Timothyj.29104's Quotes Page #102

Here's the list of quotes submitted by timothyj.29104  —  There are currently 6,240 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Russian Caller:
Were you successful?

Yvgeny:
No.

Russian Caller:
What do you mean -- What happened?

Yvgeny:
I accidentally killed someone else.

Russian Caller:
What?? Who?

Yvgeny:
Paul Rudd.

Russian Caller:
Paul Rudd? The actor?

Yvgeny:
Yes.

Russian Caller:
Oh god. He was great in "Tennis, Anyone?".

Yvgeny:
I also liked "The Object of My Affection". I just rented it.

Russian Caller:
You have really screwed up, Ygenvy. Oh, god. I can't believe Paul Rudd is dead. I just TiVo'd "The Chateau". I'm going to go watch it. [hangs up]

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Jon:
Excuse me, uh...I'm sorry. You're Paul Rudd, right?

Paul Rudd:
Yeah.

Jon:
I'm a big fan.

Paul Rudd:
Oh. Oh, thanks. Thank you.

Jon:
Yeah. Really great stuff, uh, love the -- "The Locusts". That's one of my favorite movies.

Paul Rudd:
Wow. [chuckles] Yeah, you and 10 other --

[suddenly Paul Rudd got shot]

Jon:
Holy... [bleep]

Mike:
Man down.

Jon:
Paul?

Mike:
Suspect on foot. In pursuit.

Jon:
Paul? OH, MY GOD! Paul? Oh, god. Paul Rudd is dead? [sobbing] He was in "Anchorman"...and the "The 40-Year Old Virgin". He was in "The Shape of Things". He was in "Clueless" and "Romeo and Juliet". He did a thing in "Reno 911!: Miami". "The Cider House Rules". "P.S.". "The Oh In Ohio". "Knocked Up". He had a series of broadway credits. "The Last Knight of Ballyhoo". "Three Days of Rain" With Julia Roberts". "Twelfth Night At Lincoln Center". F***! F***!

Mike:
He was in "House Hunting".

Jon:
What?

Mike:
"House Hunting".

Jon:
[sobbing] He was in "House Hunting". [wailing]

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

[Jon tries out a new sweater]

Jon:
Huh? Not bad, right? Kind of complements the mask a little bit. Yeah, nothing like a shopping spree to celebrate getting back on the old horse.

Mike:
You look good.

Jon:
Yeah, this is just the type of sweater Susan would hate.

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Jon:
"A bottle of red or a bottle of white -- Whatever get me laid tonight". Billy Joel.

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Jon:
I got to say, it took balls the size of my balls to suggest I start dating right away, but, uh, you know, what can I say? Mike was right.

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Jon:
Where the f***ing laser paper? I have no idea where that sh*t is.

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Rick:
You know, when your producers called me and asked how I felt about having someone from the Witness Protection program working here, I was sure it was Craig from corporate playing a joke on me.

Jon:
[laughs] F***ing Craig! That dick.

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Jon:
[singing] I want to be a part of New York City.

[Jon opens the door to their new apartment room at 1-H]

Jon:
What the f***?

Susan:
Wow. What a box.

David:
I thought you said it was a loft.

Jon:
It's supposed to be a loft. This is not right.

Jon:
[on phone] Yeah, hi. It's Jon. Yeah, hey, what the f*** is going on? What do you mean, what do I mean? I'm in the apartment. That's my point. It's not a loft. It's a studio. Bullsh*t! That's not what we talked about at all, and that is not what you showed me in the brochure. Why else would I put my family on camera and risk them being murdered if I wasn't in a sweet loft? That's what makes it worth it. Three days and we're in there. [hang up]

Jon:
Alright, guys, here's the deal.

Susan:
"Risk my family being murdered"? Are you kidding me?!

Jon:
Susan, Susan.

Susan:
I can't believe I let you talk me into this.

Jon:
Susan, relax. I just said all that stuff to get us in the loft.

Susan:
I'm taking David to a hotel. I need to figure some stuff out.

Jon:
Susan, come on. Are you serious? Susan, wait a second.

Susan:
Work it out on your own.

Jon:
Susan!

[Susan and David leaves]

Mike:
Mother and Son coming out. Meet them in front.

Jon:
[exhales deeply] Uh, I think my wife just let me. And she took my son because the show screwed up and we're not in a loft. And I...said that they would be murdered. Oh, my god! Oh, my god. Oh, my god. F***!

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Jay:
Hi, folks.

Jon:
Hi.

Jay:
Welcome to your new home. My name is Jay. I'm the doorman.

Susan:
Hello.

Jon:
Hey, Jay. I'm Jon. This is my wife, Susan, and my son, David.

Jay:
Pleasure to meet you folks. Sorry about all the construction. Should be done in a couple weeks. But you're all set up in 1-H.

David:
Is that a fake mustache?

Jon:
David!

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Jon:
So, Susan and David aren't crazy about doing the show. Susan thinks we're putting ourselves in danger. She's got David in a panic that he's gonna be killed. What's the worst that's gonna happen? I become super-famous and we get divorced 'cause of how laid I'm getting? [laughs]

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added 4 months ago

Mike:
Okay, guys. Here's the deal. Basically, to preserve your anonymity, you'll be wearing the ski masks whenever you're on camera, which will be just about all the time. And the surgery you all had to put micro-titanium voice harmonizer right on your vocal cords was to permanently disguise your voices.

Jon:
I think it makes us sound pretty cool. [laughs]

Susan:
Listen, I want to go on record by saying I hate my security name. "Susan"? Why didn't I get to pick it?

Mike:
Just a government regulation.

Susan:
Well, I would have preferred to have been called "Jodie" or "Diane".

Jon:
Oh, "Jodie" or "Diane"...

Susan:
Yeah!

Jon:
...is a million times better than "Susan". You're right.

Susan:
I think so.

David:
What about you, Mike? Are you staying here?

Mike:
No, no. Now, don't you worry. I'm coming with you guys. [chuckles]

Mike:
So, all that remains to be done now is for you guys to get to New York and start your new lives. Everyone excited?

Jon:
Yeah! Let's do this, guys, huh? Let's get fired up! [imitates chainsaw] Fire up the fire-up chainsaw! [singing] New York City! Brr, na, no-na, na-no. We're going down to New York City. Neo-r-r-r. OWWW!

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added 4 months ago

Jon:
[sighs] I don't know. Um, maybe just a little bit of enthusiasm would be nice. That's all I'm asking. Just a little bit.

Susan:
I'm sorry.

David:
I can't get excited about this, Dad.

Jon:
Well, how about, then, if you just sit up? How about that?

Delocated  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Steve Smith:
Hey, man. Back when we were mad at each other, I set some revenge in motion, and I-I just feel really bad about it.

Flip Flop:
Oh! Hell, no! What was it? Was it funny?

Steve Smith:
[chuckles nervously] Yeah...um...you know, I know a guy in waste management, and I had him fill your parents' house with garbage. But let's do a loving cup and forget all about it, alright?

Flip Flop:
Yeah. Ha ha ha!

[after Steve and Flip Flop had their loving cup moment, Flip Flop open the door to his house and see his parents dead]

Flip Flop:
MOM! DAD! NO! YOUR FACE!

Steve Smith:
Oh, the garbage probably attracted the hogs, and then they ate your parents. That's my bad.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

[while the aftermath of the pigs getting exploded, Dean comes back to his on mode]

Pony:
[smokes a cigar] Feels good.

Dean:
[takes his cigar from Pony] I'm back in charge, Pone. Go back to eating sh*t or whatever it is Steve has you do.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

[after the hogs get disintegrated from the bomb, Dr Falgot and Sammy were done kissing each other]

Dr. Falgot:
What have I done?

Sammy:
You done my ass is what you done.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

[Aladdin gets killed by a hog]

Baby Cakes:
I wish you weren't dead. I wish you weren't dead.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

[Frank sucks one of Queen Travolta's hog udders]

Frank Smith:
It's like liquid kettle corn! So salty and sweet and -- Oh!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Pony:
Right here is the entrance to their tunnels.

Frank Smith:
Hey, do you think it's safe to maybe...just take a bite off of one of these dead -- Dead pigs?

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Steve Smith:
You...you saved me.

Flip Flop:
Dude, I only pranked your brother to be like you, bro. You're my hero.

Steve Smith:
Yeah, I get that. Look, I'm sorry your girlfriend died, man. She was...pretty hot.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Pony:
Steve, you and Flip Flop approach William H. Macy from the south.

Steve Smith:
Oh, come on. Don't stick me with that asshole!

Flip Flop:
No, Steve's too old. He'll slow me down.

[Pony slaps Flip Flop]

Pony:
Shut up, pink boys! When you're 200 klicks away, open fire. That will distract him.

Pony:
Falgot, you and Sammy do the same with Martin Lawrence. Be careful! He's buck wild.

Dr. Falgot:
Are you just doing the thing like in the movies where you pair up the people who are mad at each other so they'll resolve their sh--

Pony:
AND, Matt, you take B.C. and...who are you, again?

Aladdin:
Aladdin...I guess.

Pony:
You guys keep Tim Allen off me and Frank. We're gonna kill the Queen Travolta.

Frank Smith:
No. Maybe I should stay. You know, guard the chips.

Pony:
If those three hogs are still at the entrance when Frank and I get there, we're all dead pink boys, got it?

Flip Flop:
Yo! Why we pink boys?

Pony:
[out of character] It just sounds good.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

[Pony listens to Sammy's plan]

Pony:
Hit me.

Sammy:
Well, it's just like the move "Wild Hogs". Legend has it, for every pack of pigs, there is one queen hog.

All:
John Travolota?

Sammy:
E-Exactly. Now, Travolta is holed up deep in the den we spotted. On the other side, it'll be guarded by three terrible pigs -- William H. Macy, Tim Allen, and that ravenous Martin Lawrence.

Sammy:
We'll have to get by them to even have a chance at Travolta. Now, you kill her and all the hogs will turn to dust. Mm-hmm. Magic hour, that's when we kill 'em.

Dr. Falgot:
That is the dumbest f***ing thing I've ever heard, and I have heard some dumb sh*t.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Pony:
Let's talk ideas.

Dr. Falgot:
I stick by what I've said for days. Let's just burn this whole place down, move to a new town, and start over.

Matt Attack:
I'm with the doctor.

Pony:
I say we listen to Sammy.

Dr. Falgot:
WHAT THE G-- YOU CANNOT BE BUYING THAT MYSTIC VOODOO CRAP!

Matt Attack:
Why'd you even ask us for our ideas?

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Steve Smith:
Would you just tell my brother that you're the one who told him he's fat?!

Flip Flop:
Dude! My girlfriend just died! Back off! Besides, you made him get that duck tattoo and those daisy dukes.

Frank Smith:
Wait! Oh, hell. I get it. You two made me starve myself?!

Steve Smith:
It was him! [mentioning Flip Flop]

Frank Smith:
[to Steve] Well f*** you!

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

Baby Cakes:
Okay, everybody. Make yourself at home. There's some potato chips and butthole grease.

China, Il  Movie Quote

added 4 months ago

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