they have so much to give!

Steve:
Your honor, I don't know how, but Frank is profiting from my son.

Frank:
This is not about me, but about a Dad who is done with his son now that he is an old giant.

Steve:
Right. My son is old, and now it is legal to punish him for his murders. His execution will help us all heal as a society.

Dean:
[cries] Steve wins! The giant will be executed in the usual manor. Acid shall be poured into his ears, then he will be rolled into the ocean!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Dean:
What the f*** is going on here, Prof. Cakes?

Professor Cakes:
Well, he's about 90, and his brain had no time to develop, so he's at a catatonic level of retardation.

Dr. Falgot:
Cancer, diabetes, in-grown hairs. This thing is in pain. But he's so huge, he's impossible to medicate, let alone feed. And then there's this.

[shows the next scene where Steve is caring the old man as a son while dressed in a Mary Poppins suit]

Steve:
[to his son] A spoonful of nothin' helps the nothin' go down.

Pony:
Dean, I know mercy killing is illegal, but in this situation, it seems reasonable, right?

Baby Cakes:
Hey, who's to say if he's happy or not?

Dean:
Got to wait him out, gracefully, while he starves.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Professor Cakes:
Steve, we need your permission to administer what we feel certain is a shrink serum.

Steve:
As long as you're sure he'll be alright then sh*t, yeah. I want a normal baby.

[as Professor Cakes and Dr. Falgot plunged the serum into the baby, the baby start to aged into an old man destroying more damage to the university]

Baby Cakes:
Aw, man. They grow up so fast.

Professor Cakes:
[to Dr. Falgot] Uh, we must have switched size with age in the equation.

Steve:
[just can't believe it] I'm the Dad to a giant adult?

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Baby Cakes:
Hey, Steve! You got an "A" on the paternity test! You're the Dad!

Professor Cakes:
Yeah. Hope you have insurance, Steve.

Steve:
[faints]

Baby Cakes:
Better get the wake-up juice, Dad.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Blood Bank Employee:
I'm sorry, sir, but upon closer examination, your blood is baby's blood. We have a strict no-baby-blood policy, so --

Frank:
I was expecting to get some serious money from this. How much have I gotten from you already?

Blood Bank Employee:
About $300. So, sir, unless you have an adult source, we can do no further business.

Frank:
[cries]

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Steve:
Crystal, why'd you bring everyone?

Pony:
Because everyone wants this nightmare over.

Crystal:
Steven, we have a plan. Show him.

[Dr Falgot shows Steve a big pill]

Dr. Falgot:
Give it this pill and its night-night for baby.

Sammy:
Steve, if you're feeling too wussy, I could muster the gumption to slit that baby's throat.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Sammy:
Babies are big and often painfully sickly.

Dr. Falgot:
Those damn babies should wait in the womb until they are adults.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Golden Bowl:
One month after the university unleashed its prodigious progeny, we in the town of China, Illinois, continue to watch as the faculty within the walled campus deal with dwindling supplies, exhausted efforts of parenting, and a general erosion of morale.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[Steve and Crystal cleaning up the baby's doo doo]

Crystal:
Steven, last I checked, we were professors, not crap shepherds.

Steve:
It's kind of the same thing.

Crystal:
[disgusted] Oh, god.

Steve:
Honey, heh, I'm not loving this, either.

Crystal:
Then I say we kill it.

Steve:
No. We just need more help. And where the f*** is Frank?

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Baby Cakes:
Hey, Pony, you're needed at the Milk Pumps.

Pony:
BC, boobs don't work that way. I make no milk.

Baby Cakes:
Well not yet. It's like a frosting. You just got to keep sucking that straw.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Dean:
First off, super science, how did this even happen?

Professor Cakes:
Oh, well, we get pseudo-human outcomes often. We got Hair Kid, and we got the Bowl of Face, Finger Guy, and Sanford's Beard baby is due any minute.

[Sanford's beard suddenly pushes out his own baby]

Dean:
So, do we burn this thing or bore its brains out with a laser?

Baby Cakes:
Hold on. We can't just kill him.

[Frank burst through the doors]

Frank:
The History Channel people are dead. Do you know what they do to handsome guys like me in Debtors' Jail? That selfish baby dies!

Crystal:
Frank is right about this freak! Let's destroy it!

Sammy:
Yeah.

Steve:
Hold on. This isn't cut and dry, like abortion. We can't just get rid of it, right?

Dr. Falgot:
Right as ritalin, Steve. It's too young to be tried for manslaughter.

Harold:
It is really cute from far away.

Dr. Falgot:
I concur.

Crystal:
Imagine the damage it will do when it's crawling. It is a monster!

Steve:
Come on.

Dr. Falgot:
That's a fool's argument.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Golden Bowl:
Here at the university of China, Illinois, the destruction is biblical and I mean old-ass testament. Estimates set the death toll at 500. Today's event forced an immediate abandonment by officials.

Special Agent Green:
We had no provable involvement in this experiment, so the Federal Government may now turn its back on the suffering with dignity.

Mayor:
School made that baby, school DEAL with it! Amen!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Female Scientist:
Um, should we really be drinking while working?

Professor Cakes:
Well, I think it's a tad unromantic to use the word "work" to describe the act of screwing like pigs.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Frank:
We're gonna be on the History Channel! [laughs] We are cinderellas!

Steve:
Finally, I'll be the expert on TV.

Frank:
Yeah! We'll be rich! And just in time! The bank sent this letter saying I'm going to Debtors' Prison. [whispers excitedly] Scary!

Pony:
It's just cable. They're not gonna pay you that much.

Frank:
Nah, see, once America gets a taste, they'll demand we get our own show.

Pony:
Frank, no one would possibly give you a show.

[cuts to the next scene where the news crew stops by at China, Il university]

Female News Reporter:
I'm gonna give these guys their own show. No one else believes in them at the History Channel, but once we get them on this Reagan special, America will demand it.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[Dean meets God again for defeating Mayor in arm wrestling in no-handed style]

Dean:
God, how'd I do, brother?

[God reveals to be Baby Cakes all along]

Dean:
Baby Cakes?!

Baby Cakes:
[chuckles] My plan worked so well, I've been down at the hospital getting everyone's hopes up for nothing.

Dean:
So there's no God? LET'S SIN!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Mayor:
Since the Mayor took control, grades are up. Been no riots. Mayor now plans to overtake all the schools in America! At Columbia, Mayor will install Frank as The Dean. FRANK?!

Frank:
Frank's honored. Frank promises to be as good as Mayor. Frank will watch surveillance feeds, especially ones in bathrooms, while Frank washes his insides out with the holy enema.

All:
[gasps]

Frank:
Frank will rid himself, as Mayor does daily, of Satan's mustard that brews in the sin pouch, here, in pants. Frank will store that mustard, like Mayor, in the cleansing belly of our mascot, Gang Sang, the Panda.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[Dean meets God]

Dean:
God?

God:
Dean, I like you. I want you to be the leader of your pack again.

Dean:
But I lost! You like The Mayor more.

God:
I...changed my mind a lot.

Dean:
Are you real? Is this real?

God:
Hell, yes, I'm real. Feel me fill you with alpha power. Feel it!

Dean:
I do! I feel like killing a guy and loving his wife and daughters and granddaughters!

God:
I command you to beat The Mayor! Believe that is my will for you to win! You are the best!

[Dean finally wakes up, and then growls while crashing through the wall]

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[after Dean's brain vag removal, the crew and Dean went back to China, Il to make Dean become the real boss of school again]

Security Guard:
I'm sorry, but you're on the no-no list.

Dean:
Punk, let us in! I'm the Real Dean!

[Dean suddenly starts to have a growing pain from the surgery and then sucking his thumb like a baby]

Steve:
Pony, your plan was crap!

Pony:
You know what? F*** you, Steve. I'm taking you guys home.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Steve:
Your brother's a real doctor, right?

Pony:
Well, Mexican real.

Pony's Brother:
The brain vag is gone. We gave him a grapevine testicular addition enhancement on the house.

Dean:
I'm back, Jack! I feel it!

Pony:
Aah! That is so f***ing gross!

Steve:
[clears throat to Pony]

Pony:
Oh, yeah. Right. I think you're hot, and you probably have a nice car, and I want you to finger-bang me in it.

Dean:
Damn right. Come on, kids! I got a school to f*** back up!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[the crew starts to take Dean to the doctors' office]

Dr. Falgot:
Let's take a look at these cat scans here. [inhales sharply] Well I'll be. Look at this. Look at this. There's a damned brain vage right there!

Baby Cakes:
A brain vagina?

Pony:
Come on.

Dr. Falgot:
Let me explain. Dean, you're an alpha. You got a confident brain here, but this one tiny, moist region of insecurity is psychologically crippling you.

Dean:
Well, cut it off me, Doc.

Dr. Falgot:
No can do, Dean. It's illegal in the states.

Pony:
Well, my brother is still in Mexico, and he's a doctor.

Pony:
[to everyone] You know I'm Mexican, right?

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Dean:
[talking to a racquet] Can you believe those kids took my shoes? What's that? My fault? Okay.

[Dean starts to hit his butt with a racquet]

Steve:
Oh great. Inanimate objects are kicking his ass now.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

[Baby Cakes sees Steve and Pony trapped in pillories]

Baby Cakes:
Oh, no! They got you guys in saint cages!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

Frank:
Mayor, don't rage, but isn't accessing everyone's medical records illegal?

Mayor:
Mayor got to know what his people are made of. Come sit on Mayor's lap, little man. Ever since The Mayor started worshiping God, Mayor got rich. Looky here. Keys to Little Man's new car. Stick with Mayor, get rich and powerful. Amen.

Frank:
Uh, sold. [chuckles]

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 3 months ago

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